Not sure how I'm going to survive

[BabyLady]

I've been away from the board for quite awhile. I'm working night shift and it has been very difficult to get adjusted.

To everyone that is running up high student loans/credit cards/etc....here is something to consider.

I knew that I wasn't going to get rich nursing, but I didn't expect to barely be able to pay my bills and have NO money..yes, no money, for savings. At this rate, I'll be eating cat food in retirement.

These 12-hour shifts that nurses are on are designed to shaft you out of the other 4 hours per week that you could otherwise be working. When you have children that don't get to see you on the 3 days per week you are working, it's hard to stomach taking a 2nd job to see them even less but it's what I started doing today because I discovered that by the time I get my next paycheck, I'll have only $175 in order to pay for the groceries and gas to last for two weeks after bills are paid.

I don't enjoy going to work because I feel like I am there only to exist and there is no benefit to being there. I am too inexperienced to apply for much else and for the last couple of months I have had to literally plan my meals tryign to figure up how many cups of pasta, sugar, eggs, etc...I'll need so I don't buy one thing more.

I went yesterday to donate plasma for the first time in my life because I am worried I won't make it.

I need two new tires for my car and I have no idea of how I am going to pay for them.

I have a car I have had for 7 years and I pray every day when I get in to start it that it lasts because I don't know when I"ll be able to afford one. I couldn't even afford a $100 monthly payment right now.

I am so sad all of the time and I don't get any joy out of anything anymore and for the first time in a long time I have had to tell my children that they cannot have certain things and the next time they need clothes, Goodwill is probably all I'll be able to afford. I got called on low-census for the second time in two months...which reduces me down to only 2 days of vacation left...as I had to take time off for my own healthcare issues as well as one of my children. Who cares about a vacation...I couldn't even afford to take them to the Playland at McDonald's.

It's sad...it's a really sad situation..and I don't know how to get out of it.

[Jules A, MSN]

To everyone that is running up high student loans/credit cards/etc....here is something to consider.

I knew that I wasn't going to get rich nursing, but I didn't expect to barely be able to pay my bills and have NO money..yes, no money, for savings. At this rate, I'll be eating cat food in retirement.

Thank you for sharing this with others. I always cringe when I read the posts encouraging people to quit their jobs and take out loans for living expenses. We do make a decent living in most areas but not when there is a history of huge debt or excess spending.

Maybe you could check around for a casual position to add another shift? Around here they pay at least $10 an hour more than positions with benefits. Just keep chipping away and reduce your living expenses in any way possible which might just mean dropping cable etc. Wishing you the best.

[arnie1234]

Hi another sympathic ear here to try and help. Maybe I missed this somewhere, but where is your family? Is there any possibility of moving closer to family for some help?

For food, Angel Food Ministries is a good thing to look at. They are operated through many churches and you may be able to find one at a church near you. Basically, for 30 dollars or so, you can get about 60 dollars worth of groceries that make several meals... google them to find one near you.

As far as your debt goes, check out Dave Ramsey's website. Many churches run a similar program as Dave's called the debt snowball. It will help you get a different mindset about getting out of debt. And yes, Dave Ramsey would tell you to work extra shifts, to help you get ahead.

Do you have any friends, that can help you with providing moral support if not other support?

Good luck to you my friend. Keep your chin up, and be proud.

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Hang in there. Everyone has tough times--this just happens to be yours. As for feeling sorry for your kids and not buying them things, are they complaining? If so, then perhaps they should look at the kids in Haiti and be happy they have a roof and a warm bed. I am on call tomorrow at the hospital for the traumas/surgeries they are going to bring in. I am slotted to take care of the kids who are probably orphaned. So--my post is not going to cuddle and comfort you--because YOU don't know that you really don't need it.

So here is the rough truth.

You have credit cards to pay off. So do a lot of other people. You have bills. We all have bills. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, dust off the "new uniform" and go find something else to do. You are a mom with responsibilities; go show your kids how to deal with the rough times and how NOT to live well on a budget. As for your shopping friends, well who the heck knows what types of lives they lead--could all be a front. So you can't buy that $250 purse. Can you feed your kids with the purse? And you can't take it with you when you die....

Stop looking at what you DON'T have and look at what you do have. You are expecting something and you shouldn't have. Everyone pays their dues, and you are now. If you have the right attitude, it works itself out.

But this pity party is not going to work for too long. You are very blessed to have your kids, a JOB and the ABILITY to make more. GO FIND A PART TIME JOB in ANY AREA--if you are resourceful, you can do it. Babysitting maybe? So you have to work more...so what? So do a lot of people......at least you can. SO DO IT.

Now change the perspective and look at it through new glasses.....YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU WANT TO.

[elprup, BSN, RN]

I am sorry I did not read through all the pages of ideas, But I have a few that may help.

*Check to see if you can qualify for low income type status on your electric bill and phone and ony other bill. Here in CA, our electric and gas is PGE and through the CARE program we get 40-60% off our monthly bill. Only have to sign our name.

*Salvation Army, if around you, helps pay electric bills that are late, especially ifyou have a child under 5.

