Nurse with a condescending attitude - rant

Nurses Relations

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Most of the nurses I speak with are nice. A few are kind of rude, but not enough for me to really care.

Today, the ED was beyond busy. I don't ever expect the nurses to chat with me or anything. I ask them simple questions(Can so-and-so have a visitor?), only when necessary. I also don't expect them to be chipper or anything. Just answer my question as good as you can. That's all I ask.

However, this extended triage nurse was just flat out rude. We (the ED visitor services employee and I) went into the extended triage area to try and locate a patient. This was only after 1 hour, and his family had been up every 15 minutes. They really wanted to know where he was or what was going on. Understandable.

Typically, patients don't get visitors in the extended triage. We wait until they get a room. But considering how busy we were, there was a good chance they weren't getting a room. Their triage room was going to be there room. So the nurses had been letting us bring visitors.

We never ask a nurse questions when they are with a patient, we wait until they are out of the room. We ask this nurse if they knew where Mr. Jones was. She goes, "What do you mean? Is he in triage? Is he in minor care?" My co-worker states that he was in triage, not minor care. She says, "Well I don't know. Are you sure he isn't in minor care?" She just had this real snarky tone. Just flat out attitude. Condescending and rude. She was clearly talking down to my co-worker as if my co-worker didn't know anything. My co-worker has been there for years. She knows what she is doing. We walked away. I know it's hard to see an attitude through text, but she was just beyond rude and nasty. I don't know how else to put it.

My co-worker is so sweet and beyond polite to this chick. The funny thing is, we were in the room next to this nurse before we asked her the question, and she was so polite to the patient, yet she talks down to us.

So my co-worker says that nurse is like that all the time. What the heck. Isn't there someone she can be reported to? I'm sorry, I just don't think it's acceptable to talk down to a co-worker. Ever. I don't think employees should have to put up with that crap. I don't care that we aren't nurses. We're all on the same team here.

How would you approach someone like that and what would you say to let them know you will not accept their condescending attitude? I think she needs to be approached before being reported. What would you do in this situation? It's obviously going to keep happening. She isn't going anywhere, and neither am I, nor my co-worker. She needs to act like a professional, not a b****.

I don't care if you disagree with my opinion, but you don't need to call me judgmental to make a point.

If someone is going to attack me I'm going to report them. I have the right to do that.

It's good to see how some of you take the side of someone who is attacking me.

Geez. I think my time at allnurses may be up.

You're not being attacked.

Although your reaction to the responses you're getting is very enlightening.

Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.
I really don't understand why you feel the need to attack me. I never judged her. Where did you get that? You do not know how our hospital and triage are set up, so yes, I do know she was not helping with any of the MVA's. I never said she wasn't busy. I know she was busy. I am in the waiting room where there are no seats. I see how many patients are waiting to be triaged or are in triage.

Since when is being busy justify verbal abuse?

I'm going to kindly ask you leave my thread before continuing with your attacks. I don't need to defend myself to you. I don't like when you judge me. You don't know it all either.

I am not attacking you ... I am simply a triage nurse who is being direct with you. Please know the difference.

In your original post, you did not describe 'verbal abuse'. She was not abusive to you. She was rude. Please know the difference. You need to stand up for yourself and say something to her...and then get over it.

You have a function in a busy ED, where you are part of a team.

One of your responsibilities is to be able to accurately assess situation to the best of your ability.

If you are not able to make an accurate and mature assessment of these kinds of situations, then you need to refer any kind of 'issue' to your supervisor for her/him to handle

Specializes in Tele, OB, public health.

happy2learn, I am so sorry for the way people have responded to you on here

To all of you who think being busy=being rude is okay, I have to ask, really?

There is being direct, or even curt, but rudeness/talking down to others is never okay.

And before I get flamed and assumed to be thin-skinned, I should mention this:

I am a very assertive person who has had a reputation as being direct and an effective/efficient communicator, at every place I have worked at but have NEVER been accused of being rude or disrespectful.

I have never taken offense to someone communicating with me in a quick/curt manner as long as it was respectful.

I really don't care what's going on in your job- everyone should be capable of answering a question quickly without attitude.

Anyone trying to justify such behavior are usually perpetrators of lateral violence themselves.

Specializes in ER, Trauma.

:D

I don't care what your position is or what the position is of the person who got rude and obnoxious is, there's no excuse for that kind of condescending behavior at all. This is lateral violence and it's unacceptable. I don't care how busy you are, you do not talk to another coworker or really, anyone, this way.

Personally, I would have said to her at the time of the incident, "You will not talk to me that way again. If you can't speak to me politely, we can discuss it with your supervisor." and walked away if she didn't respond in an appropriate manner. There are an awful lot of bullies who will treat everyone they consider beneath them like crap until you call them on it.

Now, you see? There's a great way to handle it! I, known to have a bad attitude, would have told her to bite my butt. Butt that's just me. Your mileage may vary.:uhoh3:
Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.

Anyone trying to justify such behavior are usually perpetrators of lateral violence themselves.

And that is a very very big leap.

Nobody is condoning rudeness ....and nobody is condoning abuse.

