Male Urologic Dilemma

Nurses General Nursing

Published

First, let me say that I am not asking for medical advice. I am under the care of my PCP and am paying the big $$ for that. I guess I am just looking for social advice, a shoulder to cry on, words of wisdom, or just to vent.

Over the past year I have been having a problem with blood in the urine when I go to see my doc. He makes it a point to have a ua done every time I go there. Most of the time there is a small amount of blood, not visible, but enough to be a concern. He wants me to go to a urologist to make sure we are not dealing with cancer. The problem is that all the uros in this town use an exclusively female assistive team. The testing for my condition will probably involve a cystocope, something that usually requires assistants.

I have nothing against women, trust me I really don't. I just have this mega problem with modesty. The reason for this is due to a horrifying experience I had when I was a teenager in high school when I was a patient in a hospital. It's a real ugly story. As a result of that experience, I have a very serious primal fear of being in a medical environment and being exposed and touched in any intimate way by females. It's absolutely terrifying and beyond my ability to fully articulate just how bad this is for me. :cry:

My doc says he knows how I feel, and that he has had other male patients bring up the problem in the past. He said he has a patient who had decided to just live with a painful condition rather than go through treatment. I guess it would be like a female patient going to her gyno and finding an all male assistive team. Or going to get a mammogram and encountering all male techs. Even without any particlar modesty issues, I think most women would find this uncomfortable at the least, and most likely just plain unacceptable.

My doc is trying to find a urologist in neighboring towns who might have some male assistants working there. I believe he is really trying, but so far no luck. I went to one of the local urology clinic's website and they had a contact email. I loved how they said "your concerns are our concerns." They never responded to my very polite email. :angryfire I am sitting here with a potentially life threatening condition that I can't get treated for and it's really depressing...:(

When you figure that urologists are the primary provider of reproductive health of men, it just makes sense to have some males working there to assist on those procedures that require them. Granted, they treat women too but the patient load for urologists is about 70% male, based on what I've seen in the waiting rooms.

Please don't think I am anti female because I am not. I just think there are times when men are best treated by other men just to get the comfort level up to a reasonable point where they can accept care.

Advice, opinions, what should I do??? :monkeydance:

I'm so sorry you're going through this 58flyer. I can't believe your doctor hasn't picked up on your intense anxiety and stepped in to remedy this. What about the chief of urology at the hospital? It's worth a call. As much as hospitals want to project the image of satisfied patients, I'd be willing to bet TPTB would accommodate you. I wish you only the best. Please let us know. We'll all be worrying about you.

Seriously, I appreciate all the replies. I've been on this forum for over a year and I know that some folks are more direct than others, so I was prepared for that when I posted this thread. I am sure no offense was intended and none was taken by me. I can see the humor in some of the posts. :lol2:

Hi 58

Have you had a PSA? My dad had blood in the urine and come to find out he had prostate CA at 70 y.o. My then 44 y.o. brother insisted on being tested (as did my other brothers) and he ended up with prostate CA! So don't mess around.

Zoe, yes, I had blood work on Thurs and PSA was ordered. Will get the results on the 24th. Thanks for your concern!

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Zoe, yes, I had blood work on Thurs and PSA was ordered. Will get the results on the 24th. Thanks for your concern!

Awesome!

I'm sorry.....how in the world does that compare with what Flyer is asking????

If he chooses to do nothing until there is nothing that can be done or what needs to be done is even more invasive I doubt the hospital or hospice etc... will be able to provide an all male team.Nurses... Can your hospital provide a male for every shift? 2 for those procedures that require 2 people( turns, other 2 ppl things)

Granted this could turn out to be nothing. But flyer you NEED to be treated for this both from the psychological the medical/physical elements. You deserve to have your life be YOURS. Do not let this rule your life anymore then it has already done. Trust me I know of what I speak... I am in therapy now and while it can be painful and leave you feeling raw at times, it is worth it ( as am I - i have decided)

He's not talking about male staff for everything including turning, he's talking about during a procedure. And with your history of your own trauma, I would think you would have a little more empathy for him.

