My Experience with Cliques and Bullies and How I Learned to Deal with Them

This article is for help with cliques and bullying during the pre-reqs experience and how to deal with the difficulties that these situations hold.

My Experience with Cliques and Bullies and How I Learned to Deal with Them

Cliques and bullying are usually something that is generally reserved for the adolescent years. But unfortunately, you’ll find yourself dealing with cliques during Pre-reqs. I’ve dealt with them, from being bullied, childish rumors, and lies. As a prereq student, I never knew what meanness truly was until I stepped foot in my prerequisite science classes. As difficult of a time this was, it brought out character and wisdom that I’ll carry on throughout life. I’m not a self-help guru by any means, but I’ll give you the “types” of mean girls/guys I ran into, the experiences I’ve had with them, and tips that I’ve learned along the way. I felt urged to write this as a way of healing and a way of helping others.

Know the “origins” of the clique

A clique is usually made up of deeply insecure or bitter individuals. They typically band together to form what “seems” like a united front, but in reality, it’s not. The origins of a clique technically stem from loneliness or insecurity of some sort, and cliques pick on someone they deem to be weaker, but they are the weak ones.  The clique consists of three subtypes: The Queen Bee, the lapdog, and the followers.

Understanding Queen Bee, the lapdog, and the followers

The alpha is usually on top of the game. She is typically smart and has many strong social ties, especially with the professors, but instead of being ‘humble,’ she’s the complete opposite. Most Queen Bees that I’ve run across are very skillful at having a Jekyll and Hyde persona and are extremely manipulative and jealous.  Despite academic and social achievements, many Queen bees are usually trying to fill a void (explained to me by an older confidant). The lapdog is usually the Queen Bee’s best friend, and she usually does what the queen bee tells her to do; for example, if the queen bee wants to ruin someone, the lapdog will usually gather up a mob to make sure this is done, without leave a “trace” of evidence. Whom the lapdog socializes with strongly depends on the circle of the Queen Bee. Finally, the followers are either usually afraid of the wrath or want to be in the loop.

Don’t give them a reaction

From experience, if you usually give cliques a response, you go through the class or possibly the rest of your school experience with a target on your back.  Yes, we are human and allowed to feel things, but when you deal with people with sinister motives, it’s best to remain stoic if possible. I will give you three experiences of mines. I had a study group (turned clique) to where they turned on me overnight. Back then, I had no idea what happened, just that before the lab in the hallway, I was treated horribly and began to cry, and then shortly after, the crap hit the fan,  resulting in me having to drop and them spreading countless lies, it was basically mobbing. On my second try at anatomy, I had a girl I haven’t had a conversation with become hostile and somewhat competitive. She was attempting to humiliate me and bringing two other classmates (one who spread rumors and the other insulted me in passing) into the drama she was trying to create, unlike the first time I ignored her soon before COVID it diffused. Thirdly, during my Microbiology class, I had a girl that I hadn’t talked to try to start tensions, it started by her rolling her eyes, but I didn’t give her a reaction. Still, during one lab, she called me a ***, while inside I was fuming I didn’t react to it but did let my professor know about this, and she shared her wisdom, “ They look for reactions.”  Me ignoring her attempts to get under my skin resulted in her not even wanting to look at me for the remainder of Microbiology. So despite the crappy experiences that I’ve been through, I try not to give in to the drama and stay as strong as possible, which is difficult at times.

Know your worth and keep focused

Know that you are in your prerequisites to build a future for yourself, not partake in drama! You are at the peak of your life and can do many incredible things! Also, keep your focus on whatever classes you may be taking, and do not get sidetracked!

Value your mental health

If you are going through a clique or bullying situation, know that you should not be going into class stressed or pondering whether you should stick around or not.  It’s okay to take time to adjust yourself if needed.  Talked to a trusted and professional counselor if your situation is too much to handle.

Record incidents if possible

This is so crucial if anything were to happen or decided to report. Reporting incidents (ex: names, descriptions, classroom room numbers, times and dates, and description of the events) will help the proper chain of commandment or the system you decide to report by identifying what’s going on.

Alert teachers

In the previous experiences, I had alerted teachers about these incidents. Two were very professional; one addressed the classroom, but both kept a watchful eye on the behavior, making things easier.

Build a support system

The support system can be friends, staff, teachers, or parents. When you are going through tough times, it’s very important not to keep things bottled up because this can backfire.  Know that there are people out there who love you to pieces.

Something that I want to say ...

To the followers

If you see someone getting bullied, report it instead of fueling the fire! There have been many times when someone spoke up and had a backbone that one person wouldn’t have to suffer over the wrath of a bully or a clique!