*check out local churches/food banks to help with food. My rural area is very helpful, no questions asked. give em a call.

*Our rural town has a senior directory they put out every year (like a small phone book) and assistance that is available for seniors/some is available for struggling families such as yours.

*If your kids are in school, apply for free or reduced school lunches, just a form you need to fill out, they give you qualifications.

*If you do qualify for school lunches you probably qualify for other assistance.

I do alot of google searching.....I am pretty much in the same boat at the moment. Good luck. If any of these help let me know and I'll try to think of more. Take care of yourself because you have to take care of everybody else. You need to come first sometimes too.

[Dixiecup]

I feel your pain, I really do. There have been weeks we have had to pinch pennies and eat pasta a lot. My husband lost his job, I am the sole source of income. I have 3 kids, a mortgage, car payment, and significant debt that we are paying $700 a month to pay off. It sucks.

I sucked it up and got another job. I work over 50 hours a week. Thankfully my husband is home to do the house stuff so I can work and when I do have a day off we can relax as a family.

Set goals. Focus on them. Short term and long term.

Make a budget and stick to it.

Be honest with your kids. My kids know money is tight. When they ask for things we can't afford I tell them honestly why I can't buy it. I don't make them feel guilty, but I do let them know we are on a budget and we will be sticking to it.

Pay off everything you can. Credit cards, car payments, etc.

Good luck. Money problems horribly stressful!

when I found myself in a pinch like this, I also just butched up and got another job. sometimes I would be working two almost fulltime jobs and then another part time job. It was rough for a while but you have to do what you have to do, at least for a while. It will suck for a while but you will get into the routine and it won;t last forever.

that;s what is nice about our profession, we can always get an xtra job.

[thenameismac]

Hang in there. Everyone has tough times--this just happens to be yours. As for feeling sorry for your kids and not buying them things, are they complaining? If so, then perhaps they should look at the kids in Haiti and be happy they have a roof and a warm bed. I am on call tomorrow at the hospital for the traumas/surgeries they are going to bring in. I am slotted to take care of the kids who are probably orphaned. So--my post is not going to cuddle and comfort you--because YOU don't know that you really don't need it.

So here is the rough truth.

You have credit cards to pay off. So do a lot of other people. You have bills. We all have bills. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, dust off the "new uniform" and go find something else to do. You are a mom with responsibilities; go show your kids how to deal with the rough times and how NOT to live well on a budget. As for your shopping friends, well who the heck knows what types of lives they lead--could all be a front. So you can't buy that $250 purse. Can you feed your kids with the purse? And you can't take it with you when you die....

Stop looking at what you DON'T have and look at what you do have. You are expecting something and you shouldn't have. Everyone pays their dues, and you are now. If you have the right attitude, it works itself out.

But this pity party is not going to work for too long. You are very blessed to have your kids, a JOB and the ABILITY to make more. GO FIND A PART TIME JOB in ANY AREA--if you are resourceful, you can do it. Babysitting maybe? So you have to work more...so what? So do a lot of people......at least you can. SO DO IT.

Now change the perspective and look at it through new glasses.....YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU WANT TO.

Kudos Kudos Kudos. This was an excellent post. I'm not saying this may apply to the original poster but some people just don't try hard enough. They expect everything to be perfect and smooth and if not someone should take care of that for them. That's not how the world works. You have to work hard for what you and if you never had to work hard for anything in your life than where are the life lessons and reasons to be grateful for what you have? I'm just saying...

[BabyLady, BSN, RN]

I just wanted to give an update...and I really, really appreciate all the suggestions.

I am very happy to report that I found a second job at another facility that will pay me overtime because it's with the same hospital system for at least one shift per week.

Even two extra shifts a month would help out tremendously...my boss immediately recommended me...which is a good thing.

[Batman25]

Congrats BL!!

[BabyLady, BSN, RN]

Thanks...not really excited about seeing my children even less, but I am hoping to bridge the gap for awhile until I can figure out a way to pay for school and make more money.

This is the major concern about older women/men that go to nursing school mid-life...you have all the bills that go along with being at an advanced age but you don't have the experience to command a higher salary.

[bds165]

Do you pay your tithes ?

Are you serious? Are you actually going to tell someone who barely can afford to pay for food to write a check for 10% of their earnings to help pay a church's bills?!??!?

Please, never get anywhere near me or my family with ANY form of advice.

[SiennaGreen]

I am guessing that the inquiry about tithing came with good intentions. People who believe in tithing don't look at it like sending money to a church, as much as giving back to God with a grateful heart for the gifts He has given us. I have known many, many people who credit getting through very tough times by doing something most of us would consider ludicrous - giving money away.

[regularRN]

OP - it's great that you found a second income. I was going to suggest you apply to the local jail. I've been told correctional nursing is in demand, and you get to pick your shifts because they are desperate... I even know an RN who works full time at the hospital and full time at the jail (although I'm not sure how she accomplishes this... however, she is always very relaxed!).

In the long run, your kids will admire you... believe me.