New grad, first job on a busy med surg/telemetry floor and I LOST my cool

Nurses General Nursing

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Background: I was a good student. Graduated magna cum laude, excelled in class but felt my clinicals were a bit of a let down. I was basically used as a CNA when I went to clinical.

I graduated in May and got offered a job on a Med Surg/Telemetry floor six days after I graduated. My preceptor is okay. I know she is putting forth every effort with me. I've only had five floor shifts so far. The first 3 were spaced weeks apart because of education classes through the hospital so there was some disconnect there having such a span between training in the floor.

My preceptor is a good nurse. She is great with the patients. This is her first time to be a preceptor. I feel like she and I think very differently. I like her fine as a person i just don't know if she is a great fit for me. But I have been trying to make the best of it.

This past weekend I had two shifts back to back and I was DETERMINED to become vastly more independent. I was pulling meds without my preceptor, passing them mostly without her, charting on my own and doing a really good job with keeping up with the routine of things. She remarked early in the shift how shocked she was at how quickly I was improving and coming along. Then yesterday around the middle of the shift things started to spiral out of control. I got overwhelmed and panicky.

Throughout this orientation, my preceptor has told me she is "OCD and crazy about charting". She does a lot of double charting, sometimes I see the rationale, other times I don't. She's also really critical of those around her...she reviews their charting and pokes fun when she sees a spelling error (usually it's simply a typo). Yesterday she was halfway across the nurse station and hollers over at me (laughing) about a typo I had made. It rubbed me a little wrong...maybe I'm being sensitive....but I'm new. I certainly don't want people to think "Oh, there is that dumb new girl." I just didn't like the approach. Everyone could hear and it embarrassed me.

There really was a culmination of several things....me feeling like I didn't keep up well at the end of the day, wanting to do a perfect job, feeling nit-picked, feeling stupid about a few mistakes I'd made, a reprimand from another nurse that I tried to help by putting her patient on the bedside commode because nobody was around to help him (I had quickly earlier surmised she isn't well-liked and doesn't have the most pleasant or grateful attitude), etc. I was doing chart checks and my preceptor says, "You didn't document reevaluation of so and so's pain". There was a cutting edge to her voice. I could feel myself inside working up to crying...huge internal struggle to keep it together. She kept needling me and wouldn't let up and finally she said, "You're really ticked off at me, aren't you?" I wasn't at all...I was probably just acting awkwardly because I was on the verge of crying. That was it, and I lost it. I just busted out crying right there at the nurses station. It was like a dam broke.

I feel like an idiot for allowing my emotions to overcome me. I knew I'd have days like this. I knew the first 6 months-1 year was going to be draining and difficult. I never thought I'd not be able to keep myself under control though. I figured I could at least make it to my car before the tears came.

Just venting, evaluating, thinking. If you have suggestions, throw them my way.

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Hang in there! I haven't graduated yet; so, I don't have any great advise to give you, sorry! Just hang in there and remember it will get better. You sound a lot like me when it comes to school. It is really hard to put 100% into something and not be perfect or even the best.

Maybe try talking to her in private and let her know that you do not learn that way.

:::hugs:::

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

It happens. Just move on and keep chugging along.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

i remember how difficult it is being the new nurse. believe it or not, being a first time preceptor is just as difficult, so if you sense that she's trying, cut her some slack. if you feel she was trying to humiliate you, talk to her about it. chances are she wasn't; she's just nervous, too. you're finding your way as a nurse and she's finding her way as a preceptor. i remember how agonizing both roles were.

about the idea of doing a perfect job -- forget it. you aren't going to do a perfect job now and perhaps not ever. i'm not sure that's even possible. yes, you're feeling nitpicked, but it's the preceptor's job to pick nits. if no one ever tells you these little, nitpicky things while you're on orientation, you won't know about them when you're on your own, and it's far more serious to be called into the manager's office later to explain why you didn't dot those i's and cross those t's.

one piece of advice i would give every newbie is don't try to read your preceptor's mind. every day, i see posts from some orientee who is sure her preceptor hates her because "she was scowling when she walked in the door" (her grandmother just died) or "she didn't smile at me when i nodded hello" (her contact fell out, she hasn't replaced it yet, and she couldn't distinguish you from the poster on the wall without it), or "there was an edge to her voice" (her arthritis is killing her, her pain meds wore off and she can't take another one for an hour.). preceptors spend a lot of their time thinking about you, but not all of their time. it is concievable that she was thinking about something completely unrelated to you when she had the edge in her voice.

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Specializes in adult oncology, palliative, med/surg.

