This is a touchy subject but I need to talk so if you are reading thanks for reading this.
i was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a little kid. I was put on stimulants and they worked well my grades improved but my parents took me off cuz of s/e (lost too much weight, couldn't sleep etc)
After being off Meds grades dropped and I was put back into special Ed classes, was always getting in trouble for stupid stuff all the time, notes sent home to my parents, parent teacher meetings etc. Grew depressed by 4th grade.
Was off medications until I was in my teens, got put into an entirely different school for kids with learning disabilities and behavioral problems. I was more and more depressed, had anxiety, was bright when it came to science and English but terrible with social/behavioral skills and math. Always was good at basic math in my everyday life but in school just terrible.
Went back to a psychiatrist when I was 16 and got diagnosed again with ADD. Was put on straterra but I don't think it did much so I eventually stopped taking it.
Went years without meds again. Entered college and did pre-reqs for nursing. I did really well with all my other prereqs but failed remedial math 3 times and somehow still made it into nursing program. I always had trouble in school on tests. Careless mistakes, etc,
I did well in nursing school but had to stop working just to get through and forced myself to study long and hard and it was such a challenge I became greatly depressed but made it through.
Now I have been a nurse for a year and a half and I love it so much but was always making careless mistakes...NOT with patients safety or medications, mostly with charting, being disorganized with simple tasks, not being able to establish a routine because I was all over the place and would jump from one thing to the next before finishing.! I became extremely scared that I would eventually make a serious mistake and put a pt safety at risk! I had been lucky that I hadn't already! My home life had also always been overwhelming and disorganized too, I seem to lack something.
I became very frustrated and depressed again and went to back to another psychiatrist. I was diagnosed again with ADD and put on stimulants. This is the first time I agreed to take them as an adult and I hate to say it but after some trial and error trying a few doses, different ones, I found one that works! But I hate having to take a controlled drug just to feel normal! Just to function at a "normal" level like other people! I feel stupid, not good enough, that I have to take a drug like this just to achieve what someone else can achieve without this! I have to take it every time I am working now or else my symptoms come back and it really stinks. Now I wonder will I need this forever? My doctor said most likely. I can take breaks from it and I don't take it all the time when I am off unless I have to get things done, but when I don't take it I am back to my normal ways and very fatigued, out of it, messy, anxious, etc.
I was always a little bit in denial about my ADHD but I was dx 3 times at 3 different phases of my life by 3 different docs, and now the meds are working. Im still in denial deep down I guess because I just want to be normal. Thanks for letting me vent.
I have ADHD and only took meds during school, not after starting work as an RN (I hate the side effects and don't like to take pills unless it's 100% necessary). Instead I created my own little workarounds. When starting my shift, I would make a detailed sheet of checklists for each patient with times that I had to complete tasks (meds, dressings, charting, whatever) and I would look at that sheet of paper CONSTANTLY. It absolutely helped to keep me on track. For a while I found myself getting distracted easily (eg. talking to patients or family members) so I kept a watch in my pocket set to beep twice at 20 min intervals -- it reminded me to keep moving! There are always little ways you can tweak your behaviour/environment to help you stay focused and get things done (without making yourself stressed). Figure out which areas cause you trouble and get creative. I do the same thing at home, everyday I have a checklist of stuff I have to do and keep looking at that list, otherwise nothing will get done. You have to work with what you have.
Having ADHD doesn't mean you aren't "normal", it just means you are a bit more distracted/excitable, not a big deal. Why do you have to be like everyone else anyway? The more you fight against it, the more anxious you will get and the harder it will be. Embrace the way your brain works and learn to work with it, instead of against it. There is nothing wrong with you, you are not stupid or bad or broken or wrong. The meds aren't a cure-all, they just make some things more manageable. But you're a smart lady, you might be able to figure this out on your own. Something to consider anyway (and absolutely no judgment if you feel that you need the meds, it's really your decision).
Everyone has something wrong that's an issue for them, this is just your issue. Don't dwell on the concept of "normal", it's an artificial construct that has no bearing on what exists in real life.
When I made my first (and only) mistake at work, I was on medication for my ADD (and "doing well" except for the horrid nausea) so that doesn't fix everything. You're still human and it happens to everyone eventually, no matter if it's a serious mistake or not.
You've only made ONE mistake at work in 9 years of nursing?
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I guess I am feeling like I have come to a big realization about myself that I do have this condition and its a lot to handle. I always thought I had the wrong diagnosis, because I always thought adhd was over diagnosed, or that it's too "easy" for docs to dx it, and wanna throw me on meds. But I'm realizing now that I might actually have this. I'll Adjust to it, just gonna take time. I just needed to vent. Thank you all
Fellow ADHD'er here. I grew up in the 70's and 80's, when it was common that females were misdiagnosed or were skipped over and not diagnosed at all.
