Not able to continue orientation, feel terrible.

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I started general orientation for my new job on the telemetry floor today. It seems like a really good place to work, but I have a major issue: my 2.5 month old refuses to have anything to do with a bottle. Today went "okay" but he wouldn't eat. I was gone for 12 hrs. and so he went that long without drinking, my husband managed to get a few spoonfuls of applesauce in him but he can't just eat that all day. I am supposed to work mostly at night only the first few months I will be training five days a week all day. I feel like it would not be good for the baby's well-being to continue but I am scared to approach the NM over this.

Has anyone ever had a similar situation where they had to quit? I would like to think I would be able to try again when the baby is older but if I was to back out now would the NM be angry and would I be a no rehire at this hospital system? I know this would be a good opportunity to learn skills but I don't feel like it would be right to do it at the baby's expense. He just needs me too much right now.

Specializes in L&D.
I just want to know if it will make me look really bad to the NM and if she wouldn't take me back later when he is older?

Well, if that's all you want to know, then yes. It will make you look bad and she/he probably won't hire you later. Take the advice from seasoned moms.

You've posted you didn't want this job in the first place, are you searching for reasons to leave this position?

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I just want to know if it will make me look really bad to the NM and if she wouldn't take me back later when he is older?

yes, it will make you look bad.

i'd be very surprised to hear she took you back at anytime.

sigh...

leslie

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

Mama--when it comes to embracing change, I'm right there with your baby. I can talk a pretty good game about taking on new challenges and growing as a person, but the truth is, I hate that crap. Give me the status quo, no matter how bad it is.

So I spent 25 years beating my head against the wall in the home improvement business before life kicked me in the butt and made me get a "real" job with steady pay and benefits, and I was in full fight or flight mode for the first couple of months. I kept that job for five years, pushing beds and cleaning toilets, before I mustered the nerve to take a couple of pre-reqs and think about nsg school. My first day of clinicals, all I had to do was meet a patient and assess his learning needs and best method of learning. Took 20 minutes, and my palms were sweating, even though I dealt with pts every day at work.

In my second semester of nsg, I wanted to quit so bad I could taste it. I was making straight A's in class and on the brink of getting bounced for my pathetic care plans, and near-panic anxiety in clinicals. But with the support of my friends, I decided they would have to throw me out--I wouldn't quit!

When I interviewed for my present position, my director started the interview with, "Well, of course you've got the job..." and I was still a nervous wreck. During orientation, and for a few months after, I was literally nauseous as I got ready for work, and missed more work with diarrhea during my first year than I had missed in the entire seven years prior to becoming a nurse. I've spoken to nurses from other units who are scared to work my floor, but I'd rather tough it out than transfer.

Now, I can make real good arguments for sticking it out when things clearly aren't working. I have memories from my carpentry days that I wouldn't trade for the world. My job pushing beds was a pretty good job for a high school grad, and there were times I actually made a difference--plus, it was ideal for working my way through school. I can't make really make arguments supporting anxiety as a nursing student or new nurse, but I'm certainly not the only one who ever experienced. But, at root, it all comes down to: change is hard.

And, if you'll pardon my presumption, that sounds a lot like what you are going through, now. The thing is, there will always be reasons you can't change your life, and some may well be damned good reasons. We all go through it--a lucky few seem to thrive on challenges, but I'm sure even they get discouraged at times. Me, I continue to vow that the next time I feel like I need to try something new, I'm going to try something easy. But for all the kicking and screaming and puking and wanting to give up, I love my stupid job, and I'm even starting to get a little good at it.

My unit--neuro/neurosurg--is a challenging one. It's kind of a cross between psych and LTC. A lot of our pts are confused, some are combative, some are pretty much immobile, and far too many are just mobile enough to fall out of bed. We get epilepsy pts from 3 y.o. to 90. In our stepdown, we get our familiar strokes and cranies, but usually some fractures, snakebites, ESRD, pancreatitis, DKA, and anyone else they can't find a bed for. At this point in my career, I'm busting my tail to do things I didn't even know I was supposed to do a couple of years ago, and I suppose I'm still at least a couple of years away from being truly adequate.

But, you know what? Even being marginally competent feels like a hell of an accomplishment, and during those times when I've wondered if the grass might be greener somewhere else, I've told myself that if I can master this, I can do anything. Sometimes I really believe that, and sometimes I just keep struggling along because it's easier than doing something else.

You can do this. You have a nurse's license. They don't come in boxes of cereal. You found a way to graduate from one of the hardest programs in your college and have succeeded in at least one field of nursing.

If you just don't want it, that's one thing, but if you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed and inadequate, that's just normal, and it will pass.

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Well, I think I'll give it a whirl and see how the NM reacts. I don't want the job, never did, and now I hear talk about swing shifts to add to the dread.

