The Respect You Get

As a new grad or new colleague, the respect we get is in our own hands. We show others by our actions whether or not we are worthy of respect. Some of us earn respect while others lose it. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

It's that time of year again. New nurses have started their first jobs and are experiencing the culture shock as they transition from student to nurse. Many of them complain that they are not getting the respect they deserve from their new colleagues. (Many of them complain about the respect they're not GETTING while being disrespectful of those same new colleagues, but that is the subject for another post.)

When a new grad starts in our unit, most of us our looking forward to the time when they're off orientation, a full member of the team and can help relieve some of the staffing crunch. When we meet a new grad, the default is respect. Here's someone that graduated from an accredited school of nursing -- and we all know what hard work that is -- and passed the licensing exam. They've been through the interview process and impressed our management team enough to offer them a job, and they've chosen to work with us. What is not to respect?

Almost without exception, the new grad who is not respected is one who has proven she doesn't deserve our respect. What do I mean, you ask?

Timothy was an orientee who was passed to me because he just couldn't get along with his preceptor. He had a very high opinion of himself, and had an extremely high confidence level. Such confidence in himself was really not justified. He had already failed the rhythm test and the vasoactive drip test and because I have a reputation as a good teacher, I was asked to step in. Timothy didn't pass the exams because he wouldn't study. "I'm through with school," he said. "I don't have to do that anymore." Instead, he expected me to spoon feed him the answers to the test questions so he could pass on his third try, and he wanted me to do that during the course of our busy shift caring for patients. He had no interest in UNDERSTANDING the rhythms or the vasoactive drips. He just wanted to pass the tests so he could "rock the ICU" with his awesomeness. He was fired four months in to a six month orientation because after four months caring for CTICU patients, most of whom had Swans, he could not identify that yellow thing coming out of her neck nor describe what is was used for. Timothy lost the respect of his first preceptor on the first day on the unit, when he told her she looked old and ought to retire. He lost my respect when he told me he wasn't going to study, and he lost the respect of the CNAs when he described them as "beneath him."

Inez started with the default level of respect. English was her second (or seventh) language, and she had some communication difficulties. Her charting was sometimes unintentionally hilarious. Our respect for her started ratcheting upward when she admitted that she was having difficulty with charting, asked for help with specific issues and began running her charting past her preceptors before putting it into the EMR. Very quickly we could see that she had a good grasp of the disease processes, the surgery involved, the drugs we used and the lab results. She learned from each mistake and never made the same one twice. Long before she finished orientation, even seasoned nurses were impressed with Inez's work and her attention to detail. When we discovered a charting blooper (the only kind of mistake she ever made), she'd laugh with us and then we'd correct the mistake together. Inez earned respect. Timothy threw it away.

The new grad who makes an error, admits it, and then sets about to correct it or mitigate the consequences to our patient earns our respect. The new grad who won't admit to a mistake, blames others for the mistake, justifies it or covers it up loses our respect. The new grad who doesn't understand something but who works hard to figure it out earns our respect. The one who won't ask the question loses it. The new grad who cheerfully greets housekeeping each morning and knows the names of the CNA's children earns our respect. The one who doesn't want to. Wipe blood off the floor or say hello to the housekeeper or CNA because "I'm the nurse and they're below me" loses it.

Some new nurses worked their way through school; others have never held a job. In most cases, they've never worked a REAL job before, and there may be things about the workplace and workplace relationships that they don't understand. We get that. But someone who is rude to other disciplines most likely will not be respected as much as they think they deserve. In most cases, when newbies aren't liked or aren't respected, it's not because of bullies in the workplace; it's because they have failed to understand and practice the basics of work place relationships. Many of us COBs have been in that position ourselves. AN is a wonderful place where you can bring that sort of problem to the forum and get real answers and good advice -- you just have to be willing to "hear it."

Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
Thanks for responding and I appreciate the feedback. I guess I found it hard to believe that scenario #1 with Timothy:roflmao: was actually real. As a newly licensed RN,BSN I found it very difficult to relate to someone actually being offered a ICU position and NOT caring to understand vital info needed to keep his pts alive. It seemed as if it was a 'lessen' fictional narrative of what kind of nurse to be...or not. I honestly am still scratching my head.

As a newly licensed RN, you don't have much work experience to judge the scenario. Unfortunately, it can be true (I'm guessing names were changed to protect the guilty) and I've seen it plenty of times.

It's not so much the new nurse not wanting to learn; it's that they think they already know it. And that is just downright dangerous. I have more than a decade of experience, work in a very specific specialty, and I still learn new things on a regular basis.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Is this made up? Seriously.

Nope, not made up. The name has been changed, and a few of the details . . . Timothy has even been toned down a bit because NO ONE would believe some of the stuff he did!

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Thanks for responding and I appreciate the feedback. I guess I found it hard to believe that scenario #1 with Timothy:roflmao: was actually real. As a newly licensed RN,BSN I found it very difficult to relate to someone actually being offered a ICU position and NOT caring to understand vital info needed to keep his pts alive. It seemed as if it was a 'lessen' fictional narrative of what kind of nurse to be...or not. I honestly am still scratching my head.