I didn't get diagnosed until I was 33. My misdiagnoses were over a BROAD spectrum. At first, they called it an emotional disturbance. Then, it was a hearing problem. Then I was gifted and was too bored in class. Then they thought I was bipolar. Then they thought I was depressed. Then I gave up and quit going to the doctor. Finally, when I went back to nursing school, one of the nurses on here told me that it was possible I had ADHD and to talk to my doctor. It was a life changer!
Now, in large part because of the missed and mis- diagnoses, I have anxiety, poor self esteem, and depression.
None of this is my fault, it's just what I have to deal with.
Same goes for you. Your ADD isn't your fault, it's just what you have to deal with. Like being poor, or a member of a certain race, or not being a citizen.
Luckily, you have found meds that work for you. That doesn't mean you're a bad person because of the meds. On the contrary, you're doing a great thing by taking care of yourself. You wouldn't begrudge yourself a cardiac med, would you?
I hope you can learn to accept who you are and that you're different. Not inferior, not broken, just different.
My daughter was diagnosed this year and it's made me think a lot. Given the genetic propensity, there is a good chance I am too.
I feel the same as you I really struggle with organization and mundane tasks especially charting. I'm seriously considering getting tested because I wonder if meds would help me a bit with the overwhelm.
However, I have developed a lot of little routines to keep me on track. I'm excellent at multi-tasking and being flexible. I just need to be really careful to not get distracted.
When I worked nights it was easy. Now I work evenings and I have to be careful that I don't get busy chatting with parents and totally lose track of time!
There is a really great book for adults with ADD called "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" that you might find helpful. One of my ex-husbands (gosh, that sounds bad, "one of," lol) had ADD and that book was very helpful in helping him overcome some self-esteem issues related to the ADD.
I hope you came to some resolution on this and welcome, for the third time, to The ADD Club (I want to say, "The first rule of The ADD Club is: You do not talk about The ADD Club...":roflmao:)
It's not their fault no one can remember the rules of ADD Club.
I'm not pretending to fully understand the experience of ADHD, but there are some things I CAN relate to. I do tend to be oblivious to my surroundings when I get hyperfocused. It takes a lot of effort to stay present in conversations. If I have in something in mind as my next to-do, a person speaking to me about an unrelated topic will blow it completely out of my mind.
Like BTDT, I set alarms, although only two for me: one each for assessment rounds 2 and 3 of the day. I have a "brain" that I use every single shift. It has columns for time blocks and rows for patients. I have individualized it to each job. What are you expected to assess and when? What charting are you expected to do and when? That is all pre-printed. I write down times when I've done tasks, and mark them off when they're charted. New task? Change of condition? Gets written on to the patient's row and marked when reported to doc/done/charted. That also lets me go back and review what changes there have been when it's time for shift change and I need to refocus on pertinent information.
When I was working on a unit with lots of walkie-talkies and no aid, if a patient requested a Sprite and crackers from our kitchenette, that would get written down and marked off when it was done, because if I answered another call light or stopped to chart for a minute, it would be long gone from my memory.
Your brain is wired a little differently and that's ok. Despite being labeled "mental illness," it has a physical cause: a flaw in your brain, not your mind. I promise it is not your fault, it is not a weakness, and it is nothing you should feel guilty for treating.
Here's what you need to understand about ADHD and meds.
They're only controlled because of people who DON'T have ADHD. For those of us who do, (I have ADHD-C, both inattentive and hyperactive) the meds merely make us normal, so little to no potential for abuse.
I've been on stimulants for several years now, and I randomly sleep a little late and skip my dose that day and sometimes the next, no issues at all in regards to w/d. I'm not physically dependent on them because they are helping my brain do something it can't do on its own.
Meaning, if you take away a stimulant in a neurotypical person, their brain will take a few days +/- to resume making the neurotransmitters that the stimulant was making. In someone with ADHD, our brains don't make enough of the neurotransmitters to begin with, so when the drug is removed the brain just goes back to the way it was before.
Anyways, please don't feel like there is anything wrong with taking meds if thats what you and your doc have decided works best for you. Diabetics get insulin because their pancreas isn't working right, this is no different. (Except of course that it's about the brain and not the pancreas).
Fellow ADHD'er here. I grew up in the 70's and 80's, when it was common that females were misdiagnosed or were skipped over and not diagnosed at all.
I didn't get diagnosed until I was 33. .
Me Too. Got labeled with different LD's and put on an IEP. Everyone missed it, even though my brother had it too. Was told by several doctors that I didn't have it, but I absolutely did. My hyperactivity manifests as impassivity.
When I got medicated my entire life changed. Wouldn't change it for the world, either.
Libby1987
3,726 Posts
I don't have experience with ADD but I think what matters here is that your experience with the world is greatly improved with rx treatment.
Forget about labeling yourself or comparing yourself to others, if it's safe and you go from struggling to thriving, embrace the treatment.