My parents don't want me to become nurse but I don't care anymore

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jun 9, 2017

My parents and I are immigrants from Mexico and they hate the idea of me becoming an RN. Now that I've just graduated HS, they are bugging me (even more now than they have in the past) about what I am going to do in life. My parents wanted me to become a Doctor (like a neurosurgeon) and while I thought how cool it would be to become a doctor and how awesome the pay would be, I came to realize a while later that becoming a doctor just wasn't for me. I decided that I want to be a neonatal nurse (my parents disapprove, but whatever, I love babies and I want to help take care of them). They like to put me down and keep telling a bunch of things.
Here are some examples:
-If you become a nurse, we won't pay for your tuition. (Okay, good. I don't want you to. Why do you think I'm applying for scholarships and looking for a job?)
-You won't have a good pay. (Umm, have you gone on the Internet and seen how much the starting salary is in our state? It's a pretty good starting salary.)
-Why would you want to become a nurse when you could become a doctor? Nurses would work for you if became a doctor. (Because I'm not a leader, I'm follower. I'm not good at giving instructions but I'm good at following them.)
-Nurses work long hours. (Umm, I'm pretty sure doctors work longer...)
-You only want to go into nursing because it won't take as long. (Ah, no. It's because I want to be a nurse, not because it's shorter.)
-We won't support you. (Ah, you rarely every support my choices. And besides, I have friends who support me on becoming a nurse because they know it is something they know I want to do.)
But for right now, I'm gonna take a year gap (I desperately need it and senior year was HELL), and get a job at a local Dollar Tree store (my parents hate the idea, but I don't care anymore, I'm done with them ruling my life). After the year gap, I'm going to a technical school and study to become a CNA and then later on to a University to become a neonatal nurse.
My parents keep telling me that I'm making a big mistake but that's just them.
Have any of you ever been through this?

Yes, I've been through it, but in reverse. My parents wanted my high school boyfriend to give me an engagement ring for graduation because, in the words of my father as he was driving me to graduation practice, "You'll never make it through college. You might as well just get married and Rob can support you."

So I moved out of the house the day after high school graduation (and in with my best friend's family), worked hard all summer at two jobs, saved as much as I could and put myself through college. It took me five years to get my BSN, but *I* did it without a dime from my parents. It was difficult, but I did it.

I got my danged Master's, too!

Purple_roses · Jun 9, 2017

Your parents seem to have an archaic view of what nursing is today.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP · Jun 9, 2017

Yes, I've been through it, but in reverse. My parents wanted my high school boyfriend to give me an engagement ring for graduation because, in the words of my father as he was driving me to graduation practice, "You'll never make it through college. You might as well just get married and Rob can support you."
So I moved out of the house the day after high school graduation (and in with my best friend's family), worked hard all summer at two jobs, saved as much as I could and put myself through college. It took me five years to get my BSN, but *I* did it without a dime from my parents. It was difficult, but I did it.
I got my danged Master's, too!

Wow...your dad sounds like a winner.

Who does that?!?

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Jun 9, 2017

Ruby, you are a super hero.

Orca, ADN, ASN, RN · Jun 9, 2017

-Why would you want to become a nurse when you could become a doctor? Nurses would work for you if became a doctor. (Because I'm not a leader, I'm follower. I'm not good at giving instructions but I'm good at following them.)

Unless you're working in the office, you will not work for a doctor. Carrying out their verbal and written orders is not the same thing as reporting to them or them supervising you. You also won't be blindly carrying out orders. You will be reviewing each order to make sure that it is appropriate for the situation, and you will be advocating for your patients with the doctor. You won't be on the same level, but you won't be the doctor's servant either. Good doctors value savvy nurses, and they often solicit their opinions before issuing orders.

-Nurses work long hours. (Umm, I'm pretty sure doctors work longer...)

Early in my college career, I was a pre-med major. In retrospect, this was probably my parents' choice more than mine (the whole "my son, the doctor" thing). A physician actually talked me out of it, telling me that he made a lot of money, but he never had time to enjoy it.

I applaud you for choosing your own path. No one should make that decision for you. You are the one who will work in the career field. If it isn't something that you want, that could make for quite a miserable life.

DTWriter · Jun 9, 2017

I would get info for your parents to enroll themselves into medical school to become neurosurgeons. It's never too late for them to try. This is the American Dream and they can start from wherever their education left off.

