Male Urologic Dilemma

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First, let me say that I am not asking for medical advice. I am under the care of my PCP and am paying the big $$ for that. I guess I am just looking for social advice, a shoulder to cry on, words of wisdom, or just to vent.

Over the past year I have been having a problem with blood in the urine when I go to see my doc. He makes it a point to have a ua done every time I go there. Most of the time there is a small amount of blood, not visible, but enough to be a concern. He wants me to go to a urologist to make sure we are not dealing with cancer. The problem is that all the uros in this town use an exclusively female assistive team. The testing for my condition will probably involve a cystocope, something that usually requires assistants.

I have nothing against women, trust me I really don't. I just have this mega problem with modesty. The reason for this is due to a horrifying experience I had when I was a teenager in high school when I was a patient in a hospital. It's a real ugly story. As a result of that experience, I have a very serious primal fear of being in a medical environment and being exposed and touched in any intimate way by females. It's absolutely terrifying and beyond my ability to fully articulate just how bad this is for me. :cry:

My doc says he knows how I feel, and that he has had other male patients bring up the problem in the past. He said he has a patient who had decided to just live with a painful condition rather than go through treatment. I guess it would be like a female patient going to her gyno and finding an all male assistive team. Or going to get a mammogram and encountering all male techs. Even without any particlar modesty issues, I think most women would find this uncomfortable at the least, and most likely just plain unacceptable.

My doc is trying to find a urologist in neighboring towns who might have some male assistants working there. I believe he is really trying, but so far no luck. I went to one of the local urology clinic's website and they had a contact email. I loved how they said "your concerns are our concerns." They never responded to my very polite email. :angryfire I am sitting here with a potentially life threatening condition that I can't get treated for and it's really depressing...:(

When you figure that urologists are the primary provider of reproductive health of men, it just makes sense to have some males working there to assist on those procedures that require them. Granted, they treat women too but the patient load for urologists is about 70% male, based on what I've seen in the waiting rooms.

Please don't think I am anti female because I am not. I just think there are times when men are best treated by other men just to get the comfort level up to a reasonable point where they can accept care.

Advice, opinions, what should I do??? :monkeydance:

I don't mean this last bit to sound trite at all. I mean it sincerely. Have you considered therapy/counseling for what happened earlier on? Sometimes it's necessary (been there) and can be REALLY helpful in digging up feelings and healing them. I would, of course, research clinicians and find out what they specialize in. You don't want someone who's going to make it worse.

Arwen

Thanks for the suggestion Arwen. Yes, I have had counseling for this and it helped a lot, probably the best thing I ever did for myself. Given the magnitude of the trauma and the complexities of the issues surrounding it, there is no way to totally erase any fear or discomfort about being a patient. The best solution of course is avoidance, but that may not always be possible, especially in emergent situations. I fear that more than anything as I live a very active lifestyle, and my career choice puts me in a fair degree of danger. I have been in the ER as a patient several times, but I wasn't hurt bad enough to keep me from asserting my wishes, even though it got testy at times.

Specializes in ER, Occupational Health, Cardiology.

How about getting the phonebooks for your area and the nearest large town, and sitting down and dialing urologist practices until you find someone who has a male PA? The town I work in has about 50,000 folks, and my husband's uro has a male PA. We were referred to a University in a large city near us, and the entire team of practitioners that dealt with my husband were males except for the MA that took us to the exam room and got vitals. It really shouldn't be too hard. We found what my husband wanted without asking! Good luck, and don't let something serious go for too long just because you can't wrap your head around it. As someone else already recommended-tranquilizers work wonders!

So you would rather do nothing then have a female assist in the procedure. So if it is cancer you realize you will end up sicker and probably dealing with more female nurses and doctors. And don't forget this is YOUR health you are dealing with and it will be YOU that has to deal with the ramifications. Is this extreme modesty and past experience worth dying for? And yes women have been dealing with male doctors and pap smears/mamo's etc... and the ones who choose not to get them done and subsequently end up with advanced cancer seriously regret this decision. Don't be like that. Get this done any way you can. Bring a friend, get some benzos, phone everyone you can, hire a private male nurse to help( the doc probably will still need his regular assistants) But my point is do not choose to let your health go down the toliet because of this. And if you do - you must accept responsibility for this choice perhaps you will end up bearing the ultimate responsibility of your life ending.

