Messed up bad..... - page 5
So I've only had my nursing license since 2011, and I love what I do. Unfortunately, I messed up really bad and now I'm worried about what's next. I tested positive for meth about a week ago. My... Read More
Oct 25, '17Ben_Dover (ha), if no one lost anything with illegal drug or ETOH abuse, no one would ever stop. Your argument is a moot point and condescending.
Oct 25, '17go to your states board of nursing website and read up on what they do. You need to get into monitoring asap you should self report unless you have already been reported by your employer. If and I do mean if you complete monitoring you will not be reported to the board and no disciplinary actions will be placed on you as long as your in doing what you need to do.
Oct 27, '17Most, if not all, states have Nurse/health care provider-in- Recovery programs that you can get into to get help while retaining your license. From what I understand, these programs are not easy to go through and stay in, but at least they offer hope and recovery for you while you work. Some jobs are better for addicts, where narcotics are not administered. I have a couple of close nurse friends who went through such programs successfully and came out so much better and happier, and are in practice today.
If I were in your place, I would come clean, contact the BON and see if there is a program in your state and find out how to get started.
I am sorry you are in this place. NO ONE grows up saying they want to be addict when they become adults. It's complicated and often genetic/familial as well as situational.
You can begin attending Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous ---- (yes drug addicts and those with multiple substance addictions can attend AA)-----in the meantime. Most state programs require regular attendance at 12-step meetings, I believe, as well as some form of Intensive Outpatient Treatment Program. You will be busy attending a lot of meetings and will need a job where it's accepted you are participating and work around your having to do this program.
I have attended Al-Anon ( I am a child of alcoholics) and working the 12 steps helped me greatly.
And you can see there , you are not alone and learn coping skills to move to recovery.
I wish you the best.
One day at a time, you can do this. I know many in my family and friends' circles who have been in successful recovery for years.Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Oct 27, '17
Oct 27, '17Roughly 10% of all U.S. citizens---in all economic, social, racial, every strata of society---- struggle with substance addiction. This would include health care providers. It's not a "bad-people" thing, but a brain disease. I don't think it's right to be judgmental here. This person needs help and encouragement, not harsh words. JMHO.Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Oct 27, '17
Oct 27, '17Quote from OHRN2011DO NOT wait to be contacted. Self-report. I think it would go better for you if you did.I'm not sure if there's a number to call. Right now I'm just waiting to be contacted and scouring the BON site for answers. I know there's a program here but the site is so vague....or maybe it's just me panicking? I don't know. I will contact my supervisor to ask about a number. Thank you.
Oct 30, '17Talk to an attorney before you go any further. You may be able to avoid self reporting to BON and avoid Year's of misery and cost! Im not saying you should not get help from a recovery program but be very cautious signing up for any "voluntary" board programs. I'm now restarting my entire program from scratch because I drank a glass of wine. Never mind that I had been clean for 4 years of narcotics. These programs are designed to make you fail. The BON does not want impaired nurses in its ranks! If I could go back in time I would never have listened to my nurse manager and would have called an attorney first. I will never be free from this program because I'm moving to another state and will then have to do that states program... good luck in your recovery and be smarter than I was !!
Oct 30, '17Attorneys are almost always going to suggest that you also self report. I self reported AND had an attorney. My attorney told me to self report (I already did). My attorney was simply there to help promote evidence that I am in recovery. You guys can't get away with drug use and think an attorney is going to get you off Scott free.
Nurses who fight the board almost always end up in a monitoring program anyway... usually the same exact program or longer AND get a permanent mark on their license that never goes away and makes getting a job very difficult. Most states use this volunteer program as an alternative to discipline (no mark on license if you complete it successfully). I'm on year 2 of 3 and haven't had any problems.
I would *only* recommend fighting the board if you truely are innocent AND can prove it. The board isn't stupid and you can't outsmart them.
Oct 31, '17OHRN2011 I screwed up still in the first 3 months after starting my first RN job - how's that for a spectacular screw up? But I did everything I needed to do, and life went on (and 23 years later I'm still an RN).
Eventually I even discovered that although I screwed up, I myself was not a screw up. In fact, my fall may have saved my life - but that story is for another time ...
You have a lot of work ahead of you, and perhaps some self reflection, but it sounds like you could use the time to stop feeling guilt, and self flagellating.
Many of us ended up in recovery because of acute pain being chronic - then becoming something else all together. There is no shame in what happened to you. You are as human as the next person, and not less of anything because of this experience.
You can get through this, and you will. Your nursing career is not forfeit. You are still you, although you who has just been through the worst secret experience of your life. What you have ahead of you may not be fun, but it will be healing. This is not a penance, it is a chance to recover from a lot more than just this (it took me years and years to figure that out).
And if you're lucky you may even live to be as old and crusty as me.
For the record I did the voluntary diversion option (CANDO): 3 years seems like a long time, but it's not. If you dot every 'I' and cross every 'T' it is totally doable.
