why be nice?

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How many times do we shy away from confrontation? Where is the reward for being the nice guy? When can we unwrap what are tru feeling are? When can we have our say? How many family members have cornered you until you are at your limit? When will the damn break?

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

Some people are just mean, nasty and suck the life out of everyone they meet. These people, like everyone else, eventually either end up as a patient or the family of a patient. Nothing you do will make these people change, and nothing you do will ever make them happy; being happy and pleased is not in their nature. Once in your unit, they will continue to be mean, nasty and suck the life out of everyone they meet. Unfortunately, you are trapped with them for the duration of your shift.

When people are like that, I'm not "nice" -- I'm professional, do what I have to do, and get out. I do not engage in chit chat, I simple go in, "I'm Nerd and I'm here with your nightly meds." They don't get "puff and fluff" because it means they demand even more time, more resources, and cause more aggravation on the floor -- to you, the CNAs, the other nurses, and generally anyone they meet. Being "nice" makes these kind of people worse, not better. They mistake manners and gentleness for weakness, and proceed to bully you.

I've had those families call me everything under the sun for completely crazy things; I've had them threaten to get me fired because I won't give the pt narcotics, let them smoke in bed, or (how the heck was I supposed to do that -- get them the soap opera channel on the cable system at the hospital). I also document like crazy.

Ask not to have that particular patient the next shift, take a break, and regroup/refocus. I always tell myself that patients like that are the price I pay to help those I can.

Don't let a jerk turn you into one.

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Specializes in Cardiac, ER.
How many times do we shy away from confrontation? Where is the reward for being the nice guy? When can we unwrap what are tru feeling are? When can we have our say? How many family members have cornered you until you are at your limit? When will the damn break?

I shy away from confrontation unless it's worth the fight,.pick your battles. My reward is that I can sleep at night and look myself in the mirror every morning and be proud of what I see. I can have my say and still be nice. Family members can be a pain,..but really,..who are they to me? I can state my concerns, ideas, and plans,.even my frustrations and still be nice......it's what my Momma taught me :)

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Flipper 911,

Let me tell you something..I understand where you are coming from! I wish others would be alittle more supportive of you here. Most of us have been there at some point. I don't know..maybe you are approaching burnout and maybe not. You came here for support from other nurses, possibly hoping that they could relate to you and offer advice for the "NURSE" .

Yes, our duty is to our patients! We are human just like them, dealing with emotions and illness as well.

It really amazes me that most do not consider how the nurse feels and copes. If there was more support in the work place instead of division and gossip between nurses, we would be better off and healthier mentally and physically. I agree, we must have outlets outside of what we do.

We are bound by a lisc. and expected to be responsible for most, if not all things in a days work with our patients (and families). And of course, there is the responsibility for the things that are not even under the nurse's control!

There are alot of excellent nurses who are frustrated in this profession and it is not all their fault! Sometimes the best thing to do is find something else. But for those nurses who do love nursing and do need help-I hear you and understand. I want to be one to support.

I would like to initiate a project regarding the health and wellbeing of nurses for a change!

Best to you Flipper :)

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flipper, i sense that you may be confusing being "nice" with being a dumping ground.

the two are not synonymous.

as others have stated, we always need to maintain a professional demeanor.

and, we don't need to "confront" anyone, in order to get our points across either.

we can and should be assertive, polite, poised, and steadfast.

we can and should implement some limit-setting if/when the situation calls for it.

and finally, we can and should document every spoken interaction, w/troublesome families/visitors/pts.

while we certainly cannot call anyone a freaking idiot and flip them the bird, we can and should convey that we are nobody's doormat.

strut your stuff, honey.

we are so much more than the sum of our parts.:balloons:

leslie

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it is extremely hard for me not to be nice.i was raised this way and this is how i am, i can't just change. being mean doesn't suit my personality. you can't force yourself to be nice...if you do it for rewards then it is not real. yes,being nice and friendly can get you rewards but i don't know what kind of rewards you are talking about..and money is not the only reward that exists. you don't have to be the "mean guy" to confront someone...nice people do confront. if you don't confront people they are going to take advantage of you and probably think that " you are an idiot". if you are hiding your true feelings or pretending to be nice when you really are not--all i can say is that you are out of your personality/character...you are just acting. there are people that i don't like--instead of saying mean things to them i simply greet and move on.