Sorry to be harsh but I feel it must be said

DON'T LET THIS WAIT

you have had some good suggestions here..put them into actions asap

avoidance is NOT the best solutions...someties gettig the toe wet bolsters you for jumping into the pool

post again and let us know how it goes

Specializes in ED, pre-hospital medicine and CCT.

You asked for words of wisdom. I have lived it. Your approach NEEDS to be that simple if you can't find your desired mix of staff in the next couple of days. I understand that you are afraid. What others have said quite eloquently is that you should be MORE afraid of what the delay may cost you. In elective situations there is time to worry about "male" this or "female" that. You need the best urologist that you can find and ask him/her to do the best he/she can with your psycological and physical needs....ASAP. Indeed.....take some benzos.......grit your teeth..........cowboy up....... and get r' done. Mitigate your psyc needs when time permits.

This may turn out to be quite simple...... in that event, the Doc and his/her staff won't remember you after lunch and you'll go happily on with life.

And by the way..... my advice to the "female" with a problem about "male" OB-GYN's is the same in a potential life threatening situation. Routine PAP...take all the time you need to find someone that makes you comfortable.

So you would rather do nothing then have a female assist in the procedure. So if it is cancer you realize you will end up sicker and probably dealing with more female nurses and doctors. And don't forget this is YOUR health you are dealing with and it will be YOU that has to deal with the ramifications. Is this extreme modesty and past experience worth dying for? And yes women have been dealing with male doctors and pap smears/mamo's etc... and the ones who choose not to get them done and subsequently end up with advanced cancer seriously regret this decision. Don't be like that. Get this done any way you can. Bring a friend, get some benzos, phone everyone you can, hire a private male nurse to help( the doc probably will still need his regular assistants) But my point is do not choose to let your health go down the toliet because of this. And if you do - you must accept responsibility for this choice perhaps you will end up bearing the ultimate responsibility of your life ending.

Sorry to be harsh but I feel it must be said

You were harsher than you needed to be. Flyer isn't just shy, he has a history of some kind of trauma that is causing this. If a woman who had been raped couldn't bring herself to see the only gynie in town who happens to be male, would you tell her to suck it up and get the exam done? No, you would be giving her emotional support and telling her to find a female doc. The OP deserves just as much compassion as that woman.

Sheesh.

Specializes in dialysis, m/s.

What little I remember from Psych 101 is that in avoidance issues, the longer you wait, the more monumental the subject of your phobia becomes. So, the sooner the better. Don't forget the Vitamin A(tivan)

Good luck, we're all rooting for you!

Well Flyer........it took longer than I thought it would for someone to jump on my comment. I was blunt. I stand behind what I said 100%. You asked for words of wisdom. I have lived it. Your approach NEEDS to be that simple if you can't find your desired mix of staff in the next couple of days. I understand that you are afraid. What others have said quite eloquently is that you should be MORE afraid of what the delay may cost you. In elective situations there is time to worry about "male" this or "female" that. You need the best urologist that you can find and ask him/her to do the best he/she can with your psycological and physical needs....ASAP. Indeed.....take some benzos.......grit your teeth..........cowboy up....... and get r' done. Mitigate your psyc needs when time permits.

This may turn out to be quite simple...... in that event, the Doc and his/her staff won't remember you after lunch and you'll go happily on with life.

And by the way..... my advice to the "female" with a problem about "male" OB-GYN's is the same in a potential life threatening situation. Routine PAP...take all the time you need to find someone that makes you comfortable.

I agree with you in the event of a life-threatening condition, something happening right now, like a massive MI or stroke or hemorrhage he needs to "cowboy up". Or he may die.

