Looking for some advice- Mom verbally abusive/new grad not being able to find a job

[crazyscrubs]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible (but I think it will be hard)

I just turned 24. Right after highschool I went into a BScN program (entrance scholarship) at a top university. 3 years into the program things at home got really rocky. My mom was pretty much a bully and her boyfriend was a disgusting pig. My mind was anywhere but school. (While I liked nursing, it was more my mom's decision (since I guess to her I would most likely find a job "easily" and be out of her hair...)

I've always been a top student but during about 3rd year my grades started slipping. I was just not focused on school... I felt like I was living in a constant hell- going home to a mom who has been the meanest person I have ever encountered. I know you are responsible for your own grades and etc and you really shouldn't put blame on other's but I mean no one really has any idea what she would say. There I was at a top university and she would STILL continue (24/7) to call me every name under the sun, she would even let her boyfriend do so.

So, my grades slipped pretty bad. I took a year off. Seriously the worst year of my life. I worked a couple dead end jobs and as time went on my mom only got worse.

During that year I applied to get back into my program... I was then put on a waiting list- I kept calling, praying and calling and I didn't hear anything back.

The academic advisor suggested me to fast track through the 2 year RPN (sort of like a LPN) program......

And my mom went seriously. I honestly believe there are no devils in hell, they are all here.

So, I take this program and I graduated and passed the registration exam. I have been applying for jobs for about 3+ months and haven't hardly heard anything back. I live at home currently and not a day goes by that mom doesn't remind me of what happened. She calls me a retard, a fck up every single day. She compares me to everyone.

I KNOW all of this... does she think I don't think about it!

Everytime I even long on to Facebook I see all my friends from school who are now RNs with really amazing jobs... and here I am unemployed and hearing this on the daily from my mother.

Btw, I have recently lost my grandparents. I'm an only child... My mom is really the only "family" I have.

I am dealing with the stresses of praying and waiting for a job to pop up while hearing this negativity from my mom.

How do I deal with this?

It's making me literally insane.

ps. I want to eventually finish my BScN... I just really need to work and somehow move on with my life.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Your mom:

-does not want to be a "mom" anymore. She may have never wanted to be one, or as soon as she became one, she couldn't wait for the day to be done with it. Which, is OK. But, she is so desparate that she is bullying you to get you to leave. And, leave you must. She forgets you are her only family as well, however. She will find that inconvenient as she gets old.

-sounds like the type to never be proud of your achievements, even if you graduated and were employed at this moment.

So I think those who have posted that have been in your shoes, give good adivce. I totally agree too with the "egg donor" idea. That, is a very healthy way to think IMHO about a lot of things in life. Best, even if you can't move out so quickly, to work a lot just to be away. You will soon have enough money to get out, and even that will take such a weight off of your back.

[iwanna]

I agree with OP that said go to a women's shelter. You would qualify as living in an emotionally abusive environment. Then get into some therapy,as you have had a traumatic upbringing. It sounds like your mom may have some type of personality disorder, but definitely, something is wrong with her. Please take care of yourself. You need to feel positive about yourself. As Dr. Phil would say, "I want you to get excited about your life".

Congratulations for graduating from your program. You must be very bright to get into a top university with a scholarship.

Don't be hard on yourself for not finding a nursing job, yet. You will get one.

Best of luck to you. Please leave your house ASAP!

[Art_Vandelay]

Well, this sounds like Dysfunction Junction. I will spare you the specific fascinating details, but I have traveled this road. My advice is this: if someone treats you like crap, ***** her. I don't care if she gave birth to you, she doesn't deserve to be called "mom". I agree with the previous posters, get out and keep your self-respect and self-love. I don't care if you think you are God incarnate, if you treat me horribly, I will act with equal contempt.

[Chixie]

Leave,seriously i have an abusive mother.It was my fault if it rained, it was my fault if the shop didnt have what she wanted, i could do no right.

The day that i left her poisonous grasp was one of the best days of my life.

[amortentia62442]

By the sounds of it my mother isn't as bad as yours but all the same I somewhat understand what you are going through. I know it's easier said than done but take any job you can and find a cheap apt. You will be so much happier! I know I am. Living on my own away from that has made life much better. You will find something...stay positive

[K.Rawls]

I agree with everyone.. GET OUT!! You didnt say if you had children so I am going to assume you dont. ( I know what they say about assuming.. lol ) You will not be successful if you stay living with your mom. Take any job to support yourself and move out. Start talking to people you were in school with that have good jobs, and with out giving too many details explain your situation and ask them if they have leads on nursing jobs, talk to your teachers. Trust me, if you were a good student they will understand and will try to help you. Everyone has tough times in their lives, its what you do to fix the problem and how you learn and grow from it that makes you a better person. And I also speak from experience. I have been an RN since 2003, married in 2005 and left an abusive husband after 5 years of hell. I have twins that are now 5 and I thank God everyday for giving me the strength to have finished school before I had children and the strength to leave an abusive relationship to show my twins that life can be better. PLEASE do the same. I wish you all the luck and will be praying for you. You are young and strong. You can do this and be successful. And many large hospitals have assistance programs to help you to continue your education. And there are lots of grants that will help with tuition for healthcare/nursing students to help finish your education. Will be wishing you the best!!!:)

[j621d]

Here's a suggestion worth looking into (at least, at least IMO). Have you considered the military? I don't know what the qualifications are, but it might be worth looking into it. You could be on active duty away from your mom, but still have contact as you want (through phone or computer).

