Have you ever shed tears in front of a patient or a patient's family.

Nurses Relations

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I'm not talking about all-out sobbing, body-wracking crying. I'm just saying tears welling up and possibly spilling over without the accompanying grimace.

Is that appropriate, inappropriate?

If you have, how did the patients/family members/coworkers react? How did you feel about your own behavior?

Specializes in ICU, ER.

Tears don't make me less of a professional, they make me more of a human.

I couldn't have said it better. In 15 years of ICU and ER, I've cried many times with families and co-workers, with no regrets.

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Is it inappropriate that I'm reading some of these posts with tears streaming down my cheeks? lol

Haha aw, me too. And I shed happy tears at deliveries. Can't help it, it's a miracle ;)

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Not too long ago we were taking a 22 year old Marine who'd been wounded downrange to the OR to harvest his organs. His wife was there with their 3 month-old baby (that he'd never seen). Usually goodbyes are said in the ICU before we transport to the OR, but this wife asked if she could 'just walk with us to the OR'.

I told her okay, but only up to the red line on the floor of the OR. She walked alongside his bed holding his hand from the ICU to the OR, her mom walking behind holding the baby. And the whole time, she kept saying, "I love you, baby. I love you so much."

Well, we came to the red line in the OR and I said, "Honey, you have to let go." Well, she couldn't. And we're all standing there and the German Harvest Team is staring at us from the OR suite waiting, the CRNA is quietly bagging the patient staring at the wall trying not to cry himself, I'm trying not to breathe because if I do I'm not going to be able to hold it in.

Her father finally comes and pulls her away and we start rolling again and all I can hear is her saying over and over "I love you, baby, I love you." and I almost made it to the door before I had to take a breath which came out like a huge inhaled sob and everybody heard it. I wasn't the only one.

Appropriate vs Inappropriate? Don't know, don't care.

Did family members care? I don't know. I would hope it let them know that their beloved was cared for, but honestly - they're so deep in their own grief they're pretty much blind at that point.

How do I feel about it? Being that I have to compartmentalize every single day the scores of inexcusably young men and women who have been blown to absolute **** for no good reason (or one that anyone can satisfactorily explain to me) and the fact that I cannot let it bother me at the moment or I can't do my job, I guess I'm glad that I can still BE moved to tears over yet another inexcusable loss.

I totally agree with the bolded part! I'm such a bawl bag that I don't know how I'm going to do my job!!

Once...the details are too specific to post, but it was particularly a tragic set of circumstances and I really felt for the family. I didn't totally break down but I empathized with them so much that as I was talking to them, the tears just started coming down my face and there wasn't much I could do about it.

I apologized to them, I was a little embarrassed, but then one of the family said to me, "At least we know you really care."

That right there is the best thing to hear. I'm not a nurse yet, not even in the program, but I've seen so many nurses shed a tear for their patients and each and every one of the patients and/or their family has always said thank you for caring.

I have shed tears on multiple occasions over my 31 years. I think that if sometimes the overwhelming saddness of a particular situation doesn't touch you once in a while......you are headed for burnout.

I remember 2 in particular right away. It was about 1988, I was caring for a little girl age eight. She was struck by a vehicle sustaning a severe head injury as well as multiple fractures and an open femur fracture. I was working in the ED when she came in........the driver of the other vehicle suffered a heart attack behind the wheel as has died. The next day I was working in the ICU (I worked both places) and I was assigned to her. I became her primary nurse. She did not do well and after many days of fighting for her life she is gone...........cebrebral perfusion..........negative.

The family declined organ donation. The first time I cried was after capping all her IV's and such and disconnecting her traction and ICP...........I picked her up to place her in her mothers arms to die.....her mother rocked her and sang "hush little baby don't say a word.........". I kissed her cheek and her mothers cheek with tears running down my cheeks and I said I was sorry i couldn't give her baby back to her (like I had anything to do with it ) :rolleyes:. Her momma looked at me and said "but you have, I am holding her in my arm's aren't I". The second time was that very day........My little patient was a corners case. The corner came and the mother suddenly went ballistic "If I knew they were going to cut her up anyway I would have donated her organs! ":crying2: as she wailed on the corner.

WHen we finally calmed the mother down I went to help the corner place her in the body bag, I promised her mom she wouldn't be alone..............with nothing but staff around.........they started zipping up the bag and I lost it!!!!!!!!! I couldn't speak, I couldn't move I just sat down and finally let it go.!

My co- workers were stunned as I was always the strong one........I got lots of hugs that day by nurses and doctors alike. Her mother smiled at me when she was rocking her daughter and said........how sweet you loved her too!

I still know her name. I know her birth date. She loved butterflies!!!!!!!!!! :lttang:Hush little baby.......I though of you today!

It was the first time I ever did that on one so young and it wasn't the last.........and I am a better person for it!

