Background: I was a good student. Graduated magna cum laude, excelled in class but felt my clinicals were a bit of a let down. I was basically used as a CNA when I went to clinical.
I graduated in May and got offered a job on a Med Surg/Telemetry floor six days after I graduated. My preceptor is okay. I know she is putting forth every effort with me. I've only had five floor shifts so far. The first 3 were spaced weeks apart because of education classes through the hospital so there was some disconnect there having such a span between training in the floor.
My preceptor is a good nurse. She is great with the patients. This is her first time to be a preceptor. I feel like she and I think very differently. I like her fine as a person i just don't know if she is a great fit for me. But I have been trying to make the best of it.
This past weekend I had two shifts back to back and I was DETERMINED to become vastly more independent. I was pulling meds without my preceptor, passing them mostly without her, charting on my own and doing a really good job with keeping up with the routine of things. She remarked early in the shift how shocked she was at how quickly I was improving and coming along. Then yesterday around the middle of the shift things started to spiral out of control. I got overwhelmed and panicky.
Throughout this orientation, my preceptor has told me she is "OCD and crazy about charting". She does a lot of double charting, sometimes I see the rationale, other times I don't. She's also really critical of those around her...she reviews their charting and pokes fun when she sees a spelling error (usually it's simply a typo). Yesterday she was halfway across the nurse station and hollers over at me (laughing) about a typo I had made. It rubbed me a little wrong...maybe I'm being sensitive....but I'm new. I certainly don't want people to think "Oh, there is that dumb new girl." I just didn't like the approach. Everyone could hear and it embarrassed me.
There really was a culmination of several things....me feeling like I didn't keep up well at the end of the day, wanting to do a perfect job, feeling nit-picked, feeling stupid about a few mistakes I'd made, a reprimand from another nurse that I tried to help by putting her patient on the bedside commode because nobody was around to help him (I had quickly earlier surmised she isn't well-liked and doesn't have the most pleasant or grateful attitude), etc. I was doing chart checks and my preceptor says, "You didn't document reevaluation of so and so's pain". There was a cutting edge to her voice. I could feel myself inside working up to crying...huge internal struggle to keep it together. She kept needling me and wouldn't let up and finally she said, "You're really ticked off at me, aren't you?" I wasn't at all...I was probably just acting awkwardly because I was on the verge of crying. That was it, and I lost it. I just busted out crying right there at the nurses station. It was like a dam broke.
I feel like an idiot for allowing my emotions to overcome me. I knew I'd have days like this. I knew the first 6 months-1 year was going to be draining and difficult. I never thought I'd not be able to keep myself under control though. I figured I could at least make it to my car before the tears came.
Just venting, evaluating, thinking. If you have suggestions, throw them my way.
Your focus is on the wrong area. It is not up to you to evaluate where you preceptor has been or is coming from.
She sounds like Mother Teresa compared to my first preceptor.
This is your time to learn and grow.. not take charge of your orientation.
You heard a "cutting edge to her tone''? Trust me, if you don't like HER tone of voice.. wait until a doctor, supervisor ,or family member starts snacking on you. When the missing documentation was discussed... how did it escalate to "needling'? Seems like all you needed to say was.. "I didn't get to it yet, .. thank you for pointed that out"..etc.
Breaking down in tears is not acceptable, you are not dealing with the stress of orientation. I hope you have an Employee Assistance Program.. and get counseling. Otherwise.. I really don't think you can succeed.
Just trying to offer a different perspective then the "you're right, she's so mean" POV that dominates here. I meant it as sincere advice. I think nursing as a profession could stand to learn something from other professions about not being so serious and emotionally brittle. Just my two cents....
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Women see events from an emotional perspective.
I have been married to a male nurse and I learned from his perspectives in the field. I agree with you that we need to work on reacting with reason instead of emotion.
However.. we are female , and that's the way we roll.
Just trying to offer a different perspective then the "you're right, she's so mean" POV that dominates here. I meant it as sincere advice. I think nursing as a profession could stand to learn something from other professions about not being so serious and emotionally brittle. Just my two cents....
I think it has a lot to do with the types of people who choose the profession, along with the steep post-grad learning curve and the stress level. I'm not sure it's something that can be fixed by a course in professionalism, but it does make for a very interesting dynamic that you don't see in most professions!