Then I get home and Doobie looks so pitiful, I can't choose a crummy job I hate over him, just can't.

DHS office here I come.

I feel terrible over leaving the job, guess I just don't feel "that" terrible. But I have to get up at 6am to go over there to the second day of orientation and give them the news, and I'll tell them not to worry about paying me for coming the first day.

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

Just one more thought: where I work, we don't have a telemetry floor. Pts come from ICU to stepdown subunits, ideally on the floor of their service. We get most of the neuro stepdowns, cardiac pts go to cardiac stepdown, etc. But where I did most of my clinicals, they did have a telemetry floor, and it was considered kind of a "plum" assignment, not quite as coveted as peds or OB, but still not an easy job for a new nurse to get. Opportunities like this don't come along every day, and in response to your question, they rarely come around again.

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Specializes in Rodeo Nursing (Neuro).

Dang. Best wishes, wherever your road may take you.

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

Maybe you can work out a modified orientation schedule in light of your situation. Talk to the NM. I was able to do that when my children were little, the NM worked around my needs. Many NMs are creative and understanding.

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Well, I think I'll give it a whirl and see how the NM reacts. I don't want the job, never did, and now I hear talk about swing shifts to add to the dread.

Then I get home and Doobie looks so pitiful, I can't choose a crummy job I hate over him, just can't.

DHS office here I come.

I feel terrible over leaving the job, guess I just don't feel "that" terrible. But I have to get up at 6am to go over there to the second day of orientation and give them the news, and I'll tell them not to worry about paying me for coming the first day.

I think that I am confused, but if you did not want the job--Why did you take the job? Sadly, you have wasted the hospital's time with the orientation ( I know that it was only for 1 day but it is the principle) Doing this will make you look bad to that hospital. Although nursing jobs are in demand so I am sure you have another job lined up. :trout:

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Follow your heart. It's only you who can decide on this matter. And whatever choice you make, I wish you the best.

Well, I think I'll give it a whirl and see how the NM reacts. I don't want the job, never did, and now I hear talk about swing shifts to add to the dread.

Then I get home and Doobie looks so pitiful, I can't choose a crummy job I hate over him, just can't.

DHS office here I come.

I feel terrible over leaving the job, guess I just don't feel "that" terrible. But I have to get up at 6am to go over there to the second day of orientation and give them the news, and I'll tell them not to worry about paying me for coming the first day.

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Specializes in Lactation Ed, Pp, MS, Hospice, Agency.

Follow your heart on this one....

Also check on LLL.com

or email me... (I support you either way..)

~MJ

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Specializes in ICU/PCU/Infusion.

Mama, you said it yourself. You never wanted this job to begin with. I don't understand why you even accepted it. I'm sorry for your situation, I know you are having hard times with your personal life/husband. This could well have been your ticket out. Now to talk of heading straight to the DHS office?

You are qualified to have this position. You seem to have strung this NM along, as well as the facility. I support you in whatever decision you make, because ultimately, you have only to answer to yourself. BUT.. this decision will affect you in the years to come. I know you realize that, but for some reason your low self-esteem and lack of self confidence is keeping you from bettering your situation.

I hope you rethink this, but I have the same nagging feeling as Leslie, you just didn't ever intend to give this position a shot.

Do you intend to spend the rest of your life living in a relationship you say you can't stand, with a man who you have to support, with children who are soley dependent upon you for their financial support? The best way to get out of the situation you are in is to support them yourself, and the way to do that is to gain this experience in the hospital setting. If you count on DHS at this time, I'm afraid you're going to become a statistic. You may very well find yourself not able to return to a hospital job as a result of quitting this job, certainly not at this facility.

I'm sure there were other applicants for the position. You took that position, and now someone else is out of a job. The orientation process has begun, and your NM will now have to wait until another orientation period to start training another RN. It just doesn't sit right. You have an opportunity here, please don't forsake it.

Remember, I'm only saying these things because I care about you. I have read numerous posts by you, and I can just feel the depression you are exuding. Please, no matter what you decide, get yourself into some counseling somehow, some way. You need it, if only so you can be the best mom you can be, and the best person you can be. You seem to be a compassionate, warm human being, and I know that inside you there is a vibrant, professional woman just waiting to make her appearance.

All the best to you, no matter what. :hugs:

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Specializes in Emergency Room.
I just want to know if it will make me look really bad to the NM and if she wouldn't take me back later when he is older?

yeah it will make you look bad. i remember another post of yours about how you really weren't too thrilled about working in the hospital as well as some issues at home with your husband. i think you are overwhelmed, exhausted and need to really get some things in persepective. do you need to work?? does your family need the stable income and benefits?? if you can answer yes then try to organize and prioritize what you need to do in order to provide your family with what they need and deserve. i wish you the best.

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