ldiva0808

Nursing has to be one of the toughest fields out there. I want to move out of this field and open a restaurant. This field is cut throat. so much demand on one person to do everything.

Thanks everyone, To be frank, I don't believe in counseling, It's not for everyone, and im one of those. If I have lost direction, a stranger wouldnt help me in tracing myself back. I just have a problem with trying to make everything work all the time, and sometimes, some things just arent working. I wish I could be my best at this moment in my life, but as I try hard to LIVE GREAT with this stress and unhappiness, I am digging deeper, It's that situation where you keep working at it, hoping it will get better and its getting worse, to the point that it is affecting your whole life. Thanks for all your input and concern, it is so much appreciated. The saddest realization is that I was someone who would tolerate unhappiness to get bills paid. Im obssessed with responsibility that I am loosing my mind. anyway, I am leaving my job, going to spend time with family, I want to date as it's been 5 years since I've literally even kissed someone, I look older(even if others don;t agree, I feel it), My sass is gone, Im a zombie, I have become generic, I am sarcastic, showing signs of a person who is sleep deprived. you name it. I juist want my loud, hyper, sweet self back. I feel like I have become a copy of almost everyone else. God is my captain. Jesus is my director

Summing up my life for a year and half since nursing, I have become deprressed, developed some form of schizophrenia d/t being so young and far away from family and with the condition of the world, of course Im paranoid. working nights, getting no sleep during the day, feeling so unfulfilled, unchallenged at work, attending to mag sensors instead of doing anything ACTUALLY medical related, ...... THE PAY IS GREAT.... my mental, physical, social, emotional health POOR! I have to leave this profession for a while, I can't anymore. I am so angry, tired, miserable, weary, sad, worried, all of the above. Sadly I am someone who is more concerned about responsibility, than living life, therefore the money is taking care of those responsibilities and life is ticking. I am 24 years old, beat down, and exhausted. The anger and frustration, unconsciously landed me handcuffed for the first time in my life 3months ago, d/t poor judgement or whatever it was, at this point, I dont know and not worrying about it. I don;t care. I need my happiness and joy back. Simple and short. I wish I can drop everything, and travel to a third world country and work for free. If I knew the process to begin that I would. .. then there's my bills. Life is stuck. Just thought I'd share what has been going on in my mind for so long. Because I am truly at lost. Thanks for listening to my vague summary.

-Am i in some denial? -Can I be going nuts? -Is there something I can be doing to make things better in addition to trusting God's timing and plans toward my situation? -Is it nursing doing this to me, or mid life crisis? -What in the world is happening to me mentally/physically/emotionally? -Do i need to change or something? -How long till i stop feeling like this? If anyone can answer at least one of the questions above, that would be great. I am approaching one year in nursing, eager to blast out of this state of arogance, where I am alone and secluded coming from NYC to a place of farms and rednecks. Nursing? hmm, not a fan of sick folks, let alone arogant ones. Know how the situation is like? Like Someone who lived their whole life in miami florida, beautiful sun, happy people, then has to live in Alaska with eskimos kind of situation. Lord knows I am out of my element COMPLETLY, and I am in conflict with everything and everyone around me. May not be nursing, probably just where I am practicing nursing, My spiritual faith should be holding me intact while im here, but sometimes often times, i just feel like it fails me, or i fail holding on to it perhaps. Its real difficult graciously doing something everyday when you feel so trapped. I need an intervention, something to do to make my situation progress, because all i feel is that i am sitting around miserable yet faithfull waiting for God to change things, As if although I am waiting, i should be actively doing something, but feeling like Im not waiting on God's plan, but trying to take matters in to my hands. Wow Im distressed completely, i cant even think straight.

I am looking to apply for a new job somewhere else because day in and day out it is pretty evident that where I am is good for nothing more than the pay check I receive from here and thats not how I want to work. I am looking for a new job, and I know as far as putting down references, most application prefer clinical managers. one clinical manager of mine, always pulls me to the side when he desperately gets a chance to tell me that I clocked in 1101 instead of 11 exactly or before. he pulls me aside and talks about this and that. Im not sure if he' s out to get me. The job Im applying for is it best to apply as a grad with no experience, or can i use other references?

