Ok everyone, I have a question. As nurses I know we are held to a higher standard in life, even when we're not at work, right? I can remember instructors saying " if you choose to be a nurse, you're not just a professional at work, but everywhere you go, even when you're off that day". Well, here is my concern: I have a sister in law that is also a nurse and going through a divorce. They are divorcing because after 24 years and three kids, she decided to get a boyfriend. She is also a legal consultant. She is the type that has always acted like a miss goodie goodie.
Well, miss goodie decided to pose naked for her boyfriend and take her picture to send it to him. It got intercepted somehow and was posted on a website of forums for the company she works for. Miss goodie also has a BIG history of not being a miss goodie at all. She is a liar BIG time. She is a fluzy. I do not trust her, I never have, and now even more.
She is trying to fight the soon to be ex husband for everything, the kids included. She NEVER has spent any time with her own kids, leaves them all the time so she can shop or do whatever it is she does. She only wants others to think she is a doting mother but does not want to play the part. Her soon to be ex is a wonderful dad, and I hope he gets the kids.
Here is my question: As a concerned Aunt and sister in law, should I step in or keep my nose out? I am sure the department of professional regulation has no idea what kind of a nurse is out there. How can you trust her as a nurse when you can't trust her as anything else? I am so concernd that picture is going to cause her kids some trouble with being teased by friends. Those kids deserve to be with the parent that will take care of them, and if I can help that happen, I will, just not sure how or if I even should. Any comments welcome.
If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that there are two issues going on here. One, you're concerned for the children. Two, you're angry at her. I suspect that there's a lot going on in this last part; I don't believe the two of you were best friends last month. There's a history here, and you may have very good reasons for feeling the way you do. Regardless, your feelings are your own.
I really do understand where you're coming from on this. As much as I hate to admit it, I have "family" members who make your SIL look like an amateur. I've struggled with some very similar issues to what you're dealing with here, and some, believe it or not, worse.
I will tell you what I have had to tell myself:
There is a God. You are not Him.
What that means, in your situation, is that you can be as supportive as possible to the kids, and keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself regarding all of the adults in the situation. Love the kids, take them with you and your family to do fun things, have them over for sleepovers, let them know that they're great kids worthy of being loved, and never say a word about their mom, their dad, mom's bf, dad's gf, or anyone else.
If you need to, to keep from exploding, find a trusted friend or non-involved relative (on your side of the family) to vent to on occasion when no one else can hear.
Leave everything else to God, karma, fate, whatever goes around comes around, or however you want to term it. In this situation, it's not your place to do anything about it. Any action on your part will make things worse, not better, and will end up damaging you more than anyone else.
It's frustrating, it's maddening, but there it is. (Now, if any adult in the situation becomes actually abusive to the kids, that's a different situation, of course more action is called for).
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Nurses, are first human beings. I always hated hearing that we have to live a higher standard, that we are nurses 24 hours a day, etc... Hey, we are not God. No one knows why this woman is acting the way that she does, who is really the right or wronged one. I would not even consider calling the BON based on someone's behavior off of the job, especially over a divorce, or an extramarital affair.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
heck no, i wouldn't either.
all we need is a precedent set where the BON can start prying into our personal lives.
op, your sil's personal life should not reflect on her professional one.
IF her personal life started affecting her performance on the job, that would be another story...
and likely appropriately hendled internally.
reporting to the BON just sounds downright inappropriate and irrelevant.
give your nephews, nieces a big hug for me.
leslie
Can you just imagine...the BON becoming Big Brother?? I'm sure that some power hungry person with nothing better to do in that office would sure love to initiate that...
She is also a legal consultant. She is the type that has always acted like a miss goodie goodie.
Miss goodie also has a BIG history of not being a miss goodie at all. She is a liar BIG time. She is a fluzy. I do not trust her, I never have, and now even more.
trmr
117 Posts
You have been the best help on here, thanks.