Mean Nurses

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I hope no one takes this wrong, but I have heard that nurses are really mean to each other and bully each other. I know I would not handle that well. Is it true that nurses really are mean and bullies? If so, why? If they are iin a caring profession, don't they care about their co workers?

Specializes in ER, ICU.

People can be mean, and lots of people work in nursing. It is a tough job and leads to some people being tense and uptight. My unit has many more nice people than not, just depends.

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Specializes in Geriatrics.

I have worked in many professions in the 32 + yrs of my working life. Do I find meanness & aggression on Nursing more prevailent?? No, any job where people are held down, not given respect, and forced to work understaffed, you are going to find lateral violence. Yes, there are some Nurses (& Dr's, PA's & NP's) who are just downright mean. But, they are not the majority, nor are they to be tolerated. I agree that standing up for yourself to mean people will lessen thier attacks on you. Just don't drop down to thier level when pointing out thier behaviors.

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Specializes in Operating Room Nursing.
How would you suggest showing assertiveness and making it clear that you are not a weak target? Specifically.

My approach is to identify what the behaviour is with them right away. For example, 'would you care to explain what the rolling of the eyes was about?', or 'do you really think it's necessary to speak to me like that?'. This way I'm putting it back onto them to justify their silly behaviour. If they try and back pedal and act as though they didn't roll their eyes or I'm taking what they said the wrong way then I always reply with something along the lines of 'that's good, I trust we'll have no problems working together in the future'.

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Bullies exist in every profession and i'm among the vote that the percentage in nursing has no correlation to it being a female dominated field. You have to keep in mind that there are plenty of men that are huge b****es too.

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Anyone watch The Office? Remember when Phyllis (victim) looks at Angela (bully) and says in this cool, sweet, butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth voice, "I want to understand what you're saying, but I can't hear you when you speak to me in that tone of voice." Not saying that would work in real life, but it was a funny turn-about moment where the victim got the best of the bully.

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.
mjmoon, this isn't personal, but:

i've seen this statement dozens of times on this site aaaannd ... I'M SO SICK OF IT.

Nursing is a profession characterized by a under-powered, highly stressed workforce which happens to be largely female. Correlation does not equal causation.

Nurses are not nasty to each other because they are women. Think about other female-dominated fields. Are beauticians known for their backstabbing? Preschool teachers? Undergraduates, the majority of whom are now female? Secretaries? Social workers?

Lateral violence in nursing is about huge responsibilities that are not met with proportional empowerment. A workforce which happens to be female has nothing to do with this. (Except perhaps, to the extent that we are socialized to be less aggressive and therefore less likely to demand the professional environment we need. But I digress).

Anyways. Please, can we put a moratorium on the "women are catty b*tches" line. It's been a long week and it's making me crazy.

/rant, /threadjacking.

And I am hijacking your rant. I disagree with you and agree with Mjmoon.

It's working with women.

I have worked in environments consisting mostly of women and environments consisting mostly of men.

Men are straightforward, no-nonsense, and easy to read. They are succinct, and mean business. Most deal with logic and understand arguments that are logic-based.

They don't care about "NICENESS." Blah. Being nice isn't what this profession is about, it's more than "being nice."

Women? Passive-aggressive, get hurt and cry about it and then speak in circles. They are also ego-sensitive, ego-based, and cannot for the life of understand why they do not understand when logic rules. It's all in plain English and it's still about being NICE. So vomitus. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Some are gossipy, hormonal and then blame everyone else but their own kookiness. Whatever.

I don't like working with women, I just have to deal with it.

No excuses for MY personal opine.

Women are horrid to work with.

Yes, I am female. A very logically thinking one. I am so a mom, a wife, and enjoy shopping.

J

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There is a difference between being "assertive" and being "aggressive".

This is a very good point, especially when looking at the ways men and women differ in their work/social interactions. Women are not really ever trained or socialized to be assertive; "niceness" is a quality that is valued more in women, while assertiveness is something that is valued in men. Speaking in general terms here, there are always exceptions.

Also, I think this may in part be generational; I'm older and struggle with that issue more I think than some of the younger women out there.

Throw in the fact that nursing is a field that emphasizes compassion and kindness, that it is dominated by women, that nurses have such tremendous responsibility that is not acknowledged, and that every day seems like such a battle to get things done, I can see where assertiveness may get turned around into being aggressive behavior, or that assertive behavior could be mistakenly percieved to be aggressive.

