new grad, confused, discouraged, overwhelmed, nervous, 2nd guessing

[AnnaBanana60137]

So, I'm a fairly new nurse, graduated in December began working in February on a step down/telemetry unit... I already worked on the floor as an aid, so I knew the nurses and what to expect from the floor. I Began orientation on days, it was really really extremely busy, but that's what I enjoyed I loved being busy and loved always having sone thing to do, my preceptor was also cool.. she taught me the basics, but she was the preceptor that always had a student so I feel like she was maybe burned out on teaching so maybe she didn't teach me full out. Fast forward, I was moving to nights soon and my night preceptor was supposedly the preceptor from hell which everyone had told me about, but she was the old experienced nurse who knew everything and I felt like I could take her on. So I moved to nights, and I have a love/hate relationship with it... my first couple nights were rough, I got hit HARD with some critical patients and I was lost I felt like i didn't know what to do. And it made me feel really really dumb, and insecure and inadequate... but the nights went by and got easier as I now know what to expect, i have more time to learn at night, my preceptor KNOWS LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND SHE TEACHES ME A LOT. but she's a real b*tch as well, She'll come in the room with my patients and if I'm not doingg something right, she'll tell me on the spot in front of my patients like, that's a huge NONO with me, it's a way you can teach me without making me look stupid. But for the most part I thought we got along pretty well and I was starting to look up to her and constantly praising her and how good she was, she constantly reassured me too of how good of a job I'm doing, I literally asked her a couple days ago if she thinks I'm ready to get off orientation and she was all like yes your doing a fine job, your time management skills are up to par, I just need to work on noticing when the patients is getting critical and when to intervene (which I'm a new nurse I'm still learning) that's understandable.

But my sister in law works on the same floor as me and she started after me. After she got off one day she called to tell me that my preceptor and other nurses were discussing me.....(mainly my preceptor).. "she acts like she doesn't care about anything she doesn't do anything, maybe telemetry isn't the floor for her, I literally have to go in and recheck her after she does assessments and blah blah blah."

Now i am a new nurse, already having feelings of inadequacy, scared to death, feel like I'm not competent for the job.. when I started nights I started to 2nd guess if nursing was right for me. But my preceptor saying all those things about literally confirmed that I am inadequate and it really hurt my feelings because this is something that I'm so passionate about and I just spent the last 4 years of my life to become this and I have someone (that I'm supposed to be able to trust and look up too) talking behind my back, it's okay if she feels like I need a little more training, I wouldn't mind it, but I'm not understanding why she's talking about me behind my back but then tell me how good of a job I'm doing ....

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

Why in the world would your sister in law ever tell you that? It serves no purpose other than to hurt you. What terrible thing to do.

My policy usually is that if someone didn't say something to me, then they didn't say it at all. I don't do gossip, especially if it's about me.

[nursel56]

I'll just reiterate Jen's comment. Listening to, repeating, having anxiety attacks over, etc gossip in all it's forms is destructive and will kick your butt.

I know it is ever-present, and there are usually a few people who depend on it to feel OK about themselves. You really can learn to regard the information as fictional, or just reserve judgement while maybe being more sensitive to what your preceptor is communicating to you.

[LovingLife123]

You sister in law needs to mind her own business. Do not listen to gossip. Wait until you hear it directly from the source.

[TriciaJ, RN]

Just try to focus on what needs to be focused on. Your ability to provide safe, appropriate nursing care. That's it. If your preceptor is helping you achieve that, then you're on the right track. Do not get hung up on her teaching style or your feelings. That's touchy-feely fluff that will get in the way of becoming a solid nurse.

It's normal to feel inadequate when you're a new nurse. If you were already adequate, you wouldn't need an orientation. Just keep accepting feedback from your preceptor and keep learning and improving.

The other posters are right: do not get sidetracked by stupid gossip. Maybe someone was just venting in the moment, maybe your SIL embellished or even made the whole thing up. You don't know. If anyone runs to you to tell you something negative someone said about you, then that is the person not to trust. Don't be too quick to confide in your SIL.

Hang in there. Don't expect roses and dewdrops and you will seldom be disappointed.

[cleback]

That's unfortunate. I don't know the dynamic between you and your SIL so I'll assume she had good intentions to tell you what you're preceptor said (and that she's telling the truth).

Some people are just miserable people. Those types will whine and gossip at every opportunity, particularly about new people. You have asked for feedback from the preceptor and she said you were doing well. That is what you go by. You can't be held accountable or even trust what is said behind your back. Keep learning and trying.

You were warned that preceptor was mean... this may be just another depth of her ridiculousness.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

You should be receiving weekly progress reports. These reports from your preceptor are shared with nursing ed and your manager. If there is any problem, you should be given notice with a performance improvement plan.

If you are not getting the proper feedback, and instead .. hearing conflicting gossip from a family member, it's time to call a meeting with all parties involved to discuss your progress in orientation.

