Not able to continue orientation, feel terrible.

[Jo Dirt]

I started general orientation for my new job on the telemetry floor today. It seems like a really good place to work, but I have a major issue: my 2.5 month old refuses to have anything to do with a bottle. Today went "okay" but he wouldn't eat. I was gone for 12 hrs. and so he went that long without drinking, my husband managed to get a few spoonfuls of applesauce in him but he can't just eat that all day. I am supposed to work mostly at night only the first few months I will be training five days a week all day. I feel like it would not be good for the baby's well-being to continue but I am scared to approach the NM over this.

Has anyone ever had a similar situation where they had to quit? I would like to think I would be able to try again when the baby is older but if I was to back out now would the NM be angry and would I be a no rehire at this hospital system? I know this would be a good opportunity to learn skills but I don't feel like it would be right to do it at the baby's expense. He just needs me too much right now.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I would say that her husband needs a vasectomy.

And if she beat a woman to a pulp, she really really needs counseling.

steph

[SharonH, RN]

I think Leslie's concern is stemming from the fact that there appears to be a pattern of behavior here. I don't believe it is the first time she has left a job or been on public assistance and while family most certainly is the most important thing, by continually blowing off opportunities, she is putting the long term well being of her family at risk. The baby is being a little fussy right now because he doesn't like the bottle. This is pretty common and is not a dangerous situation. When he gets hungry, he'll eat.

I don't see the posts here as negative. I do see them as telling it like it is and when you post a problem/concern/opinion here, you have to know that we are an opinionated bunch of nurses. We are also a caring bunch of nurses and none of wants to see MM let a great job pass her by because of what I think is fear. I've been there, and when you want to better your situation sometimes there is a part of you that fights it kicking and screaming. Independence is a wonderful, valuable thing but it can be scary as heck to break those old ways of thinking and living.

The other thing I've learned is that none of us is going to ultimately be able to convince someone else of their worth until they believe it themselves. We women are our own worst enemies, much of the time.

I want to piggyback on to this and say that what you are seeing here Steph is a certain bit of frustration. A lot of us like Mama and we have tried to support her when she has posted about her problems with her husband, her self-esteem and her lack of confidence. After stating that she felt like less of a nurse because of her lack of acute care skills and how she felt her opportunites were limited because of lack of that same acute care experience, she was offered this job and now she wants to quit after 1 day stating that she doesn't want to leave her baby and she hates a job that she has never even worked at?! I think that a lot of us believe that she is only using the baby as an excuse because she's afraid. It may seem like we're piling on but understand that we are concerned for her.

To MM: Once again, this is your opportunity. Please don't blow it. You don't know how awesome you can be if you don't give it a chance! You may love it. You may get the social and job skills and the strength you need to improve your life. Give it a try for goodness sake.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

The point to my post was indeed that this is a pattern of behavior. MM had come up thru the ranks from LPN to RN and for that she is to be congratulated. However, her life is too full of drama (and much is of her own making). Continuing to support poor decision after poor decision is not in her or her family's best interest.

When you place your personal life out on the internet, one has to wonder what secondary gain the poster is seeking?

[luvmy3kids]

When he gets hungry enough, he'll eat. Trust me on this.

Yup!!!

[Altra, BSN, RN]

When you place your personal life out on the internet, one has to wonder what secondary gain the poster is seeking?

As another poster point out ... MM's posts generate a lot of responses. Enough said, IMO.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

steph, she beat the pulp out of a woman just recently.

mama isn't as helpless as you make her sound.

she wants to ask the nm to wait a few months...

do you really think that she'll go to work then, knowing she's either going to be giving birth again, or about to?

and jobs don't trump kids.

but sometimes, opportunities do.

leslie

Thge OP beat the pulp out of someone?:uhoh21:

[CRNI-ICU20]

So people who post their personal lives on the internet have a secondary agenda??

Wow...and I thought we were supposed to be objective listeners and caring nurturers....

I understand where some of you are coming from....the idea of not "enabling" self-destructive behaviour....but I think that can be done without incorporating one's own drama and judgement into it....ie, "kicking butt" phrases and the like....

I once was in a terrible relationship....a domestically violent relationship....some of you can relate....

The cops were once again at my door....I felt humiliated, horrible, helpless, and soo soooo sad....

I hoped for someone in the lot to say something like, "you are worthy, worthwhile, and a good person....please find a way to get yourself out of this situation before he kills you...." Instead, I was confronted by a jerk of a cop who said, "Oh...it's YOU AGAIN...why are you still here???!!"

I understand that he wanted very much to help me...in his own way...maybe....but his approach was lacking....because at the time of my crisis and injury, what I needed was comfort, not judgement and harsh words....

And truly, I was not in a position to hike it out of there just yet....I had no family or place to go....there isn't/wasn't a woman's shelter in my county of residence at that time....so sometimes, what seems simple and decisive and right in our eyes is terribly overwhelming and unsurmountable in the eyes of the beholder.....