To the bullies and followers with children

Again, I write this because there have been several bullies and a follower who have had children. One of the worst ones was a male who had a daughter and an expecting parent. Before being nasty and following a crowd with negative motives, be an example of strength and positivity for your children! You wouldn’t like it if this was done to your children, and neither would they.

One more step that I wanted to say that helped me is , don't force healing

If it hurts it hurts , when you try to get over something super quickly that was traumatic I find that it just puts you back a bit while this happened 2/3 years ago I do still "ache" a bit from this but I am at a better place because I allowed myself go through the emotions I was feeling and then found later on down the road healthy outlets to deal with my bullying experience.

I also wanted to thank allnurses too for helping me and giving me advice ❤️ 

References

Academic Mobbing: Hidden Health Hazard at Workplace

Mean girls in Pre-Req / Nursing School, how do you deal with them?

How to Bypass Bullies and Get to Graduation

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TheNursingdoll

About TheNursingdoll, CNA

Hello there! I am a nursing student hoping to get into my technical school's Fall of 2021 program. If you are a pre-nursing student needing help , I will help in any way possible.

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Specializes in ICU.

Great article @TheNursingdoll! As many of us know these behaviors tend to continue through nursing school and into the workplace. Dealing with bullying can happen to anyone in any environment, so learning how to deal with them is paramount to success. I’m glad you are making such strides in your own development so early on in your nursing career, you will certainly have the backbone you need to take anyone on!

For me I tend to laugh things off by telling jokes or using a little self-deprecating humor, that seems to work. I don’t necessarily mind being the odd man out sometimes as long as people aren’t being openly mean to my face. I’m actually very self-conscious and agonize over whether or not people like me, but I’m learning to just appreciate good interactions with people and not worry about what they think or say of me after I’m gone. Of course a lot of this comes with age and experience and it gets easier as I get older!

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53 minutes ago, 0.9%NormalSarah said:

Great article @TheNursingdoll! As many of us know these behaviors tend to continue through nursing school and into the workplace. Dealing with bullying can happen to anyone in any environment, so learning how to deal with them is paramount to success. I’m glad you are making such strides in your own development so early on in your nursing career, you will certainly have the backbone you need to take anyone on!

For me I tend to laugh things off by telling jokes or using a little self-deprecating humor, that seems to work. I don’t necessarily mind being the odd man out sometimes as long as people aren’t being openly mean to my face. I’m actually very self-conscious and agonize over whether or not people like me, but I’m learning to just appreciate good interactions with people and not worry about what they think or say of me after I’m gone. Of course a lot of this comes with age and experience and it gets easier as I get older!

Hello @0.9%NormalSarah ? Thank you so much! Yes sadly it doesn't end but it does continue. It's sad because most of these people have families or a "strong Christian value" (I still don't get how some people praise god yet are so nasty to others) That is a great way to get through the day by telling jokes and I'm glad it works for you! I've been the odd man out before and while it does hurt it benefits in the long run whether they are mean to my face or not and don't worry at all I believe everyone is self conscious in one way or the other. I'm so glad about your progress ❤️ 

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Crazily I wanted to share this because this song has helped me so much

 

https://www.Youtube.com/watch?v=Z-zdIGxOJ4M

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Specializes in BLS, ACLS, CARDIAC, ER.

Thank you for your post nursing doll. I am going through this right now at my workplace. Just being picked on for any and everything. I do not speak to anyone about my life or anything outside of work related matters. I ignore bullies, followers, and the lapdog. No reaction leads to no more but I'm tough and will make it through.

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Just now, 1gr8trnstudent said:

Thank you for your post nursing doll. I am going through this right now at my workplace. Just being picked on for any and everything. I do not speak to anyone about my life or anything outside of work related matters. I ignore bullies, followers, and the lapdog. No reaction leads to no more but I'm tough and will make it through.

I wish I could give you a hug RN , no one deserves that. ❤️ please stay safe

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Specializes in Psychiatric and Mental Health NP (PMHNP).

I am very sorry for those students dealing with bullies.  But, honestly, people, you are adults now!  Why are you giving these morons power over you?

Throughout my life, some idiotic bully has tried to pester me in school.  Here is what I do:

1.  Ignore them.  That sucks the life out of them

2.  Fight back.  I have a quick wit and a sharp tongue and have been known to demolish people to tears with a few words.  That will stop the bully.

3.  Do well in school.  You are there to learn to become a nurse.  Just focus on that.  You will never see these jerks again, so who cares what they think or say?

4.  What I found was the high school "queen bees" generally amounted to nothing in life.  They were very boring, generally loser, adults.

