melted down in my Clinical Lab today... left crying

[CeilingCat]

]Three weeks into my first semester - I excused myself from doing my clinical lab test-out and snuck into the bathroom to cry. I feel so sick. Forgive me for this long message, but this is sink-or-swim for me.

I'm a mature adult (37). I'm a 1st semester nursing student, RN associate's program. I already have a Bachelors from 10 yrs ago. I currently have a 3.98 GPA, scored 99th percentile on my TEAS test, and & really love my classes. I am usually very organized, professional, & together! I can do anything I put my mind to!

]However...

]

]But I am having HUGE PROBLEMS with the clinical/lab portion of my nursing classes. I posted here last week about being tested on skills that we have to learn from a book, with NO demo or teaching of any kind. We also have a very small 3-4 bed lab to practice in for a very large (70 students in 1 classroom) group. Lab is also closed weekends, and had very limited & unsupervised evening hours. I am not clear when I'm supposed to go, if I have class 4 days a week, the Test Out is the 5th day, and it's closed weekends???

We have weekly "test outs" to asses our skills. First week went ok. Second week a different teacher graded us and she really ripped me and my partner. I also have a partner who is having issues and we've never been able to meet up except just before the test. So now I have no confidence. And I'm starting to really not feel well from being in an un-winnable situation.

I'm doing very well in Nursing Lecture classes, and I could swing an A this semester. I'm also getting As in my non-Nursing classes.

However, if they gave a grade, I'd get an F on social skills. I'm an introvert. Yet their program is so dependent on me learning things from peers not teachers. I'm made to feel it's all my fault I can't find study partners or other lab partners. I ask people to study and they blow me off because everyone already has study groups. Everyone went to same pre-req classes; however, I'm the new face & they all have their cliques. It's my fault I can't find a new partner. I find them and they don't show, don't call back, or don't prepare. I was told I should not have studied so much for my lecture Exam this weekend instead of preparing for the clinical test-out (even know Clinical Lab is closed on weekends).

I am not a quitter, but I don't think I can make this work.

I nearly broke down in tears in my advisor's office today (and I'm not usually emotional). And unlike any other major, there is this taboo at my school -- if they find out you're sick, weak, or in any other way unsuitable, they can kick you out: on the pretense they don't want to waste resources on someone who won't "hold up to the rigors of the nursing profession". So even if there's a medical reason for me feeling so sick recently, it's not a valid excuse for anything. (I'm going to my regular Doc tomorrow just to rule out any other reasons for me being this emotional & so wiped-out)

So today my partner and I approached the lab supervisor asked to be put on the make-up schedule based on us both not feeling well. Lab supervisor didn't understand, even if we both brought in dr's notes. Her comments made me feel two inches tall. I lost 4 Deficiency points for today, and I risk losing more if I mess up on the make-up Test Out Friday. She lectured us on how it "only gets harder" and how we can't "put off being prepared". I'm thinking to myself: I am an A student(!!!) I just can't 'get it' the way your lab tests are structured. I asked her for help last Thursday when I came by the lab, and it was dead-empty (i.e. nobody to practice with). She's said "go find a classmate" (as in, it's not her problem, she's busy, go away).

If I knew this is how my school's program was structured, I would NOT have gone here. It's just not a good match for my introverted-but-booksmart personality. (I like dealing with patients or professional peers, but I am not good "making friends" and depending on them for schoolwork). I could drop out and apply to another nursing school for next year, but it's going to look really bad to other schools to have started at this school and withdrew before end of semester.

I still don't understand how clinical Lab is graded, either. I have no guess of my odds of passing, even if I hung in there??? I've never been in a class where I couldn't guess what was expected of me or what I needed to do to earn an A or B.

]

]There are absolutely no tutors available-- no private and no school-provided. Outsiders are not allowed into their lab, so I can't get help from my good (=reliable) friends, even if they're students of the college not yet admitted into the Nursing program.

]

I don't know what to do at this point. I feel so sick. The last day or two I've felt exhausted & brain-fogged, and today I am uncharacteristically crying a lot. I should be studying tonight, but a raging headache and bellyache is making it hard. The more I think about this class, the sicker I feel. My advisor has office hours tomorrow, and I need to say something to her. But I don't know what to say?!

]

]What is the @#$@# problem here? Am I doomed?

[goodstudentnowRN]

Keep your head up high and do the best you can. It will get better.

[Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN]

Oh...and I wanted to address one other thing.

