NEED HELP WITH WIFE

Nursing Students Male Students

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Hi,

I need some advice. I just started nursing school in August and I have been married for 3 years. My wife is very jealous of all the girls in my class (although there's only 1 girl under the age of 35 and she's not attractive at all). She's came and walked by the classroom and she knows this but she's like having panic attacks every time I'm at school. She's also really worried about when I have to do the OB rotation and see girls naked. I've tried to explain to her that it's a professional setting and I would never think of it sexually no matter who it was naked, let alone with a baby coming out! She just keeps having panic attacks and I really don't know how to console her. Basically I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas. She says she's really scared of me finding someone "better" and leaving her. I think she's an amazing wife and a great mother to our 6 month old daughter she just can't stop obsessing over this. (and then she came on here and saw someone post about the beautiful girls in their classes and freaked out more).

Just for reference I have never done anything even remotely close to being unfaithful. She had a very hard childhood and was sexually abused for many years by a family member, so I'm not upset that she is so scared, I just was wondering if anyone had any ideas on what to say? Besides the normals "i wont leave you" "i love you" "it's a professional setting", etc.

Dear me! You misinterpret. My point was that this is NOTHING to do with money. You are the one that thought this chap was working for a better life for his wife and child, and seem to imply that his wife was ungrateful (or otherwise acting up). I simply pointed out that there may have been nothing wrong with it financially, his life, before he went to nursing school. Nothing more. Anything else you are making up in your head.

....okay lets start again....:anbd:....obviously this young man is trying to better his life by going into a nursing program{remember he was working at a mill i believe}....most normal people try a new career to better themselves... blah blah blah (so thats where i got that idea).:eek:.. .and from what I can understand from this gentlemens post it does sound to me that his wife is a little ungrateful,insecure and maybe a little immature.......everything else I made up in my head.:nono::nono:.. or maybe I am a little cucu?? :chuckle:lol_hitti

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Specializes in IMCU.

....okay lets start again....:anbd:....obviously this young man is trying to better his life by going into a nursing program{remember he was working at a mill i believe}....most normal people try a new career to better themselves... blah blah blah (so thats where i got that idea).:eek:.. .and from what I can understand from this gentlemens post it does sound to me that his wife is a little ungrateful,insecure and maybe a little immature.......everything else I made up in my head.:nono::nono:.. or maybe I am a little cucu?? :chuckle:lol_hitti

I don't think it is "cucu". I think that his wife has stuff that needs dealt with by a professional. To minimize it and call her ungrateful and immature just isn't OK with me. Also, it assumes she is doing nothing herself to contribute to the household. I don't see why she shouldn't be treated with the same support as a spouse who has a physical illness.

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He nees to cut his loses and dump her. Why would anyone put up with it. Love? Remember studies have shown love in many ways is an addiction. What do you do about an unhealthy addiction? Get rid of it.

He is in an abusive relationship and she is the abuser. He needs to get some counseling to determine why he allows himself to be abused day in and day out. Sounds like he has some serious issues himself. Wonder if counseling would help him? It is interesting so many people focus on her need for help. My heart is with him. I hope he gets some help and is able to get on with a happy life.

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Specializes in IMCU.

I think to call her an abuser is a little hysterical. Not everyone focused on her need for help.

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Honestly, there's nothing you can do for her. Nothing you say is going to make her feel any better about this. Sadly, she shouldn't have married you, if she doesn't trust you. What is she going to do when you're working as a nurse with other girls who are nurses??

She really needs to seek help for whatever it is she is dealing with. She needs to focus her energy and attention on something else besides if you're cheating on her at school. You can remind her a million times you love her and there's no one else, but for someone who really thinks you may leave, those thoughts are a million times stronger than anything you're telling her.

Her best bet is to get into therapy, maybe even marriage counseling. It's gonna cause a lot of stress on you throughout school and it will affect your school work. She could also be suffering from post-partum depression, especially if she just had a baby 6 months ago, doesn't make it any easier. And if she REALLY thinks you're gonna get excited over seeing blood and a placenta come out of a woman, that goes to show she really does need to talk to someone about her issues.

Sorry you have to go through this =( So happy my husband doesn't have jealousy issues!

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Your wife's problem is not about the other women. It's about her own fears and insecurities. No amount of explaining your thoughts or discounting the appearance of your classmates, teachers, patients, innocent passersby will completely alleviate her concerns because they are not the problem. It IS important that you let her know you value her and find her attractive, but by itself, that isn't sufficient to fill the hole in her spirit.

The fact that she has a history of sexual abuse and a difficult life strongly suggests that these issues are still actively hurting her. You are both very fortunate that she was able to enter into a healthy marriage and have a child. Many former victims can't trust enough to do either.

The fact that you are starting nursing school isn't causing her insecurity; it's revealing what is already in there. If it weren't this situation, there would probably be another trigger at some point. An attractive neighbor or nice-looking coworkers (which will likely occur when you start working as a nurse). Eliminating the competition may put a lid on the symptoms for a time, but it won't fix what's broken.

I think the above quoted thread nails it on the head.

I think there have been some good suggestions in this thread. I don't know if anyone else has suggested this yet (I'm reading this on the fly and don't have time to read all the replies) but you might want to see if you can go to one of her counseling sessions with her. Her therapist might be able to facilitate a conversation that will help your wife clarify some issues that are affecting her perception of the situation.

Best of luck to both of you!

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I think to call her an abuser is a little hysterical. Not everyone focused on her need for help.
....When will she take responsibility for her own atttitude? She may have had issues in her past that may require professional help BUT if you go a therapist and lie about the situation then I wonder if you really want help. I dont know but it sounds a bit manipulating to me and then to use the jealousy as an excuse just doesn't cut it for me but what the hell men are always the bad guys right? What ever we do we will never be sensitive enough or understanding enough.. :smackingf .... so on that note good luck men my heart is with you.

Yours Truly,

Another Bad Guy :cool:

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Lol, getting jealous of an OB rotation, that's great. Google some pics of lochia, etc....it'll even gross her out.

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Thank goodness for distance learning. This is a huge issue. I'd like to think my wife would have handled it just fine, but I can't imagine how it would have felt with me being part of a major that is predominantly women. Even for the most secure person that would be hard.

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Wow! If this makes you feel better. My wife and I are both in the same clinical program and our OB rotation is in January. Prey for me!!

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Wow! If this makes you feel better. My wife and I are both in the same clinical program and our OB rotation is in January. Prey for me!!

......good luck.......better hope men start giving birth to babies.....(it may level the playing field):coollook:

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