Not able to continue orientation, feel terrible.

[Jo Dirt]

I started general orientation for my new job on the telemetry floor today. It seems like a really good place to work, but I have a major issue: my 2.5 month old refuses to have anything to do with a bottle. Today went "okay" but he wouldn't eat. I was gone for 12 hrs. and so he went that long without drinking, my husband managed to get a few spoonfuls of applesauce in him but he can't just eat that all day. I am supposed to work mostly at night only the first few months I will be training five days a week all day. I feel like it would not be good for the baby's well-being to continue but I am scared to approach the NM over this.

Has anyone ever had a similar situation where they had to quit? I would like to think I would be able to try again when the baby is older but if I was to back out now would the NM be angry and would I be a no rehire at this hospital system? I know this would be a good opportunity to learn skills but I don't feel like it would be right to do it at the baby's expense. He just needs me too much right now.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Being a working mom is tough..........I think every woman who has ever held down a job while raising children can agree on this point.

However, if you think you have it bad, Motorcycle Mama, try having to leave your baby son for a fifteen-month tour of duty in Iraq. My 22-year-old daughter, a soldier in the Army, didn't have the dubious "luxury" of going on welfare or saying "I can't go, I have a child to take care of". She is doing what she has to do. You need to do what YOU have to do in order to take care of the children you already have, as well as the one on the way. Maybe it's not this job, but it ought to be SOME job, and as for having a hard time with leaving your baby for a few hours............well, the fact is, the vast majority of mothers have to do just that. Just be glad it's only for a few hours, and not for a year or more.........my grandson won't even know his own mother and dad when they come back home next December. Yet he, like all children, will adjust in time. So will your little one.

Good luck with your decision.

[njbikernurse]

Nobody is really that understanding, in my experience. They need a position filled and if you're not it, the the next person in line is. The question is, are you it? Maybe I'm wrong, but nobody ever offered to go out of their way to accommodate my needs when I'd only been there a week of less. Now, after a year of good service and work history, then they would work with you. I just don't know. There's only one way to find out. Ask....................

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I still think you need to take a step back. I thought when you took the job that it wasn't right for you right now.

Is there any chance you can get a counselor on your side? I don't think getting beat up here is what you need - really.

steph

[pedinurse05]

If you don't want to do the job you should notify your supervisor ASAP and not waste anymore of their time or yours. As far as caring for the children you have and the one on your way...DHS is not a long term solution. You have empowered yourself by obtaining your degree (something alot of single, struggling mom's don't have)...use your skill. Nursing is learning, and you will learn alot on this tele floor. You also have the opportunity to have full time wages and 3 shifts per week...more time with the baby! IDK, if it were me I would suck it up and give it a real try--general hospital orientation doesn't in the least define the job! The baby will eat if he is hungry! Check with your pediatrician before feeding baby solids at this age. Whatever you do, try and problem solve some of these issues so they wont hang over you BUT resolve so you can move on to better situations :)

Good luck Mama!

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Just to clear up any confusion about my advice . .. I don't believe "welfare" is a long-term solution, in fact I'm a dyed in the wool conservative.

But this is a woman who is crying out for help, has a newborn and is pregnant and has other children at home and a husband who isn't able to help. She needs a safety net for a short-term . . . she has a license and can find work as a nurse anytime.

Or she could go back to her private duty job - and take the baby.

Or move home with family until she can get her life back on track.

steph

[leslie :-D]

I don't think getting beat up here is what you need - really.

steph

if you see it as getting beat up, so be it.

i started out (as well as many others) very sympathetic.

and i'm losing my sympathy fast.

mama is making a bunch of excuses as to why she doesn't want to work (there).

from the various incidents that she's posted about, i don't see where she's trying to make anything better.

sympathy works for some.

others respond to a swift kick in the butt.

but i shall bow out.....probably.

nothing i say or anyone else says, is going to help.

mama needs to be honest w/herself and stop making these excuses.

leslie

[CRNI-ICU20]

motorcyclemama, it sounds like you are spent....and tired, and scared, and sad,....and very very human....

I don't think you need judgement...I think you need support.....I don't think you need sage advice...although it is helpful, but I do think you need to talk to someone who can listen, and whom you can trust....

do you have a minister, counselor, or mentor whom you can go talk with?

Yes, you have children who are depending on you....and yes, you need to provide for them....and it sounds like you have tried very hard to do that....but, sweetie, you just had a baby who isn't doing very well....

