Nurses with children always go home early?

[Agatha12]

I know it is controversial topic. First I explain myself a bit. I would like to have children at some point but I dont have them at the moment as I deal with some health issues and I havent met right partner to be father.

Now main problem. Why staff with children always think that will have priority to go home on time and will refuse to stay longer if required only because they have kids? Childless staff also have plans, responsibilities or simple would like to have time to cook for a next day.

I believe some fair system should be in place. Once mothers go home early, on other occasion they stay longer and single people enjoy their time. Any thoughts? Am I wrong to think so?

[fartjohnson]

One has to stay until they've given report. If the employees with children are so entitled as to believe that they always need to go first, the employee without children may indeed end up staying after the shift.

If I know that the next nurse is going to be significantly late (eg: 20+ minutes), I'll write out report on the Kardex along with my phone number if he/she has questions. Works out well for all parties involved. May not be an option for you but it's worth some consideration IMO

[lindseylpn]

I once had a co-worker who told everyone that would listen that I should have to work every weekend and holiday because, I don't have children. I already worked every Saturday and Sunday but, every few months she'd ask me to switch schedules to take all her Friday shifts as well. Every holiday she was scheduled she'd ask me to work for her too. I'd always refuse and she'd huff and puff, be hateful and bad-mouth me to everyone for weeks. I was going thru unsuccessful fertility treatments at the time and really struggling with my infertility. The constant reminder from this co-worker that I was childless was very disheartening.

I don't mind the occasional switching of a shift or someone leaving early because, of their children (or whatever). We all have emergencies. I've worked with several people who use the "I have kids" excuse for everything though, like the co-worker I was talking about. Her kids were grown and didn't even live at home but, she'd used the "I have kids" statement and lots of fussing to get out of undesirable shifts for years.

Just because, someone's family might only be parents, nieces, nephews, siblings or even just pets, it doesn't mean their family is any less important to them. Statements like "You'll never understand until you have kids." can be hurtful without meaning to for some people. You never really know why someone doesn't have children. We all deserve to have our time off and holidays regardless of our circumstances.

[NICU&ERnurse]

Wow talk about a click bait topic title! I have worked at the same 2 hospitals with the same group of nurses who knew me before I had kids and now that I have 2. Most of the nurses I work with do have kids, actually. But anyway, no one has made demands on my time based on my child status, and I haven't seen it happening to the other nurses either. Maybe I'm just lucky to have 2 different hospitals that are staffed by reasonable human beings? Some units have ****** nurse culture I guess. I did have a nurse try to lay into me for arriving late, she wanted to leave early to pick up her kids. She made such a fuss before the charge nurse shut her down and loudly reminded her (we certainly hadn't forgotten!) that she is routinely late every.single.shift. Girl, bye.

Anyway. I knew I was lucky to not get pressure from other nurses when I didn't have kids to worry about, and I certainly wouldn't try to leverage parenthood over any of my coworkers now- who needs to start that kind of drama? Nurses never forget!

[NurseDisneyPrincess]

I once had a co-worker who told everyone that would listen that I should have to work every weekend and holiday because, I don't have children. I already worked every Saturday and Sunday but, every few months she'd ask me to switch schedules to take all her Friday shifts as well. Every holiday she was scheduled she'd ask me to work for her too. I'd always refuse and she'd huff and puff, be hateful and bad-mouth me to everyone for weeks. I was going thru unsuccessful fertility treatments at the time and really struggling with my infertility. The constant reminder from this co-worker that I was childless was very disheartening.

I don't mind the occasional switching of a shift or someone leaving early because, of their children (or whatever). We all have emergencies. I've worked with several people who use the "I have kids" excuse for everything though, like the co-worker I was talking about. Her kids were grown and didn't even live at home but, she'd used the "I have kids" statement and lots of fussing to get out of undesirable shifts for years.

Just because, someone's family might only be parents, nieces, nephews, siblings or even just pets, it doesn't mean their family is any less important to them. Statements like "You'll never understand until you have kids." can be hurtful without meaning to for some people. You never really know why someone doesn't have children. We all deserve to have our time off and holidays regardless of our circumstances.

