marriage and nursing school

iamablonde, BSN, RN · May 3, 2009

Nursing school was a HUGE strain on my marriage. It was FAR from perfect before hand, but going to college threatened him somehow. I was bettering myself for my family, but he saw it as threatening ..... like I didn't need him anymore or something..... He SAID he was proud of me but actions speak louder than words. 13 years later, I still have my wonderful nursing career, but that husband has been gone for 9 years! hahahahhaha Happily RE MARRIED now, and would not want to re live those nursing school, 1st marriage days for ANYTHING! :) Goodluck to you! It will all work out the way it is supposed to. :)

caliotter3 · May 3, 2009

My husband was also threatened by me going to school and I wasn't even in nursing school yet. He discouraged me from nursing school. There would always be strain and big fights until I got fed up and quit my classes. Going to college helped me with my career at the time, and I noticed my husband never complained about my paycheck.

sparketteinok · May 3, 2009

I am curious if there is anyone else out there that has found nursing school to be a big strain on your marriage.
Not saying things were perfect before but... I have found that ever since going to school to become a nurse things have just been a whole lot different around here. I have the support but... the stress, less income and time apart because of studying is taking a big toll. Not sure where my energy should go to at this point, the marriage or the career. Doesn't seem fair to have to choose!

No, it's not fair. He shouldn't make you choose. Actions speak louder than words. It is very stressful, and keep in mind the first year of nursing pales in comparison to nursing school as far as stress levels are concerned. It would be nice if he supported you and realized you are trying to better yourself and your family. Mine didn't, and we divorced shortly after I got out of school. But he had taken me for granted for 12 long years, and it wouldn't have lasted much longer, even without school.

It's just really hard, after you put your heart and soul into school, and then into caring for other people all day long, for you to come home to an unsupportive environment.

Most men just don't get it. They really have no idea how hard it is.

loveshospital · May 3, 2009

I am curious if there is anyone else out there that has found nursing school to be a big strain on your marriage.
Not saying things were perfect before but... I have found that ever since going to school to become a nurse things have just been a whole lot different around here. I have the support but... the stress, less income and time apart because of studying is taking a big toll. Not sure where my energy should go to at this point, the marriage or the career. Doesn't seem fair to have to choose!

Your husband is either selfish or jealous,controling or loves you very much,either way if your marriage is solid nursing school wont end it...Just on the side notes frankly your husband shouldnt put you into the position to choose,you as a American woman have the freedom to the career as well as happy marriage,yes you deserve it and dont let someone else insecurities stop you.Talk to your husband and explain him that if he trully loves you he should respect your choices to further your education,tell him it will benefit him as well (I'm sure he wouldnt complain about extra bucks/check).Ultimately you have to make yourself happy (and being a nurse obviously is an element of your happiness) and dont let anybody stop you.Best wishes!!!BTW I always tell my BF that I love knowledge and studing and will study all my life,and he needs to accept this fact or move on:)))

rn2bnwi, BSN, RN · May 3, 2009

Nursing school is tough, couple that with the strained finances and normal life stresses its not unheard of to feel a little dissatisfied . My dh is thrilled im back in school and is supportive but it not all peaches and creams .... i try to cut him a little slack and he does likewise :)

GilaRRT · May 3, 2009

Had no problems or difficulties. I met my wife in her last year of nursing school, a couple of years later she was watching me go through nursing school. You need good communication, mutual respect, and trust. We have never experienced any of these issues. Even when I was working overseas. I am not sure why so many relationships end during school. However, I would think a shaky relationship prior to school will most likely not weather school.

Good luck.

raerusse · May 3, 2009

It was not always easy, but we got through it!! We struggled at times but we also grew and learned in the process (which was very much needed b/c far greater trials and difficulties are sure to follow). I think the most important thing to remember, (and I should have done much better than I did), is to put your husband/wife first. They are the priority, not nursing! ("richer or poorer, sickness and health"....and nursing school!) You are not just doing this for yourself, you are doing it for them and with with their help. It's a joint effort. Make sure they feel appreciated. Make sure you don't let stress and school/career worries come between your relationships. Sadly, marriages seem to fall apart at an alarming rate and I am sure there are many different factors that play into that. I let myself get stressed out and I think at times that was a heavy load that my husband (someone who doesn't get stressed out himself) had to carry along with me. I was so blessed to have that support! I am sorry for those of you that do not feel supported

mauxtav8r · May 3, 2009

I heard early in my NS days that many married nursing students end up getting divorced . . . sad, but I found in my own experience that many students are actually in school as an exit strategy from bad marriages.

Don't let other peoples' experiences influence you for the worse. If you had a marriage worth saving, it will survive this hugely stressful period. If it was shaky to begin with you may not have the reserves necessary to make it.

If you want it to survive, talk it over with the spouse. You are correct that you only have a certain amount of energy, but you don't have to give up your marriage to be a nurse.

Also, my husband and I agree on this point: marriage is not 50-50, it is 100-100. Don't try to keep score, and don't try to do everything the way you did it before NS. Every household chore is up for discussion -- groceries, kids, cleaning, laundry, bills -- who does what and when can erode the best marriages if the expectations are unrealistic.

Best wishes.

RNperdiem, RN · May 3, 2009

Nursing school was no great strain compared to having kids.

yetanotheramanda · May 3, 2009

Had no problems or difficulties. I met my wife in her last year of nursing school, a couple of years later she was watching me go through nursing school. You need good communication, mutual respect, and trust. We have never experienced any of these issues. Even when I was working overseas. I am not sure why so many relationships end during school. However, I would think a shaky relationship prior to school will most likely not weather school.
Good luck.

I totally agree. A good relationship with understanding people can withstand almost anything....even NS. I am less than 3 weeks away from graduation and you can SEE the relief on my husband's face! It has been trying, but we have made it through even stronger than when we started. He is so proud of me because he has seen all the stress and hell I have been through. :heartbeat:redbeathe

bottom line: a secure man will stand beside you through NS. If he's not secure enough for THIS then he has major issuues.

LesMonsterRN, ADN, RN · May 3, 2009

My husband and I have had some stressful times while I've been in school, but we've made it through and will continue to do so because we work really hard at remaining on the same page together, to express ourselves and not let resentments build up (this has been the most difficult task so far) and to support each other. Yes, he supports me through school, but he needs support, too - he's carrying 95% of the household while I concentrate on school and work weekends. It does help that our kids aren't little any more and can help quite a bit around the house.