Bullying by Nurses and CNa - page 3

Have any new grads feel like they are bullied by other nurses on the floor they work on.? First off I am a new grad with 10mths experience on a chf floor. I precepted on mornings and opted for night... Read More

  1. by   Kooky Korky
    Quote from JKL33
    Hi OrganizedChaos,

    I made an addendum to my post while you were typing I think. I'll repost it:



    Why didn't she try to engage more with them, if she's not the problem? Well, by her own description she is

    1) an introvert
    2) internally concentrating on/preoccupied with concerns about being a new nurse.

    Seems pretty simple to me. I have seen the type quite a bit. You have to ask them for some assistance now and then because they start out a little preoccupied with concerns about their own performance; they look unhelpful but what they're doing is mentally reviewing their duties, their patients' information, etc. Theses types are pretty common. They're more than willing to lend a hand...they just don't think of it first, due to their "internally-focused" processing.

    These VERY UN-INSIGHTFUL "persons" who seem to have an extremely poor-self esteem, did not consider the above possibility before they decided to render their punishment.

    THEY are on the wrong side of this exactly the moment when they involved ONE SINGLE PATIENT in any of their little punishment routine.

    THAT's where I am getting the clue that they are indeed a vindictive, insufferable pack of self-loathing children. Wolves. W/itches. Whatever.

    Emotionally well-adjusted people/caregivers/nurses do not EVER deal with this type of situation by involving patients. So they are wrong.
    I agree.

    The real problem, though, is managers not breaking up this clique if they have been made aware of it. Managers allow the aides to continue to leave the floor for breaks way too early in the shift, for way too long.
    Aides often want the nurses to do their direct care. And if the nurse has nothing very pressing to handle, which only the licensed nurse can handle, it's fine to do some direct care. This has to be limited, though, because some aides will take advantage of the nurse who does direct care.
    Another problem is that other nurses let the aides get by with this behavior. This is a huge problem - that nurses don't band together like the wolf pack does.

    I happen to be an introvert, too, and am focused internally, planning and re-planning and checking off my list of To Do, revising it, etc.. But I have learned to greet everyone at the start of the shift, ask after their kids, and otherwise make some small talk. I usually don't really care, just being honest here, as it is a distraction for me to have to think about things other than my job while I'm at work. And I have learned to share very little of my personal doings at work because somebody will misunderstand, use it against me somehow, or enjoy that I have problems. There are some very jealous, resentful, evil folk in the world and they are glad when other people have problems.

    Most people do their work, however halfheartedly, however minimally. But I will not tolerate them disappearing, talking negatively to the patients and families, or anything along these lines. I first talk quietly to the offender personally, pointing out what I heard or saw, and if it does happen again, it's off to the boss I go. If that doesn't help, I have to weight my options. Do I quit? No, why should I run away and have to start over? Do I live with it as best I can? Yes. Do I remind them that I have a time limit in which to do certain tasks that only a licensed nurse can do so they need to get the bedpan, give the water, feed, turn, ambulate people, do I tell them I saw them leave the floor at 0800 and return at 0845? Yes. Remind them that you can't be everywhere at once and, for the sake of the patients, you need for everybody to work as a team.

    OP, I'd start by gently and privately talking to each person you think has wronged you. (You know, Cruella, I'm having some problems and I wonder if you could help me).
    I'd express sadness that you are not wanting to talk about much besides work, it's not that I don't want to get to know my coworkers, but that you are internally focused but that's who you are, I'd let them know you have meant no disrespect or unpleasantness, I'd say how lonely I feel at work, and I'd ask what I could do to change things for the better. Remind them you are still pretty new and need their help to give the best care to OUR patients.

    I know it might feel like crawling, but give it a try before you do the write-up thing. It could save you a lot of pain and win some people over. By opening up just a little, you could let them see that you aren't a threat to them, you are not someone to be feared or hated. Killl them with kindness. In time, you might come to genuinely like them and vice versa.

