New nurse and I had a breakdown at work

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Hello all,

I'm a new nurse and this past weekend was just a disaster for me at work. I'm still in orientation and I'm working in the CVICU. I went in Friday night just already not wanting to be there. For the past week I've had a lot going on at home and I've just felt extremely exhausted and burned out. Either way I really wanted to just try to put my week at home behind me and get ready to go into work and do my best for my patients, but it just seemed like I couldn't focus at all and I kept making mistakes left and right and I finally just broke down and started crying and my preceptor let me take a break to go calm myself down. I made t through the night but I just felt like I was on the verge of tears all night. I went back in the next night and the same thing happened an hour into my shift so I talked to my charge nurse and decided to go home for the night. I'm just totally embarrassed because I usually have no issue leaving my personal life at home or with being told I need to correct something if I'm doing something wrong but I just broke down this time. I've been feeling completely and totally exhausted/stressed and wake up with migraines. It's been really hard for me to adjust to working weekend nights and manage my family/home life on the days I'm off work. I think when I started crying at work it wasn't because my preceptor was getting on to me it was because I felt like I was failing my patients by not being in the right head space to be there. I just feel lost at this point and I don't know where to go from here. This job means a lot to me and I worked so hard to get through nursing school because this is truly what I'm passionate about doing with my life. Between adjusting to working weekend nights and having classes to go to and feeling like a failure as a mom and then constantly feeling like I'm not good enough to be a nurse I've just sunk myself. Even more so I feel completely embarrassed I cried at work not once but twice. Please any advice would be helpful on what I can do to get out of this rut.

So I went and spoke to my educator and she also had me meet with my manager and they seem to think the solution is that nights just aren't for me and they don't have any spots available on days. So they want me to take these next two days and think about what I want to do wether I want to stay or talk to HR and be moved to a completely different unit. I've only been working nights for 10 weeks, I don't feel as though that's enough time to determine if nights work for me or not. I've put everything into this job and I don't just want to quit. I'm so torn now and my educator told me that she doesn't want to see me burn out and that she's heard nothing but great things about me and sees how much potential I have yet I feel like they are pushing me to just go, "yep! I can't do nights send me somewhere else!"

Yes, it appears as though they are offering you a soft landing, should you choose to leave CVICU.

The facility has clearly made an investment in you, and so they are willing to to move to another unit, so they don't lose you entirely.

Do take the next few days to think carefully about what you want for your near, and distant future.

Maybe do CV Progressive go a while, and then go back to CVICU.

Stepping back to deal with your present, will allow for a better future.

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Maybe get some sleep before you give HR an answer. CVICU is not easy and there's a lot to learn. Certainly not in the time you've been there. Do you dislike the job or just the hours? Don't want to see you give up such a great opportunity just because you're sleep-deprived.

It's really just working nights, I have to be up during the day on my days off for my daughter so trying to be up normal hours four days of the week and then going and working nights on the weekend just isn't going well for me and since I've started I've just been constantly exhausted. I asked if the step down unit might have anything on days available I could switch to but they don't. I love my job though and I don't want to give it up, but I don't want to keep trying and then still have it be that night shift just really isn't for me.

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Specializes in Tele, ICU, Staff Development.

For some people, and at certain times during their life, night shift is just toxic. I recently saw a manager I respect see a new grad really struggling on nights, and put her back on days. This same manager always tells new grads going to nights that if they just cannot hang with it, she'll work with them.

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I would get some documentation that you need help or something to cover your ass. There are quite a few threads on this forum about new nurses being fired during preceptorship. I'm not sure what exactly you should do, but get some sort of diagnosis for anxiety or something so they can't fire you exactly, but maybe can move you some place else. Also, if they do fire you then you will be eligible for unemployment rather than just being out on your ass.

p.s. take the diagnosis to HR!

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Hey. Nursing is crazy stressful. Especially your first year. It was for me, and I was a paramedic in Atlanta. Keep at it, do whatever it takes to keep it together...because, it defiantly gets easier....never easy, but you will become a better nurse, its a tough job but a darn good one...hang in there and soon you will be encouraging other new nurses and telling stories of your first couple months as a new nurse. Exercise, meditate, talk to people, stay positive. This too shall pass. (but seriously, go to days...nights are horrible, some people completely unravel working nights...I do too.)

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I think it might be time to hire childcare for the first day after your last night of work and maybe even someone for the afternoon before you start your weekend shift. I did full time weekend night shifts all through nursing school and continue to prefer those shifts, but I know how exhausting it is before and after those 3 nights in a row.

I'm not sure if you are balking at hiring help for any particular reason, but hiring a babysitter or nanny if you end up on dayshift will be considerably more expensive and will also result in a lot less time with your child. Usually, for a day shift position, you will leave before your child gets up and will probably be getting home right before they go to bed. If I ever work 3 in a row, I see my kids for less than an hour total over those three days. Also, you'll make a lot less if you go to days with mostly weekday shifts. All that to say, if needing sleep during the week is the main reason you want to find a new position, try hiring childcare Monday mornings and Friday afternoons and see if that help!

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Specializes in Care Coordination, MDS, med-surg, Peds.

