My hubby and I spent the nite out of town Saturday, my 17 year old was to be picked up by his Dad for the nite. We came home this afternoon to find my entire home had been tossed, we had been robbed. Apparently my kid blew off his Dad, invited a few "friends" over and it escalated. They stole computers, cameras, jewlery, designer clothing, drank anything they could and my son stated that it got out of hand. We called the police who took prints and interviewed neighbors who heard nothing.
My son refused to provide any names to help out and the police were really kind of help. After the CSI left and we were cleaning up the mess, my son went in to take a bath. He admitted to drinking and smoking pot and expressed a lot of remorse. I told him that I loved him but that he put our family in a lot of jeopardy. Anyway, he called out to me from the bathroom. I knocked and entered. He is usually very shy but he had a knife, a pair of scissors and a pen and had written on his chest some obsenities. I took away the sharp stuff, assessed him physically and he stated he had taken a bottle of Aleve and was feeling sick. Also stated he wanted to cut himself but the knife was not sharp enough and showed me some scratches on his forearm.
I called 911 and the EMT's arrived, his BP was way up, his BS was low, less then 60, he was started on IV NS and taken to our local ER. They tried a charcoal lavage and he is at this time very lethargic and still medically unstable to be moved to a Psych hold for a 5150. It's almost midnight and I am numb. His Dad has not returned any of my calls and I am sure I will be a wreck in the morning. The ER doc was a complete jerk who treated me like I was a felon and I wanted to punch him. I love my child, he is the only kid I will ever have and I want to do what is right for him but I cannot touch this pain he is having.
What an awful experience. To have this ability at our fingertips, to touch and heal a stranger and when our family members fall apart we are helpless. I wish I could cry. I wish I could rage against someone or something. I feel bewildered and helpless. I feel sorry for this young man who's smile can brighten any dreary day, who get's my jokes, who inspires me to be the best I can be. This kid who did such an abominal act that I have no understanding of. I guess I am angry that he would waste his life, but am not sure where to place my anger. He was not medically stable enough to be transferred to a psych unit when we left but they promised to place him in an observation unit and monitor his 02 sats.
I am quite sure this post will be eliminated (go on with the projected anger Haunted) but this is my resource right now and I am reaching out to my peers in compassion. I thank you for letting me vent.
I am praying for you and your family. I pray all goes well with him. I can tell you really love him. Just let him know how important he is to you. Being a teenager is hard theses days. Just try talking to him. He might be looking for attention that he feels he is not getting. Hope all goes well with your family. May God Bless You All.
Don't let your ex get you down. Your son made the choice to do what he did. He is of an age to make his decisions so he is the one responsible for the results. You raised him the best you knew how, as a loving mother. You can't take blame on yourself that doesn't belong to you. And you're getting your son the help he needs. I can't help but think... what has his father done to help? {{{{hugs}}}}
Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.
It is often said it takes two parents to raise a child...especially a teen. You can't see it all or predict what could happen...even the best of parents! You certainly can not handle this alone, nor should you. You have received most excellent support here. We give you many hugs, my friend. If a urine tox screen has not been done, I would encourage it to see if other substances were present as well. The suggestion for family and individual counseling goes without saying. If the trashing and theft of your residence isn't a cry for help already, his attempt was just an exclamation point to it. And lastly, this is when one needs stop being a nurse, especially a psych nurse, and to be simply Mom. This is your child. He needs you as his parent. Where dad is at in this picture, hard to say...but, he needs to be there too in the counseling sessions if all possible. If there are any issues with your current husband, that also needs addressed as well. One thing that I learned from psych (10 years) is that people do not do things for no reason...even teenagers...if you can believe that. The issues need addressed, or you will revisit them later...teenagers have a knack for this. The time is now. Again, I am so sorry to hear what has occurred for you and your family. You have a lot of support here...please use it. I wish you and your family the best and hope you all can pull through this.
Now the case manager is telling me my son's insurance, thru his Dad's employer will only authorize a very small portion of the treatment!!!! I told he I alsolutely want him to remain, it is one of the best facilities around for him.
The nursing staff are extremely compassionate and insightful, the team is very proactive and keeps me up to date several times during the day. No one told me that I would feel so sad and depressed! WOW!!! I am starting to feel it, I have had the usual "moody blues" that pass in a day or so but NOTHING like this. Whew. I cry at the drop of a hat, I'm still in my pajamas and puttering around aimlessly doing anything I can to distract my mind from expecting to hear him come thru the patio gate after school. Just passing his room triggers another blub fest. I'm going back to see him again tonight, last night he actaully gave me a hug and told me he loved me so that in itself is worth every penny!
Maybe some retail therapy will help, I can nuts at the 99cent store or plant some flowers in what's left of my yard. Plus, I hate to be a burden and a bummer to my hubby, he has been so supportive throuhgout everything.
I want to ask my PMD for an antidepressant for short term, if this doesn't blow over by tomorrow so I can function and at least get back to work it's a done deal. I need to be strong for my son and husband. A million thank you's for your kind prayers and advice. It really helps a lot.
Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.
