nurses ethical standards...away from the job

Nurses General Nursing

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Ok everyone, I have a question. As nurses I know we are held to a higher standard in life, even when we're not at work, right? I can remember instructors saying " if you choose to be a nurse, you're not just a professional at work, but everywhere you go, even when you're off that day". Well, here is my concern: I have a sister in law that is also a nurse and going through a divorce. They are divorcing because after 24 years and three kids, she decided to get a boyfriend.:nono: She is also a legal consultant. She is the type that has always acted like a miss goodie goodie.

Well, miss goodie decided to pose naked for her boyfriend and take her picture to send it to him. It got intercepted somehow and was posted on a website of forums for the company she works for.:lol2: Miss goodie also has a BIG history of not being a miss goodie at all. She is a liar BIG time. She is a fluzy. I do not trust her, I never have, and now even more.

She is trying to fight the soon to be ex husband for everything, the kids included. She NEVER has spent any time with her own kids, leaves them all the time so she can shop or do whatever it is she does. She only wants others to think she is a doting mother but does not want to play the part. Her soon to be ex is a wonderful dad, and I hope he gets the kids.

Here is my question: As a concerned Aunt and sister in law, should I step in or keep my nose out? I am sure the department of professional regulation has no idea what kind of a nurse is out there. How can you trust her as a nurse when you can't trust her as anything else? I am so concernd that picture is going to cause her kids some trouble with being teased by friends. Those kids deserve to be with the parent that will take care of them, and if I can help that happen, I will, just not sure how or if I even should. Any comments welcome.

Dazed and confused......

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.
I don't think you're getting it. OF COURSE I can provide non judgemental support to the children. I have kids of my own and this is not the first time someone in our family has gotten a divorce. Actually it seems to be spreading like some kind of disease. And I will not MYOB when it comes to kids. If they need me I'm there. I do not refer to myself as "caring auntie" was that suppose to be some kind of sarcasm? I didn't appreciate it.

I did not "get" a nonjudgemental vibe from your original post, as it discussed "miss goodie goodie," unfortunate distribution of a private photo, and references to nurses being "held to a higher standard in life, even when we're not at work."

Here is my question: As a concerned Aunt and sister in law, should I step in or keep my nose out? ... Those kids deserve to be with the parent that will take care of them, and if I can help that happen, I will, just not sure how or if I even should. Any comments welcome.

Dazed and confused......

You used the term "concerned aunt"; I used "caring auntie." No sarcasm or offense was intended.

You asked for comments ... and got them.

I understand that this is an emotional time for you. Wishing peace for your family.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.
Yes true....my ONLY concern here is for those kids. I do know very well the kind of parent she is and the kind of parent he is. I've been around enough to know them both very well for many years. I'm not exactly "taking sides", but I do have a few thoughts about BOTH of them. It isn't my business but those kids are my neices and nephew. I am most definetly a child advocate and I just want whats best for them. I wish someone would have been there when I was a kid to get into my business and stand up for me. I had no one and needed someone more than anything. All those people that never made it their business and acted like everything was a-ok made me feel as though they didn't care, although my situation was not divorce. I decided very young that children should not live in an unhappy environment when there are other adults around that could possibly help. All I want to do is help the kids. :cry:

I think you have gotten good advice. Maybe I am losing something in the translation but your OP really did sound mean with the laughing smilie, calling her a liar etc. when you described her.

I agree 100% about speaking up for children that are in abusive situations but I wonder why if you feel they are being neglected you haven't stepped up before now? I hope things work out for the best for the kids.

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.
Kids are damaged most not by the separation itself but the knowledge that one parent is "bad."

BINGO! That, and how the adults involved treat one another. An amicable divorce where the parents never put down one another in front of the kids is a completely different scenario with a very different outcome than a divorce filled with acrimony, where children feel put in the middle. They LOVE both of their parents, even if the parents are not the greatest parents in the history of the universe. You may not agree with her choices, her lifestyle, or her parenting style, but unless actual abuse is occurring, best to stay out of it. The best way to advocate for those kids is not to take sides in a custody battle (unless they are being abused), but to provide them with the love and support of a caring adult that they can trust. :heartbeat

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

I don't understand how you think that attempting to sully her professional reputation would be of any benefit to her children.

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Specializes in Tele, Acute.

trmr,ying

You came to this board with a problem and asked for feedback, you have your feedback. I don't think they told you what you want to hear. So,l please stop trying to get others to agree with you. Their opinions are what you asked for.