It took a few more events and situations and time for me to right myself, so that I could with STRENGTH walk out the door.....it's two years later....and I am still struggling with some things....

I would hope if I ever had the courage to share some of that with some here, I wouldn't be criticized too harshly for doing so....

Some of us have not had a princess life....a charmed life....

As nurses, we need to remember not only where we have come from, but we need to remember that not everyone is as fortunate as ourselves...

I don't condone enabling....so don't get me wrong, I am not supporting MM's bad choices, if they are bad.....I am, however, saying that when someone is truly hurting and reaching out, the last thing they need to hear is: 'OH, IT'S YOU AGAIN!!' WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?" in a sneering tone....believe me, that kind of "advice" doesn't do anyone any good.... crni

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

I think the internet is a great place to talk about our troubles. It's anonymous, no one knows who Motorcycle Mama really is, except she lives in Tennessee apparently. I guess we can track down all the Tele floors in the state, maybe we can track her down if we really try, but basically she's anonymous.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I think the internet is a great place to talk about our troubles. It's anonymous, no one knows who Motorcycle Mama really is, except she lives in Tennessee apparently. I guess we can track down all the Tele floors in the state, maybe we can track her down if we really try, but basically she's anonymous.

The problem with exposing yourself on this forum like that is not that we're going to figure out who she is, but perhaps someone who knows her, works with her, etc. can figure it out. We've had several members get into trouble, lose jobs, etc. from being "anonymous".

Of course, it also is hard to know what is fiction and what is fact in people's lives that are this "open".

[leslie :-D]

crni, perhaps you're projecting your experiences with mm's?

i also hate that ubiquitous image of nurses as angels, nurturing, ever so compassionate.

ugh.

to me, the beauty in nursing is its uniqueness of ea personality.

not everyone is syrupy, drippy and dramatic.

as i've stated, mm has received a tremendous outpouring of support and sympathy.

now, some are starting to question.

some are starting to get frustrated.

you need to be familiar with her threads/history before deeming some of us as harsh and abrasive.

if you or anyone else thinks and feels she warrants ongoing strokes and "you poor baby", then continue to do so.

but please, respect those who may feel and respond differently.

our responses are also reasonable and justified.

thanks.

leslie

[GeminiTwinRN, BSN]

I shared recently with this board on another thread that I myself was on food stamps and medicaid while putting myself through nursing school. I emptied out my 401K's, ended up going bankrupt, but managed to get through school.. all while ending an abusive marriage. I had a young son who had just started kindergarten, and I looked to that as my light, my reason for keepin' on keepin' on.

I posted to MM earlier in this thread not to "bash" her or anything of the sort. I posted to her exactly what I would tell a close friend, and exactly what I said to myself while I was going through my own personal hell. When I was availing myself of the resources of the government, I was in school to better myself and my son. I didn't already have an LPN or an RN degree that would enable me to make the sort of income that would support us.

I also supported her in this thread, and in others. What I see here (IMO!) is a woman who has the ability to work, and the opportunity to do so. She is educated and intelligent. That doesn't mean she isn't depressed or in need of some counseling, obviously she is and does. There is much more than we know going on in her life, I'm sure. What I do know is that when I put one foot in front of the other I was able to find myself on the other side of misery. It wasn't always pleasant, and it certainly wasn't easy.

I think MM may need to hit rock bottom before any of this hits home. When she replied that we were accusing her of being "an inconsiderate slob", I was offended. None of us have said any such thing. Of course the baby is important, nobody is disputing that. What we are saying is simply that this 2.5 month old child is not the first child who has had a mother go back to work after being exclusively breastfed. The child WILL eat, as pointed out many times. MM is protected, in that if she desires to pump while at work or on orientation, she will be allowed to do so. The baby will get used to the bottle, when he's hungry he'll eat.

This is turning out to be a poor me, kick-me-while-i'm-down thread, and it was never intended that way. We were responding to her intial post of how her child is having trouble adjusting to bottles, and it has turned into what is probably the real reason why she wants to leave this position. She doesn't want to return to the hospital. She may be afraid. She certainly isn't alone there. She doesn't want to listen to the orientation process because it makes her head hurt and she's heard it all before. Well, orientation is short. The job hasn't even started yet.

I'm bowing out now, too. Really, this is taking too much of my energy. I replied with what I thought was a well-thought out, well-meaning post TO MM, and yet the thanks I got was from others who were like minded. It seems that unless we agree with MM, our opinions and thoughts and ideas don't matter.

So. The ball is in your court, motorcycle mama. You are going to do what you will do. I wish you well, again.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I think we've gone far enough with this and the moderators are going to discuss whether this thread is nursing related and needs to continue. Thanks for everyone's input.