We nurses, male and female, would definitely benefit from some training in how to be assertive in more effective ways.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i think content is key. if someone says something to you in which the content is valuable, even if the tone or method of delivery is hurtful, then that is not bullying. bullying to me is people being mean for the sake of being mean and not conveying anything useful while doing so. however, i have never been bullied so i don't know from personal experience. i have had some lessons given me in a way that i didn't like, but i learned from it even though it pi$$ed me off.

that's a really great way to put it.

often times preceptors get ripped for being "mean" to the orientees because the orientee didn't like the way the preceptor told her not to defibrillate artifact or not to give mrs. thomas' blood to mrs. thompson. a preceptor who raises his/her voice to keep you from doing something stupid/wrong/misguided/against protocol is probably frustrated, anxious, or desparate to stop you rather than mean. a seasoned nurse who tells you to look up the procedure for putting in an ng tube and gathering the supplies needed before asking for help putting it in is not being mean. they're saving time -- their own -- and fostering your independence. a staff member who tells you your butt is so big you could lose small animals in your crack is being mean. (unless, of course, the two of you have a history of joking that way.)

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
mjmoon, this isn't personal, but:

i've seen this statement dozens of times on this site aaaannd ... i'm so sick of it.

nursing is a profession characterized by a under-powered, highly stressed workforce which happens to be largely female. correlation does not equal causation.

nurses are not nasty to each other because they are women. think about other female-dominated fields. are beauticians known for their backstabbing? preschool teachers? undergraduates, the majority of whom are now female? secretaries? social workers?

lateral violence in nursing is about huge responsibilities that are not met with proportional empowerment. a workforce which happens to be female has nothing to do with this. (except perhaps, to the extent that we are socialized to be less aggressive and therefore less likely to demand the professional environment we need. but i digress).

anyways. please, can we put a moratorium on the "women are catty b*tches" line. it's been a long week and it's making me crazy.

/rant, /threadjacking.

my only problem with your statement is that i can only give it one "kudos". i'd gladly give you a few dozen. thank you!

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
and i am hijacking your rant. i disagree with you and agree with mjmoon.

it's working with women.

i have worked in environments consisting mostly of women and environments consisting mostly of men.

men are straightforward, no-nonsense, and easy to read. they are succinct, and mean business. most deal with logic and understand arguments that are logic-based.

they don't care about "niceness." blah. being nice isn't what this profession is about, it's more than "being nice."

women? passive-aggressive, get hurt and cry about it and then speak in circles. they are also ego-sensitive, ego-based, and cannot for the life of understand why they do not understand when logic rules. it's all in plain english and it's still about being nice. so vomitus. give me a break.

some are gossipy, hormonal and then blame everyone else but their own kookiness. whatever.

i don't like working with women, i just have to deal with it.

no excuses for my personal opine.

women are horrid to work with.

yes, i am female. a very logically thinking one. i am so a mom, a wife, and enjoy shopping.

j

the interesting thing to me is that so many people who claim women are catty, backstabbing female dogs actually are women. and they claim that they themselves are not like that. all other women are, but they aren't.

i suspect that cattiness and backstabbing exists, to some degree at least, in the eye of the beholder. but what is also fascinating is that those who scream the loudest about it also seem to be the ones who engage in the behavior. worth a thought, don't you think?

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And I am hijacking your rant. I disagree with you and agree with Mjmoon.

It's working with women.

I have worked in environments consisting mostly of women and environments consisting mostly of men.

Men are straightforward, no-nonsense, and easy to read. They are succinct, and mean business. Most deal with logic and understand arguments that are logic-based.

They don't care about "NICENESS." Blah. Being nice isn't what this profession is about, it's more than "being nice."

Women? Passive-aggressive, get hurt and cry about it and then speak in circles. They are also ego-sensitive, ego-based, and cannot for the life of understand why they do not understand when logic rules. It's all in plain English and it's still about being NICE. So vomitus. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Some are gossipy, hormonal and then blame everyone else but their own kookiness. Whatever.

I don't like working with women, I just have to deal with it.

No excuses for MY personal opine.

Women are horrid to work with.

Yes, I am female. A very logically thinking one. I am so a mom, a wife, and enjoy shopping.

J

Conversely, I have worked in a male-dominated field (research science) and seen the exact same behaviour in men. Middle-aged, professionally and financially successful males. They work in an incredibly stressful environment, with outrageous expectations and uncertain rewards for which they are in constant competition.

And these otherwise rational, mature men participate in the same backstabbing, gossiping, sabotaging nastiness that nurses are blamed for. They can be passive aggressive to a ridiculous, eye-rolling degree :uhoh3:. They will throw colleagues and students under the bus for the slightest chance at a new grant or professional advancement.

You're entitled to your opinion, and I want to be clear this is a respectful debate. But I think what's in your pants is a lot less important than what kind of work environment you're dealing with.

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i've never been a woman's woman...

always been a tomboy...never a girly girl, and seldom could relate to girls/women.

i always went along with the, "women are back-stabbing, catty, *itches", but upon deeper thought, i just appreciate being with people who say what they mean, and mean what they say.

and i find men to generally be more direct.

the bottom line is, i find many women to be highly insecure, which can manifest in many undesirable behaviors.

overall, i appreciate men > women.

that said, those who insist that we witches, eat our young, or are "mean", more often than not, are reacting to a tone of voice they don't like.

because of that, i reject the mean nurse depiction, and tend to believe that true meanness, is the exception and not the rule.

leslie

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