Looking for some advice- Mom verbally abusive/new grad not being able to find a job

Poi Dog · Jul 20, 2011

If I were you, I would take ANY job in order to get the heck out of there (your mom's house). Do what is necessary to preserve you.

carbon86 · Jul 20, 2011

Have you considered a live in care taking role for an elderly person with family out of state. It would be a win-win situation, you get a place to live and a pay check while gaining experience in nursing. Also, kindness begets kindness, maybe improving someone else's life might be the thing that you need in yours to make you see what a valuable person you are.

dprevish · Jul 20, 2011

OK, here we go... No one, and I mean no one limits you except for you. You didn't get that scholarship or get into that top school because you were a dummy. Yes, you could have done better, but you didn't. No need to look back...it's counterproductive. Looking ahead is the only way out.

I was in an abusive home situation too and then married into an abusive marriage for 17 years. When I finally got out my own father told me I was crazy to leave him because who in the world was going to want me, especially with those 4 children. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was beyond shocked by that. That is when I made the decision that family really means nothing. Look at your mom as an egg donor...nothing more. If you want to prove her wrong you can by being successful. How are you going to do that? For now you are going to get two jobs and I don't care if you have to work at McDonalds. At this point as I tell my children, No job is beneath you. Continue to look for a job in the field where you have a degree. Go to dialysis centers. They hire LPN's as do long term care facilities and doctor's offices. Many of these will reimburse or pay for tuition while you go back to school later. Be a server in a restaurant or whatever you have to do. Holding down two jobs keeps you from being home so your mother can't ride your butt. Get $500 together and go on craigslist and find a room in someone else's home. My son has found good room mates, sometimes in furnished rooms in Phoenix AZ for this amount of money. It really doesn't matter if you like your room mate because you'll be working all the time and the best part is at least it's not your mom. Once you further your education you can get a better job and let the others go. Stop looking at jobs as dead end jobs. All jobs lead somewhere eventually. While you keep living off of your mom you will owe her something, so get out!

When I left my abusive marriage, I had 4 children to support. I made $6.50 cents an hour as a receptionist, and I cleaned houses at night and on the weekends. I had to quit school to have the time to work to survive and take care of the kids. My break from school lasted 15 years, and here I am at 51 just getting ready to fulfill my dream. In the meantime, I created a business of my own which I have worked at successfully for 13 years and found a husband who loves me very much. Do you know how it happened? I made it happen through hard work and you can to. It's your choice. Be a victim or get off your A$$ and get your life moving. I know if you were the student your were, it's because you are capable...so get to it!

Okay, was that bossy enough? LOL Good luck, sweetie. I talked tough because you need it. Get mad and get moving!

Darlene

P.S If I hadn't endured my own pain, I would have never been able to help you get through yours. One day you will do the same.:heartbeat

handyrn · Jul 20, 2011

Now that you are an adult with the freedom to live as an adult, to live at home with your mom being verbally abusive is your responsibility. YOU are allowing this to happen. I know it sounds cold and hard, but it's life. As long as you stay and put up with it, it will keep happening.

Go get a job at McDonald's and get a cheap apartment, rent someone's basement, go to a women's shelter. Whatever you have to do, do it. If you don't then you don't really want out of that situation and no one can help you until you decide you have had enough! It's your move.

Also, get some counselling. Without a job you should qualify for some free counselling. If not, go to your community resource center and find some groups like alcoholics annonymous (There are groups for the families of alcoholics but I don't know the name of them right now.) or other support groups or to church.

crazyscrubs · Jul 20, 2011

OK, here we go... No one, and I mean no one limits you except for you. You didn't get that scholarship or get into that top school because you were a dummy. Yes, you could have done better, but you didn't. No need to look back...it's counterproductive. Looking ahead is the only way out.
Hm... I think you may have read what i said wrong...
but I'm still reading what you wrote.

sweetnurse63, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2011

So sorry to hear this crazy scrubs. It sounds like your mom is very unhappy with herself and her life and she is taking it out on you. First of all, to get through the first three yrs of a BSN program is letting you know that you are smart and you can do it inspite of what mom says. I believe you would have made it through the last yr if you did not have to deal with soooo much negativity from your mom, you lost your focus, which is understandable, every one does at some point. Everybody is always pushing for the RN, but they don't realize what a blessing it is to be an LPN first, working and learning and making money while you pursue the RN. No matter what anyone says, the LPNs are educated nurses as well!!! and some of them have a ton of experience. Yes, i would go back to finish my RN for more job opportunities, but you must move away from all negativity that can only weigh you down. See if you can move away from your mom and her boyfriend at least until you finish school. Lastly, know who you are and your self worth and never let anyone make you feel less than who you are. My stepmother called me a bunch of negative names, and i left the negativity, by moving out when i was very young and it was the best feeling ever, she did not break me like she thought she would, i was able to rise above her negativity and I know who i am, I wish you the best and you must believe that you will succeed.

GHGoonette, BSN, RN · Jul 20, 2011

I agree 100% with Poi. Your mother is clearly one of those who are not worthy of the name. Get out before she totally destroys you.

LadyinScrubs, ASN, RN · Jul 20, 2011

Leave your abusive situation behind. You can always get a job as a live in caretaker. You would have little or no expenses, free room/board, and would be earning money. The job would give you time to think and save so that you can get on your feet. Once you have some money in the bank, put a plan in place that will work for you and don't look back--look only forward.

TakeTwoAspirin, MSN, RN, APRN · Jul 20, 2011

Use those friends with really amazing jobs that you know on facebook to help get you get a job. Reach out to people. Explain your situation, and I am sure a lot of them will have more empathy than you think and may be willing and able to help you find work. Don't be afraid to pull any strings that you have to help you get into a job and out of the situation at home. Good luck to you. I know your situation will change for the better in the end, just hand in and recruit everyone you know to help you.

Poi Dog · Jul 20, 2011

My dad was verbally abusive to me. I grew up believing that my name was "stupid". Sometimes I wish that my dad had just beat the crap out of me versus calling me names. Bruises heal, verbal garbage replays itself in your head and it is not as easy as saying to ignore it.

Whoo, I got too deep there Do you have a car? Is public transportation available? Do whatever you can to move out of there. Your mom is not going to change. She has kicked you one too many times and it is time for you to move on. Take on 3 jobs in order to get a place. Crash at a friend's place but give yourself a time limit and focus on moving ahead.

What I want you to do right now is flush all the negative things that she has ever called you. Mentally flush them out. They do NOT belong in your mind. Do not let her words have power over you. You are not a r*tard or effed up. Put all your energy into getting out.

From one person to another who has walked in your heavy shoes, be good to yourself. Her words are not your reality. Best wishes from afar...

Kashia, ASN, LVN · Jul 20, 2011

Its like the greatest challenges and most painful times are the ones that shape and mold you to being the perfection that

you are deep inside. It is sifting through the outer layers to come to the wheat itself......

if you choose to see it this way and let it transform you. Its a mindset...and if you don't like where your mind is, change

where its going.

I agree with other posters- the single first most important thing you can do for yourself right now is to move from the

negative environment and as you go, leave bitterness behind and replace it with forgiveness ( this helps you not them) and

get on with your beautiful life!

You have the power- just have to see it.

see the experience in a light that helps you

become who you are meant to be and empowers you!.

Lastly find some DVD's, CD's, books from life teachers, spiritual teachers, whomever and whatever- that helps to talk you

into a place different than where your mind is talking to you right now. :redbeathe