as an rn student and new lpn one of the things i did not expect is people to start asking me for advice as soon as i got my lpn license. i do not, can not and think i should not be giving any advice; i don't even have my first nursing job yet. the few people who have asked generally accept my standard answer: you should call your primary. then there is my mother.
my mother and i have had a very rocky history as she has so many issues that a few years ago, i realized that her issues were not my own and i refuse to let her manipulate me or guilt me into doing things for her anymore. well, since getting my lpn, she has one medical "crisis" after another...and she calls me at all hours "on death's doorstep". i know it is only for attention but there is always this part of me that wonders if one day, she'll really be sick and i blow it off. when i tell her to call her primary, she always has a reason she can't or won't and wants me to drive the 100 miles to another state to "check her out"...
has anyone else experienced this from family and how do you get people to stop asking for medical advice. i know it will get worse after i get my rn, so i want to figure out how to nip it in the bud now.
i hate that when people ask for "medical" advice and that is exactly what it is, "medical".
just sound like a broken record, esp,. for your 100 mi away mother: "if you are worried, you need to call 911, or see your doctor in the morning. i'm not allowed to give medical advice." eventually she may get the hint.
any siblings near her home who can help get this thru her head?
i can't imagine getting those kinds of calls it's almost like the kid having temper tantrums when what they really want is attention? maybe if you call her at times other than when she is sick, she won't feel so needy. positive reinforcement in other words; attention given when she is not sick.
good luck!
mothers ...
thank you so much for the excellent advice. my brother lives about 40 miles away and she used to call him all the time with every ailment, complaint and issue under the sun until he said enough and does not answer the phone when she calls. he calls her weekly to check on her; but does not answer the incoming calls. so that leaves me. i will try the positive reinforcement even though i drove the 100 miles just this past saturday to take her grocery shopping as she said she didn't have anyone to take her. but i guess that wasn't enough attention.
thank you so much for the excellent advice. my brother lives about 40 miles away and she used to call him all the time with every ailment, complaint and issue under the sun until he said enough and does not answer the phone when she calls. he calls her weekly to check on her; but does not answer the incoming calls. so that leaves me. i will try the positive reinforcement even though i drove the 100 miles just this past saturday to take her grocery shopping as she said she didn't have anyone to take her. but i guess that wasn't enough attention.
no problem!
thats how people get as they get older kind of like children. my dad always asks me for advice also but i love it.i love being able to help him. i get alot of pleasure from that so its totally worth it. you should look at it lke your mom has enough faith n you and believes in you enough to be coming to you. if she didnt think you knew anything she would ask you squat!
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
... even though I drove the 100 miles just this past Saturday to take her grocery shopping as she said she didn't have anyone to take her. But I guess that wasn't enough attention.
Shaking my head and laughing at the same time...
My parents are both mid-seventies and they would DIE before they would ask for anything. Well, my mom anyway. Dad does ask me to house-sit when he is away. lol
OMG That's my Mom too!!Last month it was a cough that wouldn't go away,then her ribs hurt so bad she couldn't breathe,kept asking me what was wrong with her,I kept telling her to call her Dr,finally goes to the doc,orders x-rays turns out she had broken a rib coughing,then she looks at me and says"why didn't you know my rib was broken?"Like I have x-ray vision!!
Now she tells everybody"it's no use asking her anything she'll just send you to the Dr's"
This is definitely something that gets worse as time goes one. EVERYONE asks me what do I think,what should they do about it, etc. I always tell them that I would be happy to explain anything they don't understand in the treatment plan their dr gives them, or explain the use of certain meds etc. BUT I tell them I don't have a licence to give them the treatment they may need even IF I think I might know what is wrong, and that I cannot order the meds for them, they will have to see their own dr. IT doesn't always work, and sometimes it makes them mad.