^THIS

I remember a manga/anime titled "Bakuman," where the uncle/mangaka did not want to actually push his artistic nephew to become a mangaka as well because the uncle understood the struggles that a mangaka faced and so concluded that it would be irresponsible of him to push the nephew down the same route.

(Granted. That is fiction but I hope people understand what I am trying to get at =>)

People really should not push another person down a route without experiencing it for themselves. The medical route is no joke; it has several pitfalls, including but not limiting to, the MCAT, Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, matching services, and residency. Some schools allow their students to retake the board exams; others don't. You do not match into a residency program? Tough. You still got to pay your debt. Not liking your residency? Good luck finding another to accept you~ Want to switch specialty? Sacrifice another 3-7 years of your life~

Ultimately, failure to complete medical school, let alone acquire a job as physician, can leave one in massive debt. Actually, just attempting the medical route can leave one in massive debt, with a spotty resume, and in need of a psychiatrist.

OP, to be blunt, your parents are being irresponsible for telling you to pursue a career that you really do not have your mind set on.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jun 9, 2017

Wow...your dad sounds like a winner.
Who does that?!?

Oh yeah. I have stories!

cleback · Jun 9, 2017

Not sure how I feel about this post... Maybe because the disdain for nursing from the parents is so palpable and has colored the OPs view of it (nurses can be leaders in many ways, although in different ways than physicians... and not all physicians are leaders. Some just get in, write a treatment plan and get out as fast as they can). And while I know it wasn't the OPs intention, this post makes me think the OP is running away to join the circus or a jam band. Nursing is actually a pretty normal profession.

rescueninja1987 · Jun 9, 2017

Well when people ask me why I didn't become a doctor, it's real simple: I didn't want to specialize in one thing, I didn't want to have anything to do with the insurance/reimbursement side of it, and I wanted to be in a more hands on role where I could be the first person to advocate for someone when something went wrong. Honestly I was pretty into the whole three days a week thing, but that wasn't my main reason for choosing it by a long shot.

bluescrubs, ADN, ASN, RN · Jun 9, 2017

It is unfortunate when your parents try to live their life and their dream job through you. I always wanted to be a nurse but the pressure from my mom did not help, its like always having a monkey on your back watching over you. I honestly felt like not pursuing the degree because she was always bugging me about it. The nursing program that I want to get into starts in January and she is already talking about masters degree and becoming a nurse practitioner. Like, can I start the program first, graduate and work for awhile first? Honestly i feel like after I get my bsn I'll be comfortable working bedside or as an OR nurse. I really don't feel like putting any more time and money into another degree when i can do my dream job with just the bsn. My mother is one of those moms that wanted to go back to school and become a nurse but now feels like she is too old so she is living through me. I guess you can say they do it out of love but it is frustrating.

Wishing you all the best.

VioletKaliLPN, LPN · Jun 10, 2017

I SUPPORT YOU! Internet ((hugs)) This is your life, you have to follow your bliss and make the choices which feel right in your heart.

For what it is worth, I took several years off after High School in order to travel and see the world. I went back to school after I was finished with my journey. I went back to school at 26, no regrets. I continue to travel, and live a personally enjoyable lifestyle. I do not have children, but I never wanted them. Take your year off if you feel motivated to return as soon as you are ready.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Jun 10, 2017

Your parents seem to have an archaic view of what nursing is today.

Probably more to do with the fact that they are from Mexico and nursing is very different there. Same in Puerto Rico.

I was fortunate and didn't get the school pressure. My sister did. I always beat to my own drum and I think my father eventually realized it was a losing battle. I think he was just happy I went back to high school and graduated. (I had a baby at 16 before it was cool. :sarcastic: ) Then I was pressured into marriage to someone I could barely stand but I was supposed to be "grateful" he was willing to accept my son and marry me. and I was to fill my domesticated roll. However it really wasn't for me.

Now my Dad brags to everyone about his daughter being a badass emergency nurse. :sarcastic: Especially since my elite sister who was Dad's pride and joy with the 4.0 GPA who was on a ROTC scholarship ended up losing it all a semester before graduating college. :|

Anyway, OP you're about to be grown now and on your own. You gotta walk you own path and do what you feel called to do. Good chance your parents will eventually come around. Especially since it's embedded in our culture to be so family oriented. I would imagine they won't stay upset with you forever.