    Good luck.
  2. by   KelRN215
    Mostly after reading this OP, I want to know why that patient couldn't have ice cream. Because, if I were a patient and told I couldn't have ice cream and then a new person helping out came in and asked me if I needed anything, I'd be very likely to say "ice cream."
  3. by   OrganizedChaos
    Quote from KelRN215
    Mostly after reading this OP, I want to know why that patient couldn't have ice cream. Because, if I were a patient and told I couldn't have ice cream and then a new person helping out came in and asked me if I needed anything, I'd be very likely to say "ice cream."
    Hahahahahahahah! Now I want ice cream!
  4. by   JKL33
    Quote from KelRN215
    Mostly after reading this OP, I want to know why that patient couldn't have ice cream. Because, if I were a patient and told I couldn't have ice cream and then a new person helping out came in and asked me if I needed anything, I'd be very likely to say "ice cream."
    Very true! Although a sweet and helpful "new person helping out" [i.e. someone who just happened to walk into the situation but wasn't actually a part of the PLOT], would've had no reason/awareness to conduct a disparaging conversation about the OP with the patient....
  5. by   Julius Seizure
    Quote from Ruby Vee
    By your own admission, you don't talk to your colleagues except if you want them to do something for you. No wonder they don't like you.

    I can almost be certain that you HAVE offended your colleagues by not talking to them (unless you want something.) Workplace relationships can be difficult for us introverts, but you HAVE to invest the time in cultivating good relationships. You can see now what happens when you don't.

    She won't like you unless or until you become likable. So be friendly. Say hello to everyone. Spend a moment or two chatting with everyone you work with -- seriously. It helps, and the time it takes is well worth it.
    This is so true -- I don't mean specifically for OP, but just in general. At my last job, the turning point of me becoming "one of the team" was when I just stood and listen to a couple of the other staff members chat for a bit. I didn't even take part in the conversation, I just stood there and acted interested for a few minutes. After that, I was in!

    Playing the "game" of cultivating good workplace relationships is important. I am very introverted, I would rather stay home with my cat than interact with people! Even if you don't want to interact, even if they aren't your favorite person...you've gotta play the game to succeed in the workplace. This isn't just true in nursing - this is true in all workplaces and settings where adults have to work together and get along.

    It gets easier, because #1 it becomes second nature, and #2 people are nicer and you might start to actually like some of them. But at first, its just something you gotta try to do.

    In the OP's case, well the coworkers certainly aren't blameless, but you only have control of yourself. My suggestion would be to do my best to provide good patient care and cultivate good workplace relationships -- if they refuse to respond with also cultivating those relationships, well, you've done your part. At that point you can either just accept how it is, speak to the manager*, or find a different job.

    *I wouldn't suggest filing a series of reports for this. I would ask the manager for a one-on-one meeting to seek out advice from them on how to improve things.
    Last edit by Julius Seizure on Jul 15, '17
  6. by   JKL33
    nadomel,

    Can you share whether there may be any language issues involved here? Is English everyone's "first language?"
  7. by   Orion81RN
    Quote from Ruby Vee
    Poor workplace relationships do not constitute bullying, and what you're experiencing is poor workplace relationships. By your own admission, you don't talk to your colleagues except if you want them to do something for you. No wonder they don't like you. Your one comment "not to anyone in general and asked 'what is the issue'" sounds passive-aggressive. If you're having a problem with a co-worker, it is up to you to talk to them about it. Not confront them, but talk to them. Ask them what's going on, have you inadvertently offended them somehow and to please let you know so you can fix it.

    I can almost be certain that you HAVE offended your colleagues by not talking to them (unless you want something.) Workplace relationships can be difficult for us introverts, but you HAVE to invest the time in cultivating good relationships. You can see now what happens when you don't. Perhaps those caregivers never said hello to you and it never bothered you, but did you ever make the effort to say hello to them? Ask them how they are, how was their weekend, and did their kid's project do well at the science fair? Perhaps they were in the wrong by not saying hello to you, but you were equally in the wrong for not saying hello to them. And they already knew their colleagues; you didn't. So it was more important for YOU to try to fit in than it was for THEM to get to know you. Their workplace relationships were already established. You've even gone so far as to try to schedule yourself so you don't work with them. No wonder they're convinced you don't like them. And as long as they're convinced you don't like them, they aren't going to like you.

