No babies for this NICU nurse

slauren · Sep 4, 2015

I'm 26 and married with no kids yet. My LTC patients have known me for a few years and they will bring it up just to start a conversation. I don't take it the wrong way because most of them don't have family/visitors and they cheer up when they see me. I have one patient that always ask me - "Is there a baby yet?" and that creeps me out (lol) but oh well. When people ask why I just tell them I want to straighten myself out first or I'll tell them about my furbabies (dog, cat, horse) then ask a nursing type question to change the topic.

Trauma_drama14, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN, NP · Sep 4, 2015

recently I had a dad point blank say to me, "I have six kids and you don't have any. You don't need to try to tell me how to take care of a baby."

Good for you! After having six kids, looks like you've finally realized that you're fertile. Maybe it's time to stop reproducing for once. I, on the other hand, enjoy going home and not hearing screams and cries of six bratty children, sleeping all night and spending all my money on myself, whatever I want whenever I want.

I would have loved to say something like that to the father.

Ruh-udeee!!!! People, I tell you.

angrykitten · Sep 4, 2015

Thanks for all the replies. It actually feels better just to have my feelings validated. It just gets really frustrating sometimes. As for dad of six - I left out that the only child those parents have custody of is the baby we sent home with them, which is it's own extremely frustrating post. He also said under his breath when I was trying to teach them CPR that I should have more sex, which I pretended not to hear, because the only thing I could think of to say was, "I think you should have less."

CaffeinePOQ4HPRN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN · Sep 4, 2015

Omg, if we could only be as honest with these types of people as they deserve. But we can't. Oh well.

emmy27 · Sep 4, 2015

OMG.

"Hey lady, I have six kids of whom five are no longer in my care. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP PARENTING?"

theradiantforce · Sep 4, 2015

I deal with this A LOT! It gets exhausting trying to curb the questions, especially from coworkers who simply can't fathom why I don't have kids. They all say the same thing, "You have a great house, a relationship, you're good looking" and eventually my age always comes into play "you're already over 30, don't wait too long!" :eek: ARGHHHH!

This is 2015 not 1953, correct???

Sometimes parents seem to be more comfortable with my care if I simply say I'm the oldest of a large family. With coworkers I have gotten to the point where I blatantly let some of them know why I don't have kids and just tell others, "maybe one day". I play it by ear. It would be nice though if people could learn to understand that everyone may not want children. And some of us may struggle with infertility and it kinda hurts a tinge to be constantly questioned.

imenid37 · Sep 4, 2015

As a new nurse back in 1987, I was pregnant just a few months into my new grad job. The question back then was, "Will you work after the baby is born?" I got annoyed and always had the urge to ask why would they think I had just spent the $ and time to become a nurse, to quit after less than a year? Now 28 years and 3 kids later, I am still working as a nurse. My oldest daughter has three daughters and is an OB nurse just like me! We even have the same BD, BTW! I do not even know about either of my other daughters' long term plans for kids or not. One is newly married and the other is still single. Honestly, I only care that they are happy. Now that my kids are grown I am a super happy dog and cat parent. I love my grandkids too, but they are my daughter and her husband's to raise. I baby sit occasionally, but happily mind my own business. Whether they have any more or not is certainly not my business. My parents were from the UK and I would say it is less common there for people to be asking about when and how many kids one will have. My mother and dad never asked my sister or I these kind of questions. They would certainly never have dared to ask a stranger this. I think some people are nosy and judgemental, but a lot just use the topic to start conversation. As an OB nurse, I do feel it can be a hurtful question because the person may want, but be unable to have children and be very uspet by the topic. It really is a very personal choice and I don't think it is polite to ask this of someone you do not know very well, anyway

Anna S, RN · Sep 4, 2015

I am also childfree by choice.

i don't work with kids, but I get asked if I have kids all the time. I was asked again today, actually.

I take it as a compliment when they say "You still have time" and similar things, as I'm over 50.

I sometimes say "It just never happened."

Most of the time, they leave it at that.

But, I'm looking forward to all the reponses on this thread to see how other respond.

macfar28 · Sep 4, 2015

When I worked in peds I got that question all the time. Sometimes it was like a knife to my gut since I had two rather late term miscarriages. Often all I could choke out was a strangled "no". It still bothers me now.

I am so terribly sorry for your losses. I can't begin to imagine the pain. Hugs.

Willcont2montr, LPN · Sep 4, 2015

I am currently pregnant with my first and my last and before i said i would never have children so i completely understand people that are childless by choice. People will judge you matter what and find a way to belittle you. That man was rude. I do think once in a while people need a sharp answer with a smile. For example I would answer currently I have ___ number of babies, whatever your census is. Or in the case of that

Rude man ive learned its sometimes helpful to smile at them sympathetically like they are small children and walk away. Because guess what? people need to feel uncomfortable sometimes when they are rude. I learned this with rude families in assisted living. You should not apologize for not wanting kids. People are already calling me selfish because i said this is it. Why they care no one knows! Keep being a loving nicu nurse thats what id rather

calivianya, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2015

You should not apologize for not wanting kids. People are already calling me selfish because i said this is it.

This is the thing that always makes me a little angry - the being called selfish for not wanting any or more kids. Seriously? Why do people have kids in the first place? Isn't it because THEY want them? How is that any less selfish than me not wanting any? It's not like the ghost pre-born kid came up, tapped them on the shoulder, and asked to be born.

In a different career, I got called selfish for not wanting kids once by a pregnant lady. I called that person selfish for contributing to this planet's overpopulation problem and asked her what she was doing to make up for her trashing the planet with yet another human to gobble up its resources. I don't care about the environment much, but she seriously made the :eek: face and it was priceless.

Wish I could say that to the nosy ones now without worrying about my job afterwards...

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2015

Frightened parents will often hit out-they have lost control of what is happening to their child

Just be patient, smile and say" you have great parenting skills but I am the professional who is going to help your sick child"