Hang in there! It gets much easier. There's still going to be really hard days (heck I just cried at work a few weeks ago and I've been an RN for 12 years) but this is the hardest time. You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders. You will look back at this time as some of the hardest of your life but you will be proud of yourself for getting through it.

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Specializes in CICU.

Go ahead and cry.

When I started out, just 2 short years ago, I had definitely forgotten what it was like to be new at something. I had been a "go-to" person for years at my former job/career, and I did well in nursing school (almost everyone there is new, so at least you aren't alone). What a shock to my system/ego/psyche!

I hate crying in front of other people, as I am sure many do, but sometimes you just need to let it all boil over. Let it out, wash your face, run cold water over your wrists (I don't know, it always helps me calm down).

I think most of us have been there.

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i remember how difficult it is being the new nurse. believe it or not, being a first time preceptor is just as difficult, so if you sense that she's trying, cut her some slack. if you feel she was trying to humiliate you, talk to her about it. chances are she wasn't; she's just nervous, too. you're finding your way as a nurse and she's finding her way as a preceptor. i remember how agonizing both roles were.

about the idea of doing a perfect job -- forget it. you aren't going to do a perfect job now and perhaps not ever. i'm not sure that's even possible. yes, you're feeling nitpicked, but it's the preceptor's job to pick nits. if no one ever tells you these little, nitpicky things while you're on orientation, you won't know about them when you're on your own, and it's far more serious to be called into the manager's office later to explain why you didn't dot those i's and cross those t's.

one piece of advice i would give every newbie is don't try to read your preceptor's mind. every day, i see posts from some orientee who is sure her preceptor hates her because "she was scowling when she walked in the door" (her grandmother just died) or "she didn't smile at me when i nodded hello" (her contact fell out, she hasn't replaced it yet, and she couldn't distinguish you from the poster on the wall without it), or "there was an edge to her voice" (her arthritis is killing her, her pain meds wore off and she can't take another one for an hour.). preceptors spend a lot of their time thinking about you, but not all of their time. it is concievable that she was thinking about something completely unrelated to you when she had the edge in her voice.

i know she is trying, and struggling with her role. i sensed this the day before yesterday and told her several times what a good job she's doing....just trying to lift her up. she puts 100% into everything she does and she takes it seriously. i very much admire and appreciate it.

i will keep the "nitpicking" in mind when it comes up again. you're really right, she's doing me a favor. i think i just felt like: gosh, i'm trying so hard and stepping out there trying to do so so much on my own, can we over look a small typo?

good advice. i'm going to go back in there with a fresh attitude and hopefully thicker skin. and try to remember that every little thing i perceive isn't about me.

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Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.

Only wanted to say, you will NEVER be perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect nurse because we are all human and not robots. Be your best. It's normal to get overwhelmed. If nursing was easy everyone would do it.

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Specializes in Clinical Research, Outpt Women's Health.

"good advice. i'm going to go back in there with a fresh attitude and hopefully thicker skin. and try to remember that every little thing i perceive isn't about me."

smart! you will do fine.

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Ok, I'm probably going to come off as sexist here, but I gotta ask.... why are so many women so sensitive when it comes to criticism or even just to joshing around? This is definitely something I've noticed in moving from working with mostly men to working with mostly women. In all my old jobs, we poked fun at each other all the time. What many posters here describe as "malicious" or "needling" I'd describe as just busting someone's chops.

And I'm sorry, but some women need to learn how to just let it go. I don't know how many guy coworkers I've seen shouting in each others' faces one day and then getting along as if nothing happened the next day. Can you imagine two women screaming in each other's faces one day, and then being totally cool the next? Me neither. It doesnt happen.They'll probably be plotting each others downfall in great detail.

I may be in a minority here, but I think the OP's preceptor sounds like a pretty cool nurse to work with. She has a sense of humor. I'm never offended when a coworker points out some dumb spelling/grammar error I made. I laugh too. Why does such behavior here so often get labeled as "cruel" or "hurtful"? Why can't it just be funny?

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Let it go? What novel advice! Why did I never think of that!? ;-) Mostly joking with you, sir, but goodness, if I had a nickel for every time I chanted that same thing over and over to myself, well...I would have quite a few nickels. I don't know if it's a "woman thing" or not, but when I am in a situation where I feel like I am doing a bad job, it translates to "I am a bad person." Is that highly illogical? Of course. But knowing it in my head and forcing my emotions to agree are two different things.

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Just trying to offer a different perspective then the "you're right, she's so mean" POV that dominates here. I meant it as sincere advice. I think nursing as a profession could stand to learn something from other professions about not being so serious and emotionally brittle. Just my two cents....

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