I do think that this gentlemen has a bit of time to try to find a situation he is comfortable with. And his doc could be more accommodating. And quick.

As to a woman who has been raped - no, don't force her to be examined by a male if she is uncomfortable with that . . . . (she will in all likely hood be uncomfortable with that exam regardless). However, if she is hemorrhaging from an abruption then she just has to "cowgirl up". Or she may die.

There have been many very good examples here of things to do . . . . call your doctor asap and demand better service. This seems like it should be simple to fix.

Best wishes! And get thee to the doctor. :icon_hug:

steph

I know someone who had a problem similiar to yours. They are male and the doctor agreed to do the cystoscope alone. The doc usually had a nurse prep the patient and help with the lighting, but as the doctor was willing to do the prep himself so he was able to accomodate my friend. Some doctprs might not be willing to do the prep themselves, but perhaps this doctor if asked and it could be done at his convenience (first thing in morning or later in the evening) he would be willing to comply. Couldn't hurt to ask.

When I (I'm a woman) had an exam at my urologist I was uncomfortable with a nurse being in the room and my doc had a great solution. He pulls a curtain around you so the nurse can't see the exam, but they stand right outside the curtain and can hear everything said. It was a nice compromise.

I feel your pain. I had a terrible experience as well which has totally turned me off nurses, doctors, etc. Hang in there.

So you would rather do nothing then have a female assist in the procedure. So if it is cancer you realize you will end up sicker and probably dealing with more female nurses and doctors. And don't forget this is YOUR health you are dealing with and it will be YOU that has to deal with the ramifications. Is this extreme modesty and past experience worth dying for? And yes women have been dealing with male doctors and pap smears/mamo's etc... and the ones who choose not to get them done and subsequently end up with advanced cancer seriously regret this decision. Don't be like that. Get this done any way you can. Bring a friend, get some benzos, phone everyone you can, hire a private male nurse to help( the doc probably will still need his regular assistants) But my point is do not choose to let your health go down the toliet because of this. And if you do - you must accept responsibility for this choice perhaps you will end up bearing the ultimate responsibility of your life ending.

Sorry to be harsh but I feel it must be said

I hear you. I agree that modesty is not worth dying over. It goes beyond that however. I didn't go into the details of my trauma since I am not sure how to express it or even if it's appropriate to go into any detail. Suffice to say it was a sexually abusive situation that occurred at a very impressionable time of life. I am a prisoner of this experience, and it could be argued that I have allowed this to happen. Please don't judge me until you have walked the proverbial mile in my shoes. When all the factors are considered, it seems my whole life is wrapped around this unfortunate event. I have often wondered if the perpetrator of this incident fully understood the impact she was having on the life of her patient.

Anyway, thanks to all who have responded with excellent advice and wisdom. Keep it coming. I will see my doc on the 24th of this month and I am determined to get this taken care of. Will keep you posted.

58flyer

58flyer ---- I'm so pleased to hear that you have an appt set up on the 24th. Do whatever it takes to keep this appt (meds, therapy, friend to accompany you, denial of horrendous event from yrs past) and please keep us posted. You are in my thoughts.

Specializes in Peds, ER/Trauma.
So you would rather do nothing then have a female assist in the procedure. So if it is cancer you realize you will end up sicker and probably dealing with more female nurses and doctors. And don't forget this is YOUR health you are dealing with and it will be YOU that has to deal with the ramifications. Is this extreme modesty and past experience worth dying for? And yes women have been dealing with male doctors and pap smears/mamo's etc... and the ones who choose not to get them done and subsequently end up with advanced cancer seriously regret this decision. Don't be like that. Get this done any way you can. Bring a friend, get some benzos, phone everyone you can, hire a private male nurse to help( the doc probably will still need his regular assistants) But my point is do not choose to let your health go down the toliet because of this. And if you do - you must accept responsibility for this choice perhaps you will end up bearing the ultimate responsibility of your life ending.

Sorry to be harsh but I feel it must be said

I agree- and I don't think that this is overly harsh- sometimes the truth can be a little harsh, but it's still the truth...

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