Ugh. I am going through this very same thing now. Two co-workers specifically who are after my Christmas and my weekends. All because they have children and I don't. And yes, I know all about the "huffing and puffing" attitude, the snide comments etc. It's sad when co-workers use their kids as a bargaining chip in order to get what they want, or to use them as an excuse. I hate the "My needs trumps yours because I have kids". A co-worker the other day said something about how great it must be for me because I host parties on the weekend and don't have little kids and a husband at home, so I have no responsibilities. I was thinking, really?! I'm an adult with bills. Just because I don't have kids that doesn't mean I don't have any responsibilities. Her comments annoyed me, but I can only imagine if she was on my floor and consistently left early because of her "kids", and if management let that fly. I'd be pretty ticked off. I understand OP's frustration.

Lindsey, I'm also sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes people are really insensitive. And yes, we all deserve to share time with our families.

[Reyn04, MSN, RN]

As a non parent I cant say i entirely disagree to a point. I get that kids mean a lot of unexpected juggling but I know from my own childhood thats why it takes a network of people. Parents, friends of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles... sometimes any one of those people would take me home from school or to afterschool activities until one of my working parents could get there. Ideal, no but I dont think it warrents automatically being favored all the time either.

My last job we frequently got cancelled. One could request "first cancel" and once, I did. About 2 weeks before the work day. Day cane, I didnt get cancelled - I figured we were full, shrugged it off & went in. Thats when I found that a coworker with kids called in that day to request cancel because she was tired. I was so angry, I saw red. What I'd asked to be cancelled was just as important to me. The kids werent sick or injured, she just didn't coordinated her nightshift sleep time into her day. But all she had to say was the magic word "kids" and the standard protocol of first come first serve was shoved aside to accomodate her instead.

I agree that a set protocol needs to be in place to accomodate all employees.

[Julius Seizure]

Define child.

I had to work Christmas night and leave my teenagers at home while their father was serving in Afghanistan, so that nurses with small children could be home.

The rationale? "Your kids don't believe in Santa" WTH?

Did you tell them that that is exactly WHY you needed to be home that night? Because no Santa or anybody else was coming? Santa is still going to their houses, why do they need to be there too?

[Daisy Joyce]

I've never gone home early because of my kids.

Except that one time I went into labor.

And that other time I had to pick up DD because of concussion.

So...twice in over 20 years in nursing.

[LibertarianNurse]

I am a mom to 3 kids and a nurse who works full time 12hr nights. My husband and I have always juggled the kids between us with little to no help from family, babysitters, or daycare providers. Our schedules have allowed this for some years now and yet I have never used the fact that I am a mom give me any special favors at work to go home early. That said, my family and kids would have to be priority if it came down to it over work. And as some one else said, going home to take care of small humans that depend on you for everything is quite a bit different than some one with no kids who has an urgent friend date or shopping trip planned. Sorry, but those things can be re-worked or rescheduled. You can't reschedule watching kids when there is no other to watch them. In fact, often as moms, we sacrifice sleep and our own wellbeing for the sake of our children. Not to say that the other things that are scheduled for single/no-kid people are not important, but the magnitude of importance is just not even on the same scale.

What I don't understand about this post though is that most nurse moms that I know are like me; they would never ask for handouts at work to care for their kids or think of themselves as more important. If their child is sick, they may call in to stay home and take care of their kiddo, but on a regular basis, most moms I know in the nursing world do not behave this way, as if they were entitled to more time off. So I am confused about why this is happening where you are? Are your mom coworkers actively petitioning to go home early "because they have kids" above you and other singles? Or has it just been here and there? And is it happening just once in a while due to a family emergency or babysitting crisis or something?

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

Define child.

I had to work Christmas night and leave my teenagers at home while their father was serving in Afghanistan, so that nurses with small children could be home.

The rationale? "Your kids don't believe in Santa" WTH?

