nurses ethical standards...away from the job

RN1982 · Jul 17, 2008

Ok everyone, I have a question. As nurses I know we are held to a higher standard in life, even when we're not at work, right? I can remember instructors saying " if you choose to be a nurse, you're not just a professional at work, but everywhere you go, even when you're off that day". Well, here is my concern: I have a sister in law that is also a nurse and going through a divorce. They are divorcing because after 24 years and three kids, she decided to get a boyfriend. She is also a legal consultant. She is the type that has always acted like a miss goodie goodie.
Well, miss goodie decided to pose naked for her boyfriend and take her picture to send it to him. It got intercepted somehow and was posted on a website of forums for the company she works for. Miss goodie also has a BIG history of not being a miss goodie at all. She is a liar BIG time. She is a fluzy. I do not trust her, I never have, and now even more.
She is trying to fight the soon to be ex husband for everything, the kids included. She NEVER has spent any time with her own kids, leaves them all the time so she can shop or do whatever it is she does. She only wants others to think she is a doting mother but does not want to play the part. Her soon to be ex is a wonderful dad, and I hope he gets the kids.
Here is my question: As a concerned Aunt and sister in law, should I step in or keep my nose out? I am sure the department of professional regulation has no idea what kind of a nurse is out there. How can you trust her as a nurse when you can't trust her as anything else? I am so concernd that picture is going to cause her kids some trouble with being teased by friends. Those kids deserve to be with the parent that will take care of them, and if I can help that happen, I will, just not sure how or if I even should. Any comments welcome.
Dazed and confused......

I would stay out of it. Do what you can for the kids but don't get involved in the situation with the SIL. What if your SIL and brother get back together? That would create lots of tension. While I don't agree with the things she did, she is first and foremost a human being. On my days off, I want to be a normal human being and not held to the standard of a nurse 24/7. One cannot possibly act professional all of their lives.

Sandy_dfw · Jul 17, 2008

Stay out of it.

Divorce is hard on everyone. You could make it a lot worse for everyone.

trmr · Jul 17, 2008

I would stay out of it. Do what you can for the kids but don't get involved in the situation with the SIL. What if your SIL and brother get back together? That would create lots of tension. While I don't agree with the things she did, she is first and foremost a human being. On my days off, I want to be a normal human being and not held to the standard of a nurse 24/7. One cannot possibly act professional all of their lives.

Good point.... oh, she is my husbands sister

RN1982 · Jul 17, 2008

Good point.... oh, she is my husbands sister

I would stay out of it. It's not your responsibility to make up for her mistakes.

labcat01, BSN, RN · Jul 17, 2008

Stay out of it. I know you don't like her but there are two sides to every story and I don't think we can truly know what goes on in a marriage. I also didn't hear you give any evidence that she is anything but professional when she is on the job. If you knew she was an addict and stealing meds from the floor then this might be a different post.

trmr · Jul 17, 2008

Stay out of it. I know you don't like her but there are two sides to every story and I don't think we can truly know what goes on in a marriage. I also didn't hear you give any evidence that she is anything but professional when she is on the job. If you knew she was an addict and stealing meds from the floor then this might be a different post.

as far as I know she is a good nurse. Yes there are two sides and I'm sure I don't know everything about it, I am just so worried about those kids. It makes me sick. I want them to be with the parent that really cares about them.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Jul 17, 2008

One of the things that has bothered me over the years about what happens when a relationship ends is how other people, who are outsiders to the relationship and so do not know what goes on behind closed doors, line up and take sides, making one person the "good" guy and the other the "victim". I knew it would happen in my own divorce, and sure enough, it did. To outsiders, my ex-husband seemed like such a nice guy, so doting and oh so sweet. What they didn't see was that he was also unreliable, lazy, a chronic procrastinator and avoider of responsibility extroardinaire, as well as extremely passive aggressive. Even though he was just as responsible for the relationship ending as I, he milked the "victim" role for all it was worth. I did not go around telling everyone bad things about him in order to defend myself or correct their misperceptions, and so, let people believe what they wanted. It was none of their business.

What I'm saying is that things aren't always as they appear and it's none of your business.

BlueRidgeHomeRN · Jul 17, 2008

listen to what you are hearing here, please!!:plsebeg:

just because you don't like her does not give you carte blanche to interfere with her personal life or career. as others have pointed out, you have no idea what really is going on in her marriage--no one ever does except the two involved.

stow the judgemental righteousness and be there for the kids. otherwise, hush up. things like this have a habit of backfiring!!:gtch:

Altra, BSN, RN · Jul 17, 2008

Your brother, sister-in-law, and their children are in the midst of a painful crisis in their personal lives. Your sister-in-law's profession is irrelevant. If you want to be the caring auntie the best you can do is offer some support for the kids - maybe taking them overnight as a special treat with no discussion of either of their parents. Kids are damaged most not by the separation itself but the knowledge that one parent is "bad."

If you are unable to provide nonjudgemental support, then MYOB.

trmr · Jul 17, 2008

One of the things that has bothered me over the years about what happens when a relationship ends is how other people, who are outsiders to the relationship and so do not know what goes on behind closed doors, line up and take sides, making one person the "good" guy and the other the "victim". I knew it would happen in my own divorce, and sure enough, it did. To outsiders, my ex-husband seemed like such a nice guy, so doting and oh so sweet. What they didn't see was that he was also unreliable, lazy, a chronic procrastinator and avoider of responsibility extroardinaire, as well as extremely passive aggressive. Even though he was just as responsible for the relationship ending as I, he milked the "victim" role for all it was worth. I did not go around telling everyone bad things about him in order to defend myself or correct their misperceptions, and so, let people believe what they wanted. It was none of their business.
What I'm saying is that things aren't always as they appear and it's none of your business.

Yes true....my ONLY concern here is for those kids. I do know very well the kind of parent she is and the kind of parent he is. I've been around enough to know them both very well for many years. I'm not exactly "taking sides", but I do have a few thoughts about BOTH of them. It isn't my business but those kids are my neices and nephew. I am most definetly a child advocate and I just want whats best for them. I wish someone would have been there when I was a kid to get into my business and stand up for me. I had no one and needed someone more than anything. All those people that never made it their business and acted like everything was a-ok made me feel as though they didn't care, although my situation was not divorce. I decided very young that children should not live in an unhappy environment when there are other adults around that could possibly help. All I want to do is help the kids. :cry:

trmr · Jul 17, 2008

Your brother, sister-in-law, and their children are in the midst of a painful crisis in their personal lives. Your sister-in-law's profession is irrelevant. If you want to be the caring auntie the best you can do is offer some support for the kids - maybe taking them overnight as a special treat with no discussion of either of their parents. Kids are damaged most not by the separation itself but the knowledge that one parent is "bad."
If you are unable to provide nonjudgemental support, then MYOB.

I don't think you're getting it. OF COURSE I can provide non judgemental support to the children. I have kids of my own and this is not the first time someone in our family has gotten a divorce. Actually it seems to be spreading like some kind of disease. And I will not MYOB when it comes to kids. If they need me I'm there. I do not refer to myself as "caring auntie" was that suppose to be some kind of sarcasm? I didn't appreciate it.