Dating? What is that?

nursel56 LOL. I was laughing a bit too because that was EXACTLY how the scene was. poor Simba

10 people running to help 1 pt who fell, they nearly pushed me over just wanting her right arm i was holding to help pick her up. there was so much people, nothing effective was done. It seems like they want to be recognized, so they come in and literally try and control.

aurora77 , it makes sense that they may be more "experienced", but i've gootten report from nurses working 15years, and they'll ask me, "do you know what that is? cos i have no idea" or what do you do with this? i think experience doesnt guaratee you knowledge so much. in this situation, the patient was going to the bathroom and forgot to take the leg pumps off connected to the bed, the pt hit her head bad. i asked, we should get quick vitals on her to make sure she's fine?, the nurse of 8+ years said, let's get her to the bathroom first, she has to use it. in my head im thinking, checking her to make sure she's fine while this is fresh, you want her to empty her bladder more importantly. when i suggested a quick assessment first, and she felt the bathroom was more important for a pt with a laceration on her head, they all looked at me in awe. they may not admit it that an asseessment should me more important than the bathroom when i suggested it, because they are experienced and know better. i will have to say, new grads coming in are more attentive to things than experienced nurses. ive heard nurses say it's no big deal, he'll be fine when their pts keeps calling, a pt rang his bell, i went in, and told his nurse what he was feeling, pod 6 of abd surgery, she said, he needs to sleep, she was tired of his complaining( this pt ended up being transfered to icu being ignored, we called a rapid response ) because his abd incision opened and he bled to death, at the icu he coded and died there. im just saying, experience doesnt mean nothing. just like how wisdom doesnt grow with age.

Why is nursing like the war. Im a new grad nurse, and ofcourse the more experience nurses think they know it all more. They sit at the station gossiping all night, which till this day 5 months in i refuse to be a part of, I already have my own issues to be talking about others. I heard a THUMP, this shift, and literally, I WAS THE ONLY ONE who heard it. I passed by 2 nurses, which 1 of them the patient belonged to, ran to the room and found the patient fell, I called the nurse in and she ran in, as soon as the others saw they all ran to the scene like the scene of Lion king when simba was caught in the tampede or whatever its called andhis father tried to save him. Im helping the assigned nurse pick the pt up, these nurses come and literally try to take over, i was on the pts R arm trying to help pick her up, 3 nurses all wanted that right arm to pick her up. lets do this" let's do this" it's such a mess. i just stepped back and out and let them do whatever. If anything, im not desperate for "OMG, YOU SAVED A LIFE" from a fall, where the patient is oriented, and tripped over something. It's like when a rapid response happens, 500 peolple want to rush in, and you cant do anything effective because everyone wants to do it too. Literally, why are nurses like so controlling and want to do something in everything!?!

This lifted my spirit. I am going to print it and keep it in my pocket or wallet.

All those who look forward to work because they trully love what they do, you are blessed. Whether it be nursing, or accounting, lawyer whatever it be. It's a bottomless pit to walk in life feeling like you are being forced. Not happy or finding fulfilment in anything youdo. even worst to not know what road to take next to live a happier life. Anyone who still has dreams and aspirations, and wake up everyday excited to push toward their goals, you are alive. Because to wake up everyday not looking forward to ANYTHING is the worst feeling in life. I use to have so much drive and energy. Something as simple as going to the gym which was a liberator and spark in my life has now become difficulty and hardship. I am a nurse, and I know in my heart this is not where i belong in a career, but I do a good job at it anyway! and no matter how many"thank you for your great care" "you are a great nurse" I get from so many of my patients every day, and my nurse managers I go home extremely sad because I know Im not living the life I want, and the little things i used to do to make me feel so alive, make me feel more empty when i do them. Im just coming here to literally tell anyone and everyone who live with a purpose, whether its children, a loved one, their job, or their health, whatever it is in your life that makes you ALIVE inside. you are blessed truly. Im making money, im paying bills, im buying whatever i want, Im getting recognition at work, but at the end of the day, the fire I had always had, is burnt.

And I do take care of "my patients" by myself, when what needs to be done isn't done. Thanks. If my license is on the line, and I am held accountable for everything, if someone isnt doing their assigned work or communicating the results to me, I take it into my own hands. no authority trip, just dealing with aides who power walk like they are busy, but aren't doing much.

I work night shifts, and the best way for me to exercise is sometimes depending on how the night shift goes, always bringing my gym clothes with me to work i might go at 8am depending on if night shift went smoothly. And if the night shift goes roughly, I go home, take a power nap, then head to the gym and tire myself out sraight intense cario (elipical, stepper. treadmill) then come take my rest before heading to work. What I have always found is that, if you do tooo much cardio, you'l be tired more and quick, if you do strength training, you wont be so tired. I also have 2 dumb bells, and getting a kettle bell soon, because strength training is more important than anything, and If i cant go to the gym, I can do some reps at home to strenghten my body, eat something healthy like a handful of almonds and drink lots of water and sleep. it's something you have to get into the habit of doing. Good luck to you.

I appreciate the aides, I think they do the tough work, i mean its amazing. you have to have the heart to do the things they do. its so much work, I just wished they would communicate effectively.