Why do mean/crabby people become nurses??

[R!XTER]

I work in a large busy ED so I have many co-workers, many of whom I love and some who just make me feel like my head is going to explode. There are a handful who are downright nasty people, and it just makes me wonder why a person like that would become a nurse! Does being rude and obnoxious to patients and co-workers make them feel good?? Do they go home at night and count the amount of people they brought to tears and feel good about that? I can't help feeling bad for their families, I have to wonder if they are rude to their families as well...

One particular nurse really gets under my skin not only for her rudeness, but she is so hypocritical. She can do no wrong, but she will look for any reason to pick on another nurse. She literally picks apart charts and asks a hundred million questions during report i.e. "this patient's sodium is 146! What are we going to do about this?? Did you talk to the doctor???" When she takes AM report, she will not let the night nurse go until every single order has been completed.

She once made me stay until a pt's AM fingerstick had been done regardless of the fact that there was not a single other outstanding order, and the pt was NPO so would not have gotten coverage anyway, but when she gives PM report she leaves outstanding orders to do and says "well, I'm done, I'm going home, I've been here all day, you will have to do that now" The other day one pt had repeat labs due 2 hours previously to check potassium - he had come in with a K+ of 2.4, which she had never mentioned to me during report. When I pointed out that she had not done those labs, she said "oh, well you will have to ask a PCA to do that" Eventually I got the labs done, and the lab called me with a critical result of K+ 2.5. I got really nervous, since she had never told me it was low initially, and I had to start sifting trough charts only to discover it had been low the whole time...

Then yesterday, she gave me report and says "oh, I was told this pt's urine was sent, but I see the lab has not run the tests. You will have to follow up with lab, or resend the specimen" So I tried to give her a dose her of her own treatment, and I responded that she would have to do it, since the urine tests were ordered 3 hrs ago. She got so huffy and started in on how rude I am, and do we want to take this up to management?? I said, "no, I don't see a need to involve management, this is something you should have done and it wasn't done"

Luckily, just then the tests showed up as "received" by lab in the computer, so the situation didn't escalate, but she made sure to stop by before leaving and tell me again how rude she thinks I am, and how she didn't appreciate my speaking to her that way. I have been so bothered by this, her behavior is so childish and silly, it's all about her and I even pointed out to her that she had done the exact same thing to me with the fingerstick I had not done, but she was too blind to see her own hypocracy.

Anyway, that is my vent. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!! Do you work with similar types of people?

[lawandaluxnurse, ADN, BSN]

Its all part of the nursing fun. I don't think people start out mean( at least most) but I think we harden to it after awhile because we take care of people day after day and some of these people you know will be back because they ignore the teaching and it gets old and frustrating

[MN-Nurse, ASN, RN]

She once made me stay until a pt's AM fingerstick had been done regardless of the fact that there was not a single other outstanding order, and the pt was NPO so would not have gotten coverage anyway, but when she gives PM report she leaves outstanding orders to do and says "well, I'm done, I'm going home, I've been here all day, you will have to do that now"

If you comply with her demands, you are the one at fault.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

That's a bully.She'd be a bully if she was a Wal-Mart greeter.

Keep taking that same stand(congratulations for the guts).

Now document each and every time she make you stay over to dot your i's and cross your t's.

Document what she leaves to be done.

Do this for a week or so... take it to your MANAGER! NM must be made aware of the bullying behavior, but you must have the documentation.

[LiberatedRN]

Some of this may be behavior that she has learned as a nurse due to some of her insecurities about her nursing care. I've run across many nurse bullies in my time and they only do it to those who welcome the bullish behavior...usually new nurses.

Stand your ground with her. I feel sorry for people like this because many times, they have no control over their home life...some are even victims of domestic abuse and they reversely bring it into the workplace and project their anger onto some innocent victim. Next time she does it just say 'I feel sorry for you' or ask 'is everything alright at home'? Watch her blow up at either one of those questions and you'll know you hit a sore spot!

[txnewby]

I am reading "Social Intelligence" right now by Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence -- EQ). I understand your free time is probably very limited -- but a great book. These nurses are very short on social skills -- zero self-awareness and sounds almost like narcissistic personality disorder. They feel no embarassment and shame for their treatment of others. They are never wrong and everything is done for their own glory -- blithely stepping on other toes. Realizing I should not be doing an arm chair analysis of people I don't know (or do know for that matter!) -- but seeing it in print as a disorder does help me to distance myself and realize it is totally their issue. Dealing with people who have limited empathy is very challenging. The problem is that you are a normal person who does have empathy and feelings -- so you are looking at her behavior based on what would ever trigger you to act that way. Bottom line -- she does not have the social capacity you do so you are beating your head against the wall to figure out the reasons. Sorry -- but I will say most professions have their share of jerks.

