Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 153

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   teeniebert
    You are not going to die if you don't have a BM every day. Remember last night, when you overflowed the bedpan? That means you're fine. I'm not giving you a suppository, an enema, or 'a little help up in there'. I know you're 'not supposed to strain' with your abdominal incision, so here's a helpful hint. STOP TRYING TO POOP. You can't push out what's not there. Next time you demand to speak with the doctor, I'm going to recommend that you have your anus and rectum removed so you'll quit bugging us about them.
  2. by   time4meRN
    The reason you are waiting 3 hours to be seen by a dr in the ed is because the Dr's are spread thin. They don't want more Dr's on board because , it would mean less money for them. I 'm sick of making excuses of why a pt hasn't been seen yet. I would also like to say, you will be getting a survey , take that survey and shuv it up your,, ^**** !!!!!!!! Now get out !!!!!!! Or I have to keep you alive , but I don't have to smile or fluff your pillow id you are going to be nasty to e.
  3. by   JBudd
    I appreciate the apology but don't really care about how weepy you are. I'm not dropping the complaint to the police made after you bit me. It is still tender and lumpy 2 full weeks later.
  4. by   KalipsoRed
    In the ER: "Well you are having to wait 6+ hours to be seen because we are taking care of the EMERGENCIES first. We see people according to acuity, which means that your cold symptoms are at the bottom of the list." :P

    On the floor with over protective family staying with a pt 24/7:
    "You know your mom might start feeling better if you actually left the hospital and let her rest instead of worrying about how often YOU feel we should be in here to check on her."

    Pain med junkie:
    You walk into the room, pt is sleeping and due to noise wakes up for a second and starts crying because they are in so much 'pain', respirations are low and saturation is in the upper 80s, yet they claim they still need meds. "Assisted suicide is not yet legal, but when it becomes so I'd be happy to comply with your demands." :P

    Needy pt:
    Pt. is on call light approx. twice every hour. You go into the room they request a grahmcracker. You say sure and ask if there is anything else that you can get. They say no. You come back with crackers and then pt asks for soda and some ice. "I'm sorry, you said you didn't need anything else when I asked before I left to get your crackers. You'll have to deal with what you've got. Also I will be disconnecting your call light due to your misuse of the device." :P
  5. by   RN_10
    Your noncompliant with your diet and your blood sugar is always high. It's obvious you don't care about your health. This isn't a shelter, please leave so we can give this room to a patient who wants to live. Thanks bye.

    Do you realize you are not my only patient? Do you realize it is impossible for every one of my patients to receive their medication at 6? Someone will have to be 6:05, 6:10, 30, etc. And don't forget there are the unforeseen events that may occur in between. Oh you don't care about any of that you just want your meds when it's scheduled. Ok.

    I hate how irrational some of my patients are. No one wants to listen they just want to blow a fuse. Good grief!
    Last edit by RN_10 on Feb 17, '11
  6. by   McGyverRN
    How I'd like to respond to family members who come to the nurse's station without identifying themselves or the patient they are inquiring about. Question: "Where is my mother?" Answer "The morgue."
  7. by   Conqueror+
    Today : "could you please speak in another direction, you are burning off my nose hairs".
  8. by   talaxandra
    Quote from McGyverRN
    How I'd like to respond to family members who come to the nurse's station without identifying themselves or the patient they are inquiring about. Question: "Where is my mother?" Answer:
    "We have a lot of mothers - does yours have a name?"
  9. by   Trekfan
    Quote from carolmaccas66
    Can you not work at all due to your seizures sharpeimom, or is your disability from something else? I too work psych a lot. Sorry you are disabled, do you not work as a nurse anymore?
    The most frustrating part sometimes, is people who don't know me assuming that I'm unable to communicate, am retarded, an empty shell. Some of my favorites? "Can she understand me if I speak
    s-l-o-w-l-y?" "Won't she hurt someone if you turn your back on her?" "How nice that you have her out in the fresh air today!" (Answers phone) "May I speak to someone legally competent, please?" That day, I DID say, "Just who the XXXX do you think manages the finances in this family?"

    OMG I know what that fills like I am half blind and some the best one"s that happen to me where :

    when I got my frist job I went for a drug test and the nurse comes in the bathroom with me pulls down my pants and puts my on the tolit Befor I knew what happen . " thanks but I can pull my own pants down "

    I went to a new doc and she walks in looks at my guide dog bends down AND YELLS at the
    top of her lungs I am doc. - that was all she got out because I fell off the chair .

    I to have blood taken and they wanted a urine sample to the tech said wait here and I will be back for you . She was gone a long time and then came back for me she had gloves on and a cup in her hand I went to take it from her and she said just pee and I will hold the cup for you " thanks but no thanks "

    I Also can dress myself and have my shirt on the right side out most of the time "haha" and for the love of god keep your - hands and your screaming kids off my guide dog he;s working and when you grab him on the street and tell me i know the sign says do not pet but i have ti to he is not guiding me .
  10. by   carolmaccas66
    To all the non-compliant patients, who consistently moan that 'society and the nurses and doctors don't understand me or my problems':
    Do NOT get admitted cos you haven't managed your diabetes, heart problems, not taken meds, whatever, then lay a big guilt trip on ME! It's your life, START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT! You are not a baby that needs your hand held every time you need to go to the toilet, or make a small decision re something, such as what will I have for lunch. You have kids? How on earth did you raise them, what, to be just like you? I feel sorry for them, cos they will probably end up in hospital like you.
    Grow up and do it soon for the love of God, cos we are so sick of enabling you to act like a whingy baby, and listening to your numerous complaints. START DOING SOMETHING YOURSELF ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, cos they won't go away on their own, no matter how many times you get admitted here to the hospital.
    Start being a RESPONSIBLE adult like we all have to be.
  11. by   pajoopie1
    "This is not the Hilton, and I am not a waitress!"
  12. by   pajoopie1
    Quote from AngelfireRN
    :spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this:

    Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

    I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

    Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

    Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

    Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

    I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

    No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

    No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

    No, you are not my only patient, and i highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

    NO, NO, NO, i most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

    No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

    No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

    No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

    I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!!!
    Have fun!
    So funny! My favorite is, "If you are single handedly paying my salary, let's talk about a raise"
  13. by   kristykat
    Best. Thread. Ever!

    (even tho it's taken me weeks to read every single post)