Might loose another job...I'm suicidal

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I lost my job of 4 years in April. I believe the reasons were personal. I had over 3 1/2 years of good evals. (I'm a nurse almost 20 years) It took me 4 months to find a new job. Now on my 3 month eval I was told I need to work on not appearing frustrated. I was not aware that I did. I've seen a counselor, called suicide prevention where I was on hold for 10 minutes before I gave up and called a relative. Their chat site would not open on 2 browsers. Long story shorter... The bottom line is I CANNOT and will not go through loosing another RN job and suffer unemployment. The pain and stress is unbearable already. I am ready to swallow pills. At first I thought I could just learn a few new tools, deep breathe, and meditate my way through this. Then I had a huge meltdown and the suicidal feelings came. The only thing keeping me from acting is my 16 year old son. My husband has enabled our heroin addicted 24 year old son so many times that if he allows him in our home again I will have to get the 16 year old into a safer environment. I can't do this without steady stable work. Sorry this is so desperate and long, but that's where I'm at.

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You need to call the suicide hotline again. You cannot give up. Your 16 yr old needs you. Trust me things will get better, you just have to get through this bad period in your life, which is a lot easier said than done. I know. I've been there before.

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Please call or go to Lifeline

[h=4]1-800-273-8255[/h]Times are tough for you now, and this can seem very overwhelming, but please call and reach out to someone or go to your nearest ER for help.

God bless and support you.

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Specializes in Pedi.

Please call 911 now if you cannot be safe at home.

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Finally got through to suicide prevention's chat. Had to wait 40 minutes. I am safe and calm now, if just for tonight. Thank you for responding.

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Specializes in nursing education.
Finally got through to suicide prevention's chat. Had to wait 40 minutes. I am safe and calm now, if just for tonight. Thank you for responding.

That's good news. A job is not worth your life. I hope you are able to learn some stress-reduction techniques. I did and it made everything better (work, sleep, life, relationships, school, literally everything). Sometimes they seem stupid but they really work.

Do you have a personal counselor? If you don't have one you trust, find one ASAP and develop a relationship even if you feel so much better after this crisis is over.

Best wishes. It's a rough time of year, you have a lot going on, but hang in there.

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The loss of a job is devastating. You found another one when you were not emotionally ready to handle the duties of a nurse... this is apparent to the powers that be in you new position.

This is not about employment.. this is about your mental health. YOU must come first.. before any other issues can be dealt with.

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

Please get yourself and your 16 yo into a safer place (geographically and otherwise). Find whatever kind of funding you can get at the moment (family help, public assistance, Salvation Army, whatever). Can you get Family Medical Leave Act at your current job? Tell them you are dealing with family problems, see if your doctor will help with the paperwork.

Time to go into bare bones survival mode. If you end your own life, your son has NO chance. We are all rooting for you.

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There is no reason to sit on hold on a suicide hotline -- you can always drive yourself to the nearest ED and ask for help. Please take steps to get into some ongoing mental health treatment for the time being. There is help available, and you can feel better. Please do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and work on improving your situation, for the sake of your younger son if you don't feel like doing it for yourself at this point. Best wishes!

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I agree with all PP's advice to please seek out help in whatever form available immediately. I have been in that deep, dark place of despair and thankfully have a good support system around me. That's the wicked part of depression and other mental illnesses...they twist your mind to interpret a temporary bad situation or event as worse than it is and make it difficult to see that there IS a brighter day ahead.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I spent a week in a psych facility recently for suicidal ideation (and I had a plan), and let me tell you that it was the smartest thing I could have done at the time. First and foremost, I was safe, and secondly, I had the opportunity to get intensive therapy and my meds adjusted. Sometimes inpatient really is the best course of action. I don't know whether you're "there" yet, but you sure sound like you're close.....in fact, you're scaring me. PLEASE take care of yourself, and go to the ER if you need to.

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Still thinking about you and hoping things are getting better for you. A friend once told me, "I ache for you when you go through this because it's just your mind tormenting you." A major issue for me is/was anxiety...my mind works against me and although I might even be aware that my thoughts and fears are not justifed by reality, but instead stem from a clouded, distressed mind, I struggle to maintain balance. Now stable, I feel the same way when I see or hear of others battling the same demons.

Please remember that you are not alone.

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