Male Urologic Dilemma

Nurses General Nursing

Published

First, let me say that I am not asking for medical advice. I am under the care of my PCP and am paying the big $$ for that. I guess I am just looking for social advice, a shoulder to cry on, words of wisdom, or just to vent.

Over the past year I have been having a problem with blood in the urine when I go to see my doc. He makes it a point to have a ua done every time I go there. Most of the time there is a small amount of blood, not visible, but enough to be a concern. He wants me to go to a urologist to make sure we are not dealing with cancer. The problem is that all the uros in this town use an exclusively female assistive team. The testing for my condition will probably involve a cystocope, something that usually requires assistants.

I have nothing against women, trust me I really don't. I just have this mega problem with modesty. The reason for this is due to a horrifying experience I had when I was a teenager in high school when I was a patient in a hospital. It's a real ugly story. As a result of that experience, I have a very serious primal fear of being in a medical environment and being exposed and touched in any intimate way by females. It's absolutely terrifying and beyond my ability to fully articulate just how bad this is for me. :cry:

My doc says he knows how I feel, and that he has had other male patients bring up the problem in the past. He said he has a patient who had decided to just live with a painful condition rather than go through treatment. I guess it would be like a female patient going to her gyno and finding an all male assistive team. Or going to get a mammogram and encountering all male techs. Even without any particlar modesty issues, I think most women would find this uncomfortable at the least, and most likely just plain unacceptable.

My doc is trying to find a urologist in neighboring towns who might have some male assistants working there. I believe he is really trying, but so far no luck. I went to one of the local urology clinic's website and they had a contact email. I loved how they said "your concerns are our concerns." They never responded to my very polite email. :angryfire I am sitting here with a potentially life threatening condition that I can't get treated for and it's really depressing...:(

When you figure that urologists are the primary provider of reproductive health of men, it just makes sense to have some males working there to assist on those procedures that require them. Granted, they treat women too but the patient load for urologists is about 70% male, based on what I've seen in the waiting rooms.

Please don't think I am anti female because I am not. I just think there are times when men are best treated by other men just to get the comfort level up to a reasonable point where they can accept care.

Advice, opinions, what should I do??? :monkeydance:

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

shellsincanada, you make some a very valid case for your opinion, and you've stated it very well.

I tend to think he should conquer this fear however necessary to get treatment for his conditions. I don't have to shove that down is throat but in this forum I should feel free to express that.

Ultimately we can agree to disagree with whatever road the op decides to take.

We in health care have to allow people their choices. I had to allow the choice one of my trached patients with pneumonia to exercise his free will and smoke. (He was uncuffed and could put his finger over his trach and inhale normally.) Do I respect that decision? No I don't. Do a respect his right to make that decision. Sure I do. Two different scenerios of respect and not respecting.

Not that I have any right to get on a soapbox either.........god knows I've made some poor choices, particularly in regards to my own peace of mind, and my physical health as well.

Specializes in Hospice, Med Surg, Long Term.

I'm sorry for your past experiences, it is sad.

But it's time to bite the bullet and do what needs to be done for yourself. You are ultimately responsible for yourself and the state of your health. Putting off finding the problem is merely prolonging treatment that could potentially come to late to do you any good. This is not an option. Take care of yourself now, while you have the chance. Early treatment makes for the best prognosis.

I would simply be honest with everyone where you are treated and let them know your fears, what you are and are not comfortable with, and ask thier patience with you.

a21chdchic in AZ

I wouldn't respect the decision to ignore his health. I respect the other stuff he has done( law enforcement etc) but not this decision. If he gets treatment( either/or therapy or this test) I will respect the fact that he is taking care of himself and not allowing this to own him( as he has mentioned in another post- being held prisioner of this experience and allowing this ) I respect that he is trying to find a solution as opposed to not just fully ignoring the problem.

And I believe by asking this question and being open to solutions flyer is looking for help. Again- flyer seek the appropriate help.

Shells, rest assured that I will get treatment for this. You have made many good points which I truly appreciate. Your comments have made me think long and hard about what I am getting into. I know you understand that it is difficult to have to turn back to the very community that caused the trauma in the first place. That's the biggest hurdle. It doesn't help that docs don't always take the time to listen to their patients, or brush off their concerns. It doesn't help that my own doc said "I know what you mean, I have other male patients with the same problem" and then give me his best soulful look. Looks, words, and wishful thinking mean nothing unless it is turned into action. I asked him to speak doc to doc with the urologist and he agreed that that was a great idea, but I doubt he followed through with that. It didn't help that the urology clinic didn't answer my email. It didn't help that the person at the urology clinic, when I asked about male assistants, just said "Sorry, we can't help you, goodbye...". She probably wasn't even a medical professional, just a scheduler. When I meet with my primary doc this week I am going to remind him that he needs to advocate for his patient. I am going to present many of the ideas shared on this thread and tell him I want to get the ball rolling NOW. No more words of sympathy, no more soulful looks. Any advice on lighting a fire under my docs fanny? :angryfire

Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.
Any advice on lighting a fire under my docs fanny? :angryfire

:rotfl: :lol2: :roll If I could figure out a mathematical formula for this I would offer to split the Nobel Prize money with you. We could patent it as intellectual property and use the proceeds to get you the healthcare providers you need.

