Male Urologic Dilemma

[58flyer]

First, let me say that I am not asking for medical advice. I am under the care of my PCP and am paying the big $$ for that. I guess I am just looking for social advice, a shoulder to cry on, words of wisdom, or just to vent.

Over the past year I have been having a problem with blood in the urine when I go to see my doc. He makes it a point to have a ua done every time I go there. Most of the time there is a small amount of blood, not visible, but enough to be a concern. He wants me to go to a urologist to make sure we are not dealing with cancer. The problem is that all the uros in this town use an exclusively female assistive team. The testing for my condition will probably involve a cystocope, something that usually requires assistants.

I have nothing against women, trust me I really don't. I just have this mega problem with modesty. The reason for this is due to a horrifying experience I had when I was a teenager in high school when I was a patient in a hospital. It's a real ugly story. As a result of that experience, I have a very serious primal fear of being in a medical environment and being exposed and touched in any intimate way by females. It's absolutely terrifying and beyond my ability to fully articulate just how bad this is for me.

My doc says he knows how I feel, and that he has had other male patients bring up the problem in the past. He said he has a patient who had decided to just live with a painful condition rather than go through treatment. I guess it would be like a female patient going to her gyno and finding an all male assistive team. Or going to get a mammogram and encountering all male techs. Even without any particlar modesty issues, I think most women would find this uncomfortable at the least, and most likely just plain unacceptable.

My doc is trying to find a urologist in neighboring towns who might have some male assistants working there. I believe he is really trying, but so far no luck. I went to one of the local urology clinic's website and they had a contact email. I loved how they said "your concerns are our concerns." They never responded to my very polite email. :angryfire I am sitting here with a potentially life threatening condition that I can't get treated for and it's really depressing...

When you figure that urologists are the primary provider of reproductive health of men, it just makes sense to have some males working there to assist on those procedures that require them. Granted, they treat women too but the patient load for urologists is about 70% male, based on what I've seen in the waiting rooms.

Please don't think I am anti female because I am not. I just think there are times when men are best treated by other men just to get the comfort level up to a reasonable point where they can accept care.

Advice, opinions, what should I do??? :monkeydance:

[TazziRN, RN]

phhhhft! Tazzi is a softie - don't let her fool you.

Yeah.....like a porcupine you stroke in the direction of the quills' growth.....

[J.R.theR.N2b]

So you would rather do nothing then have a female assist in the procedure. So if it is cancer you realize you will end up sicker and probably dealing with more female nurses and doctors. And don't forget this is YOUR health you are dealing with and it will be YOU that has to deal with the ramifications. Is this extreme modesty and past experience worth dying for? And yes women have been dealing with male doctors and pap smears/mamo's etc... and the ones who choose not to get them done and subsequently end up with advanced cancer seriously regret this decision. Don't be like that. Get this done any way you can. Bring a friend, get some benzos, phone everyone you can, hire a private male nurse to help( the doc probably will still need his regular assistants) But my point is do not choose to let your health go down the toliet because of this. And if you do - you must accept responsibility for this choice perhaps you will end up bearing the ultimate responsibility of your life ending.

Sorry to be harsh but I feel it must be said

your response makes one think that the original poster is simply "choosing" to allow his concern for modesty prevent him from treating a possibly serious condition unless attended by all male staff. take it from someone who has been there, this is not the case. someone who has never had to experience a very traumatic, physological, and personal horrific episode in their lives cannot imagine the depths of despair that cage such a victim, not even doctors or nurses. it is like living in your own "personal hell" with no way out. you have absolutely no control over this and the anxiety and fear produced by a situation involving meeting this problem headon is worse than facing death. when you attempt to explain how this problem will keep you from undergoing a specific procedure to your doctor or nurse, they look at you like you need to be involuntarily committed to a physiatric hospital (believe me, been there too). their thinking is too logical. so next time you are faced with responding to a patient with similar circumstances, please try to be more understanding. i hope this does not come across as harsh, but i very strongly felt it needed to be said also. thank you.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Good luck! Glad to hear your concerns are going to be addressed.

[58flyer]

Good luck! Glad to hear your concerns are going to be addressed.

Thanks Tweety!