If you read here long enough -- or stay at the bedside long enough, you'll hear even more outrageous stories!

Specializes in GENERAL.

OP: the recalcitrant newby is nothing new as many preceptors know but down through the years I have found that one-on-one teaching offers the perfect opportunity to find ways to customize the learning experience towards the individual learner. But I do agree you can't teach or argue with a stump.

With that said:

You are a veteran nurse and as such know the material inside and out so the challenge is to find a way to convey the vital concepts without creating, either on his part or yours, a non-productive adversarial relationship, because you are also colleagues.

When I hear the expression "spoon feed" used by an instructor as in "I won't do it" this may be due to a reluctance or inability on the instructor's part to reduce sometimes complex, specialized information into more easily absorbable learning segments. This takes extra effort but, in return, the student still needs to be "respectfully" receptive and engaged, I agree.

There seem to be other issues as explained in your encounter with young Tim and I do believe that they may have to do with nursing's historic

reluctance to deal with latent and covert misandry. This is a strong word without a doubt but I and some other male nurses I have spoken with over the years have been told directly that there was no room in nursing for males. Being told this tends to create baggage that is hard to forget. But who knows in this case if this hypothetical is valid or not.

Ruby, I do not believe you would be a party to this kind of behavior but I do urge you to consider this dynamic in dealing with Tim. It may help you to get through to him ( no kow-tow) just an intrapychic perspective that may help to break through his reluctance to want to learn past getting the license.

Who knows, a few years from now both of you will laugh at your initial encounter with him and you may become good friends who will watch each other's back. God knows we all need more of that.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
OP: the recalcitrant newby is nothing new as many preceptors know but down through the years I have found that one-on-one teaching offers the perfect opportunity to find ways to customize the learning experience towards the individual learner. But I do agree you can't teach or argue with a stump.

With that said:

You are a veteran nurse and as such know the material inside and out so the challenge is to find a way to convey the vital concepts without creating, either on his part or yours, a non-productive adversarial relationship, because you are also colleagues.

When I hear the expression "spoon feed" used by an instructor as in "I won't do it" this may be due to a reluctance or inability on the instructor's part to reduce sometimes complex, specialized information into more easily absorbable learning segments. This takes extra effort but, in return, the student still needs to be "respectfully" receptive and engaged, I agree.

There seem to be other issues as explained in your encounter with young Tim and I do believe that they may have to do with nursing's historic

reluctance to deal with latent and covert misandry. This is a strong word without a doubt but I and some other male nurses I have spoken with over the years have been told directly that there was no room in nursing for males. Being told this tends to create baggage that is hard to forget. But who knows in this case if this hypothetical is valid or not.

Ruby, I do not believe you would be a party to this kind of behavior but I do urge you to consider this dynamic in dealing with Tim. It may help you to get through to him ( no kow-tow) just an intrapychic perspective that may help to break through his reluctance to want to learn past getting the license.

Who knows, a few years from now both of you will laugh at your initial encounter with him and you may become good friends who will watch each other's back. God knows we all need more of that.

Good Lord! When someone announces that they aren't going to study, don't care to understand either rhythms or vasoactive drips and just want me to give them the answers to the test questions so they can pass an exam without either studying or understanding the material, there seems to be little doubt that the student is neither "respectfully engaged" nor likely to be so. Misandry -- subtle or otherwise -- has nothing to do with it.

"Tim" is long gone. While my many encounters with him and others of his ilk have provided hours of hilarity, he is unlikely in the extreme to be a safe practitioner of ICU nursing without some serious introspection and personal growth. Hopefully his period of unemployment provided ample opportunity for such things. But I doubt it. I hear his last position was in management -- a position his gender helped him to secure regardless of his lack of success (more than one termination) in nursing. He has recently been terminated once again amid accusations of financial malfeasance.

When your arrogance and cluelessness loses you the respect of multiple charge nurses, preceptors and colleagues on the health care team, perhaps dismissal as "not a good fit" is the best outcome you can hope for.

"As a newly licensed RN, you don't have much work experience to judge the scenario. Unfortunately, it can be true (I'm guessing names were changed to protect the guilty) and I've seen it plenty of times.

It's not so much the new nurse not wanting to learn; it's that they think they already know it. And that is just downright dangerous. I have more than a decade of experience, work in a very specific specialty, and I still learn new things on a regular basis. "

But I do have the 'experience' of being a newly licensed RN, seeking that first opportunity as a new grad in the hospital; esp.. Critical Care and fresh with the idealism bursting forth from 4 long years of Nursing School. It's newly imprinted...not something to recall from years past and in that that way...it's pretty hard to relate to 'Tim". Tim actually in this article expressed he didn't want to learn how to read the vital info just give him the answers because he already failed the test. So when asked why I wondered if this was a narrative vs. an actual account: I simply shared my 'why'. It's a character issue. Not being able to relate to him in actuality lol...that's a very good thing.

