My friend is dying..you gotta read this update!!!

[General E. Speaking, RN, RN]

RECALL MY ORIGINAL POST: My friend, a fellow RN, has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. He is 30 yrs old and has been given 3-5 mos to live.

He has already been set up with hospice. We are all pretty shocked. He had an orthopedic injury so finding the pancreatic cancer was by accident.

He has been making a "bucket list" and has been para-sailing and we have plans to skyjump. He is going to get a hefty amount of money from a settlement. I am praying that he gets this money as expected so he has time to travel and enjoy what time he has left.

He tells me that this isn't the time for tears and he wants to just have fun. Dh and I have been spending a lot of time with him and his girlfriend (she is a RN too).

I try to hold my tears around him. Sometimes we all get a little teary-eyed and quiet but for the most part we try to relax and laugh, play games when together. We hug frequently and tell each other "I love you" often.

I have never been in this situation. I have never been told by someone, "I am dying. I can't believe it"

I am trying not to be a slobbering crying mess around him (but it is hard).

Any insight into my situation will be appreciated. Anything else I should be doing? or saying? not saying?

Thanks.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

NEW UPDATED POST: EVERYTHING WAS A LIE!

Not even sure anyone will remember me, it has been a while since I posted.

Things have happened with my friend with cancer that have rocked our world. I found out after putting things together, following up with inconsistencies and catching him in lies...that my "friend" is actually probably mentally ill and needs to be committed.

First: We found out that the million dollar lawsuit money that he was supposed to get was never true. Recall that he had said he wanted to help all his friends out and said he was going to give all of us $20,000. I opened up my home to him and his girlfriend when they couldnt make rent anymore with the intention of giving them a temporary home until his money came in. They had planned to travel until he got too sick to enjoy things. I offered all of this even before he said he wanted to give us money. The money was the last thing on my mind. My friend was dying and dying soon.

While he was here, he told me that when the end came, he wanted to be here at our home surrounded by his friends. We were having frequent BBQs and meals together with him and his childhood friends. I wasn't unusual for me to wake up to go to work and have people laying all over my living room floor, on the couches and sleeping in chairs. We sacrificed our privacy and ignored my own daughter to the point that she went crying to my Mom. I do regret that my daughter felt left out and our relationship is good now but I don't regret meeting my friend with cancer's childhood friends. They have become good friend to us and are wonderful. We see them often.

The story about his lawsuit started to unravel. Things weren't adding up and his girlfriend and I became suspicious. He came up with the most incredible lies, convenient excuses about why this money was delayed. When his girlfriend finally had enough of the weeks of excuses and delayed appointment times (like the lawyer had the million dollar check but his daughter got into a car accident and was in critical condition so he couldn't leave her side, the next meeting time was delayed because she supposedly got septic and they had to rush her to surgery, etc...). One day, his girlfriend put her foot down and made him get into the car, they drove to the lawyer's office, parked the car and were about to go in, he told her it wasn't true. There was no lawsuit. Mind you, his girlfriend quit her job as a nurse (by the way, my "friend" with cancer is a RN too) to be by his side. I mean, his story was that he had Stage IV pancreatic cancer. It is mean, fast and deadly. You can always get money but you can never get time back. I am sure she was less anxious about no income (she is very frugal, had a savings account and paid cash for everything) because he had promised her the bulk of the money after setting up college funds for his children.

His story was that he liked everyone coming over to my house for dinners and spending time together. He said he thought if we found out about the money not coming, all our gatherings would stop. Of course we told him that he was insane!!! He was our friend and we were making many wonderful memories, laughing a lot, drinking a lot of beer, pitching washers in the backyard and having fun. We spent money we didn't have because we wanted him to enjoy what time he had left. Skydiving, go cart racing, movies, bungee jumping and special meals that he craved. We took trips out of town to meet his mom, grandmother and entire family. My electricity bill shot up, water bill skyrocketed but we muddled thru because he had cancer and was dying.

Second: He would never allow his girlfriend to go to any doctor appt. He said he didn't need any Rx for pain meds (c/o abd pain and nausea) because he was smoking pot- medicinally. He declined Hospice because he "didn't want to be doped up and have blurry memories". Supposedly, the doc that diagnosed him was doing everything under the table because he didn't have insurance. I asked frequently for lab results because I was worried about his WBCs and platelet count. Never saw anything, not a lab report or CT scan- there was always an excuse. Incredible (believable for a while) excuses.

