I am asking for help and advice regarding my 17 year old son. I work registry and deal with kids quite often in crisis, but failed to notice the one living under my roof. He is now 17 and last week end, while my husband, loving and supportive man that he is, and I were gone for the week end, leaving my son with his trusted uncle's, he stole my BMW and , while drunk, high on drugs and seeking cocaine, ran into a pole somewhere. Fortunately no one was harmed, however I am worried to distraction over this repeat behavior.
A little history.. I divorced a very abusive father when my son was 13. We all went thru professional family couselling and my son and I lived alone for a few years, me working day shift registry with trusted neighbors waking my son and taking him to school. In between I endured horrific continued physical and verbal abuse by my ex husband, including an attempted rape while my son was in his room, ex being in a drunken rage.
Despite the fact that my ex continues to call me horrific names, tell my son that I am a liar and want to have him "put away" I always felt we had a good relationship, having since remarried a wonderful, fair and supportive man who has been very good to both of us. "J" recently began behaving very reclusively, keeping to his room, declining grades despite hiring a tutor and our concern was voiced, this kid was very good at telling us all what he thought we wanted to hear.
My son returned with my damaged car on Saturday, had his father pick him up and take him to his apartment and refuses to let me speak with him on the phone, telling me, " This is all your fault for divorcing me and you are getting payback for marrying that home wrecker and this kid is going to know just what a piece of &hit you are!!!". He denies there is a drug problem, even tho my son confessed to using pot, coke, meth and drinking, feels like he can handle this with "a good swift kick in his ***!"
I picked my child up from school yesterday and took him to a drug treatment facility so he could be evaluated, he tested positive for several drugs, admitted he was out of control and needed help. They feel intensive out patient psychotherapy would be best for him, he also was felt to have suffered from some type of sexual abuse although reluctant to describe. My son has informed me that he wishes to live with his father and his grlfriend for now but is willing to continue with therapy. My problem, my friends, is this...
How can I continue to stay strong, fight for my child, provide for him the help he needs when every step forward is followed by a phone call from his Dad berating me for taking him out of school for treatment and evaluation? How do I help my son overcome this man's constant diatribe of unthruths that he seems to be subjected to on a daily basis? I have tossed the kids room and found horrific hate notes directed towards me, my husband, that seem to parrot the verbal vomit that comes from his father. The dads girlfriend is helpful to a point but say's she is on the verge of leaving due to the verbal abuse and drinking. I have an MD appointment for my son tomorrow, and an appointment with his psychologist starting on Tuesday. We tossed the room and found several knives, razor blades, an air gun and some very hatefull letters. I am afraid of my own kid, and need some advice. I know this is off topic but I think the worst feeling I have, not including the anguish and heartache, is, I am a nurse and did not see the signs of a child in trouble.
Thank you for listening and for always being there for me...