" OP: the recalcitrant newby is nothing new as many preceptors know but down through the years I have found that one-on-one teaching offers the perfect opportunity to find ways to customize the learning experience towards the individual learner. But I do agree you can't teach or argue with a stump.

With that said:

You are a veteran nurse and as such know the material inside and out so the challenge is to find a way to convey the vital concepts without creating, either on his part or yours, a non-productive adversarial relationship, because you are also colleagues.

When I hear the expression "spoon feed" used by an instructor as in "I won't do it" this may be due to a reluctance or inability on the instructor's part to reduce sometimes complex, specialized information into more easily absorbable learning segments. This takes extra effort but, in return, the student still needs to be "respectfully" receptive and engaged, I agree.

There seem to be other issues as explained in your encounter with young Tim and I do believe that they may have to do with nursing's historic

reluctance to deal with latent and covert misandry. This is a strong word without a doubt but I and some other male nurses I have spoken with over the years have been told directly that there was no room in nursing for males. Being told this tends to create baggage that is hard to forget. But who knows in this case if this hypothetical is valid or not.

Ruby, I do not believe you would be a party to this kind of behavior but I do urge you to consider this dynamic in dealing with Tim. It may help you to get through to him ( no kow-tow) just an intrapychic perspective that may help to break through his reluctance to want to learn past getting the license.

Who knows, a few years from now both of you will laugh at your initial encounter with him and you may become good friends who will watch each other's back. God knows we all need more of that. "

Um...please keep 'Tim' away from me and my family if where're hospitalized. I known this might not seem intellectually stimulating enough for some and good luck with winning Nurse 'Tims' over. End of story for me.

Specializes in Emergency medicine, primary care.

This was a great article. I found as a new nurse as long as I was willing to own up to my errors, learn from them, correct them and not make the same one twice my colleagues would have patience with me and help me figure out the ropes when I started. I also asked questions and was open to constructive criticism. Finally, I noticed that if I helped out the ancillary staff and didn't treat them like something stuck to my shoe (shocker!) they respected me and were willing to help me when I needed it especially in a pinch. (For example, when my tech was busy doing vitals on my patient, I'd grab blood glucose levels on some of their patients to help them if my workload wasn't insane instead of sitting at the desk twiddling my thumbs.) Now when I'm at work, I know I have a solid team of people to depend on because of mutual respect for each other and our own job responsibilities.

" OP: the recalcitrant newby is nothing new as many preceptors know but down through the years I have found that one-on-one teaching offers the perfect opportunity to find ways to customize the learning experience towards the individual learner. But I do agree you can't teach or argue with a stump.

With that said:

You are a veteran nurse and as such know the material inside and out so the challenge is to find a way to convey the vital concepts without creating, either on his part or yours, a non-productive adversarial relationship, because you are also colleagues.

When I hear the expression "spoon feed" used by an instructor as in "I won't do it" this may be due to a reluctance or inability on the instructor's part to reduce sometimes complex, specialized information into more easily absorbable learning segments. This takes extra effort but, in return, the student still needs to be "respectfully" receptive and engaged, I agree.

There seem to be other issues as explained in your encounter with young Tim and I do believe that they may have to do with nursing's historic

reluctance to deal with latent and covert misandry. This is a strong word without a doubt but I and some other male nurses I have spoken with over the years have been told directly that there was no room in nursing for males. Being told this tends to create baggage that is hard to forget. But who knows in this case if this hypothetical is valid or not.

Ruby, I do not believe you would be a party to this kind of behavior but I do urge you to consider this dynamic in dealing with Tim. It may help you to get through to him ( no kow-tow) just an intrapychic perspective that may help to break through his reluctance to want to learn past getting the license.

Who knows, a few years from now both of you will laugh at your initial encounter with him and you may become good friends who will watch each other's back. God knows we all need more of that. "

Um...please keep 'Tim' away from me and my family if where're hospitalized. I known this might not seem intellectually stimulating enough for some and good luck with winning Nurse 'Tims' over. End of story for me.

If you will use the "Quote" button next to the "Reply" button, it will make your posts easier to read from a visual perspective.

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Thanks for responding and I appreciate the feedback. I guess I found it hard to believe that scenario #1 with Timothy:roflmao: was actually real. As a newly licensed RN,BSN I found it very difficult to relate to someone actually being offered a ICU position and NOT caring to understand vital info needed to keep his pts alive. It seemed as if it was a 'lessen' fictional narrative of what kind of nurse to be...or not. I honestly am still scratching my head.

Ruby is a long-term member, and not given to being less than truthful about her work experiences.

Specializes in Aged, Palliative Care, Oncology.

There's no use for overbearing egos in patient safety and care.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
I believe it, and unfortunately seen even worse. Maybe in 10 years it will seem plausible to you.

It won't take 10 years. There were probably Timothys in that poster's graduating class; just harder to spot when you're a fellow student.