I'm a nurse and I don't like people.

[addylpn]

I went into nursing because I wanted a stable job with decent pay. I also wanted to be able to help people. I'm a compassionate person, but I'm also very introverted. In other words, people suck the life out of me.

The longer I work in this field, the more I realize that I don't care for people much. Not necessarily my patients but other nurses, management, family members of patients, etc. I find most people to be backstabbing, selfish jerks. The blame game runs rampant.

I take awesome care of my patients, they are the only ones who get a pass when they are mean or grouchy towards me but it's the others that I can't stand.

I relish in my time alone, with my boyfriend and dogs. I get invited to work stuff but rarely go because I can't stand the fakeness. I don't have a lot of friends and it doesn't bother me in the least. I like to be alone in my thoughts.

I feel that most people nowadays only care about themselves and I don't even care to get to know them. I probably sound like a complete cynic but I really try to be a good person. Often to the extent that I get completely screwed. My job is my only social life because its enough socializing for me.

Am I the only one that feels this way?

Will I survive nursing?

[SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN]

TheCommuter said:

I'm a hardcore introvert who doesn't really enjoy mingling with people. I've been a nurse for a little more than nine years. How do I cope?

4. Prepare for a career in nursing that entails less face-to-face interaction with others. Become a case manager. Earn an MSN degree and obtain a job as an online nursing professor who works from home.

Good luck to you!

Very good advice except for the part I bolded. I have worked in Case Management in the hospital setting for years and have direct one-on-one contact with patients and others. Even Utilization Management (chart reviews to justify payment of medical services rendered) requires a nurse to talk to MDs and others when cases need to be submitted for additional review. This requires the nurse to be able to speak effectively to others, which requires a great deal of politics. On the other hand, nursing does not have to happen in the hospital setting. Maybe this is what you mean?

OP: Look into telephonic nursing. There are various specialties involved, such as Case Management, Advice Nursing, Chronic Illness Management, etc.), where an introverted nurse only has to speak to the patient or caregiver and can control the conversation. Good luck. ?

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

It sounds like you're surviving nursing just fine. Keep on doing what you're doing.

I'm another introverted nurse. It seems counter-intuitive, but I think nursing (yes, even floor nursing) can be a good fit for introverts.

My relationships with my patients are more formal and a little more distant than many other nurses, but that's not always a bad thing. I stay out of the gossip mill, because I make it obvious I don't care and gossips hate nothing more than a disinterested audience. My patients don't try to engage in much small talk, but they know I'll address their concerns, which is all that really matters. Working in LTC, I think I actually have a better, more professional relationship with my residents than most of my extroverted co-workers. The extroverts seem more prone to picking favorites and seem to be easier to manipulate. (Just my observation)

Families seem to be my only real problem. Certain family-types complain I'm stand-offish, which used to bug me at first, but at some point you just have to stop caring about such things. Families want to be pampered and catered to more so than the actual patients and I don't have time for that. One way to avoid families in LTC is to work third shift. Hospitals have visitors at the bedside 24/7 these days, which used to drive me crazy when I worked nights in acute care.

[Libby1987]

Coming from the opposite angle, with the exception of large crowds I am 100% extroverted..

I work in home health and with the advent of EMR, I pretty much work exclusively from home and alone. I attend once weekly meetings at the office and any other time I need to go in for supplies I have the option of after hours.

Other than the concentrated time performing patient care and dealing with their caregivers (5-7/day) and the phone calls that I typically generate, I am alone. And because of my extroversion I am lonely for interactions with my coworkers (the primary reason I seek that out here).

So my loneliness could translate to an attractive gig for you.

[Anna S, RN]

MBARNBSN said:

OP: Look into telephonic nursing. There are various specialties involved, such as Case Management, Advice Nursing, Chronic Illness Management, etc.), where an introverted nurse only has to speak to the patient or caregiver and can control the conversation. Good luck. ?

No, Do not look into telephonic nursing, you will have to talk to more people than you ever will in direct care- there is lots of scripting, and you have to manipulate the people you talk to in order to get the results your employer wants.

I left a work-from-home telephonic disease mgmt job after two years and returned to bedside nursing.

I never realized that working from home on the phone could be so very draining. It sucked the life out of me.