I'm sorry that your family had to go through that. I have never once thought that my child came before any other staff members family or plans with their friends for the holidays. I've been a nurse way longer than a mom so my daughter knows that sometimes mommy has to work because unfortunately some other people are very sick on a holiday and they can't be home with their families either so mommy needs to be there to help them get better.

I believe in fairness with holidays. Alternating years and varying amounts of commitment based level of employment (FT, PT, PRN, Pool, etc). Also, if someone really wants Christmas off but got New Years instead, there's usually someone willing to switch. When I was younger, I preferred to have Christmas Eve off, work Christmas Day, work New Years Eve, and be off New Years Day (because I went out after work New Year's Eve). Now I prefer the opposite and there's usually someone who would like to switch for that opportunity. I could care less about New Years now. I'm sleeping long before midnight!

The thing that gets me with this original post is the assumption that momsthink they always get to leave early or give report first. That's simply not true. I have never left early and often am stuck giving report late. Due to my childcare issues, which are completely MINE, I don't work when it could present an issue.

This whole thing is an employer issue if they allow for what has been said here to occur.

Please excuse typos, sent from my iPhone.

[Wuzzie]

And as some one else said, going home to take care of small humans that depend on you for everything is quite a bit different than some one with no kids who has an urgent friend date or shopping trip planned. Sorry, but those things can be re-worked or rescheduled. You can't reschedule watching kids when there is no other to watch them. In fact, often as moms, we sacrifice sleep and our own wellbeing for the sake of our children. Not to say that the other things that are scheduled for single/no-kid people are not important, but the magnitude of importance is just not even on the same scale.

Sorry no! YOU decided to have kids and it is YOUR responsibility to make arrangements to take care of them and have back up plans for your back up plans. YOUR children have no right to impact MY life no matter what my life entails. If your job does not meet your needs then it is up to you to find one that does. It is not up to your single co-workers to re-schedule their lives around YOUR kids. It. Just. Isn't.

That being said, I never have a problem picking up the slack for someone who has to care for their sick child. I feel for both. Unless it becomes a pattern like every Friday, Monday or day before a holiday.

[Julius Seizure]

And as some one else said, going home to take care of small humans that depend on you for everything is quite a bit different than some one with no kids who has an urgent friend date or shopping trip planned.

Several people have made this argument. Obviously they are different, I think everyone recognizes that shopping and children are different activities.

But you know, those nurses without children don't ONLY spend their time shopping or relaxing with friends. Believe it or not, they also can have un-fun responsibilities that need to be taken care of.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

And as some one else said, going home to take care of small humans that depend on you for everything is quite a bit different than some one with no kids who has an urgent friend date or shopping trip planned. Sorry, but those things can be re-worked or rescheduled. You can't reschedule watching kids when there is no other to watch them. In fact, often as moms, we sacrifice sleep and our own wellbeing for the sake of our children. Not to say that the other things that are scheduled for single/no-kid people are not important, but the magnitude of importance is just not even on the same scale.

What I don't understand about this post though is that most nurse moms that I know are like me; they would never ask for handouts at work to care for their kids or think of themselves as more important.

While you say that you never ask for handouts at work or think of yourself as more important because you have kids, you also say that the magnitude of importance for things for single people is not at all the same. You're a mom -- you're saying that's more important than me getting home to relieve my husband from watching my mother who has Alzheimer's or to drive my father to the Urgent Care because he had an accident with the band saw and there is no one else to drive him, or a having a drink with a friend who is at the end of her rope with an abusive spouse.

Your kids are more important to YOU than my elderly parents or best friend. I get that. But while it's easy for you to say I can simply reschedule because the magnitude of importance of my obligations is not anywhere near the magnitude of your children, I don't see it that way. You can just as easily find, hire or trade favors with someone to watch your kids as I can reschedule Dad's laceration, my husband's need to get to work on time or my best friend's latest beating. Your kids are important, I get that. But not more important than MY priorities. It's up to YOU to arrange things so you can do your job as agreed.