At least you're not a male nurse breaking down in tears!
To BrandonLPN's post... I agree to an extent because as guys and our social upbringing it's very common for your best friend to be someone you beat the crap out of over a disagreement (or vice verse). Of course this isn't applicable in a professional setting, I'm just making a point on the differences in gender socialization. In male dominated professions (fire fighting, policing) we tend to have things out in the open and be "confrontational" if the situation merits it, and otherwise, the ball-busting carries on without issue.
I'm not saying that it's wrong or right, but that just seems to be the reality. As far as the topic creator is concerned, high-stress situations can produce emotional outcomes, but it's professional duty to control that. You didn't want to be labeled as the new-girl-who-can't-spell, but now you may be the new-girl-who-has-emotional-eruptions. Take things in stride and don't let your confidence be so easily shaken Miss "magna cum laude," it's unbecoming. Sometimes you just gotta let things roll or take the time to have an adult conversation with someone about what you feel comfortable with as far as "joshing around" is concerned.
If you fear the stigma of being "up-tight" by having a conversation like that with a preceptor or a co-worker, well, maybe you should re-evaluate your position and consider the idea that you were being a little up-tight. That's okay, everyone is from time to time.
I've been an RN for a year now, this year has been filled with many EMOTIONS. Nursing is difficult, cut yourself some slack. I remember one of my preceptor's said to me one day, "Why are you crying? Crying is a sign of weakness." OMG, that made me so angry, I said, "I'm crying because I'm angry and emotionally drained. This is not a sign of weakness but strength." Please realize that It takes time to become adjusted, It was probably 6 months or so until I felt comfortable. It does get better, remember she won't be your preceptor forever, soon you will be off and running. If you really feel you two are not a good fit, talk to your manager I'm sure she can get you a new preceptor. I'm also sure your preceptor was just joking with you. The nursing profession in general is stressful. There will be good days and bad days, get use to it, but it does easier. I'm a person that needs everything to be perfect too, you will find a balance, believe in yourself. You're doing a good job, I can sense your willingness to learn and soak it all up. Remember this is your time to learn, ask lots of questions and keep an open mind. Good luck, I will looking for your post in 6 months to see how much has changed for you. Good luck :)
"Why are you crying? Crying is a sign of weakness." OMG, that made me so angry, I said, "I'm crying because I'm angry and emotionally drained. This is not a sign of weakness but strength."
Typical guy chop-bust incoming:
How is being angry and emotionally drained and subsequently crying a sign of strength? ;-) I'm not judging, just pointing out gender socialization differences again.
Look at it this way, now you have got "breaking down in tears" out of the way, so you can move on. Come to work rested, well nourished, and with that new attitude you mention, and this shouldn't continue to be a problem. Keep on.
Look at it this way, now you have got "breaking down in tears" out of the way, so you can move on. Come to work rested, well nourished, and with that new attitude you mention, and this shouldn't continue to be a problem. Keep on.
I think every nurse has had a break down moment, whether at home or at the nurses station. Think about this time as building muscle. If we can survive this year we will be able to the foundation we need. 80 percent of nursing is getting along with others the other 20 is pt. care.
Typical guy chop-bust incoming:How is being angry and emotionally drained and subsequently crying a sign of strength? ;-) I'm not judging, just pointing out gender socialization differences again.
Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.
Breaking down in tears once or twice at work when very stressed is not the end of the world people. I think the OP can and will still be fully capable of being a wonderful nurse.
Some of y'all are kind of tough. I think you must not remember how it is too me new and try to adjust to that very 1st transition to nursing.
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Been there,done that, ASN, RN
7,241 Posts
Your focus is on the wrong area. It is not up to you to evaluate where you preceptor has been or is coming from.
She sounds like Mother Teresa compared to my first preceptor.
This is your time to learn and grow.. not take charge of your orientation.
You heard a "cutting edge to her tone''? Trust me, if you don't like HER tone of voice.. wait until a doctor, supervisor ,or family member starts snacking on you. When the missing documentation was discussed... how did it escalate to "needling'? Seems like all you needed to say was.. "I didn't get to it yet, .. thank you for pointed that out"..etc.
Breaking down in tears is not acceptable, you are not dealing with the stress of orientation. I hope you have an Employee Assistance Program.. and get counseling. Otherwise.. I really don't think you can succeed.