kids and being Nurse

Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 16, 2006

Frankly, I don't know how anyone does it with children. I worked part-time with baby number one. When baby number two came along it was a nightmare. The cost of another child meant I had to work more hours, and I had to take what I could get. I went through 12 daycare situations by the time she was 2. I could tell you daycare stories that would make your hair stand on end.

If I had it to do over I would choose career and no kids, or kids and no career. My experience has been that no, you really cannot have it all.

nursemelani · Jul 16, 2006

Frankly, I don't know how anyone does it with children. I worked part-time with baby number one. When baby number two came along it was a nightmare. The cost of another child meant I had to work more hours, and I had to take what I could get. I went through 12 daycare situations by the time she was 2. I could tell you daycare stories that would make your hair stand on end.
If I had it to do over I would choose career and no kids, or kids and no career. My experience has been that no, you really cannot have it all.

Or, like Oprah says, you can have it all, just not at the same time. I am an LVN, and since my son was born 8 years ago, I have been working for home health agencies. I give them my availability each month and they always find work for me. Of course, the pay is lousy compared to the hospital, but fortunately my husband makes a good income, so I felt that being home on weekends and holidays was more important than earning the big bucks. Now that my son is getting older, I am working part-time, and going to school part time for my RN. When I graduate, I would love to do L&D/post partum. My son will be 10 by then, and I hope that he and my hubby understand that after 10 years of taking jobs that catered to their needs, I will have to work some weekends and holidays to make the big bucks.

Gompers, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2006

I'm going to have to keep working full time (well, 0.9 - 3 12's) after I have the baby. I plan to stay on nights and we think we've got it worked out...

Every week I will work either Saturday or Sunday night, so right there is one day when my husband can watch the baby while I sleep. Then there's only two more days during the week, and I plan to work them back-to-back. On the first and middle days, all I need is about 6 hours of sleep before work (which is what I've always gotten for the past 8 years - I never sleep more than that before night shift). We live 5 minutes from both of our parents' and the grandmas are going to take turns watching the baby on those days. If not, I'll have to find some daycare - but at least it's only for 6 hours, not all day. After my last night shift, I'll just nap when the baby naps and then sleep at night as soon as the baby goes down.

Yes, it's not perfect, but at least it's possible. My husband watches one day, and each grandma has a day. I don't think that's asking too much, since they offered! My mom already watches my brother's kid for 8 hours a day, 3 days a week. When I told her I might need her 1 or 2 days a week for maybe 6 hours, she was surprised that was all I'd need.

Many coworkers have asked me if I'd be switching to day shift. I say, not at this point. I want to be able to watch my kids grow up - and if I'm working days, I'd be missing so much of that. What I would really love to do is drop down to 0.6 (24 hours a week) and just work 2 12-hour nights or 3 PMs. Someday, eh?

HARRN2b · Jul 16, 2006

I agree with above poster. You can have it all, but at different times. I am going back to school now, but am older. I had less energy in my 20's and 30's not to mention horrible pms. I no longer have pms and I feel wonderful. The kicker is I seriously had pms for a week every single month. It was beyond horrible and truly, I could not even work. Thank God I am now perimeno!!!!!

TazziRN, RN · Jul 16, 2006

I have a terrific daycare provider who takes my toddler from 6 a.m. on. Usually my husband or one of my teens picks her up, but if we're all working my provider is willing to keep her until I get home at 8 p.m. Happens only occasionally, thank goodness. On the weekends I work the grandparents take turns watching her.

ShayRN · Jul 16, 2006

Or, like Oprah says, you can have it all, just not at the same time. I am an LVN, and since my son was born 8 years ago, I have been working for home health agencies. I give them my availability each month and they always find work for me. Of course, the pay is lousy compared to the hospital, but fortunately my husband makes a good income, so I felt that being home on weekends and holidays was more important than earning the big bucks. Now that my son is getting older, I am working part-time, and going to school part time for my RN. When I graduate, I would love to do L&D/post partum. My son will be 10 by then, and I hope that he and my hubby understand that after 10 years of taking jobs that catered to their needs, I will have to work some weekends and holidays to make the big bucks.

I disagree. If you have a husband or significant other that is willing to work with you, it is possible to have it all. My husband works the day shift, I work 3-11. We each pick up the house, work on the laundry and have the kids on our off time. He doesn't babysit, he parents. The house isn't always perfectly clean, but it works for us and I am happy with the way it has worked. I love my family, but I would be very, very unhappy if I couldn't work. Being a nurse is all I ever wanted to be, even before I knew that I wanted to be a mom, I knew I was going to be a nurse.

jetscreamer101 · Jul 16, 2006

I was going to school when my kids were young (2 and 3 years old) and have worked since graduating in 1994. DH and I are blessed to have both set of aour parents living and willing to look after our kids when needed, and that happened alot. DH has worked 8am-5pm since '93 and I worked 6p-6a for a year or so, then went to 3-11 for probably 5 years. DH would parent in the evenings, I would during the day. We'd need a sitter for several hours in the afternoon. When the kids started school, I had a hard time because I rarely saw the kids or DH. It took alot of work to get to 7-3 as my DON kept telling me "you're a stable influence on pms" and refused for quite awhile to change my shift. It finally took me putting in my resignation-then she switched my hours. Since the kids are older now, its much easier on all of us.

