nurse & dr affair, what should I do?

Nurses Relations

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Just found out that one of our nurses (divorced w/ kids) is having an affair w/ a married doc. it is disguishing! what would you do if you were me?

I think it is totally unethical to have a work place affair, it just makes me sick to even have to work with these people.

Please help and explain to me why people are doing unprofessional things like that?:uhoh21:

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Was is everyone attacking the original poster for her opinion?
I have not noticed any personal attacks on this thread. Honestly, it has remained civil.
Have you ever been in love? Unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. People don't just wake up one morning and say "Gee, I think I'll start an affair today". It usually just gradually happens before you know it.

Although it does sound like she could be a little more discreet since he is married. If it's not meant to be it'll blow up in their faces soon enough, until then I agree with the other posters, mind your own business.:stone

I disagree that you "can't pick who you fall in love with"--- If he's married "just say no"---or is that the slogan for drugs----ooh wait i'm confused :chuckle

I am glad that he is not interested in me b/c he one fat baxxer!;)

What exactly is a "fat baxxer?" and is a thin baxxer any better?

I disagree that you "can't pick who you fall in love with"--- If he's married "just say no"---or is that the slogan for drugs----ooh wait i'm confused :chuckle

No, you are exactly right. And love means wanting the best for the other person and tearing up a family is not the best.

Love would mean walking away.

As to the affair and what to do . . . if this was a co-worker that I had a decent relationship with I would probably talk to her/him about it.

Other than that, as everyone has said, if it doesn't effect patient care or staff then I would leave it alone.

Too sad though.

steph

My question is how did you find out, was it from gossip, another co worker or did you openly see them in the act of something. If it is for any of those reasons regardless mind your business hon please. UNLESS they are openly public about it and it's causing REAL issues inside of your work place then it should not be of your concern. You will be amazed at how some things are misinterpreted, get twisted around, words and actions added to things (that are more than likely untrue and if they are greatly exaggerated by others righteousness to defend the 'unknowing' spouse or better half) until they reach up to our department(HR-Compliance). Although IF they are having an affair and are doing their jobs then leave them be, that's their issue if it is affecting you, your co workers, or the patients in a detrimental way BESIDES your own moral standings, then do what you deem neccessary. I have come to learn in this business to many people see this as just a job or a paycheck, but it's not caring for patients is a way of life, something that's in your heart and comes out through your hands, focus on that and do what you need to do and not worry about what others are doing unless it's affecting you in a negative way. It's great you have good morals, everyone isn't the same I work around some of the best doctors and nurses but personally as in just another person to me SOME of them could really use some people skills others are fantastic, it's not our place to judge what someone else is doing, you never know whats going on in another persons life.

Specializes in burn, geriatric, rehab, wound care, ER.
Have you ever been in love? Unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. People don't just wake up one morning and say "Gee, I think I'll start an affair today". It usually just gradually happens before you know it.

I have to agree with stevielynn and destiny 5 - you CAN choose who you fall in love with. This kind of thinking reminds me of the battered, abused woman who stays with her "man" saying "But I can't help it, I have to stay with him, I love him." You CAN walk away from an inappropriate relationship -I know, I moved 6,000 miles away from home to get away from one.

I have to agree with stevielynn and destiny 5 - you CAN choose who you fall in love with. This kind of thinking reminds me of the battered, abused woman who stays with her "man" saying "But I can't help it, I have to stay with him, I love him." You CAN walk away from an inappropriate relationship -I know, I moved 6,000 miles away from home to get away from one.

:w00t: (see, we agree on some things) ;) :icon_hug:

steph

Specializes in forensic psych, corrections.

I have to join the cacophony of voices advising you to mind your own business here. Behaving badly doesn't automatically equal an ethical conundrum.

I can't believe that, with the state of nursing today and the poor staffing and management in general, that this is what you have chosen to concern yourself with.

Specializes in Day Surgery/Infusion/ED.
Well, let's see. You have a couple of different options:

1.) You could go around and tell everyone you know that this is going one. Rent one of the billboard signs on the side of the interstate and have it posted there. Be sure to send a blanket email to everyone that you know telling them what a dispicible act is occurring. Call his wife and insist that she go undercover as a patient and then have the SWAT team back her up when he is busted. Call the BON and the AMA and assure them that this is totally causing patient care to be compromised and unsafe.

2.) You could mind your own business (unless pt. care really is being compromised or the exam tables are being used for quickies, then see step 1) and let the flaunting nurse know your not interested in her promiscuity. You can pray that they will see that what they're doing is wrong and stop it and then pray that the wife and innocent kids will remain strong.

3.) You can quit your job and take the chance on it happening in the next place of employment or totally withdraw from society so that you won't see the corruptness that is occuring in this world.

Now, your options are there. Which one do you see as most reasonable??

LOL! I nominate this as the "best post ever" for this type of thread. Touche!

Specializes in Day Surgery/Infusion/ED.
I am glad that he is not interested in me b/c he one fat baxxer!;)

I am not upset b/c of their relationship. I am upset b/c I think he is always trying to protect her. She always can take extra breaks, do whatever she wants too. It is just not fair.

So you really don't care about the potential compromise to pt. care...you're just ticked because she's getting breaks you don't get.

All righty, then.

Specializes in critical care transport.
Besides, I knew a doctor's wife who had an "arrangement" with her hubby. As long as he paid the bills and came home to her each night, she didn't care how he got his fun. I don't think she liked sex all that much(kind of a prude) and he did, so she was relieved that he could "let off steam" with someone else!:uhoh3:

Niiiice...:uhoh3:

Well, after all is said and done, the bottom line to the OP: I totally agree with you that it's disgusting, but you do have a voluntary choice to not be anything more than professional with either of them whose behavior lacks serious class. I wouldn't get involved, even though it would make me puke, and I'd be sure that I wouldn't be close friends with them.

I have to say, if I were the wife of the doctor, I'd want to know so I can get on with my life instead of hanging on to a guy who can't make up his mind.

I agree with previous posts - none of your business, stay out of it. There's an old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished..." What purpose would your involvement be? You need to ask yourself, "why do I want to become involved in this (be it whistle blowing or whatever)?" There is no reason why you need to butt in - it will only bring you down in the long run. Hope you stay out of it :)

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