I totally disagree that in nursing school it must be competitive.

You compete for a slot to get in, but once you are in, it's not like there's only so many graduation seats! When you're out there competing for jobs, that's a different story. Nursing as a whole is a competitive field, but once you're in the actual class, nope....wasn't my experience.

If anything we bonded closer b/c of the shared experience and there were many younger students in my class. It was remarked by our instructors that we were one of the tightest classes. They couldn't stand a previous class and it was known, so it's not like they were blowing sunshine up our collective hind ends

We were happy when the news was happy and when it was sad, we supported one another and told them not to give up and hang in there. No one competed against others for grades either. Some were absolutely content making C's. Some, b/c of their own personal convictions like myself, strived for better, but against themselves, not others.

My point is if you're dealing with classmates acting jealous and petty, then likely you've got an immature class. Ignore it and this too will pass.

[MammaNurse2Be]

Well, I am not in Nursing school yet, I'm sending my app in this week. But, i have had all of my sciences and there were many instances, Chemistry for one, where I self taught the whole semester. Chem was like Chinese to me and I had to find other ways to learn it. I am an A student too. I can remember in Physio when we did KREB cycle and glycolysis I spent endless hours on the computer at different websites learning it inside and out. I ended up being the one teaching it to many of the students in the class.

As you are great in lecture, why not announce that you will be willing to tutor and help someone in lecture in exchange for help in lab. In anatomy I helped a Chinese student that had trouble with the esaay portion of the class. She was great in lab and i had a hard time looking at vessels in the cadaver. They all looked alike to me. We helped each other and both did very well in the class.

I have to say the Chinese student was very persistant in trying to get a study partner. She approached several before she got to me and I agreed initially because I didn't want to hurt her feelings as so many had turned her down. I learned a big lesson from this and will never turn someone away as long as they are willing to do their part. I won't tow the line for anyone but myself.

Before lecture, ask the group you are near if they know of anyone willing to work with you and that you will work with them on lecture stuff. I can't imagine that no one will volunteer.

good luck and hang in there!

[UGAmommy]

What school is this? I'm scared!

[SmilesNoir]

well, i am not in nursing school yet, i'm sending my app in this week. but, i have had all of my sciences and there were many instances, chemistry for one, where i self taught the whole semester. chem was like chinese to me and i had to find other ways to learn it. i am an a student too. i can remember in physio when we did kreb cycle and glycolysis i spent endless hours on the computer at different websites learning it inside and out. i ended up being the one teaching it to many of the students in the class.

as you are great in lecture, why not announce that you will be willing to tutor and help someone in lecture in exchange for help in lab. in anatomy i helped a chinese student that had trouble with the esaay portion of the class. she was great in lab and i had a hard time looking at vessels in the cadaver. they all looked alike to me. we helped each other and both did very well in the class.

i have to say the chinese student was very persistant in trying to get a study partner. she approached several before she got to me and i agreed initially because i didn't want to hurt her feelings as so many had turned her down.

i learned a big lesson from this and will never turn someone away as long as they are willing to do their part. i won't tow the line for anyone but myself.

before lecture, ask the group you are near if they know of anyone willing to work with you and that you will work with them on lecture stuff. i can't imagine that no one will volunteer.

good luck and hang in there!

this is so true. good luck to the op.

[hiddencatRN, BSN, RN]

*Hugs*

That all sounds awful. Two things:

1. Can you find videos that demonstrate the skills? We get a very brief demonstration of skills and being able to look at videos clarifies things. Do your textbooks come with any media? Even if you have to buy something additional like a publisher's access code to special features it might be worth it.

2. You are a smart person. You are capable of succeeding, and maybe this school is just not the right place for you to be. Maybe it's worth it to take the ding in withdrawing to apply somewhere else if it means you'll be in a place that nurtures and supports you and wants you to succeed.

I am one semester away from graduation.I am going to sound very snarky and I am sorry but truthfully this is nursing school. Nursing school sucks no matter what school. You have shown your weakness to your instructors now and they are going to use it against you, that is definate. They do that because patients can tell your weakness right away and they use it against you, so you have to learn to deal with it before you get into the actal clinical setting.

I couldn't disagree with this statement more. Not all nursing schools see it as their mission to grind their students down and then graduate whoever is able to drag themselves through. My school has an incredibly supportive faculty that genuinely wants everyone to do well. You need to be prepared, you need to work hard, but if you ask for help there is someone there to give it to you. We have learning labs with weekend hours staffed by faculty to help with skills. We're encouraged to form study groups and work with our peers, but because the school fosters such a welcoming atmosphere it translates in to welcoming classmates.