The OP needs to know the difference between the two and understand the appropriate action to take.

Rudeness ... talk to the nurse, don't tolerate it ...but understand that curtness is sometimes part-and-parcel of working in an extremely busy area. Happens again? ...then maybe good idea to report it

Abuse .... should report. Always unacceptable.

Some nurses IMHO lump all 'negative interaction' into the same box : lateral violence, 'eating our young', bullying.

They are better served by reflecting a little ... asking themselves what actually happened here? Understand the situation before leaping.

After all, all 'negative interactions' in my non-nursing life are not all 'violence' ...the rude lady in the supermarket parking lot who raced into the park I was waiting for was not 'violent' toward me...she was rude.

The visitor who tells me nurses are 'stupid' is not violent....he is rude.

The repairman who spoke to me in a condescending tone was rude ...he didn't 'bully' me.

It is a ridiculous situation to group all 'negative interaction' into the lateral violence category

Specializes in School Nursing.

Don't let these negative posters on this forum bring you down, hun. They are the ones that need "to chill". Some people just like to argue.. it's not you... :)

The problem with people who are condescending, beyond the attitude in general, is that every one of them I have ever seen and/or dealt with has been lacking in at least one of the skills they need to do things correctly. It is not a question of if they will screw up, but when they will screw up. The larger problem is when that happens, what is the outcome?

Those wil know-it-all attitudes are covering their own insecurity and/or inability; it will show at some time in the future (if it has not already happened). Not much others can do to change the person's (mis) behavior unless the person wants to do so as well.

Why so many nurses (who are supposed to be skilled,caring, and supportive) act this way remains somewhat a mystery.

Happy2learn, sorry to be redundant... but I'd have to agree with those who say you should stand up to this nurse the next time she acts like that... and if her attitude doesn't improve, take it up with her supervisor. I've never been a believer in the rudeness-is-okay-if-you're-busy-or-stressed philosophy. There is never an excuse for being disrespectful to one's co-workers.

Also, keep in mind Eleanor Roosevelt's wise words - "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Good luck!

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Lets debate the topic, not the poster. Be respectful of each other. Sometimes what we think we are saying doesn't come across that way.

It might be better to think before you type and then if you are misinterpreted, there is nothing wrong with apologizing and restating your opinion.

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

I mean this in a nice way, really I do ...

If the "rudeness" displayed by that nurse, as you have described it here, has been the most shocking, upsetting thing you have seen thus far in the ED -- you have been very lucky indeed. If you plan on a career in the ED, you may want to reflect on what your response will be when you witness a coworker get physically attacked by a patient, or you yourself are physically assaulted. Or what your response will be when you have more than one critical patient at the same time, each of whom is trying really hard to die on you right now. Or, what your response will be to raw emotions ranging from anger, to grief, to psychosis, to denial.

I wish you well.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i should've never started this thread because none of you will ever understand the level of rudeness. it just can't apply in text form. this wasn't an attitude. this wasn't snippy. this isn't rude. this is beyond rude.

this is talking to a person as if they are the lowest of the low or the scum of the earth. my coworker does avoid her at all costs because she always treats her as if she is below the bedbugs.

i wasn't there, so i don't know for sure, but it sounds an awful lot as if you're over-reacting.

if you just want to vent, that's fine. we all need to vent sometimes. but it sounded as if you wanted someone to help you do something about this nurse . . . that goes beyond venting.

i'm not saying it's ok for someone to be rude to you or your co-worker, but i'd much rather see the nurse be rude to you than to her patient. and while it's not ok to be rude or condescending, it happens. suck it up and deal with it. unless she routinely follows you around to put you down for no good reason, it's not horizontal violence or bullying or whatever. it's just one less than positive encounter with a nurse who may have been under too much stress to even know she was rude to you.

happy2learn; I totally get what you are speaking about with the nurse's nasty tone. I worked part time as a ward clerk for well over 15 years and I met a few nurses that have that nasty, b****y way of speaking - especially to others they deem beneath them. I am dismayed to see how the first batch of replies you received were nurses closing rank (the thin white line?) to downplay and deny what you experienced. I would be curious to see how your original post would have been received if you were an RN with 24+ years experience....my gut says it would have a been a completely different reaction.

I remember one such nasty nurse looking me exaggeratedly up and down and saying with complete disgust "you have a stain on your pants". I cooly said to her "Gosh, that's paint thinner from the re-staining we are doing of the hardwood stairs in our three story century home - didn't realize it had splashed on my pants." That shut her up quickly (I'm positive she assumed I was ghetto dweller since she was as racist and WASP as one could get), and I made certain to give her a long, measured look to let her know I knew her game and I wasn't going to play it.

It is depressing to deal with these toxic individuals, especially when they hold any kind of position of power. The only answer I have for you is that they really are bullies - when pleasant people have a bad day they still can't match the dripping tone of contempt that the type of person we both have dealt with has - it's the same tone a female 16 year old high school mean girl has (and trust me, that's where they honed and perfected that tone).

Hang in there and look 'em in the eye saying nothing for a few moments after she speaks with you. It's usually enough to let them know not to mess with you.

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