You see where this is going....his girlfriend found out that this under the table doctor has no idea who he is, has never seen him. So, we realize now that there is no way he has cancer. He has been lying about having cancer. All this happened right after his girlfriend told him she was moving back home to Minnesota.

I am heartbroken and haven't talked to him. He moved back to Dallas about a month ago to be closer to his family. His girlfriend is back in Minnesota. He made the trip down here this past weekend because we confronted him about the cancer. He and his dad wanted to talk to everyone to convince us that his girlfriend was a liar and a gold digger. Of course, he is still sticking to his story that he has cancer saying this doctor doesn't want to admit seeing him because he could lose his medical license because all these office visits/tests were under the table. I refused to see him or talk to him. I cannot handle it anymore and need to distance myself.

I am heart-broken. Also, my 10 yo cat had to be put to sleep 2 weeks ago because she had bone cancer and last night one of out terriers got out and got ran over by a car. Both are buried in the backyard.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

OMG - so sorry. Agree this guy has big time mental health issues.

[Hospice Nurse LPN, BSN, RN]

Oh my goodness! This man has some serious issues. I'm sorry you were sucked into his insanity--the same thing most of us would have done---caring more about our friend than ourself. Sending you big hugs. :redbeathe

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

Wow. This is too twisted for color TV, right here!

Not only is this person mentally ill but a very good con man...he fooled so many educated people!

I'm glad you found everything out, and I hope your daughter is doing better.

Also, please accept my condolences. It is very hard to lose a pet, much less two in such a short time.

[leslie :-D]

Oh my goodness! This man has some serious issues. I'm sorry you were sucked into his insanity--

i agree, this guy has some deep psych issues.

truthfully i find it sad.

wouldn't be surprised to hear he killed himself after being found out.

leslie

[RNnbakes]

I feel sorry for his girlfriend, she quit her job for a loved one. Now she has to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and empty bank account.

My condolences to you because you lost two loved ones in the midst of your friend's dangerous manipulation.

Please take heart and time to recover.

God bless.

[missy--kay]

Oh my gosh. I have checked back several times to see if you have updated your friend's condition.

Unbelievable. I am so sorry that he took such advantage of you.

[rdsxfnrn]

wow, just wow! he needs a kick in the a**. karma is a b*tch!

[tewdles, RN]

I am so sorry to hear this...tragic in yet another way...

[MsBlissful]

awful.. really awful. But people like this exist.

[General E. Speaking, RN, RN]

Yes and animal things got much worse. Our 17 yr old Sheltie -mix dog took a turn for the worse.. I noticed his head was turned to one side. The he started having seizures. It was horrible, We were all crying and laying on the floor next to him. This all occurred at night when everything is closed. We called an after hrs clinic and the wanted $600. We didn't have it.

We stayed with him in shifts. He settled stopped moaning and seizing and even got a little sleep. We were running him into the vet when the doors opened. We knew it was time, We tossed around the idea in the past about how we would KNOW when it was time. Prior the this incident, he was eating, drinking and going to the bathroom outside as usual.

Anyway, dh ad I got to hold him in our arms while we talked to him and petted his favorite areas.

He is also buried in our back yard.

On to my friend with cancer- I am not his friend on facebook anymore, and haven't talked to him. I cannot make myself do it.

Others who have been around him say he looks like he is gaining weight.

His girlfriend moved back up North. We still talk regularly and she seems to be coping well.

Turning your life upside down, getting emotionally involved, spending unwisely has really taken a blown to my psyche . I wouldn;t wish getting duped and taken advantage of on my worst enemy. It hurts and makes you second guess yourself.

[katkonk, BSN, RN]

Wow! A profound sense of betrayal is hard to shake. It will pass, but a good lesson learned. The thing that concerns me, is that if he is truly an RN (and I would check that out, by the way, given the circumstances), I would report him to the board of the state in which he is licensed. If he is this great a con man, he cannot be trusted with a vulnerable population. He could steal from them, or much worse. If I ever ran across a mentally unstable nurse, that was not in a treatment program or under some type of regular care, I would report them in a heartbeat. Very, Very sorry about your animals. Best wishes to you.