In all seriousness, I would try to speak directly to the urologist instead of the office staff. See if there's another urologist (male) or even a resident or med student that would be willing to assist. Unfortunately, in this society, men seem to be expected to buck up no matter what.

That being said, if it comes down to having female staff assist or you not getting the procedure done, ask for ativan and insist on someone you trust (significant other or close friend) remaining with you. That goes for you having to wait x amount of months to get it done with the providers you want/need. You can't delay something this serious. It could be the difference between Stage I of a disease and Stage III or IV (much harder to treat). Also remember when it comes down to it, it's an hour of you life and then it's over compared to the hours it would be if you need somehting more drastic done. Prostate cancer is not something to mess with.

(((((((HUGS!!!:icon_hug: )))))))))

YEA!!!! There are many PCPs who DO go the extra mile for their patients and if yours is not willing to do this....find one who will. Or find out what system your hospital is affliated with and go straight to the top, to their PR department (where I live it would be Baylor, Presby, Tenent, etc.) and I'll bet they'd be competing to accommodate you.

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Any advice on lighting a fire under my docs fanny? :angryfire

Just a stern, "Look, if you can't provide what I need, can you at least refer me to someone who can?"

... while you rifle through your wallet...

I can totally understand how you feel. In dealing with my infertility, I had a hard time getting over my extreme distaste about being examined by a male. I've always seen female GYNs because the thought of a strange man touching me was just unbearable. No reflection on their competency, I just couldn't bear the thought. Since all the Reproductive Endocrinologists in my area are male, I finally caved and saw one. I was surprised by how kind and concerned for my privacy he was. I have since seen both male REs in the practice and feel the same about both of them. I am now glad that I faced my fear and went through with it. Is it possible to meet the assisting staff beforehand to increase your comfort? Your feelings are valid, you will feel them whether or not others agree that you should have them. I hope you can work through them if other solutions don't work out.

Ophelia, I am inspired to see that you overcame your fear with your infertility problem. As a result of my experience I have a sperm antibody problem so DW and I have been down the infertility road several times (without success). Fortunately, the wife does not have a modesty problem and in fact actually prefers men performing her care, and not just docs but nurses and techs as well. I am all for whatever she is comfortable with. I can truthfully say that I have met some really wonderful female nurses whom I felt I could be comfortable with if it really came down to being cared for by them. I can only hope that if I was faced with such a situation that a professional of that caliber was performing my care since I think it would make or break my future ability to accept it. I like your suggestion about meeting the staff beforehand, it would let them know what my thoughts and feelings were and how they might be better prepared for a patient like me, that is, if they will take the time to listen.

Good luck, I hope you have success with the fertility issue.

Specializes in ER, Occupational Health, Cardiology.

I would again suggest that you get yourself referred to the nearest University College of Medicine. Either Mister PCP with the soulful eyes can do it, or you can self-refer. Best of luck, and please let us know how you're doing.

Specializes in ICU, L&D, Home Health.

flyer58,

It just occurred to me as well that you may want to explain to the assisting personnel your discomfort before the procedure. That way, they may be more self-aware and apt to put you at your ease. When I had an HSG it was the 1st time I worked with the male RE. I told him about my discomfort beforehand and he allowed my husband to be in the room with me. I also took a Benedryl beforehand, since it makes me too sleepy to care. However, I like the previous poster's suggestion of Ativan. That would be even better!

I wish you and your wife luck on your IF journey as well...:)

UPDATE:

Saw my PCP yesterday. The IVP and ct showed no problems with kidneys and labs show great numbers. Still moderate hematuria though. Only issues are the blood in the urine and a nagging ground zero cough (but I chose to go there so I'm not complaining), other than that perfect health.

PCP says gotta do the scope. I presented the idea of going the hospital route, and he agreed that it is a place where I would find more male assistants, but he thinks that a doctors office would be a more comfortable and private environment. This time I really got after him. Since I was the last patient of the day he was in no huge hurry like docs usually are. He sat and listened and I laid out the trauma experience. It was tough to get started but once I got rolling it just came out. Now he understands that this is not just a modesty problem but a real trauma issue. But he also said "I wish I had known that before." I guess I wasn't forceful enough...my fault I suppose. Now he is all determined to do what he can do for me. He agreed to personally approach the local urologists with the problem and said if nothing else he would go and assist if they would allow it.

His ARNP was sitting right outside the door and heard the whole exchange. As I was leaving she said to me that she would make sure he would address this issue and she knew a couple of the uros personally/professionally and might be able to help. Gotta love those nurses! Should know something early next week.

I really appreciate the thoughts, prayers, suggestions, and social advice many of you have given on this forum. You all have really helped a ton already. A big :icon_hug: to everyone. I will let you know how it goes.

Hey Flyer!!! I am so pleased for you!! This is such a huge hurdle to overcome and you have got the ball rolling, taking action and on the path to making sure you receive the kind of care you need. I am indeed inspired both by your courage as well as the sincerely concerned people on this forum who have your best interest at heart and seem to have formed a sort of "love-energy-net" around you.

Specializes in Cardiac.

Awesome news!!!

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