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 16, 2006

I disagree. If you have a husband or significant other that is willing to work with you, it is possible to have it all.
I love my family, but I would be very, very unhappy if I couldn't work. Being a nurse is all I ever wanted to be, even before I knew that I wanted to be a mom, I knew I was going to be a nurse.

:yeahthat: Hey, you are not alone.

I do not have the GUILT trip many Stay-At-Home_Moms have.... It angers me that no one seems to be criticizing husbands for working crazy hours and having an excellent career. They are considered great Dads because they are good providers. Women can be a good providers too!

I will have it all because my husband is pursuing a career that will put him at home when the kids are at home. And when he is attending school, his classes will correspond around the kid's schedule. His desires to be the coach of teams etc. and that is not shared by me. So he, NOT ME, is perfect for that role. Good luck to you!

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Jul 16, 2006

I got so sick of the same thing that I had a long talk with my hubby who is a paramedic and has a worse schedule than mine...we finally made up a plan and now I work agency where I can choose my shifts dependant on him, my children, and if need be family to sit my children!

Best thing I ever did for our sanity!!!!

JoniL&DRN · Jul 16, 2006

I too think you may not be able to "have it all" but you can come close. Really the only thing I don't "have " is sleep! I work nights (3 - 12's now, 2 when school is in session as I am in RN school). My husband works days (incuding Saturdays). We have no child care issues because we chose to stagger our schedules. I have three kids aged 6, 8, 10 who are by no means independent, but can make themselves a bowl of cereal or a sandwich while I snooze. On my on days I only sleep a few hours but hey, what's a girl to do? As long as I'm not falling asleep on the road or the job and I feel alert and sharp with my patients (who are mostly crying drug exposed babies in the step down NICU.. so really who wouldn't be alert) then I figure I'm doing ok. It's mostly by the grace of God truly. I say a lot of prayers and hold on to hope that someday I might sleep 6 or 8 hours ;o)

GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN · Jul 16, 2006

I don't have it all. I am currently a SAHM. I did like working as an RN. I had a baby in October, and planned to return to work part time nightshift, the same as before the baby.

Well... THAT plan went out the window. I planned on napping when the baby napped during the day, then napping when DH came home from work. On my last day after working, go to bed when the baby went to bed. HA! That plan was a joke.

Baby still does not nap for longer than 45min-1hr at a time, almost 9 months later. It takes me a good hour to fall asleep, so forget me napping when she naps. She still does not sleep through the night, (still up about 5 times a night) so I can't expect DH to get up with her that many times and be rested for work the next day. And with BFing/pumping you also have your sleep schedule all messed up. DH also started working a bunch of OT. So I would only get about an hour nap before returning to work at night. DH's work schedule is much more important, since he makes about double what I made as an RN. The bills do have to be paid. We have no family nearby. I can not see putting my baby in daycare since I WANT to work. I would if I had to work, but not b/c I want to work.

I guess I could work just weekends, but then there would be no family together time and that is something that is important to us. We agreed that I will go back every other weekend this January. We shall see if this plan works out. I hope it does, since I do not want to become stale being out of work so long.

MIA-RN1, RN · Jul 16, 2006

I have two kids--18(m) and 12(f). I graduated recently. During school, I worked and went to school M-F, and most of the time was home between 4p - 5pm with the exception of two semesters when I had evening clincial once a week from 3p - 11:30. I always had weekends free. I went to every concert, play, performance, award night, and was a girl scout leader besides. I was a SAHM for a long time, then worked weekends only when my youngest was 2 until she went to 1st grade when I worked 4h/day and eventually full time and then part time between school/work.

I accepted my current job from 3p - 11:30p because quite honestly, early mornings make me weepy (literally) and there is no way I could handle overnights. So I feel a little selfish but I also need to do what's best for me in order to functiuon well enough to care for them when I am home.

Quite a change for our family and we are all getting used to it (I started in June). I do feel like the burden of the majority of the household chores falls on me and I have to plan the meals as well (hubby means well but they can't have mcdonalds/pizza/chinese all the time). It is not ideal by any means, but we are doing what we have to. I am going to find a high school student to hang out with my daughter a few afternoons a week when school starts--she gets home around 3 and hubby gets home around 5:30. I am not counting on my son as he is entering college, working etc and needs to be out and about. We do not have any family support to help out at all. They just aren't available, and rarely have been. Occassionally my dad will drive one of the kids to an orthodontist appointment or something, but for the most part, I have to juggle my own schedule to fit the needs of the family as a whole.

I am not thrilled with the juggling but again, I chose evenings because that shift is when I function best. (my other option was day/night rotation and I couldn't even fathom that.) So I will make do for now. I have to work five 8's a week, with e/o weekend. I hope to go to three 12's (11a - 11p) and do Fri-Sat-Sun but that is in the future--my nm doesn't believe that new grads should do 12's because it burns them out too quick.