Specializes in ER.

Folks, I have a similar issue to the OP, and dammed if I will ever put myself in a position where I don't feel safe or at least able to make the decision to leave at any time. Trust me when I say that for some it is better to die than to break a promise made to ourselves, and what happened once will never happen again. Disregarding our right to decide (even if we make bad decisions) is a huge trigger point.

Please respect his decision.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

I did some pruning of this thread. Several of you will get PM's about posts being moved. They are in an area you can't access. This helps to keep the thread more on topic and supportive of the op. It's been a good discussion with overwhelmingly positive support in most cases. We can't let a negative post or two, or a post we don't agree with overshadow the positivity.

Also note some might get a pm that your post was edited. It's mainly because you referenced a post I deleted.

Please carry on, sticking to the subject of supporting and advising the original poster. Thanks!

Specializes in ICU, L&D, Home Health.

I can totally understand how you feel. In dealing with my infertility, I had a hard time getting over my extreme distaste about being examined by a male. I've always seen female GYNs because the thought of a strange man touching me was just unbearable. No reflection on their competency, I just couldn't bear the thought. Since all the Reproductive Endocrinologists in my area are male, I finally caved and saw one. I was surprised by how kind and concerned for my privacy he was. I have since seen both male REs in the practice and feel the same about both of them. I am now glad that I faced my fear and went through with it. Is it possible to meet the assisting staff beforehand to increase your comfort? Your feelings are valid, you will feel them whether or not others agree that you should have them. I hope you can work through them if other solutions don't work out.

He's not talking about male staff for everything including turning, he's talking about during a procedure. And with your history of your own trauma, I would think you would have a little more empathy for him.

He is talking about a female assisting with a procedure. What if he has something serious and requires care and treatment that is more invasive? Do most units have the ability to ONLY have males assist with all procedures? Seriously- think about this if flyer has an issue( and I don't doubt the trauma behind it) with a female assistant being in the room for the scope- do you think he will be okay with a female nurse catherizing,irrigating, providing peri care, assisting with tolieting, bathing, changing, doing dressing changes etc? ( the list is endless) By waiting until he feels ready to take on this challenge he could be compounding the extent of illness and actually be requiring more care by females anyway.

And my history is my history - I know what I speak of and supporting a decision not to get treatment (both mental and physical treatment) isn't empathy. If you read my posts - you'll see that I am strongly encouraging flyer to get treatment. Avoidance doesn't help. As a previous poster has mentioned- and I also know from experience that it actually makes things much worse. The issues build and build until they come to a head where you wish you had done something earlier.

Shells, read Canoe's post, #43.

Shells, read Canoe's post, #43.

I did. No one is taking away his choice. Tell me where I am doing that? I am not disregarding his choice not to be treated. He has that right. Although I will not support or encourage that. And respecting? umm no - sure it is his right to make bad decisions for whatever reason- but no one has to respect that. I could decide I want to take all sorts of substances , slice myself up, hit my head against a wall - whatever for whatever reason- my decision- but I wouldn't expect someone to RESPECT that. It would be my decision and I would bear the consequences as I have pointed out. If flyer chooses not to be treated because he is unable to find an all male team and it turns out to be serious- he will be the one to suffer the consequences.He is welcome to make the choice to die as canoe says- if he thinks that will be a better situation. It would be a sad situation that could have maybe been prevented.

I wouldn't respect the decision to ignore his health. I respect the other stuff he has done( law enforcement etc) but not this decision. If he gets treatment( either/or therapy or this test) I will respect the fact that he is taking care of himself and not allowing this to own him( as he has mentioned in another post- being held prisioner of this experience and allowing this ) I respect that he is trying to find a solution as opposed to not just fully ignoring the problem.

And I believe by asking this question and being open to solutions flyer is looking for help. Again- flyer seek the appropriate help.

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