Ohio - State Peer Advisor (1)
John (Jack) T. Stem
Cincinnati, OH 45230-2905
Ohio - State Peer Advisor (2)
Rosemarie Olivo Okal, CRNA, MSN
Chesterland, OH 44026-2036
Ohio - Substance Use Disorder Program
For questions regarding alternative discipline such as [COLOR=#FF0000](A)[/COLOR]
Practice Intervention and Improvement Program (PIIP) or the
Alternative Program for Chemical
Dependency (AP) call or email:
Web site: www.nursing.ohio.gov
Ohio - State Board of Nursing
Ohio Board of Nursing
Betsy J. Houchen, RN, MS, JD, Executive Director
17 South High Street
Columbus, OH 43215
Web site: State of Ohio Board of Nursing Main PageLast edit by 3ringnursing on Oct 31, '17
Oct 31, '17Quote from Ben_DoverI wasn't going to make this comment but I had to.
I don't think you had the accountability and responsibility right from the start. You probably would have not stop either. Honestly, I'm glad you got busted!
I will be surprised if a fellow member of Allnurses defends your action and one may say that I lack sympathy or compassion. I do but only for cases like this.
--- It is inexcusable---
We all make mistakes. But what you did was intentional. As I mentioned, I'm really glad you got caught. And I hope you did not cause any harm to any of your patients while you were under the influence. "You, as a Nurse" should know better.
I'm not an Angel nor Perfect. But I tell you this, I will not do something intentionally stupid to waste what I worked hard for, my family, my livelihood and my future!
Sounds to me you're now all polite and sorry just cause you got caught!
Tonya36rn, ADN You wrote:
"Awesome advice! No one is exempt. It can happen to anyone..."
Well, I sure hope not! Sweet Mother Of Hairless Baby Jessie, Please Help Them!
Oct 31, '17Quote from OHRN2011Your license will be the same as long as you do what you are asked to do.That's encouraging actually. I know my license may never be the same but after everything I'm willing to work under any restrictions necessary.
I did the voluntary program and completed it when many of you were still watching Blue's Clues ... No record remains.
I am also not the same person I was 23 years ago.
Oct 31, '173 ring. Thank God you replied. This thread has been so negative. Like a car wreck I can't stop looking. Your positive, helpful post is exactly what the op needs! That's what I'm talkin about!
Nov 1, '17I have no words of wisdom regarding the path forward as it pertains to the BoN and your license.
Regarding your disease, though, I can encourage you to keep fighting the good fight every day. Addiction isn't something from which one really recovers but rather something which one learns to manage... you were in the acute phase of the disease and now you're transitioning to the chronic phase. You can do this.
And you're right about hitting rock bottom... nowhere to go but up.
Edit: After reading more posts I just wanted to add that it's easy for a non-addict to harshly criticize those who head down this path. I know, I've been that person. In my latter years, though, I've come to see the addict living inside my skin. I'm fortunate that my intellect saw me through my earlier years and that I stopped dabbling early on because I was afraid of the inevitable result. I'm also fortunate that there were no immediate consequences from some horrible choices made by my intoxicated mind - just dumb luck - or my life would be so much different. While I don't touch intoxicants and haven't for many, many years - and even then, just a bit - I am an addict... and I have a lot of compassion for addicts. I don't excuse nor tolerate the behavior (and boy, can an addict be a manipulative and destructive person) but I really empathize with the person.Last edit by ~♪♫ in my ♥~ on Nov 1, '17
Nov 1, '17While i consider myself of the "non-addict" flavor, thanks to our delightful BONs and "peer assistance" programs or whatever various states like to call them i have been dragged kicking and screaming through the entire substance abuse/rehab/labeled as an addict/oh you have a disease it's okay, but were going to punish you for it by breaking you in half etc. experience/hell.
As I look back on the last few years, I have seen so much cognitive dissonance in the way we as professionals treat each other (and the way the public treats each other, but that is for another post/rant.) We nurses are supposed to be a caring profession yet we are so very judgmental of our own. Some of the negative comments i have read on this thread alone are the very reasons why people with problems are afraid to come forward and ask for help. Even the idea of mental health problems is considered a failing. i came forward and asked for help and got nailed to the wall with inappropriate "treatment" for something i am not. Were I a patient out in the real world and not a nurse, this would be incomprehensible, like treating diabetes with chemotherapy. Instead i've no choice but to put my head down and take it. Yes i was very much wronged, but I have been able to find support in the threads here from others, folks with both mental health issues and addiction issues. We are not all that different. I have learned so much and gained so much respect for the people that have reached out with advice. Not always what i wanted to hear but given in a supportive manner.
What i have learned is that there are so so many different things that bring people to do the actions (drink, drug, smoke, party, divert, whatever) that they do. Are those actions wrong? Yes. Do we have the right to judge? No, we do not. We can go on all day about the disease theories or the idea that sitting in meetings all day is that cure or it's just a moral failing or what ever.
What it comes down to is that people come here not to be stroked and told that what they did was not wrong. They already know it, what ever it may be, wrong or not. They are scared of what may be coming and they want to get some insight into what may be coming next from people who have been through it, not be told they screwed up. Most of the time they are already flogging themselves quite sufficiently. oh, and maybe sometimes they just want to flippin' vent and this is not stuff that one can vent to just anyone!
So for all of you posters who only come here to judge and say garbage like "just give up your license and move on" or "you're just sorry you got caught" etc. keep moving, your judgmental nastiness is not welcome here.
We are not here to tell people that their actions are okay, we are here to do what nurses are supposed to do. That is support others in their time of need. You negative people should learn something from that.