[Aurora77]

I'm an extroverted introvert as well. Years of practice made me able to socialize and make small talk relatively easily, however those things drain me to the point of exhaustion. I've made the switch to clinical education, which gives me plenty of human contact, but quiet time in the office. It's all still new, but it appears to be a good balance.

When I worked the floor full time, I recuperated by having plenty of alone time. I also couldn't do more than 3 shifts in a row without being in sensory overload.

[myrachandler]

I'm a fellow introvert. I understand what you're saying. If you haven't read it, check out the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking It is a great book that validates introverts.

[Simonesays, BSN, RN]

What about working in a different area as a nurse (i.e. research)? I don't think you have to love being around people to be a good bedside nurse, but if you don't enjoy working in this capacity then there are lots of other options for you! One of my friends is similar to you. She decided to nurse part-time and started a dog-walking business on the side. Tax write-offs galore!

[s1992]

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way at your work environment. That's no good.

As far as my advice.. Think if you weren't a nurse... That doesn't take away the fact that your introverted, and people across all career paths will be that way.. "Fake, backstabbers, blame game" thats everywhere you'll go no matter if its nursing or not. Ask yourself if you are still compassionate and can you fulfill the role as a nurse? If you can then yes, but if not, then it may turn out for the worst for you, and for your patient.

I hope things work out for you!

[ShelbyaStar]

I'm also introverted and know I can get drained being around lots of people all day.

I don't know if you're the same way, but I find it to be much easier to be around kids than adults, especially babies. The younger the kids, the better. I don't know how to word it without it sounding bad, but that age group is very animal-like to me, and I am a big animal lover, if that makes sense. Same with the severely developmentally disabled. I just really enjoy working with them, maybe largely because it's simple and they don't have ulterior motives. They are as they seem and I don't get frustrated by their antics the way I do with independent adults.

As for coworkers, ehh... maybe try to find something with a lot of autonomy. Maybe home health? Personally because I enjoy both kids and autonomy, I am really hoping to be a school nurse eventually. That will be pretty exhausting, but more enjoyable I think. ICU or surgery may be another possibility- less talky, more technical.

Anyway, there's a lot of us introverts. It doesn't sound to me like you hate people, just are introverted and easily drained by being around a lot of them. As long as you're still a caring person, I think it's still manageable.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Another introvert here. I've found that ICU is my niche: only one to two patients at a time. Working straight nights and every weekend makes it even better for me -- there are too danged many people around Monday-Friday, especially on the day shift. As was mentioned upthread, I do great with my patients, but the families and their drama suck the life out of me. With 24/7 visiting you can't avoid them all the time, but I have a low threshold for asking them to step out so that we can do procedures, assess the patient, turn the patient, etc. They're there to support the patient, not to sleep. I've gotten some complaints about "the nurse didn't let me sleep! She kept turning on the lights to look at the patient!" and there are some families who'd rather the nurse chatted with them than cared for their family member. My manager just shakes her head and circular files them. I'm lucky that way.

On the night shift, there's a smaller pool of people around -- only 1-2 providers, no management and just my co-workers, the occiasional consulting service, a few EVS folks. And the patients. My preference is an intubated, sedated patient with no family or friends, but I can deal with what I get. And then I go home where it's quiet and enjoy as much alone time as I can. I used to socialize with my colleagues, but in the past decade or so I've noticed that they're all considerably younger than me and at different life stages. (Or the same age as me and having a midlife crisis which is also a different life stage.) So I rarely socialize with co-workers anymore. I'm OK with that.

Since I've been on night weekends, I've found myself actually wanting to chat with some of my coworkers -- that's a good thing. Possibly.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

myrachandler said:

I'm a fellow introvert. I understand what you're saying. If you haven't read it, check out the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking It is a great book that validates introverts.

The author, Susan Cain did an excellent TED talk on her book. It is on Youtube and the TED channel on Roku.

What I remember most clearly is that she said "It is a fallacy in our society that all creativity and all productivity comes from a group project."

She went on to explain the value of being an independent thinker. She is spot on.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

Anna S, RN said:

I never realized that working from home on the phone could be so very draining. It sucked the life out of me.

I've done some very interesting research here. Fully 50% of posters (N=21) used "draining" or "sucked the life out of me" to describe their relationship with nursing. You win by using both.

I still give myself these little projects to pass the time.