Most of the OP think you should "leave it alone" but you still keep coming back with reasons why you should get involved.

Please forgive me if this is a bit harsh, I have a friend that does the same thing, she calls me with a problem and constantly tells me "you don't understand..." and continues to try and get me to agree with her.

Good luck, I hope the kids will be placed with the one who has their best interest at heart. :heartbeat

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that there are two issues going on here. One, you're concerned for the children. Two, you're angry at her. I suspect that there's a lot going on in this last part; I don't believe the two of you were best friends last month. There's a history here, and you may have very good reasons for feeling the way you do. Regardless, your feelings are your own.

I really do understand where you're coming from on this. As much as I hate to admit it, I have "family" members who make your SIL look like an amateur. I've struggled with some very similar issues to what you're dealing with here, and some, believe it or not, worse.

I will tell you what I have had to tell myself:

There is a God. You are not Him.

What that means, in your situation, is that you can be as supportive as possible to the kids, and keep your mouth shut and your opinions to yourself regarding all of the adults in the situation. Love the kids, take them with you and your family to do fun things, have them over for sleepovers, let them know that they're great kids worthy of being loved, and never say a word about their mom, their dad, mom's bf, dad's gf, or anyone else.

If you need to, to keep from exploding, find a trusted friend or non-involved relative (on your side of the family) to vent to on occasion when no one else can hear.

Leave everything else to God, karma, fate, whatever goes around comes around, or however you want to term it. In this situation, it's not your place to do anything about it. Any action on your part will make things worse, not better, and will end up damaging you more than anyone else.

It's frustrating, it's maddening, but there it is. (Now, if any adult in the situation becomes actually abusive to the kids, that's a different situation, of course more action is called for).

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I don't understand how you think that attempting to sully her professional reputation would be of any benefit to her children.

This is what I don't understand.... also, exactly what basis would you have to go on that she is unprofessional? I really think you should be there for the kids when they need you, but other than that it would be a good idea to stay out of the situation.

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Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.
This is what I don't understand.... also, exactly what basis would you have to go on that she is unprofessional? I really think you should be there for the kids when they need you, but other than that it would be a good idea to stay out of the situation.

That is a good point. At the end of the day we are all just human. It's impossible to hold someone to their profession's standards 24/7 especially when this is their personal life. You say that you can be nonjudgemental yet your OP is extremely critical of your SIL. Don't take offense to some of the opinions everyone posted. You asked for them and got them. We're giving you the input you wanted. It's just best that you stay out of it. You probably don't know the whole story or are hearing just parts of it. Your SIL's marriage is none of your concern.

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.
I think you have gotten good advice. Maybe I am losing something in the translation but your OP really did sound mean with the laughing smilie, calling her a liar etc. when you described her.

I agree 100% about speaking up for children that are in abusive situations but I wonder why if you feel they are being neglected you haven't stepped up before now? I hope things work out for the best for the kids.

They were only neglected by her. Their dad stepped up and became Mr Mom, didn't feel I needed to step up because he was taking care of them. Didn' really mean to sound mean, but that is how she is, just truth spoken here.

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.
I did not "get" a nonjudgemental vibe from your original post, as it discussed "miss goodie goodie," unfortunate distribution of a private photo, and references to nurses being "held to a higher standard in life, even when we're not at work."

You used the term "concerned aunt"; I used "caring auntie." No sarcasm or offense was intended.

You asked for comments ... and got them.

I understand that this is an emotional time for you. Wishing peace for your family.

Sorry I took offense to your "caring auntie" comment.

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.
I don't understand how you think that attempting to sully her professional reputation would be of any benefit to her children.

I don't...just wonder what kind of nurse she is when I know the kind of person in general she is. Anyway that wasn't my intent.

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Specializes in OB, Med-Surg.
trmr,ying

You came to this board with a problem and asked for feedback, you have your feedback. I don't think they told you what you want to hear. So,l please stop trying to get others to agree with you. Their opinions are what you asked for.

Most of the OP think you should "leave it alone" but you still keep coming back with reasons why you should get involved.

Please forgive me if this is a bit harsh, I have a friend that does the same thing, she calls me with a problem and constantly tells me "you don't understand..." and continues to try and get me to agree with her.

Good luck, I hope the kids will be placed with the one who has their best interest at heart. :heartbeat

I don't care if nobody in the entire universe agrees with me, I'm not trying to get them to agree with me. I came here voicing a concern, thats all. Thinking maybe others would have some insight, because right now, there is no one in the family very insightful, including me.

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