I'm starting to wonder though. Just when I had my hopes up I am now playing the phone game with my PCP's MA. Can't call it phone tag as she has only returned one call out of about 6 or 7 I have made in attempting to get a progress report, and I missed that call. I am leaving at the end of this week on a vacation out of the country and I wanted to at least have the scope out of the way so I wouldn't have to be worried. Don't think that is going to happen so I will just try to put this out of my head so Wifey and I can enjoy the vacation and tackle the issue when I return.

[TazziRN, RN]

{{{58}}}

Have fun and don't let this ruin your vacation!

P.S....... I collect key chains........*hint hint* :chuckle

[58flyer]

I spoke too soon. The MA from my PCP called today and said she had called every uro in a 50 mile radius. According to her, ALL reported an all female staff, and that a cysto will certainly require an assistant. :imbar

She did speak to a local guy who said he has dealt with "problem" (my words) patients before. I was told that he has a really wonderful staff who go the extra mile to comfort an apprehensive patient. We'll see. Not much chance of getting in over the next 2 days and I'm launching for Canada and Alaska on Friday for 2 weeks. Looks like it will have to wait until I get back.

Thanks for the hugs Tazzi. Key chain... let me see what I can find :wink2:

[TazziRN, RN]

Key chain... let me see what I can find :wink2:

:D

[edna317]

I agree that the best place for any urological procedure is in a hospital. Your request is one that is easily accommodated. Unless it is an emergency procedure, the cysto will be scheduled, and the nurses will be assigned anytime from one to 5 days ahead of time. It is perfectly acceptable for you to request male nursing personnel in your room. Just ask your Dr and/or his scheduling nurse to prepare accordingly. Remember this: The Doctors and nurses, other hospital personnel work FOR YOU. You pay them.

I have been a (female) critical care nurse for 31 years with the exception of 2 years in the operating room. When it was "my turn" to work in the cysto room, and I had a male patient, I ALWAYS made sure there was a male hospital employee within eyeshot of the patient. This not only made the patient feel more relaxed, but it made me more relaxed in my care of the patient. This "policy" of mine was for my protection as well as the patient, to avoid a "he said/did--she said/did" situation.

DO NOT put off this procedure any longer. Your health, both mental and physical depends on it. It is much easier to deal with the known than the unknown.

[TrudyRN]

You were harsher than you needed to be. Flyer isn't just shy, he has a history of some kind of trauma that is causing this. If a woman who had been raped couldn't bring herself to see the only gynie in town who happens to be male, would you tell her to suck it up and get the exam done? No, you would be giving her emotional support and telling her to find a female doc. The OP deserves just as much compassion as that woman.

Sheesh.

I disagree that she was too harsh, Tazz. She was just saying what needed to be said. Many and many a rape victim has had to deal with male cops, male docs, male judges, male jurors, males, males everywhere and maybe a woman every so often. And how often have women had to have babies delivered by, paps done by, breasts examined by men? Millions. Yeah, a lot of us hated it, and a lot of us will never endure it again if we can help it, but we endured it and lived through it.

If the OP can't find a reasonable solution fairly soon, he should just get it done by whoever is available and drink heavily afterwards.

[TazziRN, RN]

Trudy, my post was an old one. If you read Flyer's most recent posts you will see that his doc's office found an option for him.

And I stand by what I said. Just because women go through being examined by the opposite sex, Flyer's feelings are not any less important. If Flyer were a woman and posted about this problem and someone attacked, I would still say the same thing.

[TrudyRN]

Trudy, my post was an old one. If you read Flyer's most recent posts you will see that his doc's office found an option for him.

And I stand by what I said. Just because women go through being examined by the opposite sex, Flyer's feelings are not any less important. If Flyer were a woman and posted about this problem and someone attacked, I would still say the same thing.

I said nothing even close to his feelings not being as important as a woman's. I said that he should try very hard to get the care he needs despite the misery he will have to endure.

Yes, I read the whole thread and am glad there seems to be a ray of hope for him now.

Just for the record, it is not easy being examined by either gender - one's own or one's opposite.

58, have a super vacation and I do truly wish you all the best. You, too, Tazz.

[bradleau]

Have you been checked for Kidney problems? With many patients, this microscopic blood in the urine is one of the first signs of Kidney damage. We have patients of different cultures or preferences that prefer ONLY female assistive staff. Having all male uro staff does not prevent the bad stuff from happening. You can have "bad" no matter what is going on.

Wish you the best.