    You're new, so of course everyone is watching you closely to see if you slip up. Those vulnerable patients are everyone's patients, not just yours. We want to make sure we can trust you before we take our attention off of you and let you loose with our patients. Orientation is just the start. If you've already made several mistakes -- or the same mistake several times -- people will watch you more closely. If they don't know you or like you, they'll watch you more closely. Another good reason to develop good workplace relationships.

    If you're expecting your busy, overwhelmed colleagues to take the time to nurture your tender feelings, you've got the wrong idea about nurses and about workplace relationships. It's not about your feelings; it's about the patients, the work to be done. So toughen up already about your hurt feelings and get on with the job at hand. A big part of the job is teamwork, and so far you haven't indicated that you're willing to be part of the team. No one is "fighting to tear you down" -- they're all too busy holding their heads above water.

    By the way -- it's entirely possible that you DID leave your patient without water. You're new, you can't possibly be expected to know everything or to remember everything. I left lots of patients without water, without call bells or without an extra blanket when I was new. The CNA is telling everyone about that because she doesn't like you. She won't like you unless or until you become likable. So be friendly. Say hello to everyone. Spend a moment or two chatting with everyone you work with -- seriously. It helps, and the time it takes is well worth it.
    WOW. I am speechless. Truly. No words except I gather you have been a bully yourself too. Unbelievable. People with your point of view are the problem.
    And this is not coming from from a self pity, poor me mentality on my end. It truly IS your poor take on the situation. But there is nothing to sat bc pple with your viewpoint won't listen to reason.
    So she's supposed to suck up her "tender" feelings but the CNA can have hers AND then spread rumors because of it? HER feelings should be nurtured?
    Why I even bothered writing rhat part...don't even know. I'm sensing a closed mind who will not listen anyway.
    Your comment was borderline bullyish with words such as your tender feelings and nurture you blah blah


    Edit: ahhh, makes more sense now that I looked who the writer this post. I have almost always disagreed with you. K. Makes sense.
  8. by   OrganizedChaos
    Quote from Orion81
    WOW. I am speechless. Truly. No words except I gather you have been a bully yourself too. Unbelievable. People with your point of view are the problem.
    And this is not coming from from a self pity, poor me mentality on my end. It truly IS your poor take on the situation. But there is nothing to sat bc pple with your viewpoint won't listen to reason.
    So she's supposed to suck up her "tender" feelings but the CNA can have hers AND then spread rumors because of it? HER feelings should be nurtured?
    Why I even bothered writing rhat part...don't even know. I'm sensing a closed mind who will not listen anyway.
    Your comment was borderline bullyish with words such as your tender feelings and nurture you blah blah


    Edit: ahhh, makes more sense now that I looked who the writer this post. I have almost always disagreed with you. K. Makes sense.
    So you are judging the PP just because you don't like her, not just what she said? Ironic, isn't it? Sounds kind of like "bullying" behavior, doesn't it? Also, how is your post helping the OP when all you're doing is talking ill the PP? Ruby Vee wasn't bullying the OP but you very much *are* bullying her.

    Ruby Vee gave the OP excellent advice. Sometimes advice isn't what we *want* to hear, but what we *need* to hear. Just because it the advice wasn't all sunshine, rainbows & unicorns doesn't mean Ruby Vee was a bully - but you were. Nowhere in your post do I see anything constructive or helpful to anyone. You were only tearing down Ruby Vee. Funny, considering how you called Ruby Vee the bully.

    The OP has admitted to some faults. She is reclusive from her coworkers, doesn't help them out & even has gone as far as switching her schedule to avoid them. That doesn't sound like a team member to me. If a coworker came in, told me what to do, never offered to help me & never interacted with me I would start to get bothered by her.

    The OP is complaining about her coworkers, but has she ever done anything about it? Has she talked to the CNA or the nurse? Why not? What good is it gonna do to whine & cry about it?

    The OP could get a new job but what good would it do her if she doesn't get a thicker skin & grow a spine so she isn't everyone's door mat for the rest of her life.