As for my mother, she did that too, and was basically lonely and had to much time to spend worrying about everything. BUT in her case, she played us (my sister brother, and me) against each other, IF one of us did not respond and give her what she wanted, she called the other. I know it is a hardship, but offer to take her when you can, and accompany her to the dr, or ask one of your siblings. You might tell her that if she would like your advice about the treatment her dr offers, than she can tell that office that they can give you personal information about her, and that it is ok for you to call about clarification regarding treatment, meds. etc. IT is hard, and NO we are not give medical advice, but we will continue to get asked. Better to say nothing.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I learned early on in school not to give medical advice unless I have a chart in my hand or an order from a physician. People will take your word head on, and then, blame you in case things go wrong. This is a society that searches to sue for ridiculous reasons, and I am uncomfortable giving medical advice to people on a casual basis. In fact, my neighbors used to see me going to school with my corny nursing uniform and would ask me when I would be finished. I either tell them I am still in school, or that I flunked out and became an aide...seriously. I do not want anyone knocking on my door in the middle of the night with drama.
Your mother...that is a hard one. You may have to break it down to her gently, or accept that this will be the relationship from now on. It is hard when it is a parent.
I meant to say too - people usually ask questions about areas I'm not familiar with, ie peds, OB, etc. "It's not my area" is not usually a response that inspires them to ask me anymore questions, ha ha!
What really annoys me is when people make you feel incompetent when you are a med/surg nurse and cant answer their pedi questions. Hello, there's a reason why there are so many specialties, you wouldnt take your 2 yo to your gynecologist for a check up. So why do they expect nurses should know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING!
My 1st hubby was a jerk when it came to asking me for advice. He asked once if I had anything he could take for a headache. I offered him some Motrin. "MOTRIN!! that's for womens stuff, it will make me a sissy. Thought you were supposed to be a nurse!" Another time he was having allergy symptoms and asked if I had anything. Directed him to some Benedryl he had left from a rash. " That's for rashes not sneezing. Thought you were supposed to be a nurse!" I started answering "I don't know" to anything he asked. It was easier.
I made the mistake of leaving my med book at my mother's after a visit many years ago. I had gone over her meds and discovered that one of her meds was prescribed at ten times the range given in my med book for elderly persons. I pointed this out to her and advised her to ask about it at her next appt. The next time I visited, the dosage had been corrected and my mom went out of her way to tell me the doctor changed it six times, info she hadn't told me the first time around. Then when I took her to an appt., and waited in the car, I was glad because when she came out, she made some derogatory remarks concerning what went on and that she had told the doctor that I was there. I'm quite happy that I never met her doctor face to face as it would have been difficult to be civil. We all make mistakes, and I know about professional courtesy, but it seems that my mom's doctor must have made some very uncalled for statements. Since my mom is from another era, she eats up everything a professional tells her and she can't see me as a professional nurse. I now stay away from her medical problems.
Added thought: My mom doesn't take me seriously, but thinks the world of one of my SIL, who never even got accepted to nrsg school. Go figure. I like things better now that I don't say anything to my mom about her medical status. Saves my nerves.
The most dreaded statment I heard from a persons mouth was "Hey Your a nurse what do you think this is" I told pelple for yrs to go see their Doctor. Then I became old and cranky and wouldn't ever look at whatever they wanted to show me and told them they have cancer and gonna die very soon if they don't go to their PCP. They quit asking.
and Oh yeah my mother thought I was way too stupid to even go to nursing school so she NEVER ask me anything.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I really think it is annoying for people to think that any medical professional knows EVERYTHING. It is true, we are eventually specialize, or gain the most of our experiences in a certain area. Therefore, it is naive to think that we are walking encyclopedias. I am not even sure of all of the medications that we use in our clinic, or prescribed, but, am looked upon as an idiot if I have to search for information in my drug book.
Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Since my mom is from another era, she eats up everything a professional tells her and she can't see me as a professional nurse. I now stay away from her medical problems... I like things better now that I don't say anything to my mom about her medical status. Saves my nerves.
AMEN!
It's tough to stay away from it tho when something is that blatant (a med 10 x what it should be). BrrrOTHER!
The most dreaded statment I heard from a persons mouth was "Hey Your a nurse what do you think this is".
All I have to hear is the first four WORDS and I cringe! ("Hey, you're a nurse ..." -- and I'm like, here we go again ...)
Luvelyone
74 Posts
thank you so much for the excellent advice. my brother lives about 40 miles away and she used to call him all the time with every ailment, complaint and issue under the sun until he said enough and does not answer the phone when she calls. he calls her weekly to check on her; but does not answer the incoming calls. so that leaves me. i will try the positive reinforcement even though i drove the 100 miles just this past saturday to take her grocery shopping as she said she didn't have anyone to take her. but i guess that wasn't enough attention.