Remember, bullies are essentially cowards.  Do not give them power over you.  Junior high is over, people.  Focus on building a good career and bright future for yourself.

There's an old saying, "Living well is the best revenge."

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Just now, FullGlass said:

I am very sorry for those students dealing with bullies.  But, honestly, people, you are adults now!  Why are you giving these morons power over you?

Throughout my life, some idiotic bully has tried to pester me in school.  Here is what I do:

1.  Ignore them.  That sucks the life out of them

2.  Fight back.  I have a quick wit and a sharp tongue and have been known to demolish people to tears with a few words.  That will stop the bully.

3.  Do well in school.  You are there to learn to become a nurse.  Just focus on that.  You will never see these jerks again, so who cares what they think or say?

4.  What I found was the high school "queen bees" generally amounted to nothing in life.  They were very boring, generally loser, adults.

Remember, bullies are essentially cowards.  Do not give them power over you.  Junior high is over, people.  Focus on building a good career and bright future for yourself.

teach me #2 plz ? 

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Specializes in Psychiatric and Mental Health NP (PMHNP).
19 hours ago, TheNursingdoll said:

teach me #2 plz ? 

I think it boils down to developing inner strength and toughness.  For various reasons, I've always been a bit different, and in my senior year in high school, a very nice girl who was also very popular told me that I would never "fit in," but that was okay.  I should not let people try to fit me into a box and should be proud of my accomplishments.  I have remembered that and it was very liberating.  

Bullies sense weakness.  They only go after weak people.  They are like predators.  Predators in the wild only go after the old, the young, and the sick or lame.  

I'll give you a couple of examples:

1.  A long time ago, I used to go running in a park every day.  There was a German Shepherd that would growl and menace me.  So, I bought an expanding baton that fit in my pocket.  The next day, I went running with my baton in my pocket and the German Shepherd took one look at me and then did not growl, but walked away!  He sensed my inner confidence.

2.  I've always been a good student, but math is my weakest subject.  Calculus was my downfall.  I took it again at a community college and struggled.  I was asking a lot of questions and some guys in the back of the class would make fun of me.  This went on for some time.  So, one day, I literally stood up in class when they were snickering at me, turned around to face them, and chewed them out!  I told them to STFU and they could meet after class if they wanted to confront me like real men instead of snicking like nasty little junior high school boys.  Well, that shocked the crap out of them.  The teacher just smiled and those guys never caused me problems again.

3.  In nursing school, I was one of the older students.  Two nasty little girls who were very young decided to make fun of me and roll their eyes constantly, because  I was slow to learn certain manual skills.  I complained to the professor, because I was partnered with them in lab and it was negatively impacting my learning.  She switched me to another group and evidently gave them a hard talking-to.  They would glare at me after that, but I just glared right back.  I ended up making friends with very nice students that I am still friends with.  I have no idea what happened to those 2 idiots, but I ended up on the Dean's List, National Honor Society, etc., and became an NP.  Those 2 are probably scrubbing toilets or something.

In other words, don't play their game by their rules.  You do your own thing by YOUR rules.  It's actually quite entertaining to mind-f**k bullies.  Be creative and have fun!

One of the best weapons is ridicule.  I'm very good at making up hilarious nicknames that stick, because they fit well.  Once that happens, people will be calling the bully that name behind their back.  And every time you look at them, you know their secret nickname.  It really takes people down a peg.  Politicians do this to each other all the time.  President Richard Nixon had the nickname "tricky Dicky," bestowed on him by a female congresswoman, and it stuck.  Whether or not you like Trump, he is a master of this, and it drove his opponents nuts.

Look, those mean girls aren't going to beat you up or anything.  And they can't negatively impact your grades unless you let them.  Ignore them.  Hang out with other students.  If there are older students in your classes, make friends with them.  Figure out who the best students are, then make friends with them.  

I'm one of those straight A type students and am happy to help anyone who asks for it.  Most good students are this way.  There are plenty of nice students in college.

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Specializes in Been all over.

I am an older nurse who went back to hospital work during COVID. I was relentlessly bullied by my coworkers. They made all kinds of nasty comments about how I was incompetent and didn't have time management skills. I'm in nurse practitioner school... I'm a great nurse. I just didn't know this particular hospital's systems (for instance, staff information is disseminated by bar codes in emails that we have to take a photo of on our personal cell phones to access... I remain mystified by this).

I can think of a lot of reasons why these gals picked on me: different generation, shy, didn't grow up in this area, no children. I've come to terms with most of them by just doing my job and doing it well. But one nurse tech in particular latched on to me and has not let go. She's clearly bipolar=one minute sweet, the next minute quite menacing. She's been on the unit for 15 years and she just started nursing school and is having a tough time (sweet, sweet karma).  