    She also needs to learn how to interact with her coworkers. She doesn't have to give a crap about their personal lives but to alienate herself like she did will only make her work life miserable (clearly). She can't expect to get help from them if she won't help them.
  9. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from Orion81
    WOW. I am speechless. Truly. No words except I gather you have been a bully yourself too. Unbelievable. People with your point of view are the problem.
    And this is not coming from from a self pity, poor me mentality on my end. It truly IS your poor take on the situation. But there is nothing to sat bc pple with your viewpoint won't listen to reason.
    So she's supposed to suck up her "tender" feelings but the CNA can have hers AND then spread rumors because of it? HER feelings should be nurtured?
    Why I even bothered writing rhat part...don't even know. I'm sensing a closed mind who will not listen anyway.
    Your comment was borderline bullyish with words such as your tender feelings and nurture you blah blah


    Edit: ahhh, makes more sense now that I looked who the writer this post. I have almost always disagreed with you. K. Makes sense.
    Thank you for your input into my character.
  10. by   ItsThatJenGirl
    Quote from Orion81
    WOW. I am speechless. Truly. No words except I gather you have been a bully yourself too. Unbelievable. People with your point of view are the problem.
    And this is not coming from from a self pity, poor me mentality on my end. It truly IS your poor take on the situation. But there is nothing to sat bc pple with your viewpoint won't listen to reason.
    So she's supposed to suck up her "tender" feelings but the CNA can have hers AND then spread rumors because of it? HER feelings should be nurtured?
    Why I even bothered writing rhat part...don't even know. I'm sensing a closed mind who will not listen anyway.
    Your comment was borderline bullyish with words such as your tender feelings and nurture you blah blah


    Edit: ahhh, makes more sense now that I looked who the writer this post. I have almost always disagreed with you. K. Makes sense.
    It will never cease to amaze me that people think it's totally okay to be rude/name call/be condescending while calling out behavior that they don't agree with - effectively doing the exact same thing they are upset about. There are respectful ways to make your point or disagree with people. The irony.
  11. by   traumaRUs
    Moved to Pt/Colleague Relations
  12. by   Orion81RN
    Quote from nadomel
    First of its said that they say that I don't talk to them which is not true. I clearly stated that. They not even say hello and I don't report them for not saying hello. One because I am not petty. The type of relationship that they want is from me is to sit and gossip and that's not me. I tried reaching out to other nurses on the floor and the feedback I got is. They are offended if I asked them to do something because other nurses dont ask. I have observed them going off the floor right after shift starts and no one says anything.
    My experience in situations where other nurses ignore unacceptable behavior has been that they don't want to deal with the push back from the PCTs, thus avoid the issue and avoid being targets themselves.
    And nobody likes someone new coming along and rocking the boat. Well guess what? If the boat need a rocking if pt care us at risk, I'm a boat rocking kind if girl. I'm not letting anyone intimidate me. On the outside anyway. I'm human, I do have feelings. Unlike a previous poster...eyeroll. I don't do it in a ***** way, but a matter of fact professional way like above posters recommended.
  13. by   OrganizedChaos
    Quote from Orion81
    My experience in situations where other nurses ignore unacceptable behavior has been that they don't want to deal with the push back from the PCTs, thus avoid the issue and avoid being targets themselves.
    And nobody likes someone new coming along and rocking the boat. Well guess what? If the boat need a rocking if pt care us at risk, I'm a boat rocking kind if girl. I'm not letting anyone intimidate me. On the outside anyway. I'm human, I do have feelings. Unlike a previous poster...eyeroll. I don't do it in a ***** way, but a matter of fact professional way like above posters recommended.
    Your "way" is not professional & you are being a bully. You are not offering the OP or anyone any input as to how to change her situation. All you are doing is criticizing Ruby Vee's personality, which is the definition of harassment.

    Stop bothering Ruby Vee when she has done nothing to you & come back when you have suggestions for the OP or you can stop harassing Ruby Vee.

    Also, please make your posts easier to read because I have had to read them several times to get a gasp of what you were trying to say.

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