This is a touchy subject but I need to talk so if you are reading thanks for reading this.i was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a little kid. I was put on stimulants and they worked well my grades improved but my parents took me off cuz of s/e (lost too much weight, couldn't sleep etc)After being off Meds grades dropped and I was put back into special Ed classes, was always getting in trouble for stupid stuff all the time, notes sent home to my parents, parent teacher meetings etc. Grew depressed by 4th grade.Was off medications until I was in my teens, got put into an entirely different school for kids with learning disabilities and behavioral problems. I was more and more depressed, had anxiety, was bright when it came to science and English but terrible with social/behavioral skills and math. Always was good at basic math in my everyday life but in school just terrible. Went back to a psychiatrist when I was 16 and got diagnosed again with ADD. Was put on straterra but I don't think it did much so I eventually stopped taking it. Went years without meds again. Entered college and did pre-reqs for nursing. I did really well with all my other prereqs but failed remedial math 3 times and somehow still made it into nursing program. I always had trouble in school on tests. Careless mistakes, etc, I did well in nursing school but had to stop working just to get through and forced myself to study long and hard and it was such a challenge I became greatly depressed but made it through. Now I have been a nurse for a year and a half and I love it so much but was always making careless mistakes...NOT with patients safety or medications, mostly with charting, being disorganized with simple tasks, not being able to establish a routine because I was all over the place and would jump from one thing to the next before finishing.! I became extremely scared that I would eventually make a serious mistake and put a pt safety at risk! I had been lucky that I hadn't already! My home life had also always been overwhelming and disorganized too, I seem to lack something. I became very frustrated and depressed again and went to back to another psychiatrist. I was diagnosed again with ADD and put on stimulants. This is the first time I agreed to take them as an adult and I hate to say it but after some trial and error trying a few doses, different ones, I found one that works! But I hate having to take a controlled drug just to feel normal! Just to function at a "normal" level like other people! I feel stupid, not good enough, that I have to take a drug like this just to achieve what someone else can achieve without this! I have to take it every time I am working now or else my symptoms come back and it really stinks. Now I wonder will I need this forever? My doctor said most likely. I can take breaks from it and I don't take it all the time when I am off unless I have to get things done, but when I don't take it I am back to my normal ways and very fatigued, out of it, messy, anxious, etc. I was always a little bit in denial about my ADHD but I was dx 3 times at 3 different phases of my life by 3 different docs, and now the meds are working. Im still in denial deep down I guess because I just want to be normal. Thanks for letting me vent.