Cliques and bullying are usually something that is generally reserved for the adolescent years. But unfortunately, you’ll find yourself dealing with cliques during Pre-reqs. I’ve dealt with them, from being bullied, childish rumors, and lies. As a prereq student, I never knew what meanness truly was until I stepped foot in my prerequisite science classes. As difficult of a time this was, it brought out character and wisdom that I’ll carry on throughout life. I’m not a self-help guru by any means, but I’ll give you the “types” of mean girls/guys I ran into, the experiences I’ve had with them, and tips that I’ve learned along the way. I felt urged to write this as a way of healing and a way of helping others.
Know the “origins” of the clique
A clique is usually made up of deeply insecure or bitter individuals. They typically band together to form what “seems” like a united front, but in reality, it’s not. The origins of a clique technically stem from loneliness or insecurity of some sort, and cliques pick on someone they deem to be weaker, but they are the weak ones. The clique consists of three subtypes: The Queen Bee, the lapdog, and the followers.
Understanding Queen Bee, the lapdog, and the followers
The alpha is usually on top of the game. She is typically smart and has many strong social ties, especially with the professors, but instead of being ‘humble,’ she’s the complete opposite. Most Queen Bees that I’ve run across are very skillful at having a Jekyll and Hyde persona and are extremely manipulative and jealous. Despite academic and social achievements, many Queen bees are usually trying to fill a void (explained to me by an older confidant). The lapdog is usually the Queen Bee’s best friend, and she usually does what the queen bee tells her to do; for example, if the queen bee wants to ruin someone, the lapdog will usually gather up a mob to make sure this is done, without leave a “trace” of evidence. Whom the lapdog socializes with strongly depends on the circle of the Queen Bee. Finally, the followers are either usually afraid of the wrath or want to be in the loop.
Don’t give them a reaction
From experience, if you usually give cliques a response, you go through the class or possibly the rest of your school experience with a target on your back. Yes, we are human and allowed to feel things, but when you deal with people with sinister motives, it’s best to remain stoic if possible. I will give you three experiences of mines. I had a study group (turned clique) to where they turned on me overnight. Back then, I had no idea what happened, just that before the lab in the hallway, I was treated horribly and began to cry, and then shortly after, the crap hit the fan, resulting in me having to drop and them spreading countless lies, it was basically mobbing. On my second try at anatomy, I had a girl I haven’t had a conversation with become hostile and somewhat competitive. She was attempting to humiliate me and bringing two other classmates (one who spread rumors and the other insulted me in passing) into the drama she was trying to create, unlike the first time I ignored her soon before COVID it diffused. Thirdly, during my Microbiology class, I had a girl that I hadn’t talked to try to start tensions, it started by her rolling her eyes, but I didn’t give her a reaction. Still, during one lab, she called me a ***, while inside I was fuming I didn’t react to it but did let my professor know about this, and she shared her wisdom, “ They look for reactions.” Me ignoring her attempts to get under my skin resulted in her not even wanting to look at me for the remainder of Microbiology. So despite the crappy experiences that I’ve been through, I try not to give in to the drama and stay as strong as possible, which is difficult at times.
Know your worth and keep focused
Know that you are in your prerequisites to build a future for yourself, not partake in drama! You are at the peak of your life and can do many incredible things! Also, keep your focus on whatever classes you may be taking, and do not get sidetracked!
Value your mental health
If you are going through a clique or bullying situation, know that you should not be going into class stressed or pondering whether you should stick around or not. It’s okay to take time to adjust yourself if needed. Talked to a trusted and professional counselor if your situation is too much to handle.
Record incidents if possible
This is so crucial if anything were to happen or decided to report. Reporting incidents (ex: names, descriptions, classroom room numbers, times and dates, and description of the events) will help the proper chain of commandment or the system you decide to report by identifying what’s going on.
In the previous experiences, I had alerted teachers about these incidents. Two were very professional; one addressed the classroom, but both kept a watchful eye on the behavior, making things easier.
Build a support system
The support system can be friends, staff, teachers, or parents. When you are going through tough times, it’s very important not to keep things bottled up because this can backfire. Know that there are people out there who love you to pieces.
Something that I want to say ...
To the followers
If you see someone getting bullied, report it instead of fueling the fire! There have been many times when someone spoke up and had a backbone that one person wouldn’t have to suffer over the wrath of a bully or a clique!
To the bullies and followers with children
Again, I write this because there have been several bullies and a follower who have had children. One of the worst ones was a male who had a daughter and an expecting parent. Before being nasty and following a crowd with negative motives, be an example of strength and positivity for your children! You wouldn’t like it if this was done to your children, and neither would they.
One more step that I wanted to say that helped me is , don't force healing
If it hurts it hurts , when you try to get over something super quickly that was traumatic I find that it just puts you back a bit while this happened 2/3 years ago I do still "ache" a bit from this but I am at a better place because I allowed myself go through the emotions I was feeling and then found later on down the road healthy outlets to deal with my bullying experience.
I also wanted to thank allnurses too for helping me and giving me advice ❤️
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