my fav quotes:

"it is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. you are gonna kill someone. if you can't handle that reality, pick another profession. or finish medical school and teach." dr.house

"i take risks, sometimes patients die. but not taking risks causes more patients to die, so i guess my biggest problem is i've been cursed with the ability to do the math." dr.house

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Specializes in M/S, ICU, ICP.
how many times do we shy away from confrontation? where is the reward for being the nice guy? when can we unwrap what are tru feeling are? when can we have our say? how many family members have cornered you until you are at your limit? when will the damn break?

it is not fair when you are busting your butt to do your best as fast as you can, help 6 or 7 patients, please umpteen family members, and "follow" policy when some selfish family member goes off on you. i am sure the last thing that you want to hear is how "nursing is a caring profession" and "don't take it personally" right now. it is wrong. it is unfair. it is selfish. but sadly, it is what it is.

people come in with an attitude that says it is "all about me" and unload their anger and rage at whomever they can. they are not thinking and many do not care that nurses have feelings and sensitive hearts, hearts that get burned out and build cold walls around themselves in order to survive.

they want to unload their guilt or feelings of helplessness and lash out. half the time they have illnesses and diseases they brought on themselves. but sometimes they are victims of someone else's rage. one thing i do know, hurt people hurt people. don't become one of them.

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Specializes in neuro/ortho med surge 4.

It is the customer service mentality of the hospital. If one of these "customers" went into a Dunkin Donuts and told ther person behind the counter they felt like strangling them their asses would be kicked out of the establishment and not be let back in. If they were lucky they would not be arrested for threatening homicide.

This actually happened where I work 2 nights ago to a co-worker of mine.

Why must nurses be subjected to this kind of abuse?

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Don't be nice, but don't be mean either. Be neutral.

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Specializes in Tele.

well at risk of being the devils advocate, being nice cost me the meniscus in my knee! trying to be nice to a patients family member. oh and did my boss say thanks, no they blamed me. oh then said, you should have in a compassionate way ask them to move!

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Specializes in CVICU, Obs/Gyn, Derm, NICU.

I'm hearing you :)

I have found that managing these people gives me pleasure ... I can go home with my self-respect and job security intact.

Remember your psych and read those 'Managing difficult people' books.

Have your little tricks up your sleeve that work.

Understand the 'enemy' ...what makes them tick?

Utilise phrases, body language and key words and drop them with perfect timing.

It's a little game ....manipulating badly-behaved people can be so much fun :)

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Specializes in Critical Care.
Why NOT be nice.

Be nice does not mean shying away from confrontation....it DOES mean being tactful in your dealings andassessing whether addressing the issue is worthwhile, before doing so.

I kinda agree. As long as you can do it tactfully, you could probably solve many problems. Just know where to draw the line before you totally make families mad. Some people just don't understand anything you say. Also look at their perspective, they just know they have a sick loved one in the hospital, and they have no knowledge of medicine or what a nurse actually does. They don't know we have more than one patient, or that we are busy with meds, charting, tests, procedures, etc.

My favorite definition of being tactful is: "Telling a man to go to hell, and make him happy to be doing so."

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Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.
Flipper, you are either very burned out, having PTSD, and/or in need of some therapy. Please contact the EAP where you work before you breakdown.

Or maybe they've just had a really bad day. Sometimes I go home wondering the same. Doesn't mean that I'm about to have a nervous breakdown? Save the armchair diagnosis for the professionals eh?

Flipper-trust me, bad confrontation is even worse and leads to more stress. If things get too much and you feel you're going to say or do something you'll regret later then just walk away from it. I'm not saying we should tolerate disrespect or bad behaviour because we can be assertive and set boundaries to patients and other staff members.

This may sound a little out there but I've started imagining a shield around myself before I start work. I'm finding this technique helpful when working with difficult personalities.

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