I kind of wish I had done something like that when I was young.....

[mazy]

You are living in an abusive home. I grew up in an abusive home so I am able to look back with the eyes of someone who got out and I can tell you that the most important thing right now is to get out.

As long as you are there your academic work is going to suffer and you may end up flunking out of school. You have to take care of yourself. Get out, rebuild your life, find a sense of strength in who you are -- you will never be able to do that in an environment where people are tearing you down.

Incidentally, I hope you are able to recognize that there is something terribly wrong with your mother. I think once you get out of there and get on your feet and get out into the world you will get some perspective on that.

You are young. You have a world of second and third and fourth chances ahead of you, but the older you get and the longer you stay the less chances you will have.

Someone suggested looking into the military, that sounds like a very good idea. A shelter as well, especially since you are so young, there are a lot more resources available for young people to rebuild.

Please get out. I remember when I left home at a very young age, much younger than you and with much fewer resources, I went through a lot of upheaval and turmoil, but everything I went through during that time, I can honestly say that it was better than what I went through when I was in my house.

Please take care of yourself. Sometimes the world just deal us a bad hand, but don't let it define you.:heartbeat

[chicookie, BSN, RN]

I heart Poi Dog. Exactly what I was going to stay.

My parents for a while were super oppressive and there were days where I wanted to just leave. Change my name, start over but you can't do that. In my case I just couldn't do it. I wanted to but I couldn't. I came to realize that at our age, we have to start putting our adult panties and make changes for ourselves.

In my case, I sat down and I told them everything. I told them I was fed up and I was going to do me. Not them, not what they thought I should be, not who everyone else is going to be. They are the only ones I have really since my sisters are long gone and I was clear with them. I told them I loved them but if things didn't change I was so gone. They actually changed. Not alot mind you but I don't tolerate it anymore. They need me there though which makes a difference. I suggest talking to her first, and if that doesn't change anything at least you know that you tried, you said what you had to say and leave ASAP. And talking to her will be more for your mental well-being than anything else.

Everything bad she has ever told you. Write it down. Then take that paper and rip it. She can't tell you who you are. you are you and you know that you are better than all that stuff she told you.

I know its hard and scary, and you might lose everything but you can do it. Find any job. Walmart/mall/office to at least get you through while you look for a job in your profession. I know it looks really bad now, but things will get better!

[Animal3]

Have you considered joining the Military??

[NENE RN]

OP I understand your pain minus the pig -mothers boyfriend. My mother may not cuss but she is holy than thou EVIL. I can't believe at times that she is a minister. She is very mean and spiteful. But...I have gone from being totally independant to living with my mother. I decided to go back to school for nursing any my indepence left me in March. I could not afford to live on my own. I couldnt get enough hours at work to survive. It sounds like your mother is trying to break you. She sees

that you are trying to make it. I will agree with other posters that you need to find ANY job. Any job will get you out of the house and away from her. FAMILY IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT! You may have to go the long route LPN-RN-BSN-MSN. I am finishing my 2yr RN. I hope to get my masters. I too look at my friends hanging out, going on vacations or even out on the weekends. I can't afford to do any of that. I am lucky if I get to do lunch once in awhile. But I did and still continue do sacrifice until I reach my goal. GOOD LUCK! btw. Most importantly pray if you pray.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent....eleanor roosevelt. one of my favorite quotations.

we all know that there are many, many people who will not leave an abusive situation because fear of the unknown is stronger than the reality of the known, even if the unknown has the potential to be so much better and the reality is really awful. we see this as nurses time and time again. and as nurses here have shared with you, many of us have taken responsibility for the relationship until it was just too bad (either for ourselves or our children) and we found it within ourselves to leave. in my case, i left for my kids and only later figured out that leaving didn't do me any harm, either. i also found out that the best thing i could do for my kids (besides get them out of an abusive situation) is teach them that it's really stupid to stay with people who make you feel bad, and that making someone else feel small is a lousy way to make yourself feel bigger. they are much happier young adults and young parents than i was, thankfully. and i have a wonderful, wonderful husband now, that i would not have had if i hadn't done the work to get myself free and healthy.

i think we all knew we had to do it a lot sooner than we did it. you have no children to think of first, but now, we say, it's time to think about yourself. this situation is not your fault. now you have done the right thing to ask us; now take our experience and listen to our advice and leave those people who don't care a damn about you and have so little in their own lives that they need to pick on you to feel more important. they aren't.

go begin the rest of your life. you do know you deserve to have one, right? it's time for you to go do it. in five years you'll look back at this and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. well, having been there, we know: you weren't ready yet and there was no one to help you. now you're in the "ready to change" mode, and you are seeking help. you have it, and you have ideas on where to get more.

get outside and play! go!