[Good Morning, Gil]

Wow, just wow. I haven't given report to anyone like that, but so long as you're working hard during your shift, being efficient, and prioritizing, there are some days when you can get it all done and have a clean slate for the next shift and other days when everything hits the fan, and you do the best you can.

Nursing is a 24 hour job. Let that not be an excuse to always let things go to the next shift (which doesn't sound like you do), but just stick up for yourself like you are, but also try to be amicable. This person will likely not change, so do your best to get along with her, and hope you don't have to give report to her all of the time.

Sounds like you already tried the "lead by example" approach by helping her, and she doesn't do it in return. Some people just don't have the best work ethic and want an easy way out; if she can get you to do her work for her, then sounds like she will, with no feelings of guilt or care about you.

[BearishBob]

Im going to tell you my dog story about perception. Lets take a fact you know in your heart of hearts is true: The sky is blue. So, you say to the dog, "The sky is blue". The dog, who can't see color says, "Lies, its all lies. Everyone knows the sky is grey."

Much of the world is based on point of view and your perception. Her point of view could be the night shift nurse isn't getting his job done. Your point of view is that she is a bully. Or it could be that she is just being nasty. You will never know until you talk to her about it.

Take her aside somewhere were you arent causing a scene. Start off with an apology. It may be undeserved, but it would smooth things over. I would personally say something like, "Im sorry I was rude to you the other day, it wasn't my intention. I just feel like I have to be 100 percent done at 8, or you wont accept my patients. But when I take report from you, there are things not done. I realize nursing is a 24/7 job, but it makes me feel aweful when you demand I stay and finish everything. Can you help me out when I don't get it all done, and I will try and do a better job to make sure its all done for you?"

You should be able to find some middle ground. If, after your talk, she continues her behavior, then you can big deal it to a manager.

[OCNRN63, RN]

for the same reason irritable people go into any other job. why is there this expectation that nurses must never be subject to the same frailties that everyone else may have? they're people. i've had co-workers snap at me, and i have done plenty of barking myself.

it's a stressful job, and you can't be perfect.

this is not directed at the op, but honestly, i get a little irritated with this whole "nurses must be sweet" business. to me, that is code for a nurse who lets herself get run over by patients, co-workers, physicians, etc. they would never stand up for themselves in an assertive manner, because that isn't "sweet."

[bratmobile]

a certain percentage of the population are just dicks

[ldiva0808]

its so important to focus on how to control yourself, cos at the end of the day you cant control what others say or do.

[Altra, BSN, RN]

OP, since you specifically said you work in an ED ...

To expect a nurse (any nurse, any shift) to "stay until all orders are completed" is unrealistic in just about any setting, but a completely off-the-wall expectation in the ED, where new patients will be rolling in all the time. Take a step back and look at the big picture and it may give you some added confidence in dealing with this nurse.

And the examples that you discussed - a 7am blood sugar, rechecking a critically low K+ (presumably after some intervention had taken place to fix it) both say to me that these were admitted patients waiting for a bed for a pretty long time. We certainly don't check the blood sugar of all diabetics in the ED at 7am ... particularly if they have just arrived an hour ago or are on their way to be discharged. Replacing that much K+ takes hours -- depending on whether or not the patient has a central line it could take up to 8 hours to run in the 40+ mEq I would expect to see ordered for a K+ that low. Now if the patient had indeed remained in the ED long enough to run in all that K+ and it was time to recheck, and it had not been done for 2 hours ... unless there was a really good reason, I would definitely bring that to another nurse's attention because that may have been another 2 hours that the patient sat in the ED because there wasn't that information to make/amend a decision about a the patient's admission.

Do your best to remain calm when reporting off to this nurse -- give report and leave. She can only give you grief if you stay and listen to it.

[VictoriaGayle]

I can completely understand becoming jaded, and acting rude to your co workers.

I'd rather a nurse take out her issues with me than a patient.

That is no excuse for poor patient care. Theres a point were it goes from rudeness to abuse and/or negligence.