nurse & dr affair, what should I do? - page 5

Just found out that one of our nurses (divorced w/ kids) is having an affair w/ a married doc. it is disguishing! what would you do if you were me? I think it is totally unethical to have a work... Read More

  1. by   Serenity1st
    My question is how did you find out, was it from gossip, another co worker or did you openly see them in the act of something. If it is for any of those reasons regardless mind your business hon please. UNLESS they are openly public about it and it's causing REAL issues inside of your work place then it should not be of your concern. You will be amazed at how some things are misinterpreted, get twisted around, words and actions added to things (that are more than likely untrue and if they are greatly exaggerated by others righteousness to defend the 'unknowing' spouse or better half) until they reach up to our department(HR-Compliance). Although IF they are having an affair and are doing their jobs then leave them be, that's their issue if it is affecting you, your co workers, or the patients in a detrimental way BESIDES your own moral standings, then do what you deem neccessary. I have come to learn in this business to many people see this as just a job or a paycheck, but it's not caring for patients is a way of life, something that's in your heart and comes out through your hands, focus on that and do what you need to do and not worry about what others are doing unless it's affecting you in a negative way. It's great you have good morals, everyone isn't the same I work around some of the best doctors and nurses but personally as in just another person to me SOME of them could really use some people skills others are fantastic, it's not our place to judge what someone else is doing, you never know whats going on in another persons life.
  2. by   UKRNinUSA
    Quote from Dixiecup
    Have you ever been in love? Unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. People don't just wake up one morning and say "Gee, I think I'll start an affair today". It usually just gradually happens before you know it.
    I have to agree with stevielynn and destiny 5 - you CAN choose who you fall in love with. This kind of thinking reminds me of the battered, abused woman who stays with her "man" saying "But I can't help it, I have to stay with him, I love him." You CAN walk away from an inappropriate relationship -I know, I moved 6,000 miles away from home to get away from one.
  3. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from UKRNinUSA
    I have to agree with stevielynn and destiny 5 - you CAN choose who you fall in love with. This kind of thinking reminds me of the battered, abused woman who stays with her "man" saying "But I can't help it, I have to stay with him, I love him." You CAN walk away from an inappropriate relationship -I know, I moved 6,000 miles away from home to get away from one.
    (see, we agree on some things) :icon_hug:

  4. by   humglum
    I have to join the cacophony of voices advising you to mind your own business here. Behaving badly doesn't automatically equal an ethical conundrum.
    I can't believe that, with the state of nursing today and the poor staffing and management in general, that this is what you have chosen to concern yourself with.
  5. by   PANurseRN1
    Quote from RazorbackRN
    Well, let's see. You have a couple of different options:

    1.) You could go around and tell everyone you know that this is going one. Rent one of the billboard signs on the side of the interstate and have it posted there. Be sure to send a blanket email to everyone that you know telling them what a dispicible act is occurring. Call his wife and insist that she go undercover as a patient and then have the SWAT team back her up when he is busted. Call the BON and the AMA and assure them that this is totally causing patient care to be compromised and unsafe.

    2.) You could mind your own business (unless pt. care really is being compromised or the exam tables are being used for quickies, then see step 1) and let the flaunting nurse know your not interested in her promiscuity. You can pray that they will see that what they're doing is wrong and stop it and then pray that the wife and innocent kids will remain strong.

    3.) You can quit your job and take the chance on it happening in the next place of employment or totally withdraw from society so that you won't see the corruptness that is occuring in this world.

    Now, your options are there. Which one do you see as most reasonable??
    LOL! I nominate this as the "best post ever" for this type of thread. Touche!
  6. by   PANurseRN1
    Quote from sandee
    I am glad that he is not interested in me b/c he one fat baxxer!
    I am not upset b/c of their relationship. I am upset b/c I think he is always trying to protect her. She always can take extra breaks, do whatever she wants too. It is just not fair.
    So you really don't care about the potential compromise to pt.'re just ticked because she's getting breaks you don't get.

    All righty, then.
  7. by   buddiage
    Quote from ortess1971
    Besides, I knew a doctor's wife who had an "arrangement" with her hubby. As long as he paid the bills and came home to her each night, she didn't care how he got his fun. I don't think she liked sex all that much(kind of a prude) and he did, so she was relieved that he could "let off steam" with someone else!

    Well, after all is said and done, the bottom line to the OP: I totally agree with you that it's disgusting, but you do have a voluntary choice to not be anything more than professional with either of them whose behavior lacks serious class. I wouldn't get involved, even though it would make me puke, and I'd be sure that I wouldn't be close friends with them.

    I have to say, if I were the wife of the doctor, I'd want to know so I can get on with my life instead of hanging on to a guy who can't make up his mind.
  8. by   pyrolady
    I agree with previous posts - none of your business, stay out of it. There's an old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished..." What purpose would your involvement be? You need to ask yourself, "why do I want to become involved in this (be it whistle blowing or whatever)?" There is no reason why you need to butt in - it will only bring you down in the long run. Hope you stay out of it
  9. by   Sonn
    It would be really hurtful if gossip is being spread around that is not true. Additionally, if the affair is true, does gossiping about it affect your nursing culture in a negative way?
    How do you feel about this...see new thread "Changing harmful nursing culture"
  10. by   CaseManager1947
    What goes around comes around....
  11. by   CHATSDALE
    the md who 'lets off steam' is probably lying to the one he is fooling around with..maybe the reason that his wife is not receptive is because he does put in the time and effort that he does to someone he intends to dump as soon as a new conquest looms over the horizon
  12. by   minnib
    I must say who cares?, That nurse may get special treatment but so what, just do your job and MYOB> I have worked in every job imaginable before I got into nursing and this happens everywhere. I was actually shocked at some of the things I witnessed with my own 2 eyes. I am no one to judge anyone, and no one trully knows what goes on in any relationship. I must say infidelity is sooooooo commonplace; all you can do is live how you believe. You would be surprised at how many people and which people are having affairs, I think personally they should keep it on the down low but oh well. I have to agree with the one comedian who said "these people who get on these talk shows about their affairs and woman who don't know who their babie's daddy is just terrible!, now I am not passing judgement on them personally or saying that I don't get involved in immoral behavior but dammit I AM A CHRISTIAN and at least I have the decency to hide it!!!!!!"

  13. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from dixiecup
    have you ever been in love? unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. people don't just wake up one morning and say "gee, i think i'll start an affair today". it usually just gradually happens before you know it.

    although it does sound like she could be a little more discreet since he is married. if it's not meant to be it'll blow up in their faces soon enough, until then i agree with the other posters, mind your own business.:stone
    [font="comic sans ms"]i've been in love, and although you cannot always choose who you fall in lust with, with can choose what you do about it. affairs don't 'just happen before you know it.' they're a series of small steps, and you can decide whether or not to let each step happen.

    people can wake up each morning and decide not to have an affair.

    that said, i'll add my voice to the dozens saying to mind your own business. if it's not your husband, it's not your business.

    ruby -- who once walked in on a married nurse and a married doctor in flagrente