Nurse hand me the...

[mindy1982]

(After just changing from a floor nurse to a desk nurse) a Dr. came in and was sitting in front of the charts going through hospital records.

"Nurse, do we have a staple remover?" I quickly handled him the paper staple remover from the unit clerks desk.

The look of surprise and then laughter was priceless...on both of our faces.

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

moved to Nursing Humor - Share your jokes and funny stories forum

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Very funny!

Along those same lines, when I was first starting out in the OR, I was with a surgeon who was known to be quite the bear to work with. If the scrub nurse didn't anticipate what he needed and had it IN HAND, he would have a melt down. I was terrified to begin with when I first started in the OR, and the added stress of working with this surgeon just about loosened my bowels.

During one particularly nasty belly case, I somehow weathered the storm with him and only got yelled at twice. What I DIDN'T know about this surgeon is that he has a healthy sense of humor and is actually a really sweet guy. Both proved to be true after I had gotten to know him, but he had to play a mean joke on me as my 'induction' into the grand halls of surgery.

Things had settled down after the difficult phase of surgery and we were closing. All of a sudden, he yells at me, "Quick, get me the henway retractor! NOW! I said NOW! Get the HENWAY CANES!!!!" I was all thumbs as I frantically searched my table for an instrument that was unfamiliar to me, using the process of elimination to find this retractor. "CANES, I NEED THAT HENWAY RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" I replied, "If you tell me what it is, I will give it to you! What's a henway?" The staff start breaking up into laughter and the surgeon smiles, looks up at the ceiling as if in thought and said, "Oh, I dunno. I s'ppose a hen weighs 'bout 8 pounds or so."

[Not_A_Hat_Person, RN]

My first semester of clinicals, we had a near-fall in the hallway. Someone yelled for a chair. I grabbed an office chair from the desk close by. Everyone thought I was an idiot, but the patient didn't fall.

[DemonWings]

When I had my OR clincial, I was a brand new nursing student who knew nothing about a cholesystectomy. Well they asked me to exit the room while they did xray (i didnt have any lead) I came back and the belly was inflated (i had no idea they did this mind you) From my point of view in the corner, I assumed the patient was prone, because the inflated belly looked like a behind to me, I assumed they were extracting the gallballer rectally. When they were finishing up and the surgeon asked if I had any questions, I said why would you take it out rectally as opposed to through the belly? He started laughing and explained the inflation with the CO2....boy was I red!! Then he showed me the diseased gall bladder and told me that now its the nurses job to wash it out and then they put it back in the patient! I totally believed him until I had to explain the procedure to my entire class at post conference. I never lived it down.

[Jenni811, RN]

I was working a night shift and a patient of ours was getting an art line placed. He was very very obese man. He had a very large pannus that i think hung to his knees. So the attending came in and was telling me "Dr. ____ is going to do the art line. this is his first one" (patient is sedated and on a vent so he didnt hear that). The dr. was just letting me know since "nurses know all"

anyway...so in the room its me, the attending and the resident.

The resident and the attending decided they wanted to do femoral. im sitting here thinking its not the best idea because of his very large porifice (hard to keep clean, not to mention difficult to insert).

So keep in mind that i'm very small, im 23 years old, 5'2 and 115 lbs. And these 2 doctors are both over 6 ft tall. So of course they adjust the bed to their height.

I'm all gowned up, and there for when they need their tools or an extra hand. Then i see they are having difficulty getting it in because of his pannus. So i go over stick my arms under the sterile drape and hold his pannus back thinking it would be only a couple minutes. NOPE!!!!! it was 30 minutes later and im still holding this giant mans pannus, my back is killing me since im not in the best position and another 20 minutes go by and resident finally gets it in.

The next day when i worked a night shift the Resident brought me some cookies for holding a giant pannus :)

[RN1980]

when i was a new army medic and got to my my first duty station they sent me to the medical supply sgt's desk to get a box of chem light batteries and non-sticking tape...needless to say the joke was on me that day.

[AgentBeast, MSN, RN]

I had a patient say to me, "Oooohh, so you're a male nurse." I responded, "yeah, I wanted to be a female nurse, but I couldn't pass the physical examination." Couple other nurses in the hall way apparently heard this exchange since they erupted into laughter and when I exited the room one said that it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard and another said she nearly peed her pants.

[bell1962]

mountain dew with a couple drops of blood for a routine urinalysis really fools the lab tech...poor unsuspecting diabetic with a uti or worse!

[SamAcct]

lol! I'm going to borrow this joke when I'm finally become a nurse.

[Overland1, RN]

Reminds me of a rescue call about twenty years ago... a car crash in which there was a bleeding patient. One of the other EMT's held out his hand toward one of the firefighters and asked for a "4x4". The firefighter, thinking in terms of stabilizing the vehicle, handed the EMT a 4x4" block of wood.

[Metody]

mountain dew with a couple drops of blood for a routine urinalysis really fools the lab tech...poor unsuspecting diabetic with a uti or worse!

Oh, wow. Did they have to recalibrate the machine?