If you are sick you are encouraged to take care of yourself. You have to pay to make up clinical after the first missed (you get one makeup for free) and you need a doctor's note if you are ill on a test day, but they recognize that we're human and that humans get sick.

We're not being babied- we're being treated with respect. Our program is challenging, but not cruel.

Your experience is not universal.

[summersent]

I hate to say this but mostly all nursing programs are like this. My advice is... your not happy and I really do think you should put some thought into leaving. There are tons of other jobs out there and nursing isn't the only job in the world. and for introverts. Nowadays a nursing job isn't even promised once you graduate. Do whats going to make you happy. I'm not saying you are a quitter. Its not you...its the program and the "profession"...

I'm not saying you should should quit but life is too short to be unhappy. You sound really unhappy.

good luck to you.

[Telelizard]

I am also a first semester Associate's Nursing Student and I want you to know that you are not alone! Just like you, I have not been in school in 10 years & felt completely overwhelmed right from the beginning. My skin was breaking out from just the thought of studying for my 1st exam...until just last week. I was able to meet with a study group that helped me beyond belief. I left that session thinking that I could do this after all. I realize you have had trouble with study groups, but my advice to you is to continue looking for a good group because I guarantee once you connect with the right people, it will turn things around for you. Nursing school is extremely difficult but you have to just think that this 2 year sacrifice will benefit the rest of your life! Good luck & keep your head up!

[mugalex]

what school are you attending cat? i read all these horror stories, and i'm completely overwhelmed with everything right now...

I applied to a nursing program, and have just got word i passed the entrance exam, and i have to wait for word to see if i was actually accepted.

and reading this, i have to mentally prepare myself for everthing.

my biggest fear of going to nursing school this : what if my marriage falls apart? i'm not afraid of failing. i'm 28 years old, failing for me is not an option.

but what if i can't handle the stresses of nursing school, and my husband leaves? i know whole heartedly he wouldn't, but people change, and like you, people break under pressure. its normal. we are human.

i know this post is about you, and i feel you. and i'm sorry you are going through this. i love to study with introverts, i am one. the way i got through my pre reqs is i would think my self as a valuable asset to someone struggling in the class, because i have a no ******** attitude about studying. i don't care whats on tv, and i don't care about celebrity gossip, i'm at school to excel. and if i can teach someone what i have learned, they can help me remember better, and maybe they might be better than you in labs.

you are helping people like me. and to me, that makes a good nurse a great one.

[vandyrn27]

First off, take a deep breath. I graduated in '07 as a 'non-traditional student' (i.e over age 30 and with kids of my own), and it was hard, to say the least. Because this is not your first degree and you most likely have slightly different priorities than your classmates, every check off and test is going to seem like a huge deal. Just remember that you can do this. That being said, my BSN program also relied heavily on self teaching. One thing that made a huge difference to me was that I worked at a hospital and was able to procure certain items to practice with at home. Even if you don't work at a hospital, you can contact the educators and inquire about getting some materials that the hospital is not using (whether they are 'cast off kits' that were opened but not used, or even expired). I think that I wore out my foley kit at home by setting it up and figuring out my own rhythm, pretending with a suction kit, and practicing hanging my piggybacks and priming my tubing. I know that I certainly felt more comfortable walking into skills lab knowing that I had handled the materials and developed my own system of remembering steps. Practicing along with the you tube videos is great advice, too. Feel free to PM me if I can be of any assistance. Good luck, and keep your chin up!!

[cantw82banurse]

First of all, I am very sorry for what you have been going through. I am also a new ADN student and basically feel the same way. I can tell you are a very good student but probably just overwhelmed by the program. You should try to talk to your instructors one more time and try to get any help from them. If that doesn't work try to talk to the nursing director or assistant nursing director. It also seems like you pick the wrong lab partner (believe me it happens). Try to talk to your instructor about switching lab partners. I know how sometimes it's hard to make friends. I myself is having a hard time making friends, I'm a very friendly person and a good student, but some people are just unapproachable. But I managed to make friends.

I'm pretty sure you're not the only one feeling this way. Some people are just good at hiding their feelings. You may be stressed right now, but I know you (we) can do this:up:. Believe me, this hard work will pay off. Take care:cool:.