I will be happily leaving this unit soon. Pretty sure I have PTSD from this experience. Nurses are tribal in a way that I have never experienced in other professions. And many young people are just simply insecure (or insane) which comes out as meanness. All this to say, do your job well and move on if you get stuck in a bad work situation. The meanies generally camp out in their positions forever. 

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4 hours ago, renatanada said:

I am an older nurse who went back to hospital work during COVID. I was relentlessly bullied by my coworkers. They made all kinds of nasty comments about how I was incompetent and didn't have time management skills. I'm in nurse practitioner school... I'm a great nurse. I just didn't know this particular hospital's systems (for instance, staff information is disseminated by bar codes in emails that we have to take a photo of on our personal cell phones to access... I remain mystified by this).

I can think of a lot of reasons why these gals picked on me: different generation, shy, didn't grow up in this area, no children. I've come to terms with most of them by just doing my job and doing it well. But one nurse tech in particular latched on to me and has not let go. She's clearly bipolar=one minute sweet, the next minute quite menacing. She's been on the unit for 15 years and she just started nursing school and is having a tough time (sweet, sweet karma).  

I will be happily leaving this unit soon. Pretty sure I have PTSD from this experience. Nurses are tribal in a way that I have never experienced in other professions. And many young people are just simply insecure (or insane) which comes out as meanness. All this to say, do your job well and move on if you get stuck in a bad work situation. The meanies generally camp out in their positions forever. 

 I'm so sorry that you have gone through this , you seem like a sweet person and very capable of doing your job , the fact that they didn't help you said a whole lot , I understand the pressure of it all but they could've helped you. What you said about the young is true and I'm glad the nurse tech is getting her karma. Also with the PTSD , try to talk to someone if you can because the symptoms can be horrible. It's also awesome that you're in NP school ❤️❤️❤️  You are an inspiration

 

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Although I'm awaiting my letter , most of my bullying was racial/relational aggression and verbal from the students and one administrator and gaslighting by others when I tried to get helped. At my CC I've had issues with two different groups of girls , in my first attempt at AP1 and then with one group the second. The first was the most traumatic but it made me stronger. I endured a lot of racial and relational aggression from a group of white girls and one Hispanic girl (if this causes offense I'm sorry , she thought she was white) , one of them blurted out my lowest grade and the Hispanic girl said how she wanted me to just go away. Literally just go away. There was a quite one but she usually said stuff when I wasn't around. Most of the bullying from them that was really hostile was pretty much enacted by the Hispanic Males in the group. Between the two they were a lot of eye rolls and snide crap being said , when reporting the first time I was actually told to adjust to what's going on.

The next was a two mean girls (one you couldn't do better than her and the other was a lapdog) and a drug addicted girl ( all of whom looked down on me in one way or the other) , there was a mixed-race male in the group as well, this actually use to be a study group.  One made racially insensitive comments about my hair and in class because I was the "only" girl of color I dealt with trying to say my cut in classes only to be circled out (they'd actually form a circle and push me out) . After an outside event they turned on me and the two groups actually merged , my instant shock served as a reaction which I regretted. the teacher was aware of the actions taking place and did nothing , I reported it to this woman and she laughed (but she was actually apart of it) , she attempted to gaslight me into saying it didn't happen (she literally did everything she could to cause me terror, even messing with my GPA). To say the least I've dropped the class and fell into a slump for a couple of weeks.

 The next attempt was with this opportunist girl , some girl whom was overly competitive and this pompous know it all guy. The girl at every turn tried to humiliate me and the guy would insult me and then run off , the opportunist girl just spread rumors. I was stoic during this attempt and they came on stronger , I had to report again and then I started noticing a pattern between this woman and the bullies , it's like they were placed there and when brought to her attention she tried to shush me quickly and even brought in others to do so. The guy died down and the girls tried to do more , an eye roll ended that! I ended up reporting the girls/guys and the woman in charge of orchestrating everything. But when you're in a position of power you can lie and manipulate your way through anything.

The only affect that this has on me is that I sometimes get mad at myself and I will avoid certain people or areas that remind me of the first attempt situation. And also most bullies when alone don't even mess with you , if you have to attack in groups that's so freaking weak.

To say the least , the lapdog left school shortly after , the one whom blurted out my lowest grade ( -_- ..LOL) had the lowest grade and left CC , the Hispanic girl is struggling like crazy and the guy is getting embarrassed to a pillar of salt. I only deal with one eccentric guy but that's it , the others can't even look at me. I know it's long but it feels good to release.

 

@FullGlass Thank you so much for those tips , I can't wait to put them to use.

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