Yup. Done it before, would do it again. The day that I don't cry with a family as their loved one is dying in front of them is the day that it's time to go. .[Tears don't make me less of a professional, they make me more of a human/QUOTE]

Totally bawling over here. I love how you placed her little girl in her arms and kissed them. Super sweet. I know that mom will never forget that moment or how sweet you were. That bolded part is going to be my nursing motto!!!

Is it inappropriate that I'm reading some of these posts with tears streaming down my cheeks? lol

DITTO! I went to tell my husband about reading this post and couldn't even get a few words out before I was crying. He kind of thought I was crazy but I hope he sees my passion a bit better now.

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Specializes in adult ICU.

I rarely cry in front of families. There are a few tragic situations when I have -- a couple memorable ones --

Patient was immediately post-op CABG, relatively young (50s), had an MI pre-op and was an urgent case, and came out on a balloon pump. Patient did ok for about an hour, then suddenly, the balloon stopped firing (couldn't find a trigger) and his B/Ps went into the toilet. CV surgeon called back, got a stat cards consult, they did an echo -- patient had no EF...the heart muscle had stopped moving (tissue death). Family was in the room when the echo was being completed. MD told them, "I'm sorry, he is not going to survive. There is nothing more we can do." Family obviously became hysterical. "We never even got a chance to say goodbye...." We stopped everything and let him go. It was horrible -- I cried through the death, disconnecting everything, post-mortem cares. Very unexpected and tragic.

The other one was more recent -- we had a very ill, post-CABG patient (about two months out) that had been readmitted with sternal infections and had complication after complication, trached, PEGged, on and off pressors, etc. The wife was wonderful, doting, and obviously was still very much in love with her husband, she was an excellent advocate for him, etc. One morning, he took a turn and got profoundly septic and was dry on top of it (had been getting aggressively diuresed) and he arrested. The wife came in during the resuscitation (which he survived...ended up dying about 6 weeks later...family withdrew support) and came up to the bedside and started talking to him, "Don't you dare leave me, Mr. (first name, last name)! You are all I've got! I need you here!" I totally lost it at that point. I had to leave the room. I was pushing drugs, and I had to go to the bathroom and cry it out. I rarely cross professional boundaries, but I did access his record after he died to pull an address and send a card to his wife.

There are some situations you never will forget...those are a few of mine.

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Specializes in ER.

yep. Happens. Bad situations=human response.

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Specializes in ER.

wow, that made me tear up (the post about the wife and the Marine w/ the baby). I'd have done the same. It always seems worse when you add children into the mix. Always.

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Specializes in Developmental Disabilites,.

It is not just the bad situations that will have you crying. I have shed tears of happiness with my neurosurgical pts when for the first time in years they can feel me touching a bodypart or thier toes first wiggle or they are finally pain free.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i'm not talking about all-out sobbing, body-wracking crying. i'm just saying tears welling up and possibly spilling over without the accompanying grimace.

is that appropriate, inappropriate?

if you have, how did the patients/family members/coworkers react? how did you feel about your own behavior?

withdrawing care gets me every time. don't know if it's appropriate or not, but none of the family members ever seemed to mind.

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The first time that I teared up in front of a family, I was doing a home hospice rotation, and we walked in as the patient was taking her last few breaths--it was only a matter of minutes. The nurse that I was with had been seeing this patient for a few months, and she was stone faced. I got teary eyed, but I wasn't bawling--the nurse went back and told her supervisor what had happened, and her supervisor called my instructor and asked that I be "spoken to" to ensure that I was emotionally ready for this clinical experience, as my behavior was "inappropriate". I will NEVER forget that...and I have spent many hours since then at the bedside with patients and families since then during their final moments, and if it moves me to tears, then it moves me--like so many have already said--we are only human, and the day that I stop 'feeling' is the day I start worrying about my own well being...

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

As you can tell from my name, I deal with death all the time. Some pts just really steal your heart the first time you meet them. Yes, I've cried many, many times when I lose a pt. Does this make me a "bad" nurse? Heck no! Not the screaming and out of control crying, but the tears that come can't be helped. Like some others have said, I'm a human first and a nurse second.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.

First, thank you for the replies and stories. There were a couple threads here that got me to thinking about it. I don't have much to add to this thread as I'm still a student, but I'll be reading all the replies.

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Well, I am not even in the nursing program yet, but I am sure I will be the one tearing up as well! I am crying just reading through these post. Also, like others have said, I am sure I will be crying in happy situations as well such as L&D. When I used to watch the Baby Story on TLC, I would just bawl! LOL!!

With all that said, I am sure I will be able to shed some tears all while still trying to perform my nursing duties. If my loved one was in the hospital and his/her nurse was shedding tears, it would make me feel like they really care instead of just treating them as another patient.

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