Naroctics diversion...Am I going to prison? Help

[whodatme]

Hi everyone. I wish I was on the other side of this situation. However, I got caught diverting drugs from work. I am currently waiting on everything to unfold and guide me through this. I am terrified that I am going to receive prison time for what I have done. I have talked with someone who works with TPAPN(Texas diversion), and he told me that would not happen. Of course, I can't sleep, think, eat. I was honest at work about the situation. And I looked up the flowchart of what is required from a workplace(i.e. pharmacist investigates, notifies DEA, etc,.) I have checked myself into substance abuse center, and I am currently going to AA/NA meetings. I received a letter from TPAPN saying I have been referred. I know my work is different than the board, than TPAPN, and the DEA. My big question...Does going to a peer diversion program keep you from being criminally charged by your work or the DEA/state? I would love to keep my license through all this, but in reality, I know I messed up BIG TIME, but I have a family. I really am learning early on through this how big of a mistake I made, I just hope TPAPN can prevent me from having to go to prison? I imagine each med could be a felony, so 800+meds sounds like an unforgivable offense/50-100years in prison!? I am just praying that God will meet me wherever I am at, and that my fears/anxieties be comforted. Thank you for any advice/comments.

[odaat]

Dear odaat

I am glad you are doing better, and wish you well in your recovery. I am fully aware of what an addict is capable of, as an example my son's classmate was a meth addict. When his mother refused to give him money for meth he poured kerosene on her, and lit her on fire. When her sister tried to put out the fire he torched his aunty too, in the process he burned down the family house. Although this is an extreme example, this is not a person I would want taking care of my family, or endangering my license by asking for cosigns. If someone would light their mother on fire with this "disease", do you think they would balk at taking half the dose they pulled from the omnicell for their patient?

Cheers

Your use of the word disease in quotation marks says everything I need to know about the futility of furthering this conversation with you. Alas obviously as a junkie self control isn't my forte so I'll engage once more. You seem to have an addict in active addiction and a recovering addict confused as being one and the same. Would I want an addict actively using to take care of me or my family? No. Nor should I have been taking care of anyone. But a monitored addict in recovery? Different ballgame and yes they can take care of me anytime.

Are you of the school of thought, once an addict always an addict? Seems to me that you are. That's unfortunate and clearly shows your ignorance of the subject. I doubt my postings on a forum will cause the slightest dent in that. Obviously you also believe that addicts should be locked up and the key thrown away, cause criminalization of our "disease" has clearly worked for society right? Are any criminals capable of reform in your world or is the whole concept of rehabilitation ridiculous to you?

Again, I hope you or anyone you love never have to experience the hell that is addiction and the judgment of people like you. I assure you addiction is an equal opportunity disease and no amount of impeccable character or morals can save one from it, hence one of the reasons we know today that it is a disease and not a moral failing.

Cheers!

[CryssyD]

OK, guys, I think we've done all the educating we can do. We cannot show the light to those who want to remain blind.

To whodatme: Unfortunately, the world is still full of people who simply cannot understand addiction. Don't knock yourself out trying to explain. Live and let live. I think it's wonderful that you're doing all that you can to help yourself and to let others help you--because you can't do it all alone. Keep reaching out, keep listening and learning, and don't let the b*s&a#ds get you down!

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

We ask that we keep this forum to the intent in which it was created - to provide SUPPORT.

We are not here to judge. While we appreciate lively conversation, we won't tolerate rudeness or divisiveness.

The last thing I can add is that unless you or someone you love has had their lives controlled by an addiction, you don't know of what you speak.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

To whodatme: I recall feeling just like you did in the year 2000. I was sure I was going to prison, that my life was ruined and I had brought shame to myself, my family, and my profession. I wondered how it had all come to this.

You can get through this. Focus on recovery. Have faith in your lawyer's advice and try and take it one day at a time. Some will get criminally charged (I did, although I am in a different state than you), even convicted, but I have seen few with comparable situations to yours go to prison. I got Probation, treatment, and a lot of community service. I left nursing for a bit of time, but am now in my monitoring program and am going to apply for license reinstatement in a few months. I don't know what the future holds for me, where I'll work or in what speciality; but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Again, focus on recovery. Don't drink or use one day at a time. Keep in contact with others who have good recovery. Being in monitoring is stressful at times, but talking with others helps. Follow instructions, stay clean and go to meetings.

Most of all, remember you are not alone. ​ You may PM me if you need to talk.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

Big Blondie, you are great. I love your attitude.

