]Three weeks into my first semester - I excused myself from doing my clinical lab test-out and snuck into the bathroom to cry. I feel so sick. Forgive me for this long message, but this is sink-or-swim for me.
I'm a mature adult (37). I'm a 1st semester nursing student, RN associate's program. I already have a Bachelors from 10 yrs ago. I currently have a 3.98 GPA, scored 99th percentile on my TEAS test, and & really love my classes. I am usually very organized, professional, & together! I can do anything I put my mind to!
]However...
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]But I am having HUGE PROBLEMS with the clinical/lab portion of my nursing classes. I posted here last week about being tested on skills that we have to learn from a book, with NO demo or teaching of any kind. We also have a very small 3-4 bed lab to practice in for a very large (70 students in 1 classroom) group. Lab is also closed weekends, and had very limited & unsupervised evening hours. I am not clear when I'm supposed to go, if I have class 4 days a week, the Test Out is the 5th day, and it's closed weekends???
We have weekly "test outs" to asses our skills. First week went ok. Second week a different teacher graded us and she really ripped me and my partner. I also have a partner who is having issues and we've never been able to meet up except just before the test. So now I have no confidence. And I'm starting to really not feel well from being in an un-winnable situation.
I'm doing very well in Nursing Lecture classes, and I could swing an A this semester. I'm also getting As in my non-Nursing classes.
However, if they gave a grade, I'd get an F on social skills. I'm an introvert. Yet their program is so dependent on me learning things from peers not teachers. I'm made to feel it's all my fault I can't find study partners or other lab partners. I ask people to study and they blow me off because everyone already has study groups. Everyone went to same pre-req classes; however, I'm the new face & they all have their cliques. It's my fault I can't find a new partner. I find them and they don't show, don't call back, or don't prepare. I was told I should not have studied so much for my lecture Exam this weekend instead of preparing for the clinical test-out (even know Clinical Lab is closed on weekends).
I am not a quitter, but I don't think I can make this work. 
I nearly broke down in tears in my advisor's office today (and I'm not usually emotional). And unlike any other major, there is this taboo at my school -- if they find out you're sick, weak, or in any other way unsuitable, they can kick you out: on the pretense they don't want to waste resources on someone who won't "hold up to the rigors of the nursing profession". So even if there's a medical reason for me feeling so sick recently, it's not a valid excuse for anything. (I'm going to my regular Doc tomorrow just to rule out any other reasons for me being this emotional & so wiped-out)
So today my partner and I approached the lab supervisor asked to be put on the make-up schedule based on us both not feeling well. Lab supervisor didn't understand, even if we both brought in dr's notes. Her comments made me feel two inches tall. I lost 4 Deficiency points for today, and I risk losing more if I mess up on the make-up Test Out Friday. She lectured us on how it "only gets harder" and how we can't "put off being prepared". I'm thinking to myself: I am an A student(!!!) I just can't 'get it' the way your lab tests are structured. I asked her for help last Thursday when I came by the lab, and it was dead-empty (i.e. nobody to practice with). She's said "go find a classmate" (as in, it's not her problem, she's busy, go away).
If I knew this is how my school's program was structured, I would NOT have gone here. It's just not a good match for my introverted-but-booksmart personality. (I like dealing with patients or professional peers, but I am not good "making friends" and depending on them for schoolwork). I could drop out and apply to another nursing school for next year, but it's going to look really bad to other schools to have started at this school and withdrew before end of semester.
I still don't understand how clinical Lab is graded, either. I have no guess of my odds of passing, even if I hung in there??? I've never been in a class where I couldn't guess what was expected of me or what I needed to do to earn an A or B.
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]There are absolutely no tutors available-- no private and no school-provided. Outsiders are not allowed into their lab, so I can't get help from my good (=reliable) friends, even if they're students of the college not yet admitted into the Nursing program.
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I don't know what to do at this point. I feel so sick. The last day or two I've felt exhausted & brain-fogged, and today I am uncharacteristically crying a lot. I should be studying tonight, but a raging headache and bellyache is making it hard. The more I think about this class, the sicker I feel. My advisor has office hours tomorrow, and I need to say something to her. But I don't know what to say?!
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]What is the @#$@# problem here? Am I doomed?
