Loneliness in nursing school

i♥words · Oct 31, 2013

I'm very sorry! I haven't really clicked with anyone at school either. I'm bugged by the I-did-something-cooler-at-clinical-than-you-did mentality. I mean, sure, let's hear about the interesting things your doing, but don't do it in such a way that suggests you're the greatest nursing student to every grace the planet. Most of my friends outside of school have become very distant. You're right, the schedule and the wallet don't help things. My parents are really my only support system. I'm sorry this isn't advice, but I just want you to know that I know what you are feeling. You'll be graduating soon and hopefully starting a new job with new people; maybe there will be opportunities for friendship then.

Philly_LPN_Girl, LPN · Nov 1, 2013

I was prepared for the hard work...the part I wasn't read for was losing all my friends and feeling all alone.
I think I've finally hit a wall and the sadness and loneliness I've been dealing with is becoming unbearable. I had a friend breakup with someone I thought was a close friend who became very angry and combative once I started school and my life didn't revolve around her. To say she was not supportive would be an understatement - she was such a jerk and became downright mean when I started school. The rest of my friends seem to have drifted away. I get it - my schedule SUCKS. I don't always have much say over it and almost no ability to make plans in advance because each week brings new clinicals, new homework - I never know until a day or two before. I can't afford dinners or bar nights. When I do see them, I feel like I don't have anything to talk to them about - if I tell them about my day in the hospital, they wrinkle their nose and say "gross" or "sad" or change the subject. They're not interested. I totally understand but it doesn't make it hurt less. Their lives are going on without me and my stupid schedule and empty wallet. Maybe we'll reconnect when this is all over and maybe not. I feel like a much different person now than I was before - I'm not sure if my old friends like that new person or can relate to her.
I had hoped I would make a core group of friends in school and now in my fourth semester...this hasn't happened. I'm older and definitely in a different place in life. I've tried reaching out to people and I've got some acquaintences but there hasn't been that "click" with anyone.
I just feel like I'm going this alone. This huge, scary, life changing experience and it's just me.
Has anyone found any books or resources that have helped them during these rough nursing school days? I'm really struggling here and the counseling center at school hasn't been able to provide much help.

If your friends can't understand that you had to sacrafice "fun" to have a career and better life, then they are not your true friends. When I was in nursing school, my friends understood that I was busy and it was only temporary although they would like to be nurses as well. The only person that didnt understand was my ex boyfriend.

I clicked with a few girls in my class and it did feel good to have friends to discuss nursing school, hw, labs, exams, drama, etc with but, I dont really talk to anyone from my class too much.

INN_777, BSN, RN · Nov 1, 2013

First of all, BIG HUG!

I am just finishing my prereqs and starting my ABSN in Jan, but I understand exactly what you are talking about. My colleagues in my current line of work have written me off as someone who is moving on to life they can not relate to ("sad and gross"). My social buddies can't relate either because I do not do social things anymore, I just work and study and...work and study. And I don't go on vacations with them anymore because I cant afford them in time or money. Now, I can't complain too much because I do have my hubby and son, but they are interested in me as a person and his wife/mom, they have zero interest in my classes, crazy professors, stress of the application process etc.etc. Nobody is interested:(

I can also see why people might not be making a ton of friends in ABSN programs. These programs are so competitive to get into (maybe they don't spell out "walking on water" as a prerequisite but it is, pretty much, required) that people who do get in are usually very determined, competitive and that frequently comes with significant size egos and, hence, not always a warm/fuzzy personality. Plus everyone is, probably, overworked and stressed which does not help relationship building either.

I think, though, that this loneliness is a function of the time of transition and is, thus, temporary. I believe that when you graduate and get a job, you will be surrounded by other nurses, who live and breathe the same air as you, have similar interests and (unlike in nursing school) probably not trying to prove themselves any chance they get. I think there will be many more "friending" opportunities there. But for now, this might be yet another cost of a career transition and the ABSN programs.

Hang tight!

Everline · Nov 1, 2013

I feel for you and I am so sorry you are going through this rough time. I wish I had some particular advice to give. All I can say is hang in there. Just wanted to send a virtual hug...

christina731 · Nov 1, 2013

I'm so sorry I feel the same way with my group of friends and my colleagues from my old job. I'm in my second of four semesters and I have found some friends, but none of them are like the old ones I once had. I really think it's sad when your classmates are so competitive, for me I am thrilled when they succeed and I'm sad when they fail. I can't imagine feeling any other way for them. I hope things get better for you after you graduate and are working *hugs*

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Nov 1, 2013

I dropped friends when I began nursing school; I got acquaintances, and learned how to network and go out with a few after school and when I got a position.

I also learned how I socialize by joking local social groups, like on meetup.com; that helped especially when I started working as a nurse.

During my BSN program I have a core group of people I associate with very closely; they feel like family; and although I recently changed jobs, I have a core group of nurses and at my previous job that I enjoy still communicating with and go out with occasionally, despite life's changes.

As far as your friends that are still around, I would enjoy their company and not talk about school; the best thing about them is that they are AWAY from the realm of such intensity; they can help balance that stress from nursing school if you are out to socialize and have fun; you don't necessarily have to discuss blow-by-blow issues that concern you in clinical; you have AN for this, as well as your cohort acquaintances.

There are going to be people that do not understand the work that we do, even your family, your spouse/S.O. ... I take it as a positive; they keep us in business.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Nov 1, 2013

The best cure for loneliness is solitude. Think about it. Moving from a place of I-am-only-happy-when-I-am-with-others to I-enjoy-my-own-company is a very good thing.

blondie1887 · Nov 8, 2013

I totally relate to you! I am in nursing school right right now and I am so lonely. I feel like I can't go out because I have too much reading and all I'll thinking about is the work I have to do. My friends all live in new york and I'm in new jersey so a night out involves like a 6 hour commitment to get ready and get there and go out and come back, and it just seems like if I don't do my work I'll feel more stressed later. So yea, I've lost contact with most of my friends. They stopped calling, days go by where no one even txts me anymore. It hurts, not gonna lie. Especially, as women I think we need this social bonding and I'm not getting it. Most of my classmates are in different life experiences that me because I'm 26 and live with my parents. Most of them have children are in their 30's, only a few in their 20's so it's hard for me to relate to them. I guess we just have to stay strong and know that we'll have the rest of our lives to socialize. It's just getting thru these hard lonely months.