If your daughter is 4, could she go to head start in the morning? At least you could sleep till noon. Then be able to go sleep that night at your usual time. This is what I did And it worked great!!!

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Specializes in oncology, MS/tele/stepdown.

Transferring to another unit isn't giving up. You can always do some time on another floor and then transfer back to CVICU if that's what you want to do. You are just starting your nursing career - you have plenty of time to work in whatever specialty you want. Even when your classes are over, you will still have to constantly switch your schedule for your child. Nights isn't for everyone.

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Specializes in Telemetry, IMCU.
It's really just working nights, I have to be up during the day on my days off for my daughter so trying to be up normal hours four days of the week and then going and working nights on the weekend just isn't going well for me and since I've started I've just been constantly exhausted. I asked if the step down unit might have anything on days available I could switch to but they don't. I love my job though and I don't want to give it up, but I don't want to keep trying and then still have it be that night shift just really isn't for me.

Be VERY CAREFUL about that move. I had the SAME issue. I was on Tele and the hours were killer with my classes. I only function well on night shifts so day shift I spent my time nauseated with headaches and anxiety with exhaustion. They "offered" a different unit but it can go either way: actually finding a unit or firing me. I chose to "stick it out" in a shift I KNEW would be my downfall and was fired. I appealed and won, however orientation is where we gotta walk on eggshells.

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Specializes in Critical care, Trauma.
I would get some documentation that you need help or something to cover your ass. There are quite a few threads on this forum about new nurses being fired during preceptorship. I'm not sure what exactly you should do, but get some sort of diagnosis for anxiety or something so they can't fire you exactly, but maybe can move you some place else. Also, if they do fire you then you will be eligible for unemployment rather than just being out on your ass.

p.s. take the diagnosis to HR!

I would be very hesitant about this...even in healthcare, where we take care of all kinds, there is still a stigma about mental illness amongst doctors and nurses. Having a documented problem doesn't "cover your ass," it puts a target on it. I've seen this with several friends and family members, in healthcare and non-healthcare fields. You can be fired for not being able to fulfill your job duties, even if it is secondary to a medical problem, mental or physical. And to collect unemployment one must work at a facility for an extended period of time....I think 6-ish months?

OP, it sounds like your manager is really trying to work with you. What I'd recommend is to look online at the job postings for your hospital and see what other options there are for days. As others have said, it's not giving up. It's setting yourself up for success. Night shift is not okay for so many people. I know I couldn't handle it even when I worked a boring ol' factory job over a decade ago, so I don't dare attempt it now that errors could mean more than messed up embroidery on a shirt.

If you're going to commit to staying in your current job, it means committing to a solid plan that will allow you to get the rest you need. The first year of being a nurse is incredibly stressful, even without working in such a specialized and acute field. Many people don't fully understand that -- they assume that a lot of the stress is over after they pass the NCLEX and maybe that misunderstanding bleeds over to their families that assume the new nurse can take up more of the slack at home.

You have to give yourself time. If it means getting a babysitter, being over-protective of your sleep time, having your husband pull more weight for a while, not offering to help with various celebrations/holidays/events/whatever... it's all for the purpose of setting you and your family up for a better future. Make a list of things that would be helpful if they were no longer on your plate. Find a way to get rid of them, delegate them, hire someone else to help or change the schedule on which they're done for as many as possible. You'll be able to slowly add more of these back to your "list" over time....but expect you'll need help for at least a few months AFTER getting off of orientation.

Also, a trick I learned from a classmate in nursing school....to avoid some of the Mom guilt and let her young children have her attention in a manageable way, she'd get a little timer and set it for 20 minutes. During this time she was alone with the child in their room and they could do or talk about anything he/she wanted. They'd color, read books, whatever....the point was that they had 100% of Mom's attention and they loved it. She did this with each child and she reported it was really helpful. Perhaps doing something like this can help your daughter have attention in a predictable way that might help discourage the acting out to receive the attention?

Good luck with your decision.

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
So I went and spoke to my educator and she also had me meet with my manager and they seem to think the solution is that nights just aren't for me and they don't have any spots available on days. So they want me to take these next two days and think about what I want to do wether I want to stay or talk to HR and be moved to a completely different unit. I've only been working nights for 10 weeks, I don't feel as though that's enough time to determine if nights work for me or not. I've put everything into this job and I don't just want to quit. I'm so torn now and my educator told me that she doesn't want to see me burn out and that she's heard nothing but great things about me and sees how much potential I have yet I feel like they are pushing me to just go, "yep! I can't do nights send me somewhere else!"

You might very well be able to do nights if you could get some damn sleep. But being expected to stay up all night and all day and then all night again is just nuts. Nurses used to do that until Florence invented shift work. If new grad orientation involves day time class work, then new grads should not be started on nights.

Tell HR that you can be up all night or up all day, but not both. If they think you have such great potential then they could at least try not to make you run away screaming. Don't get me started on hospital admin leaving their brains at the door.

Get some sleep and then negotiate a doable deal for yourself. Sending you good thoughts.

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You have put too much on your plate. Now is not the time to be taking additional classes. You need to learn how to be a nurse .... first.

Hope you realize that night shift is messing you up. It sounds like you have FANTASTIC support from management

Best wishes, let us know how it's going.

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