Take control over your orientation.

[Lev, MSN, RN, NP]

I would not bring up what you heard from your SIL with your preceptor or management. It can backfire. I would do like BTDT said and ask for weekly meetings with your preceptor and educator. I would also try to ask for feedback from your preceptor on a shift by shift basis. I would document the feedback you have been given as well as your experiences (vaguely and without any specific or identifying details) as a way of documenting and "journaling your progress" in case someone decides to say that you are not a good fit etc you can point to your documentation.

[lola85]

Mean people suck! Remember why you started and focus on your goals.

[Insperation]

I work on the same type of unit. I often feel the same way. Then I press on and do my job and I get my confidence back. Then I do something stupid and I feel the same way all over again, then I press on, etc etc.

This is growth. We mess up or we are forced to take criticism. We learn from it and move on. I like to remind myself that I work for my patients. At the end of the day, if they are getting better under my care and they are "happy" then I'm doing a good job.

Remember, you CAN NOT control other people's perceptions of you. I'll repeat this cus honestly I'm still learning it to :) YOU CAN NOT control other people's perceptions over it. Therefore do not stress over them.

[bgxyrnf, MSN, RN]

my preceptor KNOWS LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND SHE TEACHES ME A LOT

Even setting aside the issue of 'literally' v. 'figuratively', I assure you, she may know a lot but she does not 'know literally everything." I'd be willing to bet that an expert nurse could find gaps in her knowledge or elements of her practice which are not in keeping with current best practices. I say this not to cast aspersions on her but rather to pull her down from the pedestal upon which you've placed her. Learn of what you can from her and then ignore the rest. She's simply a resource... use her as such but don't endow her with the power to determine your adequacy.

and she was all like...

Please, for the love of Pete, strike this ValGal term from your lexicon.

But my sister in law... called to tell me that my preceptor and other nurses were discussing me

Poor form on the part of your SIL. Who knows her motivation, or even the veracity of her report, but it's just gossip... put it where it belongs, in that foul biohazard bin in the dirty utility room... that's about what gossip smells like.

Now i am a new nurse, already having feelings of inadequacy, scared to death, feel like I'm not competent for the job.

See, you're just like everybody else... while I won't claim feelings as extreme as yours, and I did have the self-confidence to think that I must still be in the top half of all new nurses ever, nursing is a tough gig into which to launch, especially if you don't have a solid support structure around you, but even if you do.

Which, I should point out, it does sound like you have a decent support structure... as you said, you've been learning a ton and getting positive feedback from the COB, despite SIL's report.

when I started nights I started to 2nd guess if nursing was right for me.

Working on the dark side is a challenge... it forks up your body and your mind for quite a while and it's a totally different game than the one played in the sun... many fewer resources to call upon when things start to get dicey. I've always thought it wrong to place new nurses on the dark side... it's not good for them and it's not good for the patients.

But my preceptor saying all those things about literally confirmed that I am inadequate

No they didn't. You're just letting her supposed statements feed into your own lack of self-confidence. First off, you have no idea what she *actually* said nor why she was saying it. If she literally said what SIL claims then perhaps she's just a meaner playing rooster in front of the hens. And so what? That's her, not you. Don't own her crap... and for goodness sake, don't listen to gossip... and tell SIL not to help tear you down.

it really hurt my feelings because this is something that I'm so passionate about

Which is, IMO, part of the issue... feeling 'called' and passionate can result in emotional upheaval when you're feeling challenged. Since I'm in it for the dinero, so long as the checks keep coming, I feel fulfilled. This is your job... it's not your identity nor your purpose nor the source of your validation...

I'm not understanding why she's talking about me behind my back but then tell me how good of a job I'm doing ....

You don't know what she's doing behind your back because you aren't there. I don't give a rip about what SIL says. Do your thing and learn a couple new things every day and, above all, continue to ask questions and solicit help when you need it. Nobody knows everything... not even your preceptor... and you never will... and just about the time that you think you do, it'll change on you! That's part of what keeps the mind young and agile... change. It sucks sometimes but it's hella good for you.

Hang in there, little one, you'll make it. Nursing is hard but I can assure you that plenty of people dumber than you have made it (just playing the averages here...) and you will too... if you don't let other people or even your skill define your worth and value and competency.

You're new... you're evidently minimally competent... that's all that's expected at this point... and don't believe that the people who maintain a veneer of confidence and competence don't still harbor the same feelings that you do... even now, I sometimes start to question myself... the thing is, I use that as a motivator to read and ask and research... I don't let it attack my self-confidence.

And please, flick SIL in the back of her ear for being a gossipy twit.

[llg, PhD, RN]

Can you transfer to another unit? I would not work on the same unit with the SIL. This situation could poison your relationship with her. A lot of employers would not allow it. Start fresh somewhere new if you can.