Your first priority is to get those babies, all of them, on a good path....and if you have to take time away from nursing to do that, then no one should judge you for seeking public assistance to do that...being on welfare isn't a crime! nor is it a "bad example".....a bad example to me is a mom who thinks she is able to work, go without sleep, eat poorly, and neglect her children while she throws herself full on into a job she really doesn't like....when kids see this kind of mom, they end up emulating a person who doesn't care about themselves, doesn't care about their job, and doesn't care about them!

I don't think asking for help, whether financial or emotional, is a sign that you are setting a bad example; I think the strength of a person is measured by how well they weather bad storms....it's OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP, THAT'S WHAT IT IS THERE FOR!!

If getting some financial aid for a short period of time will help you get the baby off to a good start, help you gather yourself emotionally, and help you center your home and family, then it's public funding well spent. You are not defined by the money you make, or the money you don't have.....you are defined by the love you give to those around you and to yourself....

My dad used to say that you should always respect the road that the other man walks, because one day, you might be walking that same road....I think that a little tolerance here is called for...

blessings to you and your family....

go get the help you need....we'll be here for you if you need us...

crni

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

if you see it as getting beat up, so be it.

i started out (as well as many others) very sympathetic.

and i'm losing my sympathy fast.

mama is making a bunch of excuses as to why she doesn't want to work (there).

from the various incidents that she's posted about, i don't see where she's trying to make anything better.

sympathy works for some.

others respond to a swift kick in the butt.

but i shall bow out.....probably.

nothing i say or anyone else says, is going to help.

mama needs to be honest w/herself and stop making these excuses.

leslie

Don't bow out Leslie . .. :kiss

I cannot tell anyone how mama is feeling but I do sense the comments as being excessively negative.

I don't think a woman who is pregnant and has a newborn needs to get her butt kicked . . . .regardless of her excuses. I don't agree that job trumps kids. I never have.

At this time in her life, her life is a mess. Jumping into a very difficult new job is not a good idea, imo. Staying home with the kids until she can get some help is a better idea. At least for me, I would choose my kids.

steph

[leslie :-D]

I don't think a woman who is pregnant and has a newborn needs to get her butt kicked . . . .regardless of her excuses. I don't agree that job trumps kids. I never have.

steph

steph, she beat the pulp out of a woman just recently.

mama isn't as helpless as you make her sound.

she wants to ask the nm to wait a few months...

do you really think that she'll go to work then, knowing she's either going to be giving birth again, or about to?

and jobs don't trump kids.

but sometimes, opportunities do.

leslie

[pedinurse05]

Just to clear up any confusion about my advice . .. I don't believe "welfare" is a long-term solution, in fact I'm a dyed in the wool conservative.

But this is a woman who is crying out for help, has a newborn and is pregnant and has other children at home and a husband who isn't able to help. She needs a safety net for a short-term . . . she has a license and can find work as a nurse anytime.

Or she could go back to her private duty job - and take the baby.

Or move home with family until she can get her life back on track.

steph

I hope my comment wasn't taken wrong--I totally agree if Mama needs short term help to get problems worked out--so be it. She should use the time wisely, then make long term goals. By all means kids do come first--sometimes you must help yourself in order to help others. I wanted to emphasize her positive resources--the job offer, the degree, etc. There will always be another tele job if this isn't right for the time being. She has a LOT of positive but needs to work through some problems. Welfare short term...working issues out now necessary for long term planning.... Yes, the homecare with the baby MAY be an option! I was saying for myself I would suck it up and take the job or A job.....financial strain only adds to the problems--but this is me....and my kids are the reason I would do it (and I speak for myself only).

[RNperdiem, RN]

Mama really generates a lot of responses. We just want to see you succeed. A little success would do wonders for you.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

I think Leslie's concern is stemming from the fact that there appears to be a pattern of behavior here. I don't believe it is the first time she has left a job or been on public assistance and while family most certainly is the most important thing, by continually blowing off opportunities, she is putting the long term well being of her family at risk. The baby is being a little fussy right now because he doesn't like the bottle. This is pretty common and is not a dangerous situation. When he gets hungry, he'll eat.

I don't see the posts here as negative. I do see them as telling it like it is and when you post a problem/concern/opinion here, you have to know that we are an opinionated bunch of nurses. We are also a caring bunch of nurses and none of wants to see MM let a great job pass her by because of what I think is fear. I've been there, and when you want to better your situation sometimes there is a part of you that fights it kicking and screaming. Independence is a wonderful, valuable thing but it can be scary as heck to break those old ways of thinking and living.

The other thing I've learned is that none of us is going to ultimately be able to convince someone else of their worth until they believe it themselves. We women are our own worst enemies, much of the time.