[whodatme]

Can I like this 1000+ times? I am currently in the very beginning of this mess that I have put myself. After I spoke with my employer, there was an almost "instant" relief. Upset that I got caught, of course. But furthermore, knowing my inability to quit my job the several times I told myself to prevent getting caught was apparently beyond my control. I spoke with my wife and explained everything. Then I checked into Rehab and went to an AA caucus meeting. After talking I felted comforted to know there are so many others that struggle. Now that everything has calmed down approx 2-3%, I have begun to feel deeply sad, lonely, and depressed. I don't how much of this feeling is me coming clean. But I wake up a lot thinking has all been just a terrible nightmare. There is SOO much guilt, shame, and just a feeling of emptiness. I have an amazing wife and kids, and I want so badly to feel normal. My wife is such a strong woman who has literally carried me at so many dark times throughout my life. I have, or used to have, a much closer relationship with my God. Of course, during these rough times, I turn to him. But soon thereafter, I ease back into my own accord. I am trying to take things truly one day at a time, because it's so easy to worry about everything that is unknown right now. My sobriety, my family, my job, our house, bills, and money in general.

"Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other."

[dirtyhippiegirl, BSN, RN]

Can I like this 1000+ times? I am currently in the very beginning of this mess that I have put myself. After I spoke with my employer, there was an almost "instant" relief. Upset that I got caught, of course. But furthermore, knowing my inability to quit my job the several times I told myself to prevent getting caught was apparently beyond my control. I spoke with my wife and explained everything. Then I checked into Rehab and went to an AA caucus meeting. After talking I felted comforted to know there are so many others that struggle. Now that everything has calmed down approx 2-3%, I have begun to feel deeply sad, lonely, and depressed. I don't how much of this feeling is me coming clean. But I wake up a lot thinking has all been just a terrible nightmare. There is SOO much guilt, shame, and just a feeling of emptiness. I have an amazing wife and kids, and I want so badly to feel normal. My wife is such a strong woman who has literally carried me at so many dark times throughout my life. I have, or used to have, a much closer relationship with my God. Of course, during these rough times, I turn to him. But soon thereafter, I ease back into my own accord. I am trying to take things truly one day at a time, because it's so easy to worry about everything that is unknown right now. My sobriety, my family, my job, our house, bills, and money in general.

"Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other."

Have you consulted a lawyer yet. I wouldn't take it at face value that you will not be prosecuted because a bunch of internet strangers say so. If your hospital wants to prosecute, they will, and they just might if they do an audit and discover the extent of your activities.

[peachfuzz]

Try to relax. What's done is done. Focus on moving forward. I too am a addict and have been through this several times. The last time TPAPN fired me and my license was suspended for a year. I am now working again and have been clean for 2+ years. The best advice I ever got from an atty was to immediately start drug screens through Recovery Trek. They will assist you if you are doing this on your own. You must prove your sobriety. I promise it will help and you will get past this moment in your life. Best wishes...

[whodatme]

Have you consulted a lawyer yet. I wouldn't take it at face value that you will not be prosecuted because a bunch of internet strangers say so. If your hospital wants to prosecute, they will, and they just might if they do an audit and discover the extent of your activities.

I'm sorry, but not at one point in my writing did I ever pretend to assume what people say may be my fate? I was thanking odaat for his kind words of wisdom, and then I wrote an update about my feelings.

[Twoyearnurse]

These things are terrifying at first and id be a liar if I said it gets better quickly.

Two years ago I got caught diverting, entered treatment, completed, came clean with the board, and am in active recovery. I could have died when others here told me I would not return to nursing quickly and that it would get insanely better as time went on. And yet...

It has. I am free to practice but have not yet returned. I comply with my monitoring agreement and am at a job I love (hint: any job that requires a human services degree you can apply for and not have to utilize your license, just your education).

Many times in those first few months I woke up as you do now, usually after dreams of everything being "normal". Dreams of normalcy became nightmares. Yet little by slowly I walked through those fears. I live in a state where they could choose to prosecute me for up to five years. So two down, three to go. Focus on recovery and eventually this all becomes the new normal and there is light.

[Firemedicmommy, EMT-P]

I completely understand drug addiction is a disease and a terrible one, believe me I am not judging as I have personal family experience with it.

I guess what my shock is that 800 pills is not 5 or 10 or even 20. I have no idea how it could have gone on that long without someone noticing sooner...

OP I wish you well and to stay strong

Sorry, the previous comment was not directed at you. It was directed at a different poster who I guess had their comment removed.

[Biosphere]

I don't know the answer to your question but can definitely understand your concern. In my humble opinion, everything is on the table. This is an extreme case so prepare for the fight of your life. I truly wish you the best of luck.