((((haunted))))) my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son..his dad obviously has no real clue . pray that family aned individual therapy will benefit all of you. mary
You can't do this alone. Share the strength of others, including your husband. I've learned that it can be a kind of selfish pride to do everything yourself and not let a loved one be strong for you. It makes the burden easier to bear. The idea of antidepressants is a good one though it takes awhile to kick in. Is there someone you'd feel comfortable talking/venting to? Personally, I get into a good book to divert my mind when I'm in the dumps. It helps in the short term. Also, the dreaded thought of exercise is said to help depression. And, of course, we're all here for you and praying for you and your family. God bless you with peace and wisdom.
My heart is breaking for you! I have a 16 yo son and my biggest fear is that he would try to hurt himself--that would be unbearable!! We all want nothing but happiness for our kids--even at the expense of our own. My 20 yo cousin killed himself about 5 yrs ago. He had everything going for him, Straight A's in college, no trouble, no drugs. He was adopted and I think he had a depressive disorder. He tried a couple of times, and finally succeeded when my aunt (his mom) came home and found him in the car running in the garage, CO poisoning, with his pillow and sony walkman playing. He was well loved, by everyone! My daughter, 16 at the time, had threatened suicide a few times BEFORE this happened. This was her fav cousin. I took her to the wake, and it sobered her up. She saw the finality and senselessness of it. Maybe your son needs to see that! I feel for him and I hope and pray he will get well and live a long happy life! I hope it all works out for u, love him till it hurts--:)
My prayers will include you and your son. Teenagers feel and percieve things so intensely, it's scary. I remember being his age, and I wouldn't trade being 39 for my teen years again except to do things differently. Hang in there. I'm so sorry for the way the ER doc treated you:crying2: . The last thing we need in horrible crisis is judgemental people who are supposed to HELP you and your son.GBY..Kim
I too will join everyone here in offering my support and compassion, I too had someone close to me attempt suicide and I can speak from experience when I reiterate what others have said here... be mom... not a nurse, try not to read anything into the things he says to you, just be there and be supportive. One other poster mentioned that they felt your son did what he did to take attention away from his actions, well it maybe, but I tend to think it was guilt on his part as he clearly loves you and would have been dissapointed to let you down. Not only that but the actions in themselves would have been evidence to you that he was doing other things you were unaware of.
Now is not the time for recriminations though, he needs to know you still love him even though he feels he's dissapointed you, that you dont think he's a ogre becuase he may have engaged in some recreational drugs etc.
Good luck with the future, and from reading your posts I have no-doubt you will get through this and both you and your son will likely end up closer as a result of this experience.
I'm so glad your son is in such good hands. That alone will help. I read your comment about being strong, and I just wondered if you really eqate crying, and needing help from others as not being strong? I sort of doubt it, esp with your experience as a nurse and psy nurse. But I wonder if you do what I and many others do, in that what is OK for others, we don't allow ourselves. the release of crying, needing help and maybe even screaming, are all things we allow in others, but deny ourself. Just a thought, and if I'm off base, just ignore me.
I had a counsellor tell me last fall that 'being in that chair is a vulnerable place, and having been there, it would help make me a better nurse'. I am now doing my psyc rotation, and she is right, I think. So I will pass this bit of wisdom on to you, and I hope it is useful.
Just know I am praying for all of you in this time,
He called me this afternoon to "make sure that I was coming to see him" and I assured him I was, asking if he needed anything. He sounded agitated and when I got there he was on the couch watching TV.. He seemed intent on interacting with me so I dispatched my hubby to go play ping pong with another patient.
My son mentioned an apology letter that he wrote. It seemed like something he really felt remorse for. I read it and he asked for it back. He said he was not finished. I told him it wa one thing to write it down, another to truly mean it, either one was effective.
I asked him if he wanted a similar letter from me. I said " I bet I have done a lot of things to make you angry and upset" That opened the flood waters!!!
He gave me a verbal list of my short comings and said he had a few more. I am relived to see that his anger is coming out verbally. I told him I was supportive of his anger and that it was better that he told the people, includig me that he felt had let him down, rather than hold it in and direct it towards himself. He was jittery and agitated and said he spent his free time flipping off people on the freeway from the window.
He is an angry guy. I have an appointment tomorrow with the social worker who suggested that he turns 18 next month and may be floated to a board and care due to his mental diability. I am hanging on and standing by him.
I don't want to see that happen to him, the old SSI shuffle. I never thought this would happen to my child. I treated every child who I cared for with care and compassion and hoped that Karma would carry over.
I am passed the depression stage and moving into anger. Angry towards him, his Dad and all the people who let him down. I could have been toughre on him and I could have set firmer limits but he was so good at dodging and evading. Damn, this is the pits. I do appreciate your advice and prayers. Quite a journey, I don't think anyone knew what this would bring out in all of us. I have a housefull of victims.
There is nothing and every thing I could say, having two teens and (1) 25year old I have had so many bad dreams of what could happen to them, why were they so distant and depressed mostly my daughter. I cried rivers of tears for the stress they go thru, it seems I never went through.
Therapy and plenty of encouragement is the key. Let him always know how important life is here with him. Nothing is worth a life. God excluded. He is blessed to have you with him.
tee_byrd, BSN, RN
163 Posts
I am praying for you and your family. I pray all goes well with him. I can tell you really love him. Just let him know how important he is to you. Being a teenager is hard theses days. Just try talking to him. He might be looking for attention that he feels he is not getting. Hope all goes well with your family. May God Bless You All.