NEED HELP WITH WIFE

Remilekun · Sep 5, 2009

Well, whenever there is a gathering of some sort with the other students, invite her. Express to her how you only have eye for her. If that doesn't work then, you might need some counceling because her issues might be beyond being jealous of middle age women she doesn't even know.

milan18400 · Sep 5, 2009

she goes to therapy weekly to try and work on her self-confidence. I just wanted some extra ideas. I really like the idea of trying to get her to know some of the other girls in class so she won't feel so threatened. I never thought of that. I had just assumed she'd feel better as far away from the situation as possible.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Sep 6, 2009

I might not be so sure of inviting her just yet if there is a gathering and she is insecure. Maybe when things have resolved but having her around right now might make things worse.

Just speaking as a woman. I already gave you my advice in your other thread so I won't elaborate again, but I just had to chime in on that.

augiebear · Sep 6, 2009

Yes Im a woman reading the male nurses forum, just curious..:) I think the inviting her to a gathering with your classmates is a great idea. If she can talk and mingle with them and see that you are there for schooling purposes only, she might feel better. It wouldn't be like your are hiding or withholding anything from her. Also, besides telling her all those nice things, trying showing her how important she is to you,tell her how beautiful she is, you know, all that good stuff. At the end of the day there is only so much you can do, and if your trying your best, what else can you do?

Essayons · Sep 7, 2009

OK- since women are responding to this I will identify myself as a guy. I feel your pain, my wife thinks I am going to cheat on her even before I decided to become a nurse.

The offer to invite her has its ups and downs. Since in your opinion only one or maybe two are even remotely attractive, it may be worth a shot. It's great that she is getting couseling, but maybe you could go with her and talk about this issue together infornt of the couselor? Just a thought.

Maybe you can talk with some of your teachers? I am sure you are not the first student that has had this issue if some of your teachers have been teaching for a while like osme of mine have. Good luck.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

The reasons I would be hesitant if she is still feeling insecure and such is because she can over read the woman's responses if the woman are friendly with you. One of the woman can seem "overly" friendly in your wives eyes because she is already at a vulnerable state and when we are insecure and vulnerable we can sometimes read more into a situation. So the outcome can become worse. So I would for sure use caution.

Coruscatedgirl · Sep 8, 2009

Sorry, the title caught my eye, I have to respond, but I will warn you, I'm a woman. Your wife is feeling insecure because of the baby, in my opinion. Her hormones haven't settled down yet from pregnancy and childbirth. All you can do is reassure her by making her feel great. She thinks you're going to find someone better because the women in your class are gaining knowledge. She might be feeling insecure about her own level of intelligence, if you will. Combine that with the fact that YOU are also getting smarter and it's a punch in the gut to her. You might want to bring up that you love her the way she is and thank her for having that baby! And tell her she's a good momma.:redbeathe

Katie Bang · Sep 8, 2009

I didn't read the other responses yet, so sorry if this is a repeat, but I would assure her that you are in shcool for HER, not to find a replacment. Let her know if she can handle her emotions, it will be worth it in 2 years when you are making good money and have a great stable job with wonderful benefits for your family! Let her know no matter what she says, you're not dropping out of school, so she has 2 choices: Make the decision to not be jealous, and look to the future for comfort, or let it ruin your relationship and potentially ruin your schooling. Keep in mind just having a baby she is "fragile" Mine is 15 months old, and I still have some insecurities I've never had before! So be sensitive, compliment her often, especially before class. Just say how good she looks, so you can leave on a good note, and leave with her in a good mood hopefully!

rn/writer, RN · Sep 8, 2009

Your wife's problem is not about the other women. It's about her own fears and insecurities. No amount of explaining your thoughts or discounting the appearance of your classmates, teachers, patients, innocent passersby will completely alleviate her concerns because they are not the problem. It IS important that you let her know you value her and find her attractive, but by itself, that isn't sufficient to fill the hole in her spirit.

The fact that she has a history of sexual abuse and a difficult life strongly suggests that these issues are still actively hurting her. You are both very fortunate that she was able to enter into a healthy marriage and have a child. Many former victims can't trust enough to do either.

The fact that you are starting nursing school isn't causing her insecurity; it's revealing what is already in there. If it weren't this situation, there would probably be another trigger at some point. An attractive neighbor or nice-looking coworkers (which will likely occur when you start working as a nurse). Eliminating the competition may put a lid on the symptoms for a time, but it won't fix what's broken.

I suggest that you both consider professional counseling geared toward survivors of sexual and other kinds of abuse and the people who love them. She may need a support group as well. Many former victims feel they have wounds that have "healed over" but that is a misconception. They may be scarred over, but unless the wounds were attended to and curative measures taken, real healing is still in the future.

Your wife may not initially be receptive to the thought of digging up the past, and that's all right. Some types of therapy are much more concerned with the present and resurrect history only enough to defuse it and let it go. The focus is on the ways that the old business hinders progress and function today. There may not be a lot of "wallowing."

Your wife getting help is important, not only for her own sake, but also because you have a daughter. Your wife needs the freedom (from old trauma) to communicate security, safety and joy to her child and to build a home that is free from unnecessary strife and old ghosts.

She is fortunate to have a caring and dedicated husband like you. Maybe you can do some research on your own to learn about the present-day fallout of unresolved sexual abuse and become an encourager and a resource in her quest for health and freedom.

I wish all three of you the best.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

I agree with Miranda. This is not about you, your classmates, your patients, or your future coworkers. It is about your wife. She needs to deal with this for the sake of her marriage and the sake of her child. You can help her by supporting her in her efforts to do this, but the work is hers to do.

lele2be · Sep 8, 2009

I'm a girl as well :) I think it would be great to let her talk to some people in the medical field.. I don't know maybe the family doctor or someone where she can ask questions and be reassured that it is a professional setting. It sounds like you are very supportive and comforting to her and really you just have to keep it up..and talk about how you both feel so you guys stay on the same page. and see how she feels about coming along to certain events or meeting some people from class. If she's up to it.. she can see that